by Penelope Sky
I had that pregnancy strength, so I would knock them out if they tried.
He continued to watch me with his brown eyes, the same eyes that looked into mine when he was on top of me in the darkness of my bedroom. There was always a slight hint of affection in his gaze, his heart on his sleeve.
The waitress came over and took our orders, then we were left alone again.
We spent so much time talking about us, I never asked him about him. “How are things in Florence?”
He took a long time before he answered. “The same.”
“And things with Maddox…?” I never asked about that man because I despised him, but I wanted to know that Hades was okay.
His gaze darkened noticeably, and his mood soured like he’d been provoked. “I don’t want to talk about that.”
“Why?”
He shook his head slightly. “I just don’t.”
“You can always talk to me about anything.” I knew he didn’t have Damien at his side anymore, and Ash was here in the city. If Hades wasn’t sleeping around, then he had no one to share his life with. Regardless of what happened between us, I would always be there for him.
“Maddox is crazier than I ever thought he was. He’s smart, calculating…but his greatest asset is his unpredictability. I’ve never met anyone like him. Now I understand how he’s survived so long.”
“You talk about him almost like you admire him…”
Now, he looked consumed by rage. He was dead silent, so rigid it looked like his muscles would tear. It seemed like he wanted to say so much in response to my observation, but the only thing he managed to get out was a simple response. “No.”
I knew I should let it go because he was so angry, he couldn’t see straight. The thing keeping us apart would keep us apart forever. I wanted to go home to Florence and move back into my bedroom, but then I realized I’d made the right decision staying in Rome. I could never go back…not while that psycho was in charge.
“Don’t ever ask me about him again.”
I held my silence and didn’t provoke him. Maybe he was right. Maybe we could never talk about this. I grabbed my glass of water and took a drink, my lipstick smearing on the glass. When I set it down, I rubbed my hand over my stomach. “I can’t believe this is almost over. I’ve loved being pregnant, but I’m so ready for it to end. I can’t wait to see if he looks like you, if he has your eyes or mine.”
“I’m sure he’ll be perfect.”
“Are you nervous?”
“Why would I be? I’m not the one who has to push him out.”
I smiled at the comment. “I’m not worried about that. But raising a son…that’s a big deal.”
He nodded slightly then fell into a quiet composure. His eyes drifted away, and he looked at nothing in particular as he remained deep in his thoughts. Minutes passed before he turned his gaze back to me. “You’re going to be a great mother, Sofia. I have no doubt.”
I lay beside Hades in bed, our naked bodies tangled up like cords in a drawer. Our faces were close together, and my fingers brushed through his hair as I listened to him breathe. I treasured the sight of this beautiful man because I knew I wouldn’t be able to much longer. I loved everything about him, from his strong chest to his soft heart.
One of his hands rested on my stomach, and it remained there when he fell asleep. He’d been spending more time with Andrew in the last week than he had throughout my entire pregnancy. He slept with me every night, made love to me like I was his wife, and kissed my belly like he couldn’t wait to be a father.
Knowing this was nearly over almost made me cry.
I didn’t want to close my eyes because I didn’t want this memory to pass. But my eyelids grew heavy, and I fell asleep with my hand against his chest. I could feel his heartbeat against my palm, strong as a horse.
But then my eyes snapped open when I felt something.
I was in momentary shock. My mind couldn’t process what had just happened, couldn’t determine if it was a dream or if it was real. But then I felt the sheets grow wet underneath me, and I knew the time had come.
“Oh my god…” My hand moved to my stomach so I could feel Andrew at my fingertips. The moment I’d been waiting for had arrived, and I was both excited and absolutely terrified. For a second, I didn’t know what to do because I was paralyzed by the stress.
Hades must’ve noticed the dampness of the sheets or my frantic movements on the mattress because he opened his eyes and looked at me. After a couple of blinks, he was able to focus his gaze. He touched the wet sheets then moved his hand back to my stomach. He was the exact opposite of me, so calm it was annoying. “Let’s get going.” He got out of bed and grabbed my bag from the closet.
“Do you understand I’m having a baby?” I asked, somewhat hysterically.
“I took a health class in college. Give me more credit than that.” He grabbed a dress from the closet and helped me to my feet so I could get ready. “Let’s get you to the hospital.”
“I’m having a baby…”
He pulled the dress over my head and got me ready when he realized I wasn’t going to do it myself. “Everything’s going to be fine, baby.” He grabbed the bag off the bed and then wrapped his arm around my waist.
“How are you so calm right now?”
“Because I know you’ve got this.” He pulled me in close and kissed my forehead. “We’re about to meet our son.”
I looked up at him, and the confidence in his gaze made me relax. I let the moment between us linger, let the joy last a little longer. I couldn’t imagine loving anyone more than Hades, but I had a feeling that was about to change. “I’m so happy you’re here with me.”
His eyes softened, and he pulled me in for a kiss on the mouth. “Me too.”
After twelve hours in the hospital room, it was finally time for me to start pushing. Every contraction I was subjected to was so painful, it brought tears to my eyes. My body was under such supreme stress, I wasn’t sure how I was going to do this.
Hades sat in the chair at my bedside, dressed in scrubs with his hand in mine. He watched me with steady eyes, seeing the way I breathed into my nose and out my mouth. He gave my hand a gentle squeeze and continued to be a rock under my feet. “The doctor said it’s time to push.”
“It hurts…”
He placed his other hand on mine. “I know. You’ve been at this for twelve hours, and you deserve a medal. But you have to keep going. I know you can do this. You’ve always been a tough-ass woman. This is nothing to you.”
“It’s definitely not nothing…”
“Andrew has to get out of there, and the sooner it happens, the sooner he’ll be in your arms.”
I sighed because the comment went straight to my heart.
“It’s time for both of us to meet our son. You can do it, baby.”
After Hades gave me the pep talk I needed, I pushed through and made it happen.
Thirteen hours after my labor started, Andrew Lombardi was born.
He rested in both of my arms at the perfect size. He had ten fingers and ten toes, and it was clear he was a healthy baby. It took so much work to get him here, but he was more beautiful than I ever could’ve imagined.
He opened his eyes, and of course, he had Hades’s coffee-colored eyes. “He looks just like you.” That was exactly what I wanted, for my son to look like his father. Now I could see Hades every day, even if he was nowhere nearby. A piece of him would always be with me, no matter what the future brought. I brought Andrew close to me and placed a kiss on his forehead. All the instinctive feelings mothers described were true.
I would never love anyone the way I loved him.
Without even realizing it, I had tears on my cheeks. They were even in my heart. The pain of labor was quickly forgotten because I was so happy to have this little baby in my arms. He was a precious gift, an unexpected surprise.
Hades was quiet as he watched me hold our son. Wordless and still, he was like a spectato
r at an event, experiencing the moment from a short distance. He let me have all the time I wanted without asking for his chance to hold the baby.
Now that I had him, I never wanted to let him go.
“He’s beautiful, isn’t he?”
Hades was still quiet, absorbing the moment at his own pace. “Yeah…he is.”
“I know I should hand him over, but I don’t want to.”
He chuckled quietly before he placed his hand on Andrew’s stomach. Hades’s fingers were so large compared to our son’s small size. He could pick him up with a single hand so easily. “That’s okay. You’ve earned this.”
I kissed Andrew on the head one more time before I handed him over. “Andrew, this is your father.”
Like a natural, Hades took him like he’d done this a million times. He cradled his head and the rest of his body, and then brought him into his chest with a single arm. He rested back against the chair and made sure the blanket was wrapped tightly. Then he was quiet as he regarded our son, studying his face like it was the most interesting thing he’d ever seen. His other hand rested on his stomach so his thumb could feel our boy’s little heartbeat. Hades showed no emotion and kept everything beneath the surface, but a few thoughts escaped his eyes. There was so much love there, pure and whole love. He used to look at me that way from across the room when he was stuck in a conversation he didn’t want to be a part of. But now he looked at Andrew that way because I wasn’t the only person in his heart anymore.
I’d been replaced.
Hades continued to stare at Andrew with no signs of stopping. He took to his role so well, instantly looking like a father with no effort at all.
I wished every day could be like this…that Hades would come home from work and pick up our son out of the crib. I wished he were still my husband, the person I would grow old with.
The thought was so painful I couldn’t bear it. I wiped the thoughts from my brain and just concentrated on the scene in front of me. My heart rate gradually slowed as peace descended. Before I knew what happened, I drifted off to sleep.
I was only in the hospital for a day before I got to go home. My life was completely different the second Andrew was born, and there was really no way to prepare for that. Now my world revolved around this little person, and I had to navigate everything with that in mind.
I sat in the back seat with Andrew on the way home instead of sitting beside Hades. It was difficult to leave my son in the car seat when I thought my arms would be a safer place. He cried like all babies, but most of the time, he was asleep. He looked so cute when his eyes were closed like that.
When we returned to the house, Hades carried everything inside so I could take care of Andrew. My mom was just as infatuated with the baby as I was, but since she understood what it was like to be a new mom, she knew I needed this time for myself. We went to the third floor, and I showed him his room before we returned to the bedroom.
I’d already fed him and changed his diaper, so all he wanted to do was sleep.
That was fine with me.
I got into bed and laid him beside me so I could watch him sleep as I lay there.
Hades joined me and lay on the other side. “Now what?” His voice came out as a whisper so he didn’t wake Andrew.
“We take care of him.”
Hades continued to stare at him. “Looks like he’s doing okay on his own.”
“Babies sleep a lot. They need their rest so they can keep developing.”
“Like I said, I’ve taken a health class.”
I shot him a glare across the bed.
He gave a faint smile in return. He hadn’t slept much since we’d gone to the hospital because he took care of Andrew while I rested. But he didn’t seem tired now. He wanted to lie there with me and enjoy the little boy we’d made together.
“Should you invite Ash over?”
“Why?”
“Because this is his nephew…”
Hades shook his head. “He’ll turn him against me. I’m not gonna give him the opportunity so soon.”
I knew he was kidding, but I still gave him a glare.
“I’ll tell him. I just want us to enjoy him for a while, ya know?”
“Yeah…that’s probably a good idea.”
Hades turned on his side and placed his palms underneath Andrew’s feet. He gently touched his toes and heels as he admired his son’s peaceful expression. Hades spent his life dealing with criminals and living a fast life on the street. He was usually dressed in a tailored suit and shooting bullets full of power, but now he was just a father loving his son.
It was beautiful.
“I never want him to grow up. I want him to stay like this…forever.”
He lifted his gaze and looked at me, a solemn expression in his eyes. “Yes…I wish it could stay this way forever.”
11
Hades
My son shared most of my likeness. He was too young for his features to be concrete, but I could tell he would have my warm eyes, my olive skin, and a rugged jawline the ladies would like.
One thing we didn’t have in common was sleep.
This guy could sleep all day and all night.
Most of the time, I was awake at three a.m.
When I thought of babies, I imagined these blobs of people shitting in diapers all day and crying nonstop. I never had an affinity for children and found them to be a nuisance. But I felt entirely differently toward my own son.
He was the coolest person in the world.
When he was awake, he stared at me with fascination. Sometimes, he would reach his hand out to grab me, to explore me. But a part of me believed he somehow knew exactly who I was. Sofia gave me a beautiful baby boy, and I felt so much gratitude the likes of which I’d never felt before. I’d only loved one person my whole life.
But I loved this guy even more.
I spent the next few days helping Sofia care for the baby so she could rest and recuperate. I also took advantage of the time to get to know my son. He was mostly just a doll wrapped in blankets, but our staring contests were intriguing nonetheless.
Sofia and I stopped having sex because the doctor said intercourse wasn’t an option for many weeks. But I still held her tightly throughout the night. I still kissed her as if I never wanted to stop. Knowing she was the mother of my child made me fall in love with her in a whole new way.
Sofia was trying to get some sleep, and Andrew wouldn’t stop crying. I attempted to feed him, but he wasn’t hungry. I changed his diaper, but it was already new. I eventually took him into the nursery and rocked him in the chair in the hope he would calm down and drift off to sleep.
He never closed his eyes, but he did stop crying.
Now he stared at me in the dark while Sofia slept in the other room.
I knew I had to leave soon. I’d probably stayed far too long as it was. Maddox would grow frustrated with me, and the last thing I needed was for him to appear on the doorstep to fetch me himself.
So I had to go.
But when I looked down at this beautiful boy, I didn’t want to leave. “I’m sorry, son. I have to leave…and I won’t be seeing you as much as I’d like. I’m just trying to protect you, and I’m not sure how to do that by staying here.”
He hung on to every word as if he could understand what I was saying.
“I love your mother very much, and I loved you the moment I felt you kick. But you and I live in different worlds. I don’t expect you to understand that. Even as a grown man, you may never understand.” The time I’d spent here for the last few weeks had brought me such joy. But once I was in Florence, that joy would turn into despair, the kind of despair that would swallow me whole.
I wanted to be a husband and a father, but I knew I never could be. Sofia would never be mine again, and I would just be a ghost that drifted in and out. I would have to stand by and watch Sofia love someone else. I would have to watch my son get more attached to his stepfather than he ever would to me. That
didn’t sound so bad a few weeks ago, but now that I’d met this little boy, I knew it was insufferable.
I would live a life full of regret…every single day.
I would never be the father who went to all the football games and watched him try on his suit for prom. I would never be a good role model for him, a father who would be there at times and not at others. I was a liability to both him and Sofia. I could do nothing beneficial for either one of them.
Their lives would be better without me.
And every time I would see him, it would just hurt more…and more.
Could I do that?
Could I come over for a visit and shake Sofia’s husband’s hand?
Could I listen to my son call him dad?
Could I watch some stranger have everything that should be mine?
I was lost in my son’s eyes when my phone rang. I looked at the screen and saw the name I despised. I took the call and kept my voice low. If I ignored him, he would just appear at an even worse time. “I’ll leave tomorrow.” I wasn’t ready to go, but I didn’t want to argue for my freedom either. It was easier just to settle.
Maddox was quiet for a while before he responded. “Good. I need you here.”
“Bye.”
Before I could hang up, Maddox spoke. “Congratulations on your son. I hear he’s beautiful.”
I turned the speaker away from my mouth so he couldn’t hear me breathe hard. Icicles formed in my blood because I turned so cold. I still held my son in my arms and rocked him gently, but all the muscles in my body tightened because I wanted to chop off his head. “Come near my son, and I’ll kill you.”
“Whoa…chill. It’s all good.”
I spoke through gritted teeth. “Don’t threaten my son again.”
“Threaten? I believe I gave you a compliment.”
“Fuck you. You know what you did.”
“Hades, let’s both take a deep breath and calm down. You’re probably just sleep deprived and a little on edge.”