William's Blood

by S S Bazinet

  “Of course I want him to live,” she announced in a loud, clear voice. She stared down at William. “You know that, don’t you, William? You know how much I care about you.”

  William met her gaze. Annabel’s eyes were fluid with concern. “Yes, I know.” He had to acknowledge her, to let her know that he cared too. If he was going to die, as Arel said, he might as well admit to himself and to her that she mattered to him.

  Annabel took his hand and held it to her breast. “Then let Arel stay, at least for the night, please.”

  “Annabel, no—” William tried to say more, but his voice faltered.

  “Please, William, you told me that he has healing abilities.”

  William had never felt so weak and unable to respond. Yet a part of him screamed out in vain.

  No! Make the traitor leave! Once and for all, get him out of my life!

  Of course, no one heard his protest. As he tried to focus, as he tried to instruct Annabel on what to do, the room began to spin, and he faded into the blackness again.

  * * * * *

  Annabel sat across from Michael, not knowing what to say. She’d never experienced a thing called nervousness before. Now, her body was strangely unsettled, making her take notice of its condition. “I didn’t know I could feel this way,” she finally blurted out.

  Michael looked back at her and smiled. “Being in the physical form of a human comes with many surprises. The body and mind receive information in a way that’s new to us. The feedback can be a bit overwhelming.”

  “No, it’s more than that. I’m talking about how William makes me feel. As his angel, I’ve always cared about his welfare, but not in a personal way. I was there to be a support system, a friend he could depend on. I think that’s changed, and I don’t know how to handle my responses to him.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I’m not sure, but when he looks at me, I can feel how much he wants me. I can feel his desire, and it sparks something in me. I’m not sure what that spark is yet, but it’s growing.”

  “What do you want to do about it? At this point, I think we both know that William would be devastated if you disappeared from his life.”

  Her heart did a little leap, making her clasp her chest with both hands. “I would never think of doing such a thing!”

  “I know you wouldn’t. I also know you’ll find your way through the current circumstances with your usual grace.”

  “Thank you for that vote of confidence. You told me this assignment would be a challenge. I just didn’t know how much of a challenge it would be.” She stood up. “Anyway, I better go to bed. I want to be fresh and alert if William needs anything later.”

  Michael stood up too. “I didn’t know you required much sleep.”

  “I didn’t, until now. I’ve never felt tired like this before either.”

  It was a fact that angels lived very lightly in their bodies, with very little strain or stress on their physical vessels. Yet, as Annabel started to leave the room, she was beginning to understand what people meant when they said they felt weary.

  “Just remember who we are and why we’re here,” Michael said quietly. “William and Arel both need our steadying hands at this delicate juncture of their lives. And if William does leave the world—”

  Annabel stopped abruptly and stared at him. “I hope that he doesn’t leave. Earth can be a lovely place. If he recovers, he could still find the happiness that his soul desires. It’s my fondest wish for him.”

  * * * * *

  Night swallowed up the last remnants of light, leaving William’s bedroom in shadowy darkness. The glow of a small lamp on his nightstand was the only source of illumination as Arel took up his station in a corner of the room. He sat down in a comfortable, reading chair where he could observe William. His first thoughts were depressing.

  He’s been unconscious for hours. And his life force is growing weaker by the minute. He may not live to see another sunrise.

  Arel had to find a way to help William before it was too late. But there was a problem. Like Arel and most humans, William was shielding himself. Fear and anger kept him walled off and inaccessible to outside intervention. Arel knew he wouldn’t go against William’s wishes this time. At least he’d learned that much after his last misuse of power. But it was so difficult to sit and do nothing.

  Dammit, Will, don’t do this! Let me in, please! You want to live. I know you do. I saw how you looked at Annabel.

  Michael had filled him in on some details about how William sacrificed himself for Annabel, so he knew that William had deep feelings for her. Even with all the pain, his eyes brightened a little when she was around.

  Bloody hell, he doesn’t know she’s an angel. However, he proved his intentions were chivalrous. If he makes it, I’ll help him deal with the angel part too. He can find a real woman to love.

  Arel couldn’t quite understand Annabel herself. She wasn’t as calm and composed as Michael. When she looked at William, her eyes were soft and vulnerable. Her energy had a certain human quality that surprised him.

  Maybe it’s part of her act. Maybe she’s trying to be totally believable in her role.

  Angels were still a mystery to him. They were always there to help, but their ways could be tricky and unpredictable.

  A loud groan from the bed made Arel sit up and take a deep breath. William was coming around. He thought about calling for Michael, but William hated him too. He stood up and went to the bedside, putting his hand over William’s heart. It was beating so fast, so fitfully. When he tuned into it on a deeper level, he got a picture of William as a boy. He was running through a field in a blind panic. Arel grabbed his own chest as he felt the boy’s terror and pain. He’d never known that part of William when they were friends.

  You were always so confidant, so unmoved by anything but your own desires.

  He flushed with embarrassment.

  Except when it came to helping me. You did have feelings after all. I just didn’t realize it.

  William’s eyes fluttered open. For a long moment, they stared at each other.

  “Get away from me.” William spat out the words in a weak voice.

  Arel pulled back his hand, knowing that he had to shield himself from William’s physical and emotional torment. If he didn’t, he’d be useless. Michael was right. A person couldn’t help someone by taking on their problems. “Sorry, I was just—”

  “Why are you here? Can’t I finally die in peace?”

  “Peace? Will, you’re in hell.”

  “Because of you!” The outburst made William cough, then twist and turn helplessly as his body screamed for relief. When he was able to speak, his tone was thick with bitterness. “It’s what I deserve, right? Isn’t that what you’ve always thought? You couldn’t bear that I might go to the other place. You made sure I didn’t end up there.”

  “No! You’re wrong! I couldn’t bear being left alone on this earth. I know how selfish that was, but—”

  “Selfish? Is that what you call using your power to damn a person to unspeakable suffering? You’re a monster!”

  The words hit Arel with so much hate that he fell back several paces and slammed heavily against a dresser. A vase toppled over its edge and crashed on the floor. His first thought was its value. William’s home was filled with rare, expensive collectibles. He went down on his knees, knowing all was lost and yet, he had to do something to stop the feelings that he was a fiend, that he had damned William forever. Instead, the facts solidified into a palpable truth that couldn’t be denied. They crushed all his good intentions and left him in a black void of hopelessness.

  “You’re right, Will,” he said as the full impact of his actions took over. “I’ve damned us both! Alive or dead, I’ll never be able to trust myself again!” As soon as he’d made the statement, something switched in Arel’s brain. William’s accusations were joined by flashes from Arel’s past. His mother despised him. He should have never been born. His father
tried to beat him to death because he was worthless. Justina was screaming that he betrayed her love just before she ripped a razor across her throat. As the images kept coming, a great rage of self-loathing began to blot out everything. He pulled himself up to a standing position and glared at William. “It’s all your fault! Why did you save me that night? You’re the one who sentenced us both to hell!”

  “You bastard! How dare you!” William cried out in a wavering voice.

  “I hate you!” Arel screamed back. “And I hate life!”

  As Arel began cursing his existence and what it had come to, Annabel and Michael came running in.

  “What’s going on?” Annabel asked as she rushed to the bedside and put herself between Arel and William.

  “The idiot is having a breakdown,” William groaned out, “like he always does.”

  Clasping his fists, Arel didn’t feel William’s pain anymore. He was seething with an inner fury. Everything that he thought he’d put behind him was fresh and raw again. Yet, in the background, he heard laughter. Another part of him, the part that carried Michael’s blood, was gently chastising him.

  You can’t fight your way out of this. Calm down and be responsible. Pick up the pieces and do whatever it takes to go forward.

  At the same time, Michael had stationed himself nearby. He was always a wall of stability and strength. If allowed, his presence alone could put out a blazing building with a glance. Now Michael was staring at Arel, giving him the space he needed to see the truth. He had reached the end of the line. He’d never escape his faults, even the odious ones that he abhorred. His choice was a simple one. He had to surrender to the moment and to who and what he was. If he’d fallen short of expectations, if he’d made terrible mistakes, he’d have to live with them. No matter what, William’s life was on the line. Arel had to try to help him.

  * * * * *

  The second half of Arel’s vigil started off in the worst possible way. William was in agony and there was nothing to be done about it. Like Arel, William couldn’t tolerate any painkillers. It was a miracle that he was still alive after all his blood loss and the onslaught of an infection. Arel and Michael were forbidden to come near. No amount of pleading on Arel’s part would change William’s mind. He wouldn’t accept Arel’s help. There was nothing to do but watch him suffer. Annabel offered to relieve Arel from his post, but he sent her to bed.

  As he sat in William’s bedroom, steeling his nerves against the sounds of anguish, there was a pause. It was followed by William mumbling something, calling out for him. Arel quickly joined him at his bedside, staring down at William’s pale blue eyes. They weren’t clear and certain anymore. Instead, they were glassy with the unrelenting pain. “I’m sorry for what I said, Will. But I’m here for you now. I’ll do anything you want. Just ask.”

  William’s breath was short and shallow as he tried to find his voice. Finally, when it came, it didn’t sound like it belonged to William at all. Its tone was that of a beggar, pleading for mercy. “Do you mean it? Anything?”

  “Yes!”

  “Kill me,” William gasped. “And I’ll forgive you all.”

  “Oh god, not that! Please don’t ask that of me!”

  William lifted his hand ever so slightly and winced. His slender fingers trembled as he reached out. “For once in your life, put aside your judgments. Have mercy, please . . . you’re my only hope. You’re the brother who says he loves me. Help me. Stop the pain. It’s unbearable. I can’t go on.”

  Arel stepped back, bracing himself against the request that numbed his mind and enflamed his heart. He couldn’t answer. He couldn’t swallow or stop the tears that coursed down his face. The nightmare was complete. After all their quarrels and all the ways he and William tried to reconcile, their time together on the earth was at an end. And Arel had to be the deadly instrument that would release William from life. The idea was beyond any horror he could imagine. Yet he had no choice. He couldn’t bear the suffering either. All he could do was lower himself across William’s prone body. Carefully, ever so carefully, he embraced him, whispering into his ear. “If that’s what you want, Will, I’ll do it. Let my soul be damned if only I can send yours to heaven.”

  William struggled beneath him, tortured by any kind of contact. “Not heaven, not this time.”

  Arel smiled. “Sorry, Will, whether you know it or not, you’re the best person I’ve ever known. You faced the worst demons of this world and won. Now you’re going to a place where souls like yours can be free. Believe me, heaven will be proud to welcome you back.”

  William managed two words. “Thank you.”

  Arel stood up, regaining his composure. “I need a moment. I have to think about how to do this.” Michael’s conversations came to mind. Michael said that Arel’s powers could be used to heal, but he could also deliver a lethal dose of energy if he didn’t maintain complete control. So that’s what he’d do. He’d kill William with an overdose of kindness.

  William looked up and frowned. “Please, every second feels like an eternity.”

  Arel’s grief was almost as devastating as William’s pain, but it was time to prove he was a true friend. “Don’t worry, I can do this,” he said as he went around to the other side of the bed and started to climb in.

  “What now? What are you doing?” William gasped.

  Arel glared back. “If I’m going to damn my soul, I want to do it holding you, like a brother on the battlefield. Is that too much to ask?”

  William moaned as he shut his eyes tight against the pain. “It’s always something with you.”

  “It’ll all be over soon, I promise,” Arel said as he lifted William into his arms.

  William gritted his teeth to keep from crying out. But he allowed himself to be moved without a sound as if he wanted his last moments to be honorable and dignified. When he was settled against Arel’s chest, his face brightened with a sudden smile. “I know how hard this is for you. You are my brother after all.”

  “Yes, I am. The rest doesn’t matter. In this moment, I’ve finally found a way to prove myself.” As Arel’s tears flowed in streams of grief, he put his hand over William’s chest, feeling the vessel beneath. The heartbeat wasn’t as wild as before, but it was very weak. “Farewell, my dear Will.”

  William smiled almost peacefully, relaxing enough to let down his guard. “Goodbye.”

  A strange stillness settled over the room as Arel felt their energies merge. He would always cherish that moment. It was so different than anything he’d ever felt. It was as if he was holding himself. There was no ‘other.’ William and he were one soul, one being in two bodies. It was a transcendent experience that threw open the doors to his heart’s magnificent powers. An inner glow began to grow in his chest. When he closed his eyes, his spirit flew upwards, taking flight in realms of light that were as bright as the sun. Basking in the radiant splendor, he also gave himself to the tranquil scene around him. On the earthly plane, he was sure that his heart’s explosive power would do its job, overloading William’s body with a fatal dose of energy. His brother would be at peace at last.

  * * * * *

  William smiled broadly. He’d never expected to see heaven again. Yet he was floating in an ocean of well-being, rising and falling gently as the waves buoyed him up and down. It was such a relief to be released from his body. The pain was gone. He could breathe in the shimmering mist that surrounded him without wanting to scream. He hadn’t expected the transition to be so quick. One minute, he was leaned against Arel’s chest, listening to Arel’s heartbeat, and in the next instant, a flash of light transported him to paradise.

  I have to give you credit, Arel. You’re a man of your word after all.

  He stretched out, contemplating what he’d do in his new environment. A unique and expansive experience awaited him. For a brief moment, he even contemplated being one of those guides that the metaphysical people talked about. He’d be Arel’s guide, reminding him not to toss anybody else out of
heaven. Of course that would only be a very small part of what he’d do. He enjoyed beauty. Perhaps he’d create an exquisite home overlooking a meadow filled with deer and fox. Surely, in heaven, you could do whatever you wanted.

  But Annabel won’t be here to share any of it with me.

  A twinge of regret made the blissful waters around him a little bumpier, his first sign that there could be trouble in the ethers.

  I have to monitor my thoughts. This place seems to react to whatever I feel.

  He missed having his notepad for some reason, wishing he could jot down a list of questions. The waters lurched again as soon as his contentment factor wavered. His scientific side was engaged at once. He needed to understand how paradise worked. What if he had a very negative thought? What then?

  What if I thought about haunting Arel? Paying him back for the misery he caused me?

  The waves turned into rougher seas. The gentle up and down motions turned into swells that threatened to overwhelm his buoyant position. He heard voices just as the shaking intensified.

  “Arel, wake up.”

  It was Annabel’s voice.

  “You’ve been asleep for a long time. Let go of William, my dear. I need to change his dressing.”

  A sharp pain hit William’s gut. He wasn’t floating anymore. Everything was shifting. The pain quickly spread out, consuming every part of his body.

  What the hell is going on?

  He suddenly knew the answer.

  Oh no, I was dreaming! I’m not dead. Arel tricked me again.

  Thirty

  THE LAST RAYS of afternoon light were weak. The cloudy, London day left Arel wishing he was back in Chicago. The windy city could be gray too, but gloomy London weather evoked despairing feelings that went back to his days as a young man. As he sat down on the sofa in William’s living room, he didn’t have time for those old memories. He had a fragile situation on his hands.

  “I swear, Michael. I tried to kill William. I did exactly the opposite of what you told me. I forfeited all control over my powers. I did my best to blast him out of existence. But nothing went according to my plan.”