LOVE AUCTION (Rules of Love Book 2)

by Lindsey Hart

  “Aren’t you going to eat it?”

  “Not now.” She blinked. “I really want to ask you. Did something happen to ruin you on it all?”

  “Uhh… what?” Shane blanked right out. He realized Rayvn was studying him quite intently and that they were no longer joking around, but he had no idea what she was talking about.

  “On- on marriage. All of that.”

  “Ugh,” he sighed. “Back to that.”

  “Back to that,” Rayvn insisted. “I really want to know.”

  He hesitated. What he did was joke around with people. He could handle being a comedic ass or just an ass, but when it came to being serious… he didn’t know if he could actually deal with that.

  “I don’t know,” he said carefully. He tried to think of something stupid to say, just to get himself out of the suddenly uncomfortable position he found himself in, but nothing came to mind.

  “I know usually something happens to someone. They don’t just grow up believing that love is a farce. Well, they might, but they’re usually not so cynical as you are. You’re the kind of person that I can tell something definitely happened. Did someone break your heart?” She smiled at him like she was just kidding, but he could tell she wasn’t.

  “No. No one broke my heart.”

  “Oh.” Rayvn unfolded her long legs and folded them back on top the other, just as carefully. She flexed her toes in her flip-flops. “And here I thought I was going to get a good story out of this date.”

  “Sorry to disappoint. I don’t have any tales of love and loss.”

  “How disappointing.”

  Shane hesitated. He didn’t talk about shit with anyone. His guy friends were all basically assholes. They were there to hang out with, drink with and have a good time. They weren’t there for him to call up when he felt like he’d had a shitty day, unless he wanted to have a drink with one of them and silently drown what worries and feelings he did have. He’d never really talked with anyone. When it came to Nina, she’d always just understood. He didn’t need to talk about shit with her, because she’d been there right from the start. He never dumped things on her. She just… got it. Even when he was silent and broody, she knew something was wrong. He didn’t have to come out and spill it to her. She’d prod gently and when that got nowhere, she’d just sit with him and quietly soak it all up until, it seemed like, by osmosis, she made him feel better by taking some of the burdens on herself.

  He’d talked to his brother a few times, but even then, he tried to keep it light. It was a little surprising for him to realize just how much he kept locked up inside. He wasn’t a talker. It wasn’t that he didn’t have a few people who would listen. He just didn’t want to go there at all.

  “My dad left my mom. I don’t remember it. I just remember hearing her cry sometimes, late at night. Actually, she cried for a long time. I’d hear these muffled sounds, even as a teenager, coming from her room. They were horrible. Like a wounded animal. I knew he’d hurt her. Badly. She was never with anyone else. For her, it was just him. It was always him. I don’t know if she hoped he’d come back one day or if she just didn’t know how to move on or was just too afraid to, with anyone else. She lived for us kids, Chet and then me after he moved out. She worked hard to support us. She made that her life, her boys. She’s still single. She never did find anyone that she’d be willing to take a chance on.”

  Rayvn was silent. The entire conservatory was silent except for the gentle hiss of the water turning on. There were hoses hidden through the flowers and the spray came on periodically. A butterfly flittered by at that moment, right by his face. He hadn’t noticed them before and even he had to smile at the beauty and delicacy of the creature. He watched it flutter slowly and land on a huge pink flower a few feet away.

  “Wow,” Rayvn finally exhaled. “That’s really shitty.”

  When she finally did turn to look at him, he saw pity in her eyes. He hated that. Pity. It was probably why he never really talked to anyone about anything at all. He didn’t like to see the way they changed, the way they looked at him changed.

  “Uhh- yeah. Well, it was worse for my mom. I never missed my dad because I never knew him. I don’t even know why I told you that. I guess because you said you really wanted to know. I guess that’s the reason I don’t believe in any of it. That and everyone else I know. I just know fucked up people with fucked up pasts and fucked up presents. No one has their shit together. People’s relationships are a mess. Everyone is always fighting, breaking up or getting divorced. So, for the most part, I just don’t see the point.”

  Rayvn nodded slowly. A line appeared on her flawless brow and he had the sudden urge to reach out and smooth it away. What would it be like to touch her? How soft would her skin be? Her lips? He shuddered slightly and tucked his hands between his legs before he actually could reach out.

  “I don’t know….” Rayvn looked away. She spoke towards the flowers, not to him. “I’ve had some pretty shitty moments myself. Things that didn’t work. Things that I hoped they would. I’ve been in love and then not been in love. Or at least, I thought it was real. Maybe it never was. I guess I know what you’re talking about, but I still have this stupid hope inside where I keep thinking it could work. If I met the right person and we changed the right amount together and just got through the bullshit and managed to hang onto a shred of our souls and that special part of ourselves that loves that other person no matter what. I still want to believe it’s possible.”

  “But do you need a wedding for that? Do you need presents all the time, valentine’s day cards, love letters, and grand gestures? Do you need a fifty-thousand-dollar ring along with a twenty-thousand-dollar dress and years of debt just for one stupid day? Does any of that matter for love to have meaning?”

  “No.” She turned back to him, smiling gently. He loved the way her lips curled up, the little tiny lines at the corners, the sparkle in her eyes that never completely went away. “No, of course not. All that stuff is way too frivolous. If you said you just didn’t believe in that, maybe I wouldn’t have given you a hard time.”

  “Oh, no. It’s all of it.” Shane laughed softly. “It’s the whole thing. The risks, and the chances as well as the way people say it’s a feeling that you have to have and always have it. The happily ever after notion. The entire notion of spending your life chained to one person. All I see, over and over again, is that the notion of love ruins people. They don’t measure up because they never can, and it makes them feel inadequate and incomplete.”

  “Well, I agree with that to an extent. I think people need to learn to make themselves happy. No one is going to be able to do that for them and if people are trying to find just that, they’re setting themselves up for failure.”

  “All love is failure.”

  “Well, it’s a risk… you have to change together. You have to grow together. I don’t think it’s just a feeling. I don’t even think it’s fun most of the time. Life is shitty. By yourself or with someone else…”

  Shane stared hard at Rayvn and she stared back at him. He didn’t believe in moments or magic or all the stupid mushy shit people talked about. He did believe in body chemistry and sexual attraction as well as the mixed signals that resulted from that. He did believe it was possible to find someone, enjoy them and have them enjoy in return and then go separate ways so they don’t ruin the experience.

  He was pretty damn attuned to his body’s reactions and the reactions of those around him, especially women who wanted him. He was pretty damn sure that Rayvn wasn’t the kind of woman who would ever send off that vibe, at least not after what happened that day in the park. He thought she’d come out of obligation. I don’t actually know why she came.

  He didn’t know what she felt or what she was thinking or why suddenly, she looked like she’d decided she didn’t hate him, and he wasn’t the lowest scum out there. No, if he wasn’t mistaken, she was looking at him like she very much… wanted him.

  And becau
se he wanted her, the simple addition of one plus one, the facts, the basest nature, the want and because he was a believer in straight up biology, he took a chance and leaned across the bench.

  When his hand brushed the startling warmth of her jaw, the smooth as silk, creamy skin, she didn’t pull away. She leaned in. Her lips parted, and her eyes closed, dark black lashes resting heavily on her cheek. She leaned forward, and he leaned in.

  Chemistry. That was it. That was all. Because she shockingly wanted him, despite all her obvious protests and reservations, and because he’d wanted her from the second he’d spotted her, it worked.

  It wasn’t a mystery and it wasn’t love. When he brought his mouth to hers, it just made sense.

  CHAPTER 9

  Rayvn

  I’m kissing him.

  It was really happening. Shane’s lips slanted over hers, warm, alive, demanding, and she yielded. His hands cradled either side of her face, those strong, calloused fingers far more gentle than she ever could have imagined.

  Every single drop of blood in her body went straight to her pounding heart and from there, lower, to the incessant ache between her legs. She felt hot and damp. No, she knew she was hot and damp. Soaking, probably. Worse, as Shane’s lips worked hers, suckling gently, sweetly, in a kiss infinitely passionate even though he wasn’t currently devouring her face, she couldn’t be ashamed. The level of want was unfamiliar. It was immediate and hard and undeniable, but she couldn’t bring herself to regret it like she should.

  Shane’s teeth scraped over her bottom lip and she moaned. The sound was lusty and needy, but she couldn’t regret it either. What the fuck is wrong with me? This isn’t me. I don’t let strangers, no, crass men who I don’t want to get to know, kiss me in formal settings. In any settings.

  She didn’t pull away and Shane’s lips traced a pattern over hers. He took his time, learning her like he craved her. Lord, even if he was obnoxious, he kissed like she was the only woman he’d ever kissed before. The only woman he ever wanted to kiss again. We both know that isn’t the case.

  Rayvn didn’t actually even like kissing. She’d always found it overrated. At the very least it was gross, at best, it was tolerable. With Shane, god… Shane was different. She actually found herself melting against him. Her body was pliable and too warm, like she was melting from the inside out. She was all hot, throbbing need in all the spots that had been entirely void of any feeling for far too long.

  Suddenly her hands were sliding over his t-shirt, her fingertips tracing the rock-hard outline of solid muscle below. She dug her nails in, just to see how rock hard he really was. They sunk in through soft cotton and bit into his skin below. Skin she suddenly wanted to run her hands over. She wanted to rip off his shirt and trace more than just the outline of him. She wanted to put her lips there, to taste the warm maleness of his skin, the spicy scent of male musk. She wanted to put her cheek to his chest and feel the rasp of crisp blonde hair tickle her. Does he even have hair there? Or does he shave it off? Why am I even thinking about this?

  At the feel of her nails, the kiss deepened. He kissed her faster, his lips firmer, searching. He kissed her like he loved the taste of her, like he wanted to drown himself in her.

  It was too much. Far too much. This shouldn’t have happened at all.

  Rayvn broke away. She gasped embarrassingly, as she tried to drag air into her screaming lungs. Her brain felt like someone had crammed a bunch of cotton and fog inside of it. All it took was a few minutes with Shane to completely scramble all her nerves, re-cross wires and send all the wrong signals firing out to everything that hadn’t felt anything in a long fucking time.

  “Jesus…” she muttered.

  She brought a trembling hand up to her tingling lips. They felt swollen and kissed raw and all she could think about was how much she wanted Shane’s mouth somewhere else. Everywhere else. And they were in the middle of a public place!

  Shane looked equally as stunned for a moment. His breaths were as raspy and hard as hers. He glanced away and when he looked back at her, his eyes were shuttered again, back to forcing himself to feel nothing at all.

  It’s a shield. So he can be like ice inside. So he doesn’t have to be as fucked up as the rest of us. She wished she could slam up walls as easily around her own heart. It would be nice to block off the pain sometimes. It would be nice not to cry herself to sleep at night or wake up, arms aching, chest on fire, cheeks slick and wet, with the last memories of holding her sweet baby girl before she was taken away from her forever. Don’t think about it. Stop. She didn’t want to cry in front of Shane.

  It was too late. The tears came hot and scalding. It was irrational, that she should swing from one emotion to another so quickly. Once the dam was broken, that was it. There was no repairing the floodgates. The tears were incessant, molten, embarrassing.

  Rayvn jumped off the bench. She grabbed her tote bag and threw it over her shoulder. Without a backward glance or an apology, she whirled and stalked away. She was nearly blinded by her tears, but she still found the exit. Thank god there was a back door, locked from the outside but accessible inside, so she didn’t have to pass by the staff working at the front of the building.

  The door opened into the parking lot and she stumbled to her car, parked not far away. She was almost there. So very close, when Shane’s hand closed around her wrist.

  “Rayvn! Rayvn, stop!”

  He did the worst thing he could do. He pulled her automatically into his chest, the strong, solid, warm, alive wall of his chest. Granite arms wrapped around her and held her there. She wanted to push him away. She wanted to shove him away, this stranger she was supposed to hate. She didn’t want him to be a man who kissed her like she’d always wanted to be kissed. She didn’t want it to mean something. She was just like him now. Scared of feeling anything at all. Jaded. Broken.

  She didn’t want his chest to feel safe, his arms even safer. She didn’t want to water his soft cotton t-shirt with her salty wet tears. She didn’t want him to soothe her with little circles over her back, his large hand through her hair. She didn’t want to hear those little words of comfort, offered so freely and automatically from a man who said he didn’t believe in love.

  Isn’t a man who doesn’t believe in love safer than any man there is? A man who doesn’t believe in love doesn’t expect it in return. He wouldn’t demand it. The thing was, she didn’t know if she was capable of loving another person. Maybe deep down, she didn’t believe in love either. At least not for herself. She didn’t know if she could give it or receive it. She didn’t even know if it even was real. At least, real for her. Possible for her. Maybe he was right. Growing old with someone wasn’t possible any longer. He said it wasn’t possible for him. She knew it wasn’t for her either. Not anymore. She’d believed in that once. She believed she was capable of it. Now she knew better. Her heart was a wounded raw thing, capable of grief and pain and little else when it was opened right up.

  “Rayvn, please tell me what’s wrong. What did I do?” Shane whispered right next to her ear. His voice was so soft, so very sweet and gentle.

  She pulled away, wiping at her eyes in embarrassment. She’d never spoken her doubts out loud. She’d never said anything like it, not even to Charlotte or Laney, her best friends in the world. Of course, they knew what happened, but they didn’t really know. They couldn’t see into her heart and see the horribly wounded aftermath.

  That was the worst part of grief. How very private it all was. Sometimes she thought she’d go insane with it, her inability to let it out.

  She wished she could just go somewhere and scream and scream and scream. She was afraid that if she started, she’d never stop.

  “Nothing.” She wiped at her cheeks with trembling hands. “I’m sorry. You didn’t do anything.”

  “I must have done something. I’ve never had a woman start sobbing after I kissed her.”

  “It wasn’t that.” She tried to laugh through her tears, but it
came out as a horrible choked, snorting noise that was more embarrassing than the tears were in the first place.

  “No- okay… well… I don’t think you’re okay to drive. If you don’t want to talk about it, that’s alright with me, but let me at least drive you home. I’ll take your car and leave it there for you and get a cab back here.”

  “You don’t have to do that.” She was starting to regain her equilibrium. She wiped at eyes she knew were probably swollen as hell. She’d put on mascara and eyeliner, two things she rarely wore since they always made her eyes itch after an hour. They were probably all over her face, running down her cheeks in messy black streams.

  “No? Well, I think I do. I’ve fucked up two dates now. The first one I definitely think was my fault. The second… you can blame it on me too if you need to.”

  “No,” she shook her head.

  Dark strands of hair flew all over the place. Some stuck to her still damp cheek. She reached up and was about to swipe it away when Shane’s much larger hand closed over hers. She froze, speechless, as he gently pushed the hair back. He tucked it neatly behind her ear. His eyes burned into hers, serious, filled with emotion. He looked straight into her, into her aching, bleeding heart.

  She’d tried so hard to let it heal, to force it to heal. Just when she thought she was almost there, ready to move on, the wound was reopened, the scab torn right off.

  “Yes. Really. Let me see you home safe. You don’t have to talk to me. You don’t have to tell me anything. You never have to see me again. It’s fine. I just can’t put you on the road like this and trust that you’ll make it. At least let me call you a cab.”

  She shook her head again, but she could feel her will faltering. She didn’t really want to get in her car and drive. Worst of all, she didn’t really want to be alone.

  “Will you let me drive you?”