St Mary's Academy Series Box Set 1

by Seven Steps

  Dana had gone before them. Hers had been a video presentation, which Ms. Mitchell allowed. Apparently, her and Jake had recorded themselves doing a pretty much word for word reenactment of Titania and Oberon’s final scene in A Midsummer’s Night’s Dream. The same scene they’d done last year in the school play. Seeing Jake’s face again made my stomach ache. I wondered when they recorded it then put the thought out of my mind. I didn’t want to give Jake a second more of my time. I was worth too much for that.

  My stomach tied in knots as Noah and Cassie went. Cole and I were at the bottom of the list and he still hadn’t shown up for school. I had our piece in my shaking hands but without Cole, I wasn’t sure that Ms. Mitchell would pass us. If I failed this class, I was sure that I would cry. So would my GPA.

  I gripped the marked up, white loose-leaf pages and studied them. I’d thrown the little play together in less than two hours. At the time, it seemed like a masterpiece but now, the more I read it, the more terrible it sounded. Not as terrible as some of the other kids’ plays, but still not my best work.

  If only Cole and I had spent more time on it. But it was too late to think about that now. Plus, I didn’t regret the time that I spent with Cole. He’d mellowed me out and made me laugh. Our time was precious and I wouldn’t change it for anything in the world. Not even a passing grade.

  Noah and Cassie were fake stabbing each other with pencils then making out with each other in their weird version of Romeo and Juliet. I could tell by Ms. Mitchell’s wary smile that she was as confused as the rest of the class. But as a teacher, she had to applaud their effort and so she clapped.

  “Thank you, Noah and Cassie, for that … uh … inventive retelling of Romeo and Juliet. Now, we come to our final pairing. Bella French and Cole Winsted.”

  My stomach filled with mutant butterflies, all clawing at me. I was an okay public speaker, but it wasn’t my favorite thing to do. Especially when I had to do a play with two characters and it was only me. I walked to the front of the classroom with heavy, slow steps. Anything to eat up the seconds.

  This was going to be horrific.

  “I, uh … this was supposed to be a two person play, but my partner isn’t here, so…”

  All eyes in the room were staring at me as if I had a clown suit on. They saw my nervousness and now they were pouncing on it. Last week, these people called me their queen. Now, I was just another loser. I guess what they say is true. Time changes everything.

  I cleared my throat and raised my paper, reading off the first line. My line.

  “I can’t believe that my dad said we couldn’t go out, Lincoln. And all because you’re not rich like me.”

  I know. Lame.

  My eyes darted to Cole’s next line on the page. I considered doing it with a deep voice, then rejected that idea. I would be entirely too embarrassing. My hands shook and broke out into a sweat.

  I looked at Ms. Mitchell.

  “I’m sorry. It was supposed to be two people.”

  She smiled softly and nodded. “Why don’t you just read the rest, dear? We’ll get the point.”

  I nodded, swallowed and immediately wished for the floor to swallow me whole.

  It didn’t.

  “Why does… Why does…” This was stupid. Utterly and completely stupid. I couldn’t read this play by myself. Why didn’t Ms. Mitchell just give me a pass? She knew that Cole’s mother died. Why would she torture me like this?

  “Then Lysander, uh, Lincoln says … uh…”

  Suddenly, the door burst open and Cole rushed in like a man on a mission.

  My heart leapt. He was here.

  “Sorry I’m late,” he said, throwing his bookbag on his desk while running to the front of the room.

  “It’s okay, Cole,” Ms. Mitchell said. “Just start from the beginning.”

  I was sure that I was grinning like an idiot and my face was red, but I didn’t care. Cole was here to save the day.

  I mouthed thank you to him.

  He winked at me. I found that I didn’t mind it so much.

  “I can’t believe that my dad said we couldn’t go out and all because you’re not rich like me.”

  “Why does your dad have to be so corny?”

  “Because he’s my dad. He thinks he controls everything.”

  Cole put his finger on his temple, pretending to think. He was really hamming this up. A bubbling of laughter rose from the class as the fated lovers, Lincoln and Hermia, planned their escape in to the woods.

  “I’m afraid, Lincoln. What if we get caught? What if something happens to us?”

  “Oh, Hermia. Even if we only have an instant in time to be together, in that instant, I promise that I will love you with all of my heart.”

  Yes, it was amateurish, but even as Cole said the words that I’d written, I imagined that he meant them. That he wasn’t talking about Hermia, but about me.

  Cole had said he wanted me once. He’d even kissed me. A kiss that I still thought about every day. Did he? Could Cole ever forgive me for ripping apart his family? For sending his brother and sister away? For refusing him?

  It was a secret wish. One that I couldn’t let blossom too deeply within me. My heart was still so fragile. If Cole had changed his mind about me, I decided that I didn’t want to know. It would hurt too much. I had my chance with Cole and I blew it. I doubted life would give me another shot.

  We bowed at the end of the presentation, even though the only one who clapped was Ms. Mitchell and I was sure that she was just being nice about it.

  “Class, you all did such a wonderful job. I am very proud. In fact, this project was so successful that I am thinking about doing it again for the spring.”

  The class groaned.

  “Now. Now. For doing such a good job, no homework this weekend and I will see you all on Monday.”

  The bell rang, releasing us from English for the next two days.

  Just four periods left.

  “Class dismissed.”

  68

  I paced the darkened backstage area of the auditorium. The St. Mary’s Academy talent show had started a half an hour ago and already there had been six acts.

  Margaret Flynn sang opera. Charlene Bloomfield danced a classical ballet. Miles Tanner played the flute. Darcy Simmons read her beatnik poetry (the audience all snapped their fingers at the end of that one). Next was a trumpet player and a piano player.

  After Xavier Gaddison finished his magic show, I would be on next.

  My heart was on the verge of exploding. I considered myself a pretty good singer but when I envisioned doing this, it was with Ariel and Jasmine behind me. Now, there was only me, singing an eighties song on stage, alone. My breathing turned into pants and my chest tightened. I felt like I was under the water at Bree Larson’s party again.

  All racing heart and no air.

  I can do this, I told myself. But I didn’t think I could. What if the kids laughed at me? Or worse, threw tomatoes? What if they booed me?

  I gulped in a lungful of air, even though my chest felt like a gorilla was sitting on it.

  The crowd applauded and I spotted Xavier holding up a white rabbit out the corner of my eye. I looked down at the trail of brown pellets on the floor that stretched from the back of the stage to the middle of it. I thought they were some sort of food. Now I knew why they smelled so bad.

  Would someone clean up all the rabbit poop before I went out there? What if I tripped in rabbit poop while I sung?

  My stomach clenched, then twisted.

  “Are you ready for this, French?”

  Cole leaned in the doorway that led to the steps. I was so happy to see a friendly face, especially his, that I ran to him and jumped into his arms. He stepped back with an oomph, then wrapped his arms around my trembling body.

  “I’m terrified,” I admitted. “Ariel and Jasmine were supposed to go on stage with me but that was before everything happened.” I pulled back to look at him. “I can’t do this.”


  “You can do it.” His gaze bored in to mine. “I believe in you. You just have to make that audience believe in you, too.”

  “How do I do that?” I asked.

  “What are you singing?”

  Another round of clapping sounded. Xavier must’ve been wrapping up. I saw the kid who was in charge of curtains walk to his place and blood rushed through my ears.

  “French,” Cole said, pulling my attention back to him. “What are you singing?”

  “Sussudio,” I replied.

  He wrinkled his nose. “Are you singing it in a towel?” he asked.

  “No. Of course not.”

  “Then I wouldn’t. Uh … what other songs do you know?”

  “A million. Not sure how that helps, though.”

  He thought a minute.

  “I think I have the perfect song for you.”

  He whispered the words in my ear. My heart went into a full-on sprint.

  “Do you know it?” he asked.

  “Yes, but I don’t have the music and I didn’t practice it.”

  He smiled.

  “I think you’ll be okay.”

  He turned and jogged back down the stairs.

  “But what about the music?” I called after him.

  “Don’t worry about it, French. Just get on stage!”

  And then he was out of sight, leaving me feeling nauseous.

  No. Not nauseous.

  I felt my light lunch crawl up my throat so I ran behind the blue gym mats leaning against the wall and let it loose.

  My stomach immediately settled.

  I wiped my hand across my mouth and squeezed my eyes shut.

  I can do this, I told myself. I can do this.

  “Let me do the rap.”

  Cole’s words hung in the air as he flew past me. Before I could ask what he was talking about, the crowd broke out into applause and Xavier rolled his magic act past me. I squeezed against the mats, hoping that he wouldn’t see the mess that I made there.

  If anyone asked, I’d blame it on the rabbit.

  “Thank you, Xavier, for that amazing magic show. Now, we’ll have Bella French accompanied by Cole Winsted on the piano, singing, uh…” She stuttered, paused and whispered something. “Singing Perfect by Pink. Let’s give her a hand.”

  I took a deep breath and reminded myself to sing the radio edit.

  You can do this, I told myself again. You can do this.

  Dressed in my King Kong T-shirt, jeans, red sneakers and two French braids, I walked through the dark blue curtains. A few drops of rabbit poop still littered the wooden floor as I took my place center stage.

  I looked out in to the audience. It was packed. The entire school and their parents stared back at me.

  The microphone shook in my hand.

  I can do this.

  I nodded to Cole that I was ready and began the first verse.

  Between Cole’s amazing piano playing and my voice, which soared thanks to the million dollar acoustics in the auditorium, the crowd was captivated. I saw their eyes watching me with approval and awe. Me.

  When Cole stood up and rapped in the middle of the song, the crowd cheered.

  When I sang the last bar, they stood on their feet and went wild.

  I was invisible once. Now, with my voice raising and my heart pumping, I felt like they saw me. Not the pretend Bella that Jake had shaped into a popular beauty queen, but the real Bella. The friend. The dreamer. The thinker. The girl who wanted so badly for everyone else to accept her that she forgot about her own happiness. The girl who had sacrificed everything for love and even though she lost, had gained an understanding of herself.

  I knew who I was now. I was a strong, loving woman who no longer cared if other people accepted me. I accepted myself. I was a girl who would fight for herself and the ones I loved, even if it cost me everything. I was a girl who loved a boy and who hoped that, one day, he would forgive me enough to love me back. I was my mother’s daughter. If she saw me now, I knew that she would be proud that I had finally discovered myself.

  And who I was, was glorious.

  69

  I opened the door that separated the lobby from the long hallway leading to the stage. Parents and friends filled the cavernous room, some with flowers and teddy bears, others with balloons and some with just proud smiles.

  There was no one waiting for me, though. I hadn’t told Daddy about the talent show. Just that I had to stay after school to finish something up and that I would be home around six o’clock. Honestly, I hadn’t even thought that I would make it onto the stage. If it wasn’t for Cole, I wouldn’t have. Now, as I pushed through the bodies in the lobby, I wished that I would have told my dad. I wished that someone was waiting for me, too.

  “Nice job.”

  Some man I didn’t know clapped me on the back. I gave him an awkward smile and kept walking.

  “You have an excellent voice, dear.” This came from Mrs. Jonas, the assistant principal. She was waiting for her daughter, Alexa, who had done a jazz dance routine.

  “Thanks,” I replied.

  “You sounded like an angel,” a tall, thin woman with glasses said. She clasped her hands in front of her as she said it, her face serene as if I had really just stepped down from heaven.

  “Thank you,” I replied.

  “You sounded great, Bella!” Mrs. Smalls called out. She stood to my right, a buff man with dark black hair and a five o’clock shadow standing next to her. A small child, hers also I presumed, turned to her mother.

  “Mommy, can I get her autograph?”

  Mrs. Smalls smiled and shook her head. “I’ll bring it home to you next time I see her,” she said.

  I nodded at her. “Sure thing.”

  I continued to squeeze through the crowd, trying to make my way home. Exhaustion pulled at me. It’d been such a long day. My bed would feel heavenly right now.

  A flash of red caught my eye but it was gone just as suddenly. For a brief moment, I pretended that Ariel and Jasmine were here, rooting me on. I envisioned them walking next to me, our friendship strong and unbroken. But they were gone, not returning any of my calls or text for forgiveness. I considered writing them a letter. It’s harder to ignore letters. Especially hand-written ones. If they ignored the letter then I’d just have to storm the door to their apartments. Ariel and Jasmine had been my best friends for years and I was not just going to let that slip away. I would do whatever I had to do to win them back. To have them forgive me.

  Everything except lie, of course.

  I promised myself that no matter how long it took or how much groveling I had to do, we would be friends again. It was a promise that I intended to keep.

  I was stopped five more times with accolades. Finally, I burst through the front door and spilled into the outside. A few people were scattered about, smoking cigarettes and talking, but not many. It was freezing and starting to snow. I tugged my jacket closer and began my walk to the subway station.

  “Need a lift?”

  Cole’s voice was a sweet serenade to my ears.

  I turned. He was leaning against a blue Honda Civic, a grin on his face. His long body was dressed in all black except for the fur around his neck. His blue eyes seemed to glow in the darkness.

  He’d disappeared after my song. I assumed that he’d gone home. I was glad he didn’t. Just seeing him now warmed my entire body.

  “I thought you left,” I said, walking toward him.

  He shrugged. “I was going to but there was this girl that I knew would need a ride home so…” He gave me one of his teasing smiles. God. I loved his smiles.

  “I guess I’d better leave before you find her then. Wouldn’t want her to get jealous.”

  “I wouldn’t worry about that.”

  A soft wind blew and I crossed my arms in front of me, trying to keep the heat in. Yet, I didn’t want to get in the car yet. There was so much unsaid between Cole and I. I feared that, if I got in his car and he took me h
ome, that I’d never get to say any of it. I needed to tell him the truth about how I felt. He deserved that much.

  “Cole, I need to tell you something,” I said.

  He nodded. “Okay.”

  The breath left my lungs in a long sigh and I dug the toe of my sneaker in to the snow on the ground.

  “Thank you,” I said finally. “For being there for me tonight. And in the locker room. And when I needed you for the English project, and when I needed tutoring, and on the beach, and every other time. Just…” A lump formed in my throat and I swallowed it. Why did this feel so final? Why did this feel like goodbye?

  “Just thank you,” I said. I swallowed again. It didn’t help. The lump bobbed back in place.

  Cole shifted his weight against his car.

  “You’re welcome.”

  “And I’m sorry about what happened to your brother and sister, and about your mom. I’m sorry that I pushed you away when you told me how you felt. I was confused and scared and just…” I let out a foggy breath and shook my head. Hot tears welled up behind my eyes. Why was this so hard? “I’m sorry, okay? For everything that I did that hurt you.” A single tear fell down my cheek and I quickly wiped it away. I felt it’s watery trail freeze on my cheek. “I was stupid and dumb and naïve. I hope that one day, you can forgive me.”

  He nodded, and broke eye contact with me, looking off to his right.

  The lump in my throat got bigger and I looked down at the ground. He didn’t forgive me. Whatever Cole and I had, was now over. Officially.

  I nodded and turned from him, walking in the direction of the train station, hoping that I could make it to the gate without completely falling apart.

  “I didn’t call you a ninja turtle.”

  I turned around, frowning.

  “What?”

  Cole walked toward me, his boots crunching over the snow.

  “That day in the hallway when I called you Michelangelo, I wasn’t calling you a ninja turtle. I was trying to be witty and tell you that you looked like a work of art but it came out wrong. Every time I tried to say something nice to you, it came out as some stupid joke and I’m sorry for that. I should have told you that I loved you the first day I saw you but I was scared and stupid.”