Vow of Worth (Vow Series Book 6)

by Emma Renshaw

  Surprised, I laid a hand on my stomach, smoothing down the amethyst-toned shirt, and my lips started to turn up in a smile. When it came to me, my mother was a hard woman to impress, and my entire life, I’d strived to impress her daily. It was a habit I’d tried to break over the years, but I couldn’t deny the pride that had begun to fill my chest under her praise. I glanced up at my mother to thank her, but the words died on my lips. Her gaze wasn’t on me, but looking up and past my shoulder.

  My shoulders fell slightly before I straightened my spine again, never allowing my posture to slip. My sister Katrina rounded the table and bent at the waist to kiss my mom and dad on the cheek. “Thanks, Mom. I found it at a little boutique. You’d love it. I’m not sure if any of it was your style.” My sister addressed me with the last part and sat in the empty chair next to me.

  “If it’s a small store, they may not carry her size,” my mom said. The jab sank beneath my ribs, piercing my heart. My hands slipped off the table and into my lap. I tugged on the ends of my cardigan, closing the sweater.

  “I’m not sure. I didn’t look,” Katrina said, shrugging her slim shoulders. I glanced at my dad. I’d inherited my build from him. I was tall, and my bust and butt cast me far outside of the slender category. I wasn’t fat. I knew that and knew I was healthy, but compared to my slim mother and sister, my curves stood out. I sighed. My father was oblivious to the conversation at the table. His neck was craned toward the bar area as he tried to watch the game on television. I tuned out my mom and Katrina.

  Normally, I spent the days leading up to family dinner armoring myself so their remarks would bounce off instead of piercing me. At least that was always the goal. That hadn’t happened this week. The encounter with Kiernan, and the fact that he didn’t remember me from when we went to school together, had reinforced that my mother was right. I was forgettable. Undesirable. Insignificant. I didn’t have time to solidify my armor again before dinner with my family. The blows my family dealt should’ve rolled off my shoulders by now. Some weeks they did. Months could go by and those remarks didn’t bother me, but running into a crush who’d never known I existed—and sinking back into the nervous, clamoring girl I’d been in high school in front of him—had shattered my armor this week.

  “Caroline,” my mother said sharply. I snapped out of my trance and focused on her. “Do I have to yell your name? I’ve been trying to get your attention. Honestly, if you’re going to sit at this table and not pay attention to your family, then I’m not even sure why you come.” She sniffed and pursed her lips.

  “I’m sorry, Mom. I was distracted for a moment. What were you saying?”

  As soon as she started speaking, I wished she’d just let me keep daydreaming about nothing. “Did you hear Grant and Rachel are expecting another baby? They have the most gorgeous children. Their little family could be on the cover of magazines.”

  I made a noncommittal sound and bit the inside of my cheek again, hard enough to taste the metallic taste of blood. I hadn’t heard they were expecting another baby, but that wasn’t surprising. I’d wiped both of them from my mind, and I tried to avoid seeing them or any reminders. My mother had never gotten that.

  “Well, did you hear that news, Caroline?”

  “No, Mother. I didn’t and I’m not sure why I would keep up with news about my ex-boyfriend and my ex–best friend, who he cheated on me with.”

  My mother rolled her eyes. “My goodness, Caroline, aren’t you over that by now? Rachel is much better suited for Grant. He has a bright future in politics, and he’s incredibly handsome. He didn’t need a woman who works herself ragged and comes home smelling like an animal. Rachel has a predictable job. She’s stunning. When she stands next to Grant, she looks like she belongs with him. They look like a couple.”

  I heard every single unsaid word. I wasn’t gorgeous. I didn’t go with a man who was as attractive as Grant. When I’d stood next to him, as his girlfriend, people had wondered why a man like that would be with a woman like me. Apparently, including my own mother.

  I’d been with Grant for three years. We’d talked about the future and getting married. I thought we were moving that way together, with the same view of the future. Well, mostly the same view. Grant had told me he never wanted kids. I thought I loved him enough to compromise on that and thought he would be enough. That our relationship would be enough. Just the two of us forever, and maybe a menagerie of animals. I couldn’t resist fostering and keeping a few.

  That wasn’t really the case. He simply didn’t want children with me. He had no problem having children with Rachel. Rachel had been my best friend my entire life, and I thought she would remain that way. But it all ended, both relationships crashing down in a fiery blaze when I walked in on them in bed together. It was bad enough that they were having sex, but the crushing pain was only made worse when I walked in and heard them professing their love for each other.

  I moved out of the house I shared with Grant, and Rachel moved in. They were married within six months, and a year after that, pregnant with their first child. While I buried myself in schoolwork, striving to be the best vet I could be, but also making the worst mistake of my life.

  A mistake that was still haunting me and hanging over my head.

  3

  Kiernan

  A smile from me and Pepper Jack flipping over onto his back for belly rubs, with a smile on his face, was all it took for the receptionist at the front desk to tell me the time and place of Dr. Conroy’s dog training class. Sure, she didn’t want me there, but Pepper Jack needed the best. She said she was the best. It was as simple as that. He was opening doors and breaking out of every kennel I purchased in under five minutes. Roman had banned him from the office after a minor incident.

  It wasn’t Pepper Jack’s fault. Not really.

  Who walks around with a BLT sandwich in their suit pocket, anyway?

  When our newest and highest contract client walked in with one in his suit pocket, it was like a shark smelling blood. Or Pepper Jack smelling bacon. He went right for it. Yes, he did jump on the client. Yes, the client did fall to the ground. And yes, Pepper Jack did eat the sandwich in two bites. But he tried to give the client a sloppy kiss afterward, to make it better.

  It took Roman, Emilo, and me to pull him off of Mr. Nguyen. He was still a puppy, but strong and tenaciously determined when he wanted to be.

  Okay, it was Pepper Jack’s fault.

  Mr. Nguyen was a good sport about it. He laughed it off and scratched behind Pepper Jack’s ears as Pepper Jack grumbled in approval. His affectionate noises sounded like growls, but I’d quickly learned he made those noises when he was content, and his real growl was unmistakable.

  Since he’d been banned, I’ve been coming home to a different surprise every day. I needed Dr. Conroy. Whether she liked me or not, I needed her to help me with Pepper Jack before he ate the entire house.

  I slid out of my truck in the parking lot of a local dog park. According to Hillary, the receptionist, Dr. Conroy reserved the park and the agility equipment for her classes. I turned and grabbed the bit of Pepper Jack’s leash that was connected to his harness. His tail thumped against the seat, and his tongue lolled from his mouth as he smiled at me, proud of the work he’d accomplished on our ride here. He had chewed through the leash, only leaving a few inches.

  “You little fucker,” I grumbled, shutting the door to keep him inside as I went to the toolbox in the bed of my truck and pulled out a length of rope. I opened the door again, grabbed Pepper Jack’s harness, and created a knot where his leash should connect. It wasn’t ideal, but it would have to work for today.

  I wasn’t sure what Dr. Conroy had against me or where she thought we knew each other from, but I’d remember seeing her face and luscious body. Unfortunately, I had a feeling using a rope as a leash would be another mark against me.

  I’d shown up early anticipating that she was going to try to boot me from the class. Pepper Jack was a bit crazy
, but his large round hazel eyes got him out of trouble with me on a daily basis. I was hoping he could work some of that magic on Dr. Conroy.

  “Try to look extra handsome, buddy,” I whispered to Pepper Jack as we approached Dr. Conroy. She was setting up lanes with cones. She wasn’t in her scrubs but in a pair of khaki shorts and a T-shirt with her veterinary clinic’s name across the front. All of her chocolate hair was swept up into a ponytail, and she had a satchel hooked around her waist. I glanced from her to Pepper Jack.

  He was sniffing the air and his nose was twitching. I followed his gaze to the satchel and gripped the rope more tightly. If she had treats in there, I really didn’t want Pepper Jack to tackle her to the ground in the same style as he’d taken down Mr. Nguyen.

  “Dr. Conroy,” I said and took a step closer to her while keeping an extra tight hold on Pepper Jack’s rope. She looked up and her eyes rounded to the same size as the last time she’d seen me. Her surprise was quickly masked by annoyance.

  “The park is closed for a private class.” She turned her back to me, walking over to a box of items. She bent and my gaze shot directly to her ass. I silenced my groan and redirected my eyes to the ramps dogs practiced agility on before she could catch me checking her out and kick me out before I could even plead on Pepper Jack’s behalf.

  “I know. I’m here for the class. I’ve paid for the full twelve weeks in advance, and I’m begging you to help me.” I rubbed the back of my head, the short hairs rising and falling with the motion.

  She turned, planting her fists on her hips and glaring. The wind kicked up, and a piece of her hair stuck to the side of her face. She brushed it away with a finger, never breaking her glare. “Why my help?” At that moment, Pepper Jack almost yanked free from my hold to go straight toward what I was almost positive was a treat bag on her hip.

  Her glare went from me to Pepper Jack. She held up one hand in the stop sign motion and spoke loudly, clearly, and with more conviction than she had the two times we’d met. “Stop.”

  Pepper Jack skidded to a halt on his hind legs. His body shook with anticipation, and his tail thumped against the ground. His eyes moved from her hand to the treat pouch. Back and forth, back and forth.

  I motioned to Pepper Jack. “That’s why! That’s why it has to be you. I can give you a rundown on the daily activities he’s been up to in the few weeks that he’s been with me, but I promise you, I need this class and Pepper Jack needs this class. Don’t turn me away. If you do, I’m sure by the end of the week I will come home to a house that is only splinters of wood and bricks that have been turned into rubble. Then I won’t have a place to go. You wouldn’t want that for me, would you?”

  Dr. Conroy’s tongue poked into her cheek as she tried to hide her smile. “I’m doing this for Pepper Jack. Not for you, Kiernan. He can stay. Get him a leash though. A rope is not a leash.”

  “He ate his leash on the way here.” I grinned. “You know my name, don’t you think I should call you something other than Dr. Conroy?”

  “No, I don’t. Dr. Conroy is just fine.”

  “Thank you, Dr. Conroy.”

  “Don’t make me regret this.”

  “I won’t, I swear, but I will get you to tell me your first name.” I winked and jogged with Pepper Jack to one of the lanes she had set up, before she changed her mind.

  4

  Caroline

  “Why did we think this was a good idea?” Daphne asked. We were both panting and gasping for air. My legs were shaking, and I was almost positive my muscles had been doused in gasoline then lit on fire. There was no other explanation for the burning my muscles were going through. This couldn’t be a normal reaction. If it was, why the hell did people run? For fun?

  I skidded to a stop and leaned over, putting my hands on my knees. Daphne stopped next to me and rested her head against my back.

  “We were drunk. That’s why we thought it was a good idea,” I muttered and wiped the sweat from my forehead. It’d been half a mile, and I’d already drunk my entire water bottle. I lifted my head and looked forward on the path. The running group we’d joined were so far ahead of us they were specks on the horizon.

  On New Year’s Eve, Daphne and I had been sitting on my couch watching movies, drinking wine, and licking spoons coated in cake batter. After a bottle or two of the wine, we’d started talking about how we wanted the next year to be the best of our lives. It’d be the year our career goals were actualized, our love lives wouldn’t be so stale, and we’d be more active. We wrote down our plan and were ready to get started the next morning. Sure, the plan was on a paper towel, but it was still a plan. And I loved plans. I didn’t have a ton of room in my life for more than what I already had, but Daphne and I wanted to try.

  Only the next morning, we both had headaches.

  And then the next morning we were both back at work. My days started early and usually ended late. Daphne was a crime scene photographer and her hours varied. She answered the call whenever a crime happened. Neither of us had a standard nine to five.

  It was now eight months later, and we’d finally started on the first item on our task list: get fit by joining a fitness group in Austin. They were everywhere and participated in all kinds of activities. We hoped we could also meet people and socialize with someone other than each other and our acquaintances at work. Daphne was also hoping that someone in our new fitness group would be willing to model for her. She was a book cover photographer for romance novels on the side of crime scene photography. Crime scene photography paid the bills until she had a steady income taking the pictures she wanted.

  At this rate, we were probably a mile behind everyone else; there wasn’t really any hope of meeting the others. By the time we completed the two miles, they would be on Lady Bird Lake on their paddleboards. Reflecting back, a fitness group that runs for two miles and then paddleboards down Lady Bird Lake for about a mile before finishing at a local taco and margarita bar might have been too ambitious for us. It was the tacos and margaritas that had sold us on this group.

  “Technically we participated.” Daphne groaned and fell to the ground in the middle of the running trail. A few joggers passed us by, shaking their heads as they went. Daphne flung her arm over her eyes and rested her other hand on her heart as her breathing slowed down. My hands were still on my quaking knees.

  “There’s a bench right there.” I pointed to a shaded spot in front of us. Daphne lifted her arm from her eyes, glanced at the bench, and shook her head. “That’s too far away.”

  I rolled my eyes. “It’s twenty feet. We can make it.”

  She lifted a leg toward me. “Drag me.”

  “I’m not dragging you,” I said, laughing, and half-wobbled, half-jogged to the bench. There was no catching up to the group, and I wasn’t even going to pretend to try. Maybe it’d be easier in the fall or spring, when the Texas heat wasn’t so sticky and stifling, but it was August and the blazing sun roasted me while at a resting heart rate. Adding exercise into the mix wasn’t a good idea.

  Daphne slowly stood, looking like a newborn calf as she made her way over to me and collapsed on the bench. She unstrapped her phone from the case velcroed around her arm and pulled it from the pouch, along with a thin metal emery board. She unlocked her phone screen and brought up the New Year’s Resolution checklist we’d made eight months ago. She jabbed her finger on the screen and turned toward me, smiling. “There, we did it.”

  I snorted. “I’m not sure I’d call half a mile accomplishing our yearly fitness goal,” I said.

  She waved off that thought. “Close enough.”

  Daphne’s face was blotchy and red from the exertion and heat. Wheat-blonde hair was sticking to the edges of her face, and her smattering of freckles was lost in the redness of her cheeks and nose. She filed the edge of one of her nails before holding her hand out in front of her and inspecting it.

  “I can’t believe you brought an emery board on a run with you.”

  “
I figured this might be a dud and I might get bored.”

  My shoulders shook as I laughed, leaning back against the bench, enjoying the soft breeze that floated over us. “It’s too bad we’re missing out on the tacos and margs. I was really looking forward to a jalapeño margarita and some al pastor tacos.”

  “Oh, don’t you worry,” Daphne said, patting my leg. “We’re still getting our tacos and margs. As soon as we have the energy to go back to the car, we’ll head over there. We can always say we were so far ahead they couldn’t catch up to us and ask them why it took them so long.”

  “No one will believe that.”

  “We could go to another taco place.”

  That was true and easy. Austin wasn’t lacking in taco bars that sold margaritas. It’d be easy to choose another option and still have exactly what we wanted. “Let’s do that.” I scrunched my nose and turned to face Daphne. “I’m not sure we really fit in with the people in that group anyway. They were all really excited to run.”

  She nodded. “We need to find a more relaxed group. You know a group that will give you a donut for every five sit-ups or push-ups? Maybe go on a nice, easy walk.”

  I chuckled. “A nice, easy walk sounds like just my pace. Are you still coming by the office tomorrow?”

  “Yeah, I’ve already got everything I’ll need.” Daphne fostered animals for me when they were surrendered at our door and the no-kill shelters in the area were full. It’s how we’d met a few years ago and, over time, we’d become best friends. She was the easiest person to be around; she didn’t judge me on my appearance, on my sketchy dating history, or if I was running late for dinner and showed up with dog hair on my outfit. It was an occupational hazard and pretty inescapable. I tried to be as perfect as possible. My mom had never let me leave the house with a single strand of hair out of place when I was a child, and she’d convinced me people would think less of me if I did. So knowing Daphne’s friendship was without judgement was the greatest gift.