Karma Is A Bitch: An Urban Fantasy Action Adventure (The Unbelievable Mr. Brownstone Book 12)

by Michael Anderle

  Lachlan yelped when some of the acid landed on his armor and started eating through it.

  Trey fired a burst at the wizard, but the bullets jerked up at the last second without a flash. “Just yank that shit off, Lachlan. Everyone else, take cover before this bitch burns our dicks off.”

  The five bounty hunters rushed for trees, corners, and even a churro cart. The wizard kept flinging acid, the acrid smell filling the air and dissolving everything it touched. It even etched several inches into the pavement.

  Lachlan rolled behind a wall, hissing as he singed his thumb but managing to get his chest armor off. “I’m okay, Trey. Just gonna take a long fucking shower after all this shit is over, you know what I’m saying?”

  The other men peppered the wizard with bullets, but every bullet changed course at the last second, not even coming close to messing up his robe let alone wounding him. That was the problem with wizards. A man could never know what kind of defensive magic one of the bastards might have.

  More high-pitched screams came from inside, and Trey gritted his teeth. There was obviously somebody in the castle, so he needed that wizard to hurry up and die. He’d been trying to preserve some of his specialty ammunition, but he had no choice if they were going to save the people in the castle.

  Trey ejected his magazine and slapped in anti-magic rounds.

  “Time for an expensive death, motherfucker.” Trey flipped the rifle to automatic and spun around the corner, holding down the trigger.

  The first few bullets went wide but at least didn’t abruptly change course like all the shots before had. The next few peppered the wizard, and he yelled, collapsing to his knees, blood blossoming from his wounds. Trey let go of the trigger and yanked out his pistol, letting the rifle dangle from the shoulder strap. Might as well make the coup de grace a little more cost-efficient for the agency.

  He opened up with the 9mm, yelling as he emptied the magazine. The first half of his shots refused to go anywhere near the wounded wizard, but the last few slammed into the man, blowing new holes in him until he collapsed to the ground.

  Trey snorted. The man had magical powers and chose to use them to try to murder people in an amusement park as part of some crazy cabal’s plans.

  “What a dumbass motherfucker.”

  Several rifle shots rang out, and Trey jerked his head to the side. Lachlan and two others had taken out a charging insect-man pack.

  Damn. Lucky they were watching our ass. We could have gotten torn up.

  Trey holstered his pistol and brought his rifle back up. “We still need to find that other portal or those damn bitches will keep coming at us, but let’s clear the castle first.”

  He jogged past the body of the wizard toward the castle. Half the room was coated in acid, a ticket counter was melted in the middle, and a life-size princess robot lay on the ground, its face a twisted mass of burned metal and plastic.

  “Yeah, this ain’t every kid’s worst nightmare. Not at all. Damn, are the Council fucked-up bitches or what?”

  An insect man clawed at a metal door marked PRINCESSES AND KNIGHTS ONLY, seemingly ignoring Trey as it gouged the metal with its hard claws. A single anti-magic bullet to the head finished the monster. Another metal door had already been burned open but there was no one inside.

  With the monster dead, Trey could make out quiet sobbing from the other side. He hurried to the door and knocked once, rewarded by several high-pitched screams.

  “Yo,” Trey shouted. “I ain’t no monster. I’m Trey Garfield. We took out the monsters and the wizard. I’m here to rescue you.”

  “Y-you’re a normal person?” called back a voice. It sounded like a young girl’s voice.

  Trey frowned. “Yeah. We’re the good guys, and we just killed the monsters. Like knights, y’all, just with big-ass guns and a lot more style.”

  The locks clicked, and the door slowly opened, revealing four young girls and two boys. They couldn’t have been more than ten years old. Three of the girls wore brightly colored princess dresses, and the boys and the remaining girl had on some sort of faux shiny knight’s armor costumes, complete with dull metal swords. One boy’s sword had been half-melted by acid.

  Bravery’s only gonna get you so far, kid.

  Trey nodded toward the door. “We’ll get you out of here.”

  The kids wiped their tears and followed Trey as he led them out a side door. They didn’t need to see the bullet-riddled wizard, although all the dead monsters probably weren’t helping. The kids screamed as a few more rifle shots echoed nearby.

  Damn. Need to get these kids somewhere safe.

  The bounty hunters would run out of ammo if they didn’t do something about the remaining gate, but it wasn’t like Trey could just leave a group of young kids to fend for themselves. A single insect man could take them out with ease.

  “Yo, Lachlan,” he called. “Get your ass over here.”

  The other man rushed over to him, eyeing the kids. “Damn, that was what they were going after in there? That’s messed up.”

  Trey gave him a grim nod. “Take these kids to the front and out of the park. Just stick to the way we came and you shouldn’t even run into anything. Easiest job all day.”

  Lachlan frowned. “But the big man said this was search and des—”

  “I need you to get these kids the hell out of here.” Trey glared at him. “This ain’t just search-and-destroy when we’ve got people still in here, especially kids, you know what I’m saying? Get them out of here. Now.”

  Lachlan nodded and gestured with his arms. “Come on. Uncle Lachlan and his big-ass rifle are gonna save you today, kids.”

  One of the girls in a princess costume blinked. “Are you soldiers?”

  Lachlan shook his head. “Nah, we are bounty hunters with the Brownstone Agency.”

  Her eyes widened. “I don’t want to be a princess anymore when I grow up. I want to be a bounty hunter.”

  Lachlan grinned. “Just learn to kick ass, and we’ll hire you. Let’s go.”

  Trey waited until Lachlan and the kids were a good hundred yards away before nodding to the rest of his men. “Seems like the new insect bastards keep coming from the same direction. Let’s go finish off the last portal and show them who the real monsters are.”

  Rippers and insect men loped toward Maria’s team in a tightly packed cluster. Too many years with the AET had removed her fear of monsters who could fall to conventional rounds, especially when they were acting like rabid animals and lacked strategy.

  How many more of you are there?

  Her team members had their rifles ready, sweat pouring down their sides as the monsters closed.

  “Maintain the inverted wedge formation,” Maria yelled. “Wait for it. Wait for it. Now. Open fire!”

  The five-member team shot several quick bursts almost as one. Their bullets cut down the horde of charging rippers and insect men, who fell together in a final dance of death. The few that survived the initials bursts were shredded by the combined follow-up fire.

  “Cease fire. Cease fire.” Maria surveyed the carnage. Another fifteen monsters dead. There couldn’t be many of the bastards left. She swore she’d killed fewer monsters when they’d raided the Council base, even if the monsters there were admittedly tougher.

  Maria had to give the Brownstone boys credit. She hadn’t encountered many non-AET types who could handle monsters charging right toward them and not want to break and run. It didn’t matter if a person could shoot and kill one with a gun or not, unnatural mutants spoke to a person’s instinct to flee. The average man couldn’t even stand and fight when a normal wild animal was rushing him.

  Carl slapped in a new magazine. “Starting to run low on ammo, Maria, and you told us to save our last grenades for the portals. Got a few 9mm magazines, but I’m not down with getting close enough that I have to use that shit.”

  The other men nodded, being in similar situations.

  Maria sighed. One wounded man would d
estroy morale. “We’ve already taken out the two portals in this area. There can’t be many more of the monsters left around here.”

  A gunshot rang out in the distance. It didn’t sound like the rifles or 9mm pistols used by most of the Brownstone Agency, nor James’ .45. If she had to guess, she’d say it was a .38.

  Maria gestured with her arm. “Maintain the formation and let’s go to where the action is. Sounds like we’re not the only party in town.

  Her heart pounded as they ran through a faux goblin village. Shredded goblin robots lay all over, along with several dead monsters including a few four-armed Zain, along with rippers. Fantasy had met reality, but she hadn’t seen any human or Oriceran bodies.

  Maria wrinkled her nose at the dead Zain. “Thought we’d seen the last of those four-armed bastards in Wyoming.”

  Another gunshot rang out.

  “Why is another team in Fantasyville?” Carl puffed beside her. “They already finish up in Robotown?”

  Maria shook her head. “Listen to the shots. I don’t think they are with the agency. Whoever they are, we’ve got to help them.”

  The edge of goblin village gave way to the Tree City of the Forest Elves, a large sign in front informing all visitors that “This fun zone is based purely on fictional depictions of elves, and no resemblance to living elves, whether from Earth or Oriceran, is intended” followed by another sign reading “California Proposition 65 Warning: Detectable amounts of chemicals known to cause cancer, birth defects, or other reproductive harm are found in and around this exhibit.”

  Maria snickered. The whole park was littered with signs like that. Then again, so were large chunks of California, as if they thought everyone was going to drop dead from cancer any second if they sipped coffee or visited an amusement park.

  Everyone’s always worried about the tiny risks and not the big ones like crime, car accidents, or weird-ass monsters trying to eat your face.

  Maria led her team around the trunk of a fake treehouse and spotted several dead rippers around the base of a tall living tree with an observing platform about twenty feet up. Two men in uniform, security guards from what she could tell, stood at the top, pistols in hand, blood caked on their faces.

  More guys with balls. Good for them.

  Two Zain clawed furiously at the trunk of the tree, ripping out bark and wood, a pile forming around them. The men had no angle on the monsters from the platform.

  “Take the bastards out,” Maria shouted, aiming her rifle.

  The four men and the woman fired almost simultaneously, the bullets ripping into the two Zain. The creatures spun and charged the V-formation, taking two more volleys before stumbling to the ground, dead.

  Maria stepped forward and swept the area with her rifle. The Council monsters might not be too bright, but they’d already run into a wizard. She glanced down at her darkened deflector. If they hadn’t been wearing their deflectors, they’d probably be dead.

  “Carl and Deshawn, watch our backs,” she ordered. She jogged over to the tree. “What the hell are you still doing here? Didn’t you hear you were supposed to evacuate?”

  One of the guards shrugged. “We thought we could maybe slow some of the monsters down so the visitors would have a better chance of getting away. Are any more of them coming?”

  Maria shook her head. “We’ve taken out the feeder portals in this area. Just head back to the main plaza directly from here, and you’ll be fine.” She grinned up at them. “If we don’t all die during this, I know an agency that can use some brave men and probably pays better than this place.” She turned back to the bounty hunters. “We should go and reinforce Max’s team in Robotown. Let’s get back into formation and sweep that way. If they’re fine, we can continue sweeping to the next zone until we’ve cleared this entire damned park.”

  “Maria, look out!” Carl shouted.

  She spun just in time to see a wizard shimmer into existence, his wand crackling with energy and pointed right at her. Her pulse sped up, and she raised her rifle. A full blast at this range might take her out, especially with her already-weakened deflector.

  A gunshot rang out and the wizard collapsed to the ground with a hole in his head, his wand falling and the energy dissipating harmlessly.

  Maria let out a sigh of relief and turned to give Carl a grin. “Thanks. You saved my ass there.”

  He shook his head. “I couldn’t take the shot. You were in the way. I couldn’t risk it.”

  She furrowed her brow. “Then who?”

  “Me,” called a familiar voice from her side.

  Maria turned.

  Shay stood there, her 9mm in hand and a huge grin on her face. “Looks like this time I had your back, Maria.”

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  “Can’t these bastards just give up already?” James rumbled.

  He grunted as his grenade finished off the energy stream to the second portal in Animal Town, then pulled out his gun and tried to decide his next move. He was closer to Princess Island, so it made more sense to head that way. The gunfire from across the park had grown sparser, so either his teams were winning and the incident was almost over, or he’d have to figure out another way to close the portals without grenades.

  “The great James Brownstone,” rasped a voice from behind.

  James spun and raised his gun. A swirling cloud of red mist floated several yards behind him, wispy tendrils flowing from its sides. It had two glowing red eyes atop a bulge that he supposed was its head. He recognized the bastard from footage Senator Johnston had supplied him.

  “So you’re not dead, He Who Hunts,” James rumbled. “I’m not lying when I say I’m surprised. Given that you haven’t been around, I figured you had to be dead and not just hiding.”

  Kill stronger enemy, the amulet whispered in his mind. Adapt. Grow stronger. Achieve primary directive.

  The creature let out a low chuckle. “Did you think your feeble soldier friends could kill me?” He floated up a few feet, his tendrils twitching. “I am beyond perishing at the hands of such pathetic creatures.”

  James snorted. “Why? Seems like we’re killing all your little Council bitches easily enough, not to mention your friends.”

  He Who Hunts floated even higher. “The others were disposable. The minions are disposable. You’re proud of all my minions you’ve slain?”

  James gave a slight shrug. “Yeah. I was expecting a tougher fight, but you might as well have brought some paper dolls the way I’ve been cutting through them.”

  Another rasping chuckle followed. “Perfect. Where do you think I got most of these creatures, James Brownstone?”

  James shrugged. “I don’t know. Some fucking evil version of Costco on Oriceran?”

  He Who Hunts floated back closer to the ground. “No. All people I’ve taken from this sad little planet. I’ve taken pathetic humans and twisted them, warped them, ripped out their souls to make them nothing more than my puppets, to throw them against you and your minions.”

  James’ face twitched and he gritted his teeth, heart pounding. “What the fuck?”

  “Yes, you should feel the rage. The anger. If it makes you feel any better, there was nothing that could have been done to save them. Once I reshaped them, they would never again be anything but my servants. They would have died in days if you hadn’t slain them. I only needed them here to sow terror.”

  Yes, the amulet sent. Anger. Hatred. Power increasing.

  This shit ends today, no matter what.

  James opened fire, pulling the trigger until his gun clicked empty. No ichor spilled from He Who Hunts. Each bullet melted into vapor on contact, and unlike his encounter with the wizards outside the barbeque place, the Council member wasn’t wounded by the secondary vapor.

  “Pathetic,” He Who Hunts rasped. “Disappointing. It was difficult, don’t you understand? I was forced to be cautious as I harvested your kind to turn into my minions, and this is all you can do? Fling metal at me? I was expecting someth
ing far more impressive. I’ve seen it—your true second skin. Your true power. Was it all just temporary? A bargain to gain the power you needed to defeat the Council?”

  “Fuck you.” James ground his teeth together. Senator Johnston had told him soldiers had been able to wound He Who Hunts, but without anti-magic bullets, maybe he had no chance. There was no way he could let the bastard go after everything he had done. Not only that, he still owed him for his men damaging the barbeque restaurant.

  Give me advanced mode, James demanded.

  Insufficient power for advanced mode.

  James holstered his pistol. “If you’re so fucking tough, take me out. Because you’re dying today, you piece of shit. I don’t care what you are. I know you can bleed. I know you can die, because you’ve been hiding like a little fucking cockroach this entire time while you sent wizards or those twisted people after me.” He sneered. “You’re nothing, are you?”

  He Who Hunts flicked up a tendril and a red energy bolt slammed into James’ already-bare chest, a wave of heat passing over him. He hissed in pain and stumbled back a few feet.

  After taking a deep breath, he looked down. Even though the wound throbbed, he had only a light burn.

  Additional adaptation achieved, Whispy Doom crowed, his joy infectious. Kill enemy. Grow stronger.

  James’ hand dropped to his knife, but he didn’t pull it out. He doubted he could stab a flying mist cloud to death, not without one of Shay’s magical blades at least. No reason to melt a perfectly good knife.

  James snorted. “That all you got? You’re supposed to be the big bad last member of the Council, and you can’t kill me?” He slapped his chest. “Come on, asshole. Prove to me how scary you are.”

  He Who Hunts’ tendrils twitched a few times. “Interesting. I’d wondered if this was all a waste, but you’re not dead. Still, you’re not what you should be, either. You remain a disappointment. I might not be able to kill you, but you can do little to harm me with your sad toys.”