Fall for You: Boys of Alabama

by Mica Halstead

  “Oh my god, Clarissa. Why didn’t you call me? You know I would have been there. You didn’t have to go through this alone.” I’m up with my arms wrapped around her as she cries.

  “I couldn’t,” she whispers. “I was so fucking ashamed that this happened to me. Awful things happen to other people. Not me, Lex. I was so embarrassed. Fuck, I’m STILL embarrassed.” She swipes the tears from her face, and I shove back so she can see my face.

  “Don’t you EVER feel ashamed or embarrassed. This is NOT your fault, do you hear me? Did they catch the mother fucker that did this?” She shakes her head no.

  “They did a test on me and took DNA but he's not in the system. I check in with the detective on my case once a week, but no. Nothing,” she says. “I had to tell you, had to tell someone. I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t sleep. I spent the weeks after the assault locked in my apartment. I was fucking terrified that he’d find me. He called me by my name, Alexis,” she sobs, leaning against the patio door and sliding down it until she’s sitting, wrapping her arms around her knees. “Whoever did this, I have to know who it was. He called me by my name. I couldn’t stay there anymore, I had to leave.” I drop down in front of her. I don’t know what to say. There’s nothing I could say that would make this any better.

  “I put a closed sign on the studio and I just left,” she whispers, meeting my eyes for the first time. “I couldn’t keep looking over my shoulder, wondering when the next time would be. No one knows I left except the detective that’s working my case. All I could think was what if he finds me and does it again? So, I ran. I ran away like a fucking coward and I’ve been hiding in Monroeville for months, too scared to tell you. Too scared to go home,” she shrugs, looking so defeated.

  “You are not a coward, Clarissa Rae. You are brave and beautiful. Thank you for telling me. For trusting me,” I reach out and lay my hands on top of hers. “Whatever you need, I’m your girl. Got it?” She gives me a sad smile and nods. “Got it,” she whispers, and I open my arms, letting her crawl into my lap where we stay while she cries.

  Lex

  "Grocery shopping on a kid-free Tuesday. Is this what our life has come to?" Ford says as he tosses a couple boxes of mac and cheese in the cart. A few days have passed since Clarissa told me about what happened to her. I’ve been spending a lot of my time with her, trying to help her sort out her thoughts. She’s started apartment hunting because her therapist thinks it would be good for her to be on her own again and I’m trying to be supportive. We’ve been vetting safe neighborhoods and searching for a good security system that she can take with her.

  I snort at what Ford said, scratching macaroni off my list. I look up when I feel the cart shift. There he is, standing on the end of it, hanging on like he's five again. I arch an eyebrow at him.

  "If you think for one second I'm pushing you, you're dead wrong," I say, clicking my pen and tucking it back in my purse. I prop my hands on my hips. "Also, it was nice of your mom to keep the kids while we shop. We should get her a bottle of wine." I grab my pen to write it on the list just as I hear Ford scoff and mumble, "yeah or condoms."

  Yeah, he's still unhappy Nina is in a new relationship. I can't help it, I laugh so hard. He narrows his eyes at me.

  "I'm serious, Alexis," he hisses across the cart, "I walked in on them the other day. I'll never get the image of Steve's white ass out of my head. Never." I cannot. I wipe the tears streaming down my face and look at the pure horror on his face.

  He's ridiculous. And I love him. And I proceed to tell him both of those things as we round the next aisle. I'm grabbing some canned veggies from the shelf when one of my favorite country slow songs comes over the speakers. After depositing the cans in our cart, I tuck my pen in my messy bun and toss the list back in my purse.

  "There. All done. Now you can stop complaining." I turn around and he’s slow dancing in the middle of the aisle all by himself. He smiles at me with his boyish grin.

  “Dance with me, Lex,” he says shimmying his shoulders and extending his hand to me. I laugh, putting my hand in his and letting him pull me towards him. My arms go around his neck and his loop around my back and before I know it we are slow dancing in the middle of aisle five. He brushes his lips against my temple. “Did I ever tell you that my mom and dad would always slow dance?” He murmurs while we sway side to side.

  “Really? That’s adorable.”

  “We always thought it was disgusting,” he laughs, pulling me flush against his body. “They were so in love. And every day, no matter how tired he was, dad would come home from work, turn on the record player, and take mom for a spin around the kitchen. I always hoped one day I would find a love like theirs.” He tilts my head up and kisses me softly on the lips.

  I toy with his shirt, nervous to ask the hard questions but desperate to know the answers.

  “You did have that, didn’t you? I mean, before Zoe passed away. I’m sure you loved her just as fiercely as your dad loved your mom.”

  He makes a non-committal noise in his throat and takes a few seconds before answering me.

  “I loved her, yeah. But I loved her in a young love kind of way. We were high school sweethearts and grew up together and as we grew, we adjusted our lives to fit each other. But fierce love? That all-consuming, can’t-sleep-without-them, fall-in-love-every-day love?” He pauses, causing me to look up at his face and there’s no denying what I’m seeing written all over him. “I’ve only ever felt that love with one woman and I’m looking right at her.” My breath hitches and just as I’m about to tell him that I love him too, someone clears their throat behind me and it’s then that I realize Ford has let me go and taken a step back, effectively putting some distance between us, and he’s looking over my shoulder like he’s seeing a ghost.

  “Crawford. It’s good to see you.” Says the voice behind me and I turn around to find an older gentleman and woman standing there. The man steps forward to shake Ford's hand.

  “Hey, yeah. Same to you,” Ford says, approaching the woman to give her a hug and a kiss on the cheek. She’s staring at me peculiarly.

  “Introduce us to your friend, Crawford.” She says, patting him on the shoulder. I glance at Ford who suddenly looks nervous. He runs his hand through his hair and shoots me a look. A look that says I’m not going to love what he has to say. He clears his throat.

  “James and Nancy, this is my neighbor, Alexis. Lex, this is James and Nancy. Zoe’s dad and mom.” Click. The last piece of the puzzle slides into place. His in-laws. His deceased wife's parents. And it’s then that I realize he introduced me as his neighbor. Not his girlfriend. Not even his friend. His neighbor. I narrow my eyes at him, waiting to see if he’s going to change his answer. He glances between them and me, looking like he wants to throw up. A nervous laugh bubbles out of me. Not wanting to be rude, I reach out and shake both of their hands.

  “Mr. and Mrs. Anderson, so nice to meet you. I’ve heard amazing things about your daughter, not only from Crawford but from the kids as well. I am truly sorry for your loss.” I can feel my eyes welling with tears, but I manage to keep my composure. “If you’ll excuse me, I need to check out and head home. I’m suddenly not feeling well.” I glance at Ford and give him his out, the one I think he wanted all along. He obviously wasn’t ready to love someone other than his wife and his children. And I was a fool to think he could love me fully and completely.

  “Crawford, I assume you can find a ride home? I’ll leave your groceries on your porch.” And with that, I spin around to leave, wondering how I went from dancing with the man of my dreams to leaving the store heartbroken and disgusted. I refuse to be someone's dirty secret.

  Ford

  “Shit. I fucked that up.”

  “Uh yeah ya did,” Nancy says, glaring at me. I didn’t realize I spoke out loud. “Crawford James I cannot believe you. You just made that poor girl feel like she wasn’t important. That she wasn’t special to you.” She goes on, shaking her head and going to stand next
to James. He wraps his arm around her waist and pulls her against him.

  “You love that girl, Ford?” James asks me.

  “Of course I do,” I answer immediately, feeling frustrated and defensive.

  “Oh Ford, then why did you introduce her as your neighbor?” Nancy asks, looking at me like I’m an idiot.

  “Fuck. I’m so stupid,” I gasp out, feeling like I’m going to throw up. “Excuse me.”

  By the time I make it to the front of the store, she’s nowhere to be found. Shit.

  ◆◆◆

  I throw the truck into park, snag the keys from the ignition, and hop out. Crossing my yard to get to Lexis’, I pocket my keys as I bound up the few steps to her front door and rap my knuckles against the wood. Shuffling from foot to foot, I wait for her to answer. I know she’s still upset with me about that shit from yesterday but I’m here and ready to grovel at her feet. Alexis is it for me. Game over. I’m ass-over-feet in love with her and I’m ready to shout it from the rooftops.

  I try the knob, but it’s locked. Weird. I knock again. “Lex, baby,” I plead as I drop my forehead against the door, “open up so we can talk. I know you’re upset, but I really need to see you right now. Everything I said came out all wrong yesterday.”

  I hear a quiet thunk from the other side of the door and then Lex’s voice.

  “Ford,” she rasps out, clearing her throat. “N-now isn’t really a good time. You need to l-leave.” She finishes the last part on a whisper, but the door is so thin I can still make out what she’s saying.

  I stumble back a step, her words a metaphorical knife to my heart.

  “Leave?” I question. She was fucking insane if she thought I was leaving without seeing she was okay for myself. I wanted to, no I needed to, see her face, touch her skin, feel her heartbeat against my hand. I just needed to hold her. For her to know how sorry I truly was. For her to know just how badly I wanted to be with her.

  “Yes. You need to leave. Now.” She says, firmer this time, like she’s not breaking my heart with her request.

  “Are you serious with this shit right now? Open the goddamn door Alexis or I’m kicking it in.” I scrub my hand down my face, realizing how bad that sounded. “Shit, I-I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that sweetheart. I just…. if you don’t want to see me right now, and I get that I really do, I just need to see your face. I need to know you’re okay.”

  There’s a long pause and just when I think she really isn’t going to let me in, I hear the deadbolt flip on the other side of the door. I take a step back and the door creaks open, barely allowing enough space for me to see her face. Her porcelain cheeks are tear stained and her eyes are red and swollen.

  “I meant what I said, Ford. You should go. I c-can’t do this with you anymore. I’m done.” She chokes the last part out on a sob, her delicate hand coming up to cover her mouth. I can feel the panic starting to rise in my chest, suffocating me, as I reach out to drag my knuckles down her soft skin. Her eyes flutter shut and I feel her lean into my hand. She realizes what she’s done and stumbles back a step, still not letting me in the house.

  “What’s happening here, Lex? We were fine before yesterday. And I know I fucked up, Jesus I KNOW, okay? And I’m so fucking sorry. I’ve never been so sorry before in my entire life.” I could feel moisture beginning to gather behind my eyes and fuck I haven’t cried since Zoe died. “I didn’t mean what I said. I don’t ever want to forget what I had with Zoe, but I swear, I want to move on with you. I want to hear you laughing in my kitchen while you make cookies with our kids, because that’s what Zane and Aria are, they’re our kids now. They love you so much. I...we….we love you so much. I want to fall asleep tangled up in bed with you, I wanna wake up every morning beside you.” and fuck if the tears aren’t streaming down both of our faces right now but I just don’t give a fuck. I will gladly rip my bleeding heart out and give it to her. She’s had it all this time anyways.

  Her eyes are wide and she’s shaking her head violently back and forth. She drops her eyes to the ground and whispers, “I just can’t. I can’t Ford, and I’ve never been so sorry for something in my entire life.”

  I punch the door frame with my closed fist, causing her to flinch, her wide and terrified eyes meeting mine.“If you’re going to stand here and rip my fucking heart out, I want you to look me in the eyes while you do it,” I grit out, gripping the door frame that I just splintered in my calloused hands. “Look me in the fucking eyes and tell me you don’t love me anymore. That you don’t love us. Tell me you’re going to walk away from me and our fucking kids.” Because fuck if that isn’t what they are now, our kids. Zoe will always be their mom, but Alexis has stepped in and those kids love her so goddamn much that this is going to crush them.

  She raises her chin, tears still sliding down her cheeks. Cheeks that I’ve kissed hundreds of times. And with six little words, she fucking destroys me.

  Lex

  “I-I’m not in love with you,” I whisper, my heart shtering into a million little pieces. Ford exhales shakily, running his hands through his hair. Hair that I’ve ran my hands through a hundred times. One more lone tear escapes his eye, tracing a path down his beautiful face. God, I love him so much.

  Dropping back a step he points his finger at me. “You may think this is over, but you’re wrong,” he says, scrubbing his hands over his face. “You’re wrong, Alexandra Renee Carter. You’re my fucking soulmate. You said it yourself, it’s like we were written in the stars. All the bad shit that happened in our lives, all the fucking pain that we have been prisoners to, it was for this. For you and I to come together and finally, fucking FINALLY get our happy ever after. This. Isn’t. Over.” He grits out and finally turns on his heel and leaves.

  I slowly snick the door shut and let my forehead rest against it. Inhaling a shaky breath I turn and wipe the tears from my face, my eyes colliding with my husbands, eyes I used to get lost in, but now the malice behind them is so fucking sickening, I can’t even stand to look at him. The gun he had pressed to Sophie’s head the whole time I was talking to Ford now hangs loosely at his side. Her eyes are wide with horror, tears running down her face, the same thing she’s been doing since I walked in from my run an hour ago to find Jason sitting at my dining room table.

  “Now that wasn’t so hard, was it, Wife?” He sneers at me and makes his way over. I try not to react as he reaches his hand that’s holding the gun up to my temple and slowly drags the cold metal down my cheek. He reaches his other hand up and yanks me by the hair so that we’re nose to nose. I squeak out a cry, pain radiating from my head as he presses his lips to my temple and whispers in my ear, “Go on up and pack a bag. We leave in ten minutes.”

  He releases me so quickly that I stumble a little before I right myself.

  “I did what you wanted me to do. I broke his heart and mine. Let Sophie go.” That was our deal. I dump Crawford and he wouldn’t kill Sophie. When I came home earlier to find him, he said if I didn't do what he wanted he would make me suffer, starting with Sophie and ending with Aria. There's nothing I wouldn't do for those kids, Sophie, too because it's not her fault she’s a fucking psycho and needs help. She doesn't deserve to die. Jason cuts his eyes from me to Sophie and back to me.

  "She stays when we leave. Once we're gone, she can do whatever the fuck she wants. Now get the fuck upstairs and PACK YOUR BAG!" He finishes the last part on a roar. I turn and scurry up the stairs. Slamming my door shut behind me I collapse against it and drop to the floor, burying my head in my hands.

  I didn't just break Ford's heart. I broke mine, too. I allow myself a minute to cry. For me. For Crawford. For those kids that I've begun to think of as my own. And for the life I'll never have.

  Ford

  There are times in your life when you realize that everything you've ever done has led up to this pivotal moment in your life. My pivotal moment? Meeting Lex Carter, and nothing she had to say could make me think any differently.

  I push throu
gh my front door, slamming it shut behind me. I toss my keys in the direction of the entryway table, not giving a fuck where they land. I won't be needing them tonight, the kids are with my mom and I plan on drinking until I'm numb. I hit the kitchen and open the cupboard above the fridge where I keep the whiskey. Grabbing a glass, I fill it up with ice. Heavy handed, I pour myself a double and take a sip.

  "What, you're not even going to offer your favorite brother a drink?" I whip around to see Zander sitting at my kitchen table.

  "Jesus Christ, Z. You scared the shit out of me." I take a slug from my glass, taking my brother's appearance in. He's been gone for three months and he looks like he aged five years. His arms in a sling and he's got a butterfly bandage over his eyebrow. I lift my chin at him, "You look like shit. Rough mission?" I ask, ambling over to the table and dropping down into a chair across from him. I slide the whiskey bottle across the table towards him and he twists the top off and takes a swig.

  "Yeah, you could say that," he drops the bottle back on the table, "but I don't want to talk about it right now. Why do you look like someone just killed your dog?"