by Penelope Sky
When I looked at Andrew, he was still calm. The same fascination was still written in his eyes.
“I probably wouldn’t care so much about your son if you were here. Just something to think about.” He hung up.
I set my phone on the table beside me and stared into the darkness. The lights were off, but I could feel the red tint creep into my vision. Both of my hands tightened into fists, and I felt the blood lust pump in my heart.
As if Andrew could feel everything I felt, he opened his mouth and began to wail.
I waited until the next morning before I told Sofia I had to go. It seemed like she’d been dreading this moment since I’d arrived because she hadn’t mentioned it once. Over the course of the last two weeks, we’d fallen right into our old relationship, and it felt like we were husband and wife once again. I knew she didn’t want that to end. God knew I didn’t want it to end either.
But now it was time to close the curtain and walk away…for good.
Andrew had breakfast and then was put down for his early afternoon nap. He preferred to sleep with us at night, but during the day, he was fine with the crib, probably because the sun was still out.
I walked into the bedroom and grabbed my bag from the closet.
The instant Sofia noticed my movements, she visibly clenched, like a schoolboy about to be slugged in the stomach. And she refused to look at the bag. She even refused to look at me. Pretending the moment didn’t exist was easier than allowing it to be real.
I didn’t want it to be real either.
I put the strap over my shoulder and waited for her to turn toward me. I would give her the time she needed to tame her watery tears and rip off the bandage that would tear her skin. I pitied her heart, but I pitied mine so much more. She would get everything…and I would get nothing.
With her arms crossed over her chest and her gaze out the window, she let the minutes trickle by as she composed her response. She probably rehearsed every argument she wanted to make, but then realized there was no fight she could win. Our relationship couldn’t work, and now that we had a son, it worked even less.
She finally turned to me once she had enough courage. Her green eyes were slightly glossy, and she pressed her lips together tightly as if she wanted to stop them from trembling. Her body was still recovering from the miraculous thing she did, giving birth to another person, so she wore baggy clothes to hide what she saw as her flaws.
They weren’t flaws to me.
She walked toward me with her arms crossed over her chest, her eyes on the ground. She stopped in front of me, her long dark hair pulled over one shoulder and her plump lips begging for comfort.
How could I say goodbye to the love of my life?
I kept a stoic expression, and my emotions were hidden in a cage. I was about to do the hardest thing I’d ever have to do. She would hate me, and I hoped she would because it would make all of this a lot easier.
“I’m not ready for you to go yet…” She’d just had a baby, so she was exhausted. Her makeup was absent, and she didn’t have time to do her hair. Her glow was gone because Andrew took it with him. But she was still the most stunning thing I’d ever seen. Listening to her ask me to stay was practically poetic.
“I don’t want to leave either.”
She moved closer into me and cupped my face. There was so much love in her eyes, love that had been absent for most of our relationship. Now it shone bright, like the North Star in a sea of clouds. She pressed her forehead to mine and took a deep breath. She closed her eyes for a moment before she kissed me.
I never wanted that kiss to end.
My arms wrapped around her, and I pulled her close. This should have been the beginning for us, not the end. This should have been a time for us to fall further in love as we bonded with the child we’d made together. But now it was going to be the hardest moment of my life.
She pulled away and let her hands trail down my chest. “When will you be back?”
I held her gaze and felt my pulse quicken in both wrists. It was impossible to look this woman in the eye and not say what she wanted to hear. It was nearly impossible for me not to get on my knees and give her whatever she wanted. “I’m not coming back…”
Her eyes slowly changed as she processed what I said, morphing from sadness to confusion. They shifted back and forth quickly so she could take in my expression as much as possible, to absorb any detail she may have missed. Her fingertips were suddenly light against my chest. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
I saw the fire before the spark. I saw the inferno before the rage. “It means what it means. I’m not coming back.”
Her hands slid the rest of the way until she no longer touched me. Like her fingertips had been burned, she stepped back. Her eyes smoldered in anger, and there was practically smoke rising from the surface of her eyes. “Hades.” That was all she had to say to explain how she felt, to ask the questions she couldn’t provide answers for on her own.
“I can’t keep seeing you. It’s too fucking hard.” I took a deep breath before I continued. “Every time I go back, I’ll have to start over. I can’t keep torturing myself over and over again. I wish there were another way, but there’s not.”
She crossed her arms over her chest. “And our son? Your son?”
I shook my head slightly. “I can’t see him either.” That hurt more than losing Sofia. My boy would never know me. I would never know him.
Her eyes became so ferocious so fast. “So, you’re just going to abandon your son?”
“Having me as a father will do him more harm than good. I’m a liability.”
“That sounds like a shitty excuse to me.”
If only she knew the whole story. “I can only come down once in a while, so he’ll hardly see me anyway. And one day, you’ll be married to some other guy, so I’ll have to come and see your happy life and know I’m no longer a part of it. I’ll have to watch my son look up to some other man as a father because I was never around. I can’t do that to myself… I can’t.”
There was no sympathy coming from her. “It shouldn’t matter what happens with me, if I do get remarried or not. Nothing should ever get in the way of being with your son. If you really never want to see me again, Ash can always pick him up. We have options.”
It was still too much. “I can’t do it, Sofia.”
Her entire face began to flush. She’d never looked like that before, like a red-hot volcano about to destroy everything around her. “You can’t be serious.”
“I’m never going to move on if I have to watch you have your own family, if I have to watch my son love some other guy. It would be torture.”
“Coward.” She said the word slowly, like she was feeling it on her tongue for the first time. “Fucking coward. I don’t like this either, but I would never turn my back on my boy.”
“Because you get to keep him.” My temper flared. “You get to start over with a new life. You can work at the hotel and raise a family without looking over your shoulder. You have no idea how shitty my life is, all the bullshit I have to put up with. Don’t call me a fucking coward. You have no idea what I’ve sacrificed for you. I’m doing this for both of you. All I ever do is cause you harm. And I can’t do that to my son.”
Tears billowed over the edge of her lashes and dripped down her cheeks. “So, what? That’s it?” She spoke through her tears, her voice cracking. “We’re just never going to talk again? I’m never going to see you again?”
“You can always call me if you need anything…but that’s it.”
She turned her head slightly as if I’d slapped her. “I don’t need anything from you, Hades. The only thing Andrew and I want is you.”
My heart thudded in pain, but I kept up my expression.
She watched me as if she expected me to change my mind, to come to my senses and realize how harsh this decision was.
But there was no other choice. The best thing for both of them was to have nothing to do with m
e. And the best thing for my sanity was to never see them again. It was depressing as fuck, but there was no other way. Right now, I looked like a coward, an asshole. But that still wouldn’t change my decision.
I wanted to kiss her one last time before I left, but that wasn’t an option. I’d killed her affection the moment I’d abandoned her. Her opinion of me would always be low. When people asked about me, she would say I was a coward who deserted our son. I ruined the most beautiful thing in my life, but I was done trying; I was done fighting. This wasn’t meant to be.
It was time to shut the door forever. “Bye, Sofia.” I gave her a chance to say something back before I turned away and walked out of the house. If she wanted to scream and yell at me, now was her chance. But when I was out of the house…it was really over.
Her eyes shone with wetness, and her face was puffy from all the tears. The white parts of her eyes were now red. She trembled slightly with devastation. It was the moment of truth, but she didn’t know what to say. She refused to say goodbye to me. She couldn’t do it.
I couldn’t keep my emotions in check much longer. I’d done a good job pretending to be heartless, but I wouldn’t last more than a few seconds. When I was about to cave, I turned my back on her…and walked away.
12
Sofia
The joy I felt at Andrew’s arrival was quickly extinguished when Hades walked out on me. I’d already lost him once, so I shouldn’t be so devastated. But knowing I may never see him again and he wanted it that way left permanent scars on my bones. He didn’t just want nothing to do with me…but also Andrew.
The most amazing person in the world.
I’d had a much higher opinion of Hades. He was loyal and committed, but all those qualities I’d once adored were gone. Now I sat in Andrew’s room, staring blankly out the window as he slept in the crib. I was heartbroken, and no bandage was strong enough to fix it. I understood it was hard to see each other when we used to be so happy, but I still couldn’t justify his decision.
Andrew would never know his father.
I looked at the picture frame on the dresser, the image of the man I loved. I wanted Andrew to see his father’s face whenever he wanted, to know his father was there even when he was hundreds of kilometers away. But now I couldn’t look at it…even considered taking it down.
Was this my fault? If I had never slept with him again, would he still be here?
Did I push him when he wasn’t ready?
I considered calling him many times, but I had too much pride. If he wanted nothing to do with me, then I wanted nothing to do with him. I knew I was just bitter and sad at the moment, but I meant it all the same.
He abandoned us.
My mom called to me up the stairs. “Honey, you have a guest.”
I’d just given Andrew a bath and changed his diaper. He was in a blue onesie, and he looked so cute in his comfortable crib. There were many times when I had to stop and stare because he looked so much like Hades. I stepped into the hallway at the top of the stairs. “Who is it?”
“A very handsome young man.”
I rolled my eyes. “That doesn’t help at all, Mom. What’s his name?”
“I don’t know…Fire or something.”
He was a hot guy named Fire… Took me a couple seconds to figure it out. “That’s Ash. He’s Hades’s brother.”
“Whatever. He’s here.”
I walked downstairs to meet him in the entryway. I was in a loose t-shirt and jeans. I’d put no effort into my appearance, but I was too sad to care if I didn’t make a good impression. I opened the door and looked at my former brother-in-law. “Hey, what are you doing here?”
“Taking your mom on a date since she thinks I’m hot.”
I rolled my eyes.
He smiled. “And Fire is a kinda cool name.”
I opened the door wider and welcomed him inside. Just like my son, Ash looked like Hades. They had the same eyes and the same build. “How are you?”
He shrugged. “You know.” He didn’t elaborate on what that response meant. He was a man of few words, and he rarely shared his life with outside people. “I wanted to meet my nephew. According to Hades, he’s gonna break some hearts when he gets older.”
Like a typical mother, I was already so proud of my boy. “Yeah, he’s absolutely beautiful.” Ash mentioned his brother and I wanted to ask what else was said, but at the same time, I didn’t want to know. “Follow me.”
We went to the third floor and entered Andrew’s room. Ash clearly didn’t have much experience with kids because he stood at the rail with his hands in his pockets and just stared.
I came to his side and looked down at the baby boy wrapped in clean clothes with a warm blanket draped over the side. I watched Andrew look at our new guest, and I wondered what he was thinking, if he recognized him as his father since they looked so much alike.
Ash whispered quietly, “You guys did a good job.”
“Thank you…”
“I guess some good came out of you having sex with my brother.”
I smacked his arm playfully. I grew up as an only child, and Ash felt like the brother I’d never had. He teased me but made me feel loved at the same time. “You want to hold him?”
“Like, pick him up?”
“Yeah…that’s what you do with babies.”
He shrugged. “I don’t know. You think I can handle that?”
“You’re gonna have to. You’re his uncle.” I picked up Andrew and placed him in Ash’s arms. “Support his head and keep both arms under his body. See? It’s not so hard.”
Ash stared at his nephew for a couple minutes, and naturally, his eyes softened a little bit as Andrew worked his magic. He moved to one of the rocking chairs against the wall and took a seat. Like a mother, he grabbed the blanket to make sure Andrew was comfortable.
I took the seat beside him and watched him fall in love with my son.
After Ash stared for at least ten minutes, he turned back to me. “He’s pretty cool.”
“I know.”
“And he’s super cute.”
I raised an eyebrow.
“What? He is.”
“I’ve just never heard you talk like that before.”
He shrugged and returned his focus to Andrew. “There’s a first time for everything.” He gently rocked the chair back and forth as he supported Andrew with one large, powerful arm. Like his brother, he had a watch on his wrist.
Since he was here and he knew Hades wasn’t, that must mean he knew Hades had left us. He hadn’t mentioned it, and I suspected he wouldn’t. “Since Hades is gone now, I guess you and I can get together…”
He slowly turned his head back to me, his eyes wide as if he couldn’t believe what I’d just said. “Yeah, that’d be pretty hot. You and I make more sense than you guys ever did. But…I can’t. I couldn’t do that to my brother.”
Maybe he didn’t realize I was joking. “Why? He doesn’t want me anymore.”
He looked at my son for a little while before he glanced at me again. “We both know that isn’t why. It’s because of the exact opposite.”
Tears welled up in my eyes because the sadness was too much. I would never forget the way Hades had walked out of here with no intention of coming back. It was so cold, so harsh. “Whatever the reason, he’s a coward. He can treat me however he wants, but it’s not right to abandon Andrew.”
Ash continued to rock Andrew as he let the silence snuff out the conversation. He probably didn’t want to get involved, but he also felt obligated to defend his brother. “You abandoned him, Sofia. Let’s not forget that.”
An invisible knife went into my gut, and I felt so betrayed. All I could do was stare because I couldn’t believe he’d said that to me. “I didn’t abandon him. I told him to kill Maddox.”
“And you know he couldn’t do that. He doesn’t give a damn about his life, only yours.”
“He still didn’t leave me a choice.” I felt my voice rise
as the rage started to get to me. “I had to protect my child. I had to protect myself. If I continued to live there under that asshole’s reign, I never would be able to sleep at night.”
He held up his hand to calm me down. “I get that. But you still left him, and that wasn’t easy on him. He got the short stick of this whole thing, and you know it. He still suffers every day, living as his fucking puppet. He’s a goddamn prisoner. Seeing you and Andrew once in a while is just torture for him. You really don’t get that?”
“I do, but…”
“No, you don’t.” His eyes suddenly turned harsh. “He’s trying to do the right thing for everybody. He loved you so much and sacrificed everything to have you. When Maddox had you, he made the ultimate sacrifice by forfeiting his life. My brother and I have had our differences, but he is not a coward. That guy would slit his own throat just to make you happy. He’s trying to do the right thing for everybody…and of course, he’s the bad guy for doing it. I promise you he feels a million times worse right now than you ever could.”
The tears swelled to an enormous size, and I couldn’t keep them in place. Their weight was too much, and they cascaded down my cheeks to my chin. I sniffled loudly then wiped away the moisture with my fingertips.
“You know he’s not a coward, so don’t ever say that again.”
13
Hades
I was sitting at my desk, staring blankly at my screen saver when someone walked into my office. He helped himself inside without knocking, being both intrusive and annoying. He scanned my shelves as he strode to the armchair facing my desk. His fingers brushed up against the leather before he fell back and got comfortable in the chair.
My eyes followed his movements as my hand shut my laptop.
With both arms on the armrests and his legs crossed, he looked practically giddy to see me. “Have a good holiday?” His blue eyes were deep like the ocean. But instead of being full of life and intrigue, they were full of unpredictable mystery.