Committed

by Penelope Sky

  I wanted to stay, but I couldn’t. “No.”

  “So, I won’t see you until Andrew is born?” Her voice broke off in pain.

  Last night was such a mistake. Shouldn’t have happened. “Yes.”

  She tightened her arms over her chest and nodded.

  I turned away and left…because I couldn’t do this anymore.

  I sat on the balcony late at night and drank my scotch alone. I leaned forward over the table with my temple resting against my hand. There was no amount of booze that could wash away my regret, my overwhelming depression.

  What the fuck was I thinking?

  I should’ve left.

  I closed my eyes and tried to block the memory from my brain. Everything was so good, from the sex to the whispers she would utter in the dark, but it made my life so much worse. That was a tease, torture. It only reminded me of what I didn’t have anymore. Now I had to sleep in a bedroom I used to share with her and pretend her ghost didn’t haunt me every night.

  How was this supposed to work? Really?

  I was supposed to casually sleep with her every time the loneliness became too much? I would wait around for her even though there was nothing to wait for? And then when she started dating somebody, she would break it off with me? And I would just be fine with that?

  I would never be fine watching my soul mate end up with another guy.

  And watching my son go with her.

  That was an outcome I refused to accept. I was a good man and didn’t deserve that punishment. It didn’t matter how much I loved her, how much I loved Andrew, I couldn’t put myself through that. The years would pass, and I would see Andrew on Christmas with his new family. I would always be a stranger…always be second best.

  I couldn’t live like that.

  The best thing for me to do was to disappear.

  We stepped inside the factory and surveyed the damage we’d done. Some idiot thought he could flood the market with his own product since Maddox’s original power had been disrupted and mine was questionable. Clearly, they didn’t get the memo that we were in a partnership now.

  Three men were in the center of the room, their guns on the floor and their hands by their sides. They were outnumbered, and no amount of negotiation would spare their lives. Their product would be dumped, and their unused chemicals would be seized for our own production.

  Since this was what Maddox lived for, he took the lead and teased the men. “You want me to let you go?”

  The leader did his best to be brave by keeping a blank expression, but the slight tremor in his left hand was his tell. The tattoos on his face made him seem more like a clown than a monster. “I have money.”

  “What a coincidence, I have money too.” Maddox crossed his arms over his chest and paced in front of the men. Instead of his body moving with quiet rigidness, his shoulders slightly bumped up and down, like he was about to start skipping across the concrete floor. “So, if I have money, why would I want yours?”

  The leader remained silent.

  I got tired of watching him play with his food, so I moved to the back of the room to see what we could salvage. There were a lot of barrels of unmarked chemicals, but I was certain it was stuff we could use in the lab. I bent down and examined everything before I continued to move around the space.

  “Call me old-fashioned, but I don’t like to take shit from people.” Maddox stopped in front of the leader. “I want to feel like I earned it, ya know? If I just take everything from my enemies, that’s too easy. Where’s the accomplishment in that?” He stared at the guy while he rubbed his fingers along his chin.

  Maybe I was used to these stunts, but I could tune him out pretty well. I started to organize everything we would have our crew take away. When I was running my own regime, I rarely spoke to my enemies. I just killed them and moved on. But Maddox seemed to thrive on these tense conversations. He seemed to care more about them than all the money he made. I’d been working with Maddox for a while now, and I still didn’t understand him.

  Maddox kept talking. “How about we set up a poker table right here, and we play for it?”

  The leader glanced at the other two men like he couldn’t believe what was happening. “So, I can gamble my way out of here?”

  Maddox laughed. “Not quite. I’ll let one of you go. The other two, I’ll gut your stomachs and your wallets. High stakes, first one out is gone.” He clapped his hands loudly. “That’ll be fun, right?”

  I had just turned around to grab a case of their product when I heard the commotion.

  The room was suddenly silent, and Maddox’s energy disappeared like air being sucked into a vacuum. I heard the distinct sound of a gun being drawn. Then Maddox spoke in a tone of voice I had never heard him use before. “Hades, duck.”

  Instinct kicked in, and I didn’t think twice about it. I fell to the floor.

  The sound of the gunshot was amplified in the factory, the boom echoing off the concrete floors and unadorned walls. That sound was quickly followed by a heavy body hitting the ground.

  I looked behind me and saw the guy dead on the floor, a knife in his lifeless hand. He must’ve snuck up on me because he was hiding behind the barrels. He probably hoped to take me hostage so he could negotiate his way out of there.

  Or he could’ve stabbed me in the back and killed me on the spot.

  I rose to my feet and continued to stare at the corpse in front of me. There was adrenaline in my body even though there was no fight. I turned to Maddox, unable to accept the fact that he’d just saved my life.

  Maddox looked at the three men in front of him, his nostrils flared in rage. He sheathed his gun and pulled out a knife instead. “Change of plans, boys. You come after my brother, and I come after you.” He slit the throat of the first guy then gutted the next.

  I stayed put and watched the slaughter… unable to believe what had just happened.

  I sat at the bar across from Damien, still in a daze from what I’d witnessed a few hours ago. It was three in the morning and I should go home and get some sleep, but I was so disturbed by what I’d seen that I couldn’t close my eyes.

  If I did, I would relive it…over and over.

  Damien was still a part of the business, but since Maddox didn’t care for him, he sent him on mediocre errands. I was the one he wanted, but he put up with Damien to keep me happy. I took a big pay cut because of it. I never told Damien why.

  Damien rested his fingers on his glass as he leaned back against the booth. It was late on a Tuesday, so we were the only two people in there. The bar closed an hour ago, but they stayed open for us. There was a distinct animosity between us, but we stayed diplomatic to get the job done. “So, you took those guys out?”

  “They’re gone.”

  “Well, that was easy. I admit Maddox has resources we never did.”

  There was a reason I couldn’t kill him. “Some guy came up behind me with a knife…”

  Damien leaned forward. “You kill him?”

  “No.” I swirled my glass before I took a drink. “Maddox did.”

  Damien continued to watch me.

  “He saved my life.” Instead of feeling invigorated with life, I felt dirty. I felt like I’d unfairly cheated death. A part of me was disgusted to be alive because I’d rather be dead than be saved by a man like him. And I’d like to be dead…just to be dead.

  “Seriously?”

  With my eyes focused on my glass, I nodded. “Yeah. The guy was about to stab me, but Maddox shot him.”

  Damien rested both of his elbows on the table and ignored his drink. “I’m surprised he would do that.”

  “That makes two of us.”

  “He must like you.”

  I shrugged. “I don’t understand him. He’s the sickest motherfucker I’ve ever met. I don’t understand what makes him tick. I don’t understand what he wants. He goes to strip clubs but seems uninterested in women. He makes a fortune but then burns it. Now he has saved my life…when he
doesn’t even need me.”

  “I haven’t dealt with him much, but you’re right. He’s weird.”

  “Not just weird…inexplicable.”

  Damien looked into his glass for a while. “I’ve seen him around women…but never with women. You know what I mean?”

  I lifted my gaze to look into his.

  “He’s oddly obsessed with you…”

  “Damien, what are you saying?”

  He finished his drink before he pushed the glass away. “I don’t know…maybe he doesn’t like women. Maybe he likes men… Maybe he likes you.”

  The theory didn’t faze me at all. “If he were gay, he wouldn’t have raped my wife. I mean, ex-wife…whatever the fuck she is.” There was so much pain in that sentence, I had to close my eyes for a second. We had both been through so much just to be together, and in the end, we weren’t together at all. She was raped for no reason. It was all my fault.

  Damien looked slightly uncomfortable by the statement. “I don’t think that means anything.”

  He was right. It might not.

  “The guy knocks off any guy who gets in his way. Why would he care enough to spare you? I understand not killing you himself, but stopping someone else from killing you? That’s odd to me. Why does he care whether you live or die? He threatened to hurt Sofia if you rise up against him. It’s genius. He got rid of your wife, and now you’re alone.”

  “Doesn’t matter if I’m alone or not. I’m not gay.”

  Damien shrugged. “Just an idea…”

  I sat at my desk in my bedroom with a bottle of scotch, the watch Sofia gave me, and a black revolver lying on the wood in front of me. Maybe I had too much to drink. Maybe the alcohol didn’t water down my sorrow. Maybe it only made it more potent.

  But I didn’t want to live anymore.

  I was a prisoner of a psychopath who might be in love with me. I was also a prisoner of a woman, a woman hundreds of kilometers away, sleeping soundly in her bed. The sun would rise in an hour, and she would leave for work, while I sat there and considered the unthinkable. Terrible things had happened to her because of me, and that made me hate myself so much. But the fact that I loved her so much made me hate myself even more.

  The curse was still in effect…because I was so miserable.

  I didn’t want to live because Maddox saved me. It seemed like I’d cheated death, like he’d taken away a merciful gift. If I were gone right now, everything would be better. I’d rather be dead than without the woman I loved.

  How could I spend the next few years, torturing myself every day? Every time I visited her and our son, I would die a little more inside. I would have to watch her remarry, have more children with some other guy. I’d have to be mature and understanding about the whole thing. I couldn’t just marry someone else…because I would never love someone else.

  I had no other option.

  This was the easy way out.

  Without my existence, Maddox had no reason to care about Sofia or my son. He would forget about them like they never existed in the first place. Very few people would miss me. Sofia would be upset, but some other guy would take my place, and after a few years, she would forget what it was like to love me.

  It was a coward’s way out.

  Well, what else was I supposed to do? If I tried to kill Maddox and failed…the consequences were unthinkable. But continuing to be Maddox’s prisoner was just as inconceivable.

  I grabbed the gun and checked the barrel. A single bullet lay inside. I closed it again, took off the safety, and cocked the gun. After one more drink, I would opt out.

  But then my phone started to ring.

  Sofia.

  I watched her name flash across the screen as it continued to ring. I was tempted not to answer and to finish what I started, but the possibility of her needing me quickly changed my mind. What if she needed help? What if, in a few years, Andrew needed help? What if one day her new husband couldn’t fix her problems? If I weren’t here, what would she do?

  I grabbed the phone and answered before the voice mail picked up. “Sofia?”

  Her voice was quiet, like she’d been sleeping and recently woke up. “Are you busy?”

  I looked at the gun sitting in front of me and clicked the safety. “No.”

  “Andrew is kicking so hard that I can’t sleep…”

  I didn’t know what she expected me to do about that, but I did like knowing she thought of me. I’d never felt my son kick, and that felt like such a waste.

  “And I hated the way we left things last week…”

  We would never part on good terms. Our relationship was too emotional, intimate. There would never be a time when we could say we were good friends and nothing more. At least on my part, she would always be the woman I loved…no matter how many years had passed. I could be fifty and still feel the exact same way. And that had nothing to do with the curse—that was all me. “We’ll never leave on good terms, Sofia.”

  “I know…it’s just so hard.”

  I closed my eyes as I listened to the sound of her voice, the pain in her tone.

  “I don’t regret what I did. But I just miss you so much…”

  Tears escaped my closed lids. I let the two drops drip down my face like streams. This was my punishment for all the terrible things I’d done, the innocent people I’d killed, the prostitutes I’d paid, the crimes I’d committed. But it seemed too harsh…far too harsh. I didn’t say a word because that was impossible to do without my emotions coming through. Last thing I wanted her to know was how broken I was, that I wanted to leave this world forever just to escape the pain, that the only reason I was still alive was because she chose to call at that exact moment.

  It was almost as if it was meant to be.

  8

  Sofia

  Now I was so big, I was just miserable.

  It was hard to sleep, hard to walk, and every time I looked at my naked reflection, I couldn’t believe Hades actually wanted to have sex with me. My stomach had stretch marks, my petite frame was distorted by the life growing inside me. The time I had spent with Andrew had been magical, but now that I was at the end, I was ready for it to be over.

  I finished up my final project at the office and prepared to leave. I’d be on maternity leave for a couple months, so Antonio would have to take care of everything. I made sure all my work was done before I walked out.

  Antonio ran into me in the hallway. “You look a little uncomfortable…”

  I rubbed my stomach and arched my back to decrease the pain in my spine. “A bit.”

  He smiled. “Go home and get some rest. I got everything handled here. And make sure you bring Andrew by whenever you’re ready.”

  I headed home and waddled up the steps until I got inside. Summer was approaching, and the heat only added to my discomfort. I set my bag on the coatrack and heard my mom in the kitchen. “Please tell me you’re making a grilled cheese sandwich.” I walked inside and saw her cooking on the stove.

  “No. I haven’t made you one of those since you were eleven.”

  I leaned against the counter and rubbed my stomach.

  “But I’ll make you one now since it’s a special occasion.”

  “Thanks, Mom. Or I should say…Grandma.”

  “I’m so excited to hear that in this house.” She pulled out all the ingredients to make me a sandwich, a floral apron tied around her waist. “So…will Hades be returning soon?”

  “I was going to call him in a little bit. I can tell Andrew will be here any day.”

  “Good. It’s been a while since I’ve seen him.” She waggled her eyebrows.

  I ignored her double meaning.

  “You think he’ll stay here?”

  “Mom, come on.”

  “What?” she asked innocently. “I’m just curious…”

  Ever since she’d spotted Hades and me in the morning, she’d been hoping for a reconciliation. She loved Hades and would never give up on him. I explained to her why
it would never work, but she didn’t understand. “Well, don’t be.”

  “This man is the father of my grandchild. Of course I care.”

  “Wherever he stays doesn’t change his role in Andrew’s life, so I wouldn’t worry about it so much.”

  She rolled her eyes.

  “I saw that, Mom.”

  She shrugged and kept cooking. “I didn’t hide it, dear.”

  I was sitting in bed when I called Hades.

  Hades picked up on the first ring. “Everything okay?”

  “Yeah, I’m doing okay. But I’m getting really uncomfortable…”

  His deep voice was slightly raspy, like he’d spent all day working. “I can imagine.”

  “I really think he could be here any day…so maybe you should come to Rome.” I wasn’t afraid to give birth even though it was incredibly painful, but I was afraid to do it without him. I wanted Hades with me every step of the way. Not to mention, I just wanted him here. Sleeping with him had made me forget all the fights we had. Now I just missed him.

  “You have a week to go.”

  “I know, but I could use the help.”

  Hades was quiet. He didn’t give me what I wanted or explain his trepidation.

  I tried not to take offense to it, but that was difficult. “Unless you don’t want to…”

  “It’s not that. I just have a lot of shit with work right now.”

  “Oh…” Sometimes I forgot that he worked with Maddox every day. I lived in a different city, so I didn’t have to think about it on a daily basis. Sometimes it was easy to forget Maddox existed at all.

  “But I’ll make it work. I’ll stay at the hotel down the street.”

  I didn’t want him down the street. It was probably a bad idea for him to stay with me. I didn’t want him in a different room on a different street. I wanted him right beside me, especially through times like this. “I assumed you would stay with me…”

  A long, awkward silence extended over the line. “I don’t think that’s a good idea, Sofia.”