“What is it?” I asked as I straightened my clothes and moved back to my side of the car. What the fuck was right. This couldn’t be right. “Is that who I think it is?” I asked, leaning forward to make sure.
“Yep,” Rick growled as his claws popped out from his fingertips.
I knew shit was about to go down, but the claw thing was seriously hot.
“Can you control that?” I asked, pointing at his hands.
He nodded and kept his eyes on the developing issue. “Yep. Just getting my weapons ready.”
Again. Hot.
“Who are the three men?” I asked, sizing up the enemy. They were enormous and ugly.
“Gnomes in human form,” he said quietly. “You think she’s with them willingly?”
“I have no idea. You think she has her antacids with her? Ol’ Kim the stage manager is gonna need them if she deals with Gnomes.”
“Gnomes have nothing on Werewolves and Mermaids,” Rick said with a wide grin. “You ready to rumble?”
“We’re gonna take them out here?” I asked, as my excitement ramped up.
“Nope. Too public. We’re gonna play idiot human cooking show stars who spotted their buddy the stage manager.”
“It’s a dang good thing we have to work right now,” I said, admiring the crazy man sitting next to me.
“Why’s that, beautiful?”
“ʼCause I’m about ready to do you,” I admitted with a giggle.
Rick’s moan of desire was music to my ears. “That was not very nice of you, Madison. I think my balls are about to explode.”
“Shit. Seriously?” I asked, feeling really bad.
“No worries,” he said with a pained chuckle. “If they do I can grow new ones.”
“Being immortal is really awesome,” I said, planting a quick kiss to his lips.
“You bet your sweet ass it is,” he replied, adjusting his junk in his jeans.
“Your balls okay?” I asked with a wince.
“Balls are iffy,” he said with shrug. “But if I can be with you, my balls can go to hell for all I care.”
“That was hot,” I told him.
“It was?” he said with a grin. “I wasn’t sure, but it’s the damned truth.”
“The truth will set you free,” I promised. “Let’s go see if Kim wants to be free.”
6
Rick
“Wait,” I whispered, grabbing Madison’s hand as she started to cross the pitted gravel parking lot. “Stay here for a minute. Can you hear them?”
We weren’t all that far from the foursome, but there were about ten cars parked randomly between them and us in the lot. From where we stood, we wouldn’t be noticed. They were busy… and loud.
She nodded. “I can. My hearing isn’t as good as yours, but they’re yelling.”
“Face me and pretend we’re making out,” I instructed as I pulled a ball cap from my back pocket, twisted her hair up into it and secured it on her head. She was too recognizable with her sexy pink locks. I was very aware she could kill the shit out of practically anything, but I couldn’t help my need to keep her safe.
Madison made a face and I grinned. “Do we have to pretend to make out?” she asked quietly.
“We do,” I told her with a slight wince. “If we want my nuts to come through the evening unscathed, then we need to pretend.”
Madison wrapped her arms around my neck and put her face close to mine. For a brief moment, I forgot my own name. The Mermaid had cast some kind of kick-ass spell on me or maybe I was falling…
No. Wait. Didn’t have time to go there right now. I needed to concentrate on the business at hand. Figuring out if I was in love was going to be difficult. I’d never been in love.
Lust? Yes. Love? Nope.
“She’s giving them an envelope,” Madison whispered as she turned her head to watch the unfolding action. “Is she paying them?”
“Looks like it,” I said flatly. “How in the hell is stage manager Kim messed up with the Gnomes? She seems so… human.”
Madison and I watched as the largest Gnome counted the money and then shoved Kim violently into the crumbling brick wall of the building. Kim put her hands up as if she was used to being struck by the abomination.
“I can’t pay any more than I’ve given you,” Kim said in a choked voice as she continued to cower.
“Tough shit,” the Gnome growled as he pocketed the envelope. “You pay or it dies.”
Kim stood taller and got up in the asshole’s face. She was either brave or had a larger death wish than Madison and I put together. The Gnome could snap her neck without breaking a sweat.
“It has a name,” she hissed. “You will use it.”
“No can do, whore,” the Gnome grunted as he again shoved the breakable human woman against the wall. “You pay or we slay.”
“Something is way wrong over there,” Madison said softly as her fingers began to spark and singed a hole right through my t-shirt. “Shit. Sorry. If you want to, you can scratch me with your claws. We’ll be even then,” she said with a small smile.
She quickly patted out the fire and I grinned. My violent little gal was a wonder that never ceased. Gods, I really hoped she liked bunnies.
“No worries, baby,” I said. “The burn was good. Took my mind off my pecker.”
“I won’t have any more money until next week,” Kim told the irate Gnome in a shaking voice. “This was the deal we made.”
“Deals change,” the bastard growled and lifted his hand to strike her.
Madison hissed and yanked me behind the truck as she waved her hand and caused the gutters to fall off the building and knock the fucker out cold. Kim screamed and took off running as the other two Gnomes went to aid their unconscious asswipe of a friend.
“There was no fucking way I was going to stand by and watch him hit her,” Madison ground out through clenched teeth. “That is total bullshit.”
Her fury was so sexy, I almost jumped her in the parking lot. Instead, I conjured up the image of my granny’s hooters again. I couldn’t allow myself to be controlled by my Johnson. Shit was going down and I needed to be completely present in the moment.
“That was perfect,” I said, peeking around the truck to see if the gutter had decapitated the bastard. It was the only way to kill a Gnome. Well, it was the only way to kill most immortals. No one I was aware of could regrow a head.
“I have no clue if Kim is a bad guy or a good guy at this point, but that son of a bitch wasn’t going to backhand her on my watch,” Madison grumbled.
“They’re gone,” I said, pulling her to her feet and opening the passenger door. “Get in. We need to pay Kim a little visit.”
“Do you know where she lives?” Madison asked.
“Shit. No,” I said with a shake of my head. “Do you?”
“Nope, but Dave will. I’ll just tell him we’re sending her flowers to make up for the finger explosives we used today and need her address.”
“You’re sexy and smart,” I said with a grin.
“I was just thinking the same thing about you,” she shot back.
She was definitely a keeper. I just hoped my Mermaid was beginning to feel the same way.
“Dave was kind of put out that Kim is getting flowers and not him,” Madison said with a laugh as she ended her call.
“Seriously?” I asked with a grin as I put the address into the GPS.
“Yep. So I guess we should send him something too,” she said with a wicked little grin. “Thoughts?”
“Umm… silk boxers with our faces on them?” I suggested and then gagged. Now I had Dave’s balls in my head along with my granny’s hooters. “Strike that. I want my face nowhere near his junk.”
“Ditto,” Madison said with a shudder. “How about a case of Tums? Or maybe a case of whoopee cushions or chocolate buttholes.”
“Shut the front door,” I shouted and laughed. “Chocolate buttholes are a real thing?”
Madison no
dded and bounced in her seat. “My sisters, Misty, Ariel and I gave a case of them to our new brother-in-law, Pirate Doug, as a wedding gift. They’re not real buttholes,” she clarified quickly as she shook with laughter. “Just shaped like a butthole.”
“You did not.” I couldn’t get over how perfect she was. How many girls would send chocolate assholes to someone? Most women I knew wouldn’t even utter the words chocolate and butthole in the same sentence. An unfamiliar and bizarre tingle washed over me. I was having a lot of strange feelings around my Mermaid. Was this what love felt like? If it was, it was freakin’ awesome… and tingly.
“Trust me,” Madison said with a wink. “The gift fit the recipient. I think Dave has earned some edible buttholes. Agree?”
“Absolutely.”
“Done,” she said as she punched the order into her phone and then turned serious. “Do you think Kim is a key player in this shit show?”
I shrugged and watched the road. It was dark and I was carrying very precious cargo—not that an accident would kill us, but I didn’t want a scratch on her perfect body. “It’s far-fetched to think Kim’s involved with the abductions and torture of the lesser gods, but honestly at this point I have no clue.”
Madison sat quietly for a moment, I could tell she was thinking as her knees bounced a mile a minute. I was starting to notice all sorts of her sexy little quirks and I liked them.
“Maybe she borrowed money from the Gnomes,” Madison said, trying to piece together a motive for what we’d just witnessed. “She told us she was a single mother. Maybe there’s something wrong with her child and she needs money.”
“If she borrowed money from those fuckers it was a really stupid move on her part,” I said, wondering if the human was indeed that stupid or if her situation was that hopeless.
Madison shrugged. “Desperate times can call for really farked-up measures. But if she can get up in a Gnome’s face, it makes sense why she could look us in the eye and not be intimidated.”
It was curious how much Kim might know of the Otherworld. We didn’t live in secret, but we kept many secrets from the humans. “I don’t think it’s a loan she’s paying back.”
“Explain,” Madison said.
“They mentioned It. My guess is whoever It is must owe the ugly bastards.”
Madison took that in and mulled it over. “So Kim is the go-between and It is the lynchpin?”
“Possibly.” I nodded and took a left. “Although, I don’t think this is connected to the mission we’re on.”
“We won’t know that unless we question Kim. I really hope she’s not a bad guy. I kind of like her for a human,” Madison said as she laid her cheek on the passenger side window.
“Are you okay?” I asked. My Mermaid looked a little pale. It made my stomach do strange things. I didn’t like the feeling at all.
She smiled and punched me in the shoulder. “I’m good. I just need to swim soon. I’ve been out of the water too long.”
“In the ocean?” I asked, wondering how in the hell I could get her to the ocean right now.
“No. That would be perfect, but it can be any kind of water,” she explained. “I’m fine for now. I’ll find some water after we figure out how our stage manager is involved. You think she’s gonna tell us who It is?”
“I do,” I said glancing over at my gorgeous sidekick. “The Gnomes might be scary, but together we’re fucking terrifying.”
That’s hot,” Madison said with a wide smile
“I know. Right?”
We drove in silence—each of us lost in our own thoughts. The area of town we were in was depressing. Tennessee was actually a beautiful state, but not this part. Street after street of run down homes and boarded up businesses. I was surprised that Kim lived in an area like this with a child, but maybe it was all she could afford which was total bullshit. If Kim didn’t turn out to be someone we would have to eliminate, I was going to have a very fucking serious talk with Dave about giving the woman a raise.
“We’re almost there,” Madison said.
“A few more blocks,” I confirmed. And that’s when I saw it. My gut clenched and my sense of duty to my life choice kicked in. It sickened me to think of the poor innocents trapped inside the craphole waiting for an unjust death. How in the fuck could I just drive by and not do anything?
Shitshitshit.
“Dang it,” I muttered and wondered if I was about to make an incredibly stupid move.
I was.
With a loud screech of the tires, I whipped the car around and headed back the way we’d come.
“What are you doing?” Madison asked as I stopped the car in front of the shitty looking building.
“Can you give me ten minutes here?” I asked, glancing up and down the street to make sure I would be in the clear. It would suck all kinds of ass to get arrested by the human law enforcement.
“Umm… sure,” Madison said, looking confused.
She was confused now. She was going to be either appalled or delighted in a few minutes.
“Get in the driver’s seat. Keep the car running,” I instructed as I cased the front of the building.
“What the heck are you about to do?” she asked, squinting at me.
I kissed the beautiful Mermaid on the lips. Hard. For all I knew after what she was about to witness, it might be the last time she would ever let me kiss her.
“I’m gonna do the right thing, Madison. I have to.”
7
Madison
As I sat in the idling car, I wondered if Rick was completely off his rocker. We had a mission to accomplish and he’d just made a pit stop at an animal shelter—and not a very nice one. It was seriously run down and awful looking.
Maybe he needed to be around other animals like I needed water. I didn’t think that was a thing with Werewolves, but what did I know? Plus, if he needed to commune with other animals wouldn’t it make more sense for him to seek out others of his own kind? Shelters were full of dogs and cats.
“Gods, if I didn’t know he was a Vegan, I’d think he’d gone in for a quick snack—which would have been a deal breaker no matter how hot he is,” I muttered to no one as I waited like instructed.
Sighing, I glanced up through the open sunroof. The stars twinkled in the cloudless night sky and a cool grass-scented summer breeze blew through the open windows. It made the depressing area look like it was bathed in a little magic.
Thinking back on the last hour, I grinned. Making out with the Werewolf was every kind of freakin’ incredible. Keeping him was starting to sound really good. However, I was slightly concerned we would have hairy, fanged fish if we mated. I really needed to speak with my sisters about that terrifying prospect. As far as dates went this one was odd, but I had to give it a nine out of ten. It certainly wasn’t boring.
The phone in my pocket buzzed and I glanced down at the caller ID. Shit. It was Poseidon. For a brief moment I considered letting it go to voice mail, but I wasn’t irresponsible. I was violent and hazardous to my own health, but I was also a Mermaid warrior. Poseidon was my drunk general and I was part of his insane army at the moment.
“Hi, nard,” I said as I answered.
“What did you call me?” the God of the Sea bellowed through the phone.
“Whoops, my bad. I thought you were someone else.” I bit down on my lips to keep from laughing. Poseidon was such an easy target. And I knew he liked that I gave him shit. Other than his certifiable mate, Wally—Pirate Doug’s mother—no one smack talked the drunk old fart like I did.
“Have you castrated Stew and peeled the skin off his heinous carcass yet?” he demanded.
“Umm… no.”
“Then what in the Seven Seas have you been doing?” Poseidon shouted.
Pulling the phone away from my ear so I didn’t go deaf, I rolled my eyes. “Trying to find the fucker,” I snapped. “Plenty of Gnomes have been to see the show, but not Stew.”
“Have you found the Gnome Palace?”
“Not yet, but Rick has an excellent plan. We’re gonna to be human blenders and jump out of a plane tomorrow with the fixings for a smoothie—probably bananas, strawberries, yogurt and possibly some orange juice. Although, I think we should have some protein powder too since I’m not sure Rick gets enough protein in his diet. But powder might blow away in the wind. Anyhoo, if the parachutes hold, we should make it out in one piece. We can scope out the area from the air and find the Gnome Palace.”
“I didn’t understand a gods’ damned word of that,” Poseidon admitted. “However, I’ve been drinking since noon. Just find the bastard Gnome and level his arse. He’s starting to send the lesser gods’ body parts to me.”
“Gross,” I said with a gag. “Do you think they’re dead?”
“No. I would feel that. All the gods are connected and can feel when one is destroyed or in severe distress,” he explained.
“That’s kind of weird and awesome,” I replied, impressed.
“It sucks,” he bellowed. “Zeus has gastrointestinal issues regularly. We all fart like we’ve eaten a vat of fucking beans when that arse is on a toot bender.”
I was speechless.
“But not to worry. I occasionally chop off my own foot just to fuck with everyone—it grows back in an hour,” he assured me.
I was more speechless.
“Put Rick on the phone if he’s still alive,” Poseidon demanded.
“He’s in an animal shelter,” I told him, still flabbergasted at the wonky story I’d just heard.
“He got nabbed by animal control?” Poseidon asked, confused.
“Umm… no,” I said, glad the idiot couldn’t see my enormous eye roll. “He left me in the car to go into an animal shelter. Not sure why.”
“For a quick snack?”
Poseidon surmised the same thing I had, which made me worry about my sanity if I was starting to think like the diaper wearing god.
“NO,” I snapped, greatly relieved to be able to clarify that Rick wasn’t a puppy murderer. “Rick is a Vegan. He doesn’t eat animals.”
Madison's Mess Page 5