Karma Is A Bitch: An Urban Fantasy Action Adventure (The Unbelievable Mr. Brownstone Book 12)

by Michael Anderle

  James looked at the bodies. He didn’t recognize any of them, and he never forgot a face. They weren’t in any sort of uniform.

  Three huge drones with flashing red and white lights zoomed into the area.

  “This is the LAPD,” announced a voice over a loudspeaker in one of the drones. “Put your hands on your head.”

  James shook his head and complied. He didn’t have time to piss the cops off.

  Ten minutes later, AET Sergeant Weber stood in front of James in full armor with his helmet off. “And you have no idea who might have wanted to kill you?”

  The minute the AET showed up and realized it was Brownstone they stood down, but now the entire area was filled with cops, CSIs, and firefighters inspecting the damage to the restaurant.

  James shrugged. “Nope. They didn’t say shit, and I killed them all before I could ask any questions. They were wizards.”

  Sergeant Weber groaned. “That doesn’t really narrow it down. Can you give us a list of possible suspects?”

  “Sure, but it’d be a pretty damned long list. I’ve taken down a lot of wizards over the last few years.”

  The cop nodded and nodded to the bodies. “No one else got hurt except them. It’s a miracle.”

  James pointed to the restaurant. “They fucked that place up.”

  “Yeah, but at least all the customers and the employees are all right.” Sergeant Weber shook his head. “You sure there’s not some new contract on you? Like with the Harriken?”

  James shrugged. “Don’t know. Not that I’ve heard. Fuck, you know how I work. If I knew assholes were after me, I wouldn’t be going where anyone other than assholes could be hurt.”

  The cop nodded. “Let us know if anything comes up, not that you can’t handle this kind of thing yourself. Anyway, I’ve got to go check on some things.”

  James gave him a nod, and Sergeant Weber wandered off.

  The owner of Phillips Bar-B-Que sat on the curb in front of his restaurant, his head in his hands.

  James marched over to him. “You okay?”

  The man looked up. “I already called my insurance company. They said because it’s magical damage, they don’t have to pay. I don’t have the right kind of insurance. They’re not even going to send an adjuster out.”

  “Fuckers.” James shook his head. “Don’t worry, I’ll pay for all the repairs. Shit, if you want to throw in a remodel, I’ll pay for that, too.”

  The owner blinked several times. “What? You serious?”

  “Damn right, I’m serious. These fuckers were after me, and there’s no way I’m gonna let a barbeque place go under because it got caught in the crossfire. It’s the least I can do.”

  “I...” The owner took a deep breath. “I’m not going to say no, but it’s going to be pretty expensive.”

  James shrugged. “Big fucking deal. Just give me the estimate, and I’ll get the money.”

  He resisted the urge to point out he probably spent more on one anti-magic deflector than the entire building cost—although at least with the deflectors, as long as they weren’t destroyed they could regain their power.

  A weary smile appeared on the owner’s face. “Remodel too, huh? Don’t like the old décor?”

  James grunted. “Just saying, you haven’t changed it in a long time.”

  He looked at the bodies. Police camera drones were floating around taking pictures at different angles. He was glad the wizards were dead.

  Few things in life are unforgivable: fucking with his family, fucking with his friends, and fucking with his barbeque.

  Hours later, James sighed as he leaned back on his couch. He wondered if he should tell Shay that someone was trying to kill him—again. If he did, she’d freak out and rush back from her tomb raid. He didn’t need a babysitter, but he wasn’t sure if the situation fell under what his relationship podcasts described as “maintaining open and honest channels of communication.”

  No reason to call her right away. The wizards are dead, and no one has shown up at my house. They might have been it.

  Find enemies. Kill them. Grow stronger.

  James grunted. He’d bonded with Whispy just to be prepared, but he didn’t know how long he could actually take the damn thing whispering in his mind and making demands. It wasn’t like he could wear it twenty-four/seven. Sometimes the amulet would keep quiet on the way to a mission, but obviously, he didn’t like sitting around doing nothing.

  Shut the fuck up. If you want me to find the enemy, there are some people I need to talk to first.

  The amulet didn’t respond.

  The police had already called him to tell him they had no good leads. The victims’ DNA couldn’t be matched to any public database, nor could their fingerprints or faces. It was hard for people to be totally hidden from the system, but when magic was involved it wasn’t as surprising.

  If the police couldn’t help him, he would have to use his own resources. If the men weren’t in databases, that would limit Heather’s ability to help him—or Peyton’s for that matter, but he also would prefer to ask from help from someone who wouldn’t immediately leak it to Shay. He did plan to tell her, just when the time was right.

  Okay, I’ll get Heather going and bring in some reinforcements.

  James did know one man with connections to the underworld, both mundane and magical, who might be able to find out who was after him as long as he was paid.

  Taking a deep breath, James picked up the phone and dialed Tyler.

  The information broker answered after the second ring. “Is whatever you’re about to ask going to make me money?”

  James grunted. “This shit is straightforward. Just need information, and I’ll pay for it. Someone tried to kill me a few hours ago. I killed them before I could find out why or who.”

  Tyler laughed. “Yeah, I heard about that, but I figured if you ever go out, it’s not going to be in the parking lot of some barbeque place.” He paused for a few beats. “Huh. Then again, maybe that would make perfect sense.”

  “Whatever. Just fucking find out who.”

  “This is going to cost you.” Tyler chuckled. “And if you want it fast, I’m going to have to tack on some sort of premium service fee.”

  “Just fucking find out. The sooner, the better.”

  James frowned. Maybe the whole thing was a waste of time. The four wizards might have been the only ones left in whatever conspiracy to assassinate him.

  Tyler let out a breath. “Hey, while I’ve got you on the phone, I’ve got a few questions.”

  “Is this shit gonna take long?”

  “What? You got something better to do? You just admitted you don’t even know who to go after, so it sounds like you need me more than I need you.” Tyler chuckled.

  James grunted. “Just fucking ask already.”

  “You ever thought about building up your agency more? I mean you’ve got Trey and his guys, but you’ve also got a nice reputation now. You guys won against the Council when other top bounty hunters couldn’t pull it off so it might be a good time to expand beyond just ex-gangbangers.”

  James frowned. “Trey and his boys are good bounty hunters. It doesn’t mean shit that they used to be in a gang.”

  “Not saying that. Just saying you could pick up some quality people right now, and you should think about the future. Trust me. I know a thing or two about expanding a business.”

  James furrowed his brow, suspicion flowing through him. Why did Tyler care so much about Brownstone Agency’s staffing?

  He was about to ask when something very different came out, “Shit. We don’t always have enough men to handle every job. The higher-end bounties are avoiding LA, but it’s almost like there are more lower-end bounties now.”

  “Yep,” Tyler replied. “Plus, you need to build up your anti-magic experience and capabilities. You can’t be everywhere at once.” A faint tremor in his voice reignited James’ suspicions. “You should pay a good premium for that sort of thing; someon
e with that kind of experience.”

  James sighed. “I’ll think about it, but I can’t worry about that shit right now. I need to figure out who is trying to kill me first.”

  “Yeah, yeah. I’ll find out. After all, I’m curious anyway.”

  “Curious about what?”

  “Who is such a dumb shit that they’re willing to go after you in LA? Talk to you soon.”

  Tyler ended the call.

  James held out his phone and stared at it for a second, again wondering why Tyler was so insistent on discussing staffing. Given the man’s history, this had to be part of some sort of money-making scheme.

  Fuck him if he thinks I’m going to hire anyone to do pay-per-view bounties.

  James lay down and closed his eyes, but a few minutes later he sat up and shook his head.

  I can’t keep putting this shit off. It’ll just make it worse.

  He reached over and picked up his phone, hesitating for a moment before dialing Shay.

  Maybe I’ll get lucky, and she’ll be in some cave where she won’t even be able to get reception.

  “I was waiting for you to call,” she answered.

  “Not in a cave, huh?”

  Shay laughed. “Nope. At a hotel. We’re hitting the site tomorrow morning.”

  Not so lucky after all.

  James rubbed the back of his head. “And why were you waiting for me to call?”

  “I have alerts set up for unusual crimes in Los Angeles County. Sometimes I even have Peyton keep an eye on that sort of thing, but he’s on vacation with his girlfriend, so I just used my meager efforts—not that it was hard.” Shay snickered. “But unless the report I saw was very much mistaken, you blew up a barbeque restaurant in a firefight.”

  “I would never blow up a barbeque restaurant,” James snarled. “The fuckers who tried to kill me did.”

  “Okay, calm down there. Don’t go all crazy on me for insulting the honor of barbeque.” She sighed. “Seriously, though, who the fuck is trying to kill you now?”

  “I’ll tell you what I told the cops. Don’t know. I’ve got Tyler looking into it. You don’t need to come back.”

  “And Alison?”

  James groaned. “She doesn’t need to worry.”

  Shay snorted. “She deserves to know. She’s not a little kid anymore. The minute you started taking her on bounties, you went way past ‘have to protect her from the truth’ land.”

  “Fine. I’ll fucking call her. Just not tonight. I’m still pissed about the whole thing.”

  “Because someone tried to kill you?”

  James grunted. “Nah. Lots of people try to kill me. Why couldn’t they have tried to fucking kill me in front of a frozen yogurt place instead of a barbeque place?”

  Shay laughed so hard James had to pull the phone away from his ear for a few seconds.

  The cackling turned into mere chuckling. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you eat frozen yogurt.”

  “Just saying.” James glanced at his nightstand. The amulet lay there, the separator off, just in case he needed a quick bonding in the middle of the night. “I’m gonna get going.”

  “Okay. Be careful. Don’t be a dumbass, and don’t get yourself killed. I’m heading straight home with Lily after this tomb raid. It seems like I can’t take my eyes off you for a minute without something trying to murder you.”

  James chuckled. “I’m a real love-or-hate kind of guy.”

  Chapter Six

  Shay picked up a rock and threw it against the rocky face of Mount Hallasan right in front of her. The stone disappeared, and a wide area of the wall rippled like the surface of the water.

  “Looks like we’re here.”

  At least something’s gone right.

  Shay muttered and cursed under her breath as she stepped through the wall into a dark cave, which was a vast lava tube. Her headlamp pierced the darkness to reveal stalactites and stalagmites running down the tube mouth, which gave the whole area a resemblance to the maw of a giant monster.

  Yeah, not creepy at all.

  The scabbard of her tachi clacked against the rock formations as she moved through them.

  “You’re mumbling again,” Lily called from behind her, a slight smirk on her face. The false wall rippled as she stepped past.

  Shay looked over her shoulder and shrugged. “Just pissed that I go away and he immediately gets in trouble.”

  Lily shrugged. “It’s not like he can’t take care of himself. The guy’s like a one-man army.”

  Shay shook her head. “He always says that, but I’ve had to save his ass plenty of times. No one’s an island and all that shit.”

  The teen Gray Elf laughed, her eyes lit up in amusement.

  Shay frowned. “What’s so fucking funny?”

  “Just you. You’ve…changed.” Lily shrugged.

  Shay looked at Lily. She wasn’t the only one who had changed. Her protégé was far more toned and fit than when Shay had first met her. She even walked with more confidence. Combined with her existing magical abilities, Lily was turning into the perfect tomb raider.

  “Everyone changes. Hopefully, they just change for the better.” Shay shrugged. “I’ll stop bitching about him now, so we can concentrate on the tomb raid.” She stepped farther into the cool and moist cave. “Get any visions?”

  Lily shook her head. “Nothing. Other than that guy getting sick at breakfast, haven’t seen much.”

  Shay chuckled and nodded. “You helped save my jacket from a fate worse than death. I appreciate it.”

  The entire job was already strange. They’d been hired to go to Jeju Island off the coast of South Korea to recover a magical glass jug, specifically a glass ewer associated with the bath rituals of the founder of one the ancient Korean precursor kingdoms, Silla. The ewer had been kept by Silla Royalty, but lost with the fall of the kingdom. Allegedly, it possessed magical healing powers and no one had a record of it, even in rumor, for over a millennium. Just recently, a Korean shaman had somehow discovered its location on Jeju Island, far from where it’d last been seen.

  None of that was unusual for Shay, but the client was: the government of South Korea. Even though she’d been hired indirectly under her alias of Aletheia, this whole job was approaching something rather official.

  It’s like I’m Hollingsworth now.

  She wasn’t sure why it was bothering her. It wasn’t like she normally chose to work for criminal scum, but the idea of working on a tomb raid for a government shortly after working on a bounty for another government agency didn’t sit well.

  I’ve come a long way from being a professional killer. I’m all mainstream and aboveboard and shit.

  The Korean government had passed along the cryptic information that the shaman who had located the artifact had noted extreme magic at the site and suggested a professional tomb raider recover the item.

  Wonder if that means they actually expect me to succeed, or if they just want to judge the level of danger. Doesn’t matter. They’re paying enough.

  Shay grinned over her shoulder. “Is this making you homesick? Miss the tunnels?”

  Lily rolled her eyes. “No, we like the apartments much better.”

  Shay’s grin faded, and she nodded. “Good. You’re making far too much money to be living underground. Is everything still going okay with Harry and the rest running their little information-collection business?”

  “Yeah. Fine.” The teen let out a quiet laugh. “It just seems like we needed to be able to catch our breath, and once we did, everything worked itself out.”

  Their footsteps and voices echoed down the tube.

  Shay took a moment to look around for any obvious traps before continuing deeper into the mountain. “And have you thought about what I asked you?”

  Lily nodded. “About the School of Necessary Magic?”

  “Yeah.”

  Lily sighed. “I’ve talked with everyone about it, and they all feel the same way I do.”

 
“You know Alison’s benefited a lot from being there.” Shay shrugged. “Just something to consider.”

  “Even with everything strange in her life, she still grew up in a normal home situation with two parents, at least until all that crap happened.” Lily shook her head. “I understand, and they all understand, that maybe we’d have more magic if we went to the school, but it just doesn’t feel like the place for us.”

  Shay shrugged. “You’re doing well for yourself already, so I can’t say you’re wrong. In fact, you’re getting to the point where real solo raids aren’t out of the question.”

  Lily glanced at Shay, her gray eyes widening. “You think so?”

  “Yeah, between your premonitions and your reflexes, you’re already more prepared for a typical tomb raid than most tomb raiders.” Shay stepped around a shallow pool of fetid water. “I can talk to Peyton about setting up your own identity, and you can start building your rep. I guess I’m pulling a James. I’ll just take a cut of what you’re doing, but a lot of it would be you working on your own jobs.”

  Lily nodded, a thoughtful look on her face. “I’m probably not ready to wander around foreign countries by myself.”

  “Then stick closer to home as you build up experience. Just saying, it won’t be that long before you’re better than me.” Shay smiled.

  “Shay, duck!” Lily yelled.

  Heart pounding, the tomb raider reacted without thought, which saved her life as a spinning blade shot from the side of the cave and passed right over her dropping head.

  Shay lingered on the ground for a moment. “That was a good premonition.” She reached into her backpack to fish out her AR goggles and took a moment to set them up and look at the wall. She tapped a few times on the side of the glasses.

  “Whatever was messing with the drone I tried to fly around earlier isn’t affecting this.” The trap apparatus glowed a few degrees hotter than the surroundings. “I can make out the trap using thermal mode. Guess we’re going to have to go a lot slower than…” She twisted to look down the cave. A huge humanoid signature rushed toward them. The thermal signature was blinding. “We’ve got company.”