Karma Is A Bitch: An Urban Fantasy Action Adventure (The Unbelievable Mr. Brownstone Book 12)

by Michael Anderle

  She let out a long sigh and picked up her phone again. Maybe she’d failed the test, but this was the only lead she had. She pulled up the call history and dialed the number the Eyes had used when he’d called her after the shadow ambush.

  “Khalid’s Falafel Kingdom,” answered a loud, cheerful voice. “We’ve got the best falafels in all of LA. Your mom will cry with how good they are.”

  “Falafels?” Kathy blinked. “I’m looking for the Eyes.”

  “Huh? Look in the mirror. You’ll find some eyes there. Now do you want to place a falafel order or not?”

  Kathy groaned. “Sorry. Wrong number.”

  She hung up and rubbed the bridge of her nose. Tyler had mentioned to her that the Eyes liked to constantly change phone numbers. He wasn’t sure if it was a security measure or a way of making people come to him, but that meant she only had one choice if she wanted to follow up on her stupid amusement park clue.

  She sniffed her sweat-soaked pajamas. “I need a shower first in case that asshole can actually smell.”

  An elf and a human guard in front of the Eyes’ room opened the doors. Given the way the human was leering at her, she would have preferred the gnomes.

  Kathy stepped into the smoke-filled room, her head throbbing. The painkillers hadn’t done much, and she suspected she’d suffer until she caught up on her sleep.

  Guess I’m not going to the Black Sun tonight.

  “Kathy. Brave little Kathy,” came the voice of the Eyes, seemingly from all around her.

  She turned slowly, looking for those familiar yet unsettling yellow eyes, but she couldn’t find them.

  “Be quick, girl. I’ve business I wish to attend to.”

  Not like I want to be here, asshole.

  Kathy took a deep breath. If she asked him a question, he’d just fuck with her. The only choice was to feign confidence.

  She plastered an arrogant smile on her face. “Something’s going to happen at Happy Magic Land Amusement Park.”

  A wheezing laugh sounded beside her. Kathy turned that way, but she still didn’t see him.

  “Clever girl, indeed.”

  Kathy shrugged. “I can find out things. What’s going to happen there?”

  “Why should I tell you?”

  She didn’t bother to hide her scowl. “Because it’s part of your damned test. The fucking danger you said is coming.”

  He let out another wheezing laugh. “Oh, you have no idea how delicious all this is proving.”

  Is he getting something out of fucking with me, or is he just enjoying it?

  Kathy turned. “If that’s it, then I’ve got to sleep. I mean, I’ve got shit to do.”

  “Mystery, Kathy,” the Eyes whispered. “The same lust for mystery sent you to a man you shouldn’t have been with in New York.”

  She snorted. “If that’s supposed to impress me, give it up. Just because I keep a low profile doesn’t mean I think no one knows what I’ve done before or where I came from.”

  A frigid touch brushed her neck, so cold it burned. Kathy hissed and spun around. This time, the yellow eyes were there.

  “You want to know about the park?” the Eyes wheezed. “I’ll tell you, but there’ll be a cost.”

  Kathy kept her face calm. “A cost? What cost?”

  “You’ll owe me.”

  “Owe you what?”

  He backed up. “The answer to one mystery in the future.”

  What the hell does that even mean? You know what, I’m too damned tired to care.

  Kathy shrugged. “Deal.”

  The Eyes chuckled. “Fine. To know the future is to alter the future. I’ll give you the information you want, but you’ll have to make a choice right now. Once I tell you you’ll fear for others, and I can see into you. I know you care too much about the lives of others.”

  She rolled her eyes. “I admit it, I’m not a heartless bitch.”

  “If I give you the information you need, you can’t go to the authorities. You will tell no authorities or those who will tell the authorities.” He let out a dark chuckle and wheezed. “If you do, I’ll kill you, and I’ll make you suffer greatly before you die.”

  Kathy swallowed. “What’s to stop me from walking away right now?”

  “If you do, others will suffer and die, and not by my hand.” The Eyes vanished and reappeared in a corner. “Not that it matters. Even if I didn’t dangle the lives of innocents, you’d want to know. You can’t stand it—not knowing. It’s a weakness and a strength.”

  Kathy fisted her hands, prepared to leave. She turned, ready to throw open the door, but she couldn’t make her feet move. “Fine. I agree to your terms.”

  “Good,” he rasped from behind her. “It’s simple. At noon at the amusement park death will come. Children will weep, victims of the Council’s last gasp of relevance.”

  Her eyes widened, and she glanced down at her watch. “Noon? That’s a little over an hour from now.”

  “Yes, and remember our deal. Solve the problem without the authorities or forfeit your life.”

  Kathy sat in her car, her head against the steering wheel, not sure what to do. The Council obviously was going to attack Happy Magic Land Amusement Park, but if she called the police and they sent AET she died. She thought about going to the park and trying to warn them, but they might immediately call the police.

  She had no idea about the exact nature of the attack, so it wasn’t like she could warn them off with a generic bomb threat or something. Even that would bring the police, and without more information, going there herself would be pointless.

  I’m in over my head. Maybe Tyler will have an idea.

  Kathy lifted her head and grabbed her phone, ready to dial her boss before frowning.

  No, he’s dating an ex-cop. He’ll tell her right away, and she’ll demand the cops get involved.

  “Shit, shit, shit.” Kathy groaned and slumped in her seat. Her hair was a mess, and she had bags under her eyes the size of a Kilomea. “Damn, I’m a mess. Surprised that guy was even bothering to check me out.”

  There had to be someone who could take on the Council, wouldn’t ask for immediate payment from her, and wouldn’t feel the need to go to the cops right away.

  Her eyes widened, and she picked up her phone. She brought up her contacts list and dialed, her heart pounding.

  This has to work.

  “Yeah?” rumbled Brownstone on the other end.

  Kathy took a deep breath. She needed to project confidence, not desperation. “Brownstone, I have a little free tip I wanted to offer you.”

  “Free?” He grunted. “Why free?”

  Kathy let out a little chuckle. “Maybe I figure being on your good side would be useful.”

  “It hurts less. What’s your tip?”

  She sighed. “Okay, I’ll tell you, but there are a few other things I need to tell you first…”

  Chapter Nineteen

  Trey frowned as he picked up his chest armor.

  Should have known this Council shit wasn’t over. Fuckers going after an amusement park? They ain’t nothing but a bunch of weak-ass terrorist bitches. I can’t wait to put a few bullets in their faces.

  Trey strapped on his armor and put on his anti-magic deflector over it. The other men were gearing up as well, loading weapons or putting on armor. After grabbing a few grenades from a container near the wall, he glared at Isaiah in the corner.

  “Get your motherfucking gear on, bitch,” Trey growled. “We’re rolling soon, and we don’t have time to wait on your fat ass. Big man said war footing, so that means hurry the fuck up.”

  The other man blinked and rushed to his locker.

  Maria slapped a magazine into her rifle before adjusting the strap and shouldering it. She marched over to Trey, maneuvering through the crowd of men rushing around her and gathering equipment.

  She frowned at Trey. “We should be calling in AET. This is a clear and present danger to the public, based off what you said earlier
.”

  Trey looked up with a frown. “The big man gave explicit motherfucking orders. The big man almost never gives explicit motherfucking orders like that. No 5-fucking-0.”

  Maria crossed her arms. “Why? Brownstone can’t be that desperate for more bounty money from the feds.”

  Trey shrugged. “Don’t know. Don’t care. This ain’t just a bounty hunting agency, it’s the fucking Brownstone Agency. His damned name is on it.”

  “But we can’t just—”

  Trey slammed a fist into a nearby locker, the sound echoing. Everyone stopped and stared at them.

  He slapped a palm against his chest armor. “We ain’t cops, Maria. We also ain’t military. We ain’t gangbangers, either. We are bounty hunters who work for James Brownstone. That sometimes means that to get the job done, we need to play shit fast and loose. If you can’t handle how we roll—” he nodded toward the door, “no one’s stopping you from leaving. We all know you’re a badass bitch and we respect that, but I want to make it motherfucking clear that first and foremost we respect the big man, and we obey him. You know what I’m saying?”

  Maria’s face twitched and reddened. She took a few deep breaths. “This isn’t about laws or shit like that. This is about innocent people getting hurt.”

  Trey snorted. “You think the big man don’t give a shit about that? If he’s telling us not to call the police, he’s got a good reason. He’ll handle this shit. We just need to saddle the fuck up and come with the backup he needs.”

  They locked eyes, both squaring their shoulders.

  I like you, Maria. Don’t make me have to do something stupid. We don’t have time for this shit. James is counting on us.

  Maria gave a curt nod and turned to the watching men. “You heard the man. Stop staring at my ass and get the rest of your gear together. We need to get to that park and back Brownstone up ASAP.”

  Trey grinned. “Glad to have you aboard, Maria.” He made a circle with his hand. “The rest of you bitches, we're rolling in five minutes. Don’t have time for motherfucking lollygagging.”

  Isaiah stared at him. “’Lollygagging?’” He snorted. “What are you, two hundred years old?”

  Trey glared at him. “Finish getting your gear on, motherfucker.”

  Shay had just pulled out of her garage in her Fiat on her way to James’ house when her phone rang.

  “Hey,” she answered.

  “So, um, how’s Alberta?” James asked. “Very Canadian, eh?”

  She rolled her eyes. “Yeah, it’s very Canadian, but I’m not there. I’m back in LA.”

  “Already?”

  Shay sighed. “I decided to come home. Lily’s doing the raid solo.” She changed lanes and accelerated. At least traffic wasn’t so bad today, which in LA was practically a miracle in and of itself.

  “Come home? Why?” Suspicion colored James’ voice.

  Saw right through me, huh?

  “I…had my reasons,” Shay replied.

  James grunted. “I just wanted to call you to let you know there’s a little problem, but you don’t have to worry. I’ve got it under control.”

  Shay groaned. “Motherfucking son of a bitch. I knew it. I fucking knew it. Who just tried to kill you? Did you get them? Did you leave one alive so we can at least interrogate him?”

  I don’t know if it’s my killer’s intuition or my woman’s intuition.

  “No one has tried to kill me,” James explained. “I’m going to kill someone at Happy Magic Land Amusement Park.”

  “Wait for me. I’ll meet you there.” Shay could hear the dog barking over the phone. “Are you seriously taking your dog to a fight?”

  James sighed. “I was taking him to the vet, but I found out I had to go to the amusement park.”

  “Just fucking wait for me, damn it.”

  “Nope. It’s the Council. We didn’t finish them, and they’re gonna attack at noon.” James let out a low growl. “Fucking cowards.”

  Shay sucked in a deep breath and slowly let it out. “I know it sounds weird coming from me of all people, but you really need to call the cops in.”

  “Can’t. If I call the cops the person who told me is dead, and maybe others. Can’t fuck her over like that.”

  Her? Not Tyler, then. Maria, maybe?

  Shay groaned. “Please at least tell me you’re not going there to take on the Council all by yourself.”

  She made a hard turn, cutting someone off. They honked at her, but she ignored them and accelerated. The amusement park. It’d be damned hard for her to get there by noon; she’d have to speed half the way.

  Hope the cops leave me the fuck alone.

  “Nope,” James rumbled. “Trey, the boys, and Maria are on their way. Just no cops. Don’t worry, we’ve got this shit.”

  Shay barked a laugh. “And you’re going to fight the Council around thousands of people? That sounds like a fucking moronic idea.”

  James muttered something under his breath. “I’ll clear them out.”

  “How?”

  He grunted. “You all keep telling me I’m a celebrity. I’ll figure something out with that.” Another bark sounded in the background. “It’s okay, boy.” His voice sounded distant as he said it before growing louder with his next statement. “I’m sorry it worked out this way, but shit happens. See you soon. Won’t guarantee I won’t kill everybody before you show up.”

  Shay sighed. “Don’t die before I get there.”

  “Sure. That won’t be a problem.” James ended the call.

  Shay resisted the urge to pound her phone on the dashboard. Sometimes she wondered if the universe was just fucking with them.

  James sighed as he waited for the response on the other end of the phone. After Shay’s surprise return he’d made a call to Heather, and he knew she’d be confused by what he needed from her.

  She blew out a breath. “So let me get this straight. You want me to make sure that no one can call out of the amusement park, and that’s despite the fact you’re running straight toward the Council?”

  “Yeah. I don’t want the cops there until I’ve finished off the Council. I’ll make them evacuate the park, though.”

  Heather sighed. “James, this sounds very, very dangerous.”

  “I know, but I’m not about to fuck over the person who told me. If it weren’t for her, I wouldn’t know this shit was going down, and we’d have had no chance of saving anyone.”

  “Fine.” Heather muttered something under her breath. “I’ll stop anyone from calling out.”

  “Thanks. I’ve got my guys coming, too. Don’t worry, I’ve got this shit.

  Heather snorted. “I’m sure that’s carved on the tombstones of a lot of men.” She ended the call.

  Find strong enemies, the amulet whispered in James’ mind. Find strong enemies, kill them, and adapt. Grow stronger. Achieve primary directive.

  Yeah, yeah. Just let me fucking concentrate. Now I get why I should never wear you when I’m driving.

  James narrowed his eyes as he changed lanes. This whole day was turning into complete and utter bullshit. He was supposed to be going to the vet, not dealing with crazy magical-asshole terrorist attacks. About the only upside he could see was that if Kathy wasn’t blowing smoke up his ass, it was the Council and he could still score supplemental bounties from the feds.

  If they can do this sort of shit, that means He Who Hunts is probably still around. If that fucker isn’t there this time, I’ll pay every fucking informant on this planet until they point me at him and I can fucking finish him off. The Council’s pissing me off more than the Harriken.

  Yes, Whispy Doom hissed. Increase power for advanced mode.

  Shut the fuck up.

  The amulet continued to murmur in his head, delighted over the imminent violence and death.

  The dog barked happily in the back seat. He was in a better mood since they’d changed direction. James wondered if the dog somehow sensed he wouldn’t have to go to the vet now.

/>   “We’re going to a war zone, boy. This isn’t a good thing, and you’re still gonna have to get those shots.”

  James was close now, just a couple more minutes until he arrived at the amusement park. If he had known he was going to take on the Council, he would have armed up better, but at least he had the amulet and all his men coming. Hell, even Shay.

  Guess she was right.

  He snorted. The only thing he still couldn’t understand was why the Council, He Who Hunts, or whoever was responsible for all the recent incidents was so obsessed with targeting him and LA. It made no sense, given how much pain he and his men already had inflicted on them.

  Maybe this shit is just revenge. They should have waited until I was in some cave in Mexico or some shit instead of fucking up a barbeque place, killing innocent people in my city, and now even fucking up my errands with my dog.

  James let out a little growl, and the amulet grew more excited.

  His F-350 roared into the vast parking lot of the amusement park. He didn’t bother to look for a spot, instead zooming straight toward the entrance with the help of jerking wheel movements. Several angry motorists honked at him, and the dog barked a few times, his tail thumping against the back seat.

  “This shit isn’t a ride, boy.”

  James slammed on the brakes, the truck screeching to a halt near the entrance. A mass of confused families stared at him like he was a lunatic, several pointing and frowning, some taking pictures.

  He threw open the door and jumped out. He’d taken a few steps when he grimaced. It might have been fall, but the southern California sun was still doing its best to keep things warm. He didn’t want to leave his rescue dog in the truck on a warm day.

  James opened the back door and grabbed the dog’s leash. The dog leapt out with a bark, and the pair rushed forward.

  Every time someone turned to complain, their eyes widened, and they stepped aside.