by Lane Hart
“Yes, of course he knows,” Eden answers. “You don’t…you don’t remember?”
I scrub my palms up and down my face trying to remember the details of the night and day before. I’m guessing it wasn’t my usual gym, salad, run and then bed routine. Fuck, I must have gotten drunk. “How much did I drink?” I ask. “I shouldn’t have had a sip with the fight coming up…” I don’t usually drink when I’m training, so I’m a lightweight. One or two shots, and I could’ve been dragging Eden from Tal’s bed to mine. How fucking pathetic.
“You didn’t have anything to drink, Sage. Is the amnesia getting worse?” Eden says when she rolls out of bed and starts finding her clothes. “We should let your doctor know. Although your appointment is tomorrow. Still, he may want to see you sooner…”
“I have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow. For amnesia.” Yes, that all rings a bell — Eden being at the hospital with my family, driving me home, sleeping with me over and over and over again, arguing with Tal… Fuck.
“Yes, you had temporary amnesia from the fight.”
“Which fight?” I ask since that doesn’t ring a bell at all. Every day feels like one torture after another when you’re training.
“You fought Cyrus Cutler for the welterweight title,” Eden says quietly.
“No, that’s impossible. I would’ve remembered the biggest fight of my life!” I tell her.
Coming around the bed now that she’s back in her jeans and t-shirt, Eden grabs my face between her hands and says, “Sage, babe, you fought Cyrus. You were winning until the third round when he…you took a knee to the head when you were on the canvas. It was an illegal hit, and you were unconscious for a long time. You spent the night in the hospital and didn’t remember anything for the past eight or so years. You thought you were still eighteen.”
I do recall a large gap in my head that hurt to think about. Now it’s all there – days, weeks, months of training, fighting on an endless loop after pushing Eden into my brother’s arms, hating seeing them together but wanting them both to be happy.
So, what the fuck was I thinking when I slept with her? Why didn’t Tal kick my ass? He loves her. I know that for a fact, have known it for years, since before Eden and I broke up. The two of them spent more time together than we did since Tal didn’t give a shit about training. Then, he followed her to college, and I knew I was right. They loved each other; and while I loved her too, I couldn’t have it all. That wouldn’t be fair. So, I let my brother have Eden, hoping I was wrong about them. But I wasn’t. Eight years later and they’re still going strong. Barely a day goes by when they’re not together.
I hate it, but I don’t blame either of them. Still, that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt like a son of a bitch to see them happy when I’m the fucking opposite.
“You should go,” I tell Eden again.
“You…you really want me to leave?”
“Yes. I just…this is all overwhelming. I shouldn’t have…we shouldn’t have…You’re with Tal.”
“Right,” Eden says. Now fully dressed. “Nothing has changed, has it?”
She doesn’t give me a chance to point out that I know she loves Tal before she grabs her things and runs out of my room.
Eden
“Whoa, where are you going?” Tal asks when I run into him at the front door when I try to get out of this house as fast as possible.
“He…he remembers. Everything!” I tell him before I finally break down, burying my face in his shirt as I cry, the clothes and purse in my arms falling to the floor forgotten.
“Shit,” Tal says when he wraps his arms around me. “I was afraid of this.”
“He seemed so…different. He said he wasn’t going to keep fighting! He said…he said he loved me,” I sob into his chest.
“Let me talk to him,” Tal says. “Maybe things are different.”
I shake my head because I know that’s bullshit. I could tell within seconds after he woke up that everything had changed, and not in a good way. Sage couldn’t even look at me he hates me so much.
“I need to go,” I say, because I just want to be alone, not with the one person in the world who reminds me so much of the man who doesn’t love me more than his career. Pulling away from Tal, I swipe my fingers over my face to dry it and tell him, “Call me and let me know what the doctor says tomorrow.”
“Okay,” Tal agrees. Giving me a kiss on the top of the head, he says, “I’m so sorry, Eden.”
“Yeah, me too,” I agree while I bend down to pick up my things and finally leave.
Chapter Fourteen
Sage
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Tal asks when he storms into my room where I’m still sitting on the side of my bed, rubbing my aching head.
“I’m sorry,” I tell him. “I don’t know how it happened.”
“I do – you’re being a dick!”
“What?” I look up at him to ask in confusion.
“Eden’s upset because you just threw her away – again!”
“I thought…aren’t you pissed we slept together?”
“No. I’m pissed that you hurt her again!” Tal says, which doesn’t add up.
“You were together for eight years, weren’t you?” I ask him. “You love her.”
Combing his fingers through his dark hair, he says, “It wasn’t what you thought it was. We’re friends with benefits, sort of…there aren’t a ton of benefits.”
“I don’t get it,” I tell him since Eden is here almost every night. “You love her so much you followed her to college!”
“I wanted to go to college rather than keep training and fighting. I knew she could use a friend after you dumped her, so I went to State with her!” Tal explains. “And yes, I do love her, but not the way you think. She’s my best friend, but she’s always been in love with you. I had no idea you wanted to marry her. Why did you break up years ago instead of proposing?”
“I didn’t think I could give her what she needed, and I saw the way you looked at her,” I finally admit to him.
“How did I look at her?” Tal asks. “Like a friend?”
“You looked at her like she was everything you wanted and couldn’t have!” I admit.
“What?”
“And I was right! You two may not have fucked when Eden and I were together, which I still don’t entirely believe, but you sure as shit didn’t waste any time going after her when we broke up!”
“I barely touched her those first few weeks other than to comfort her!” Tal says. “I was trying to make you jealous so that you would admit you made a mistake when you broke up with her!”
“You two seemed pretty happy,” I mutter.
“Looks can be deceiving.”
“Yeah, maybe so.”
“What are you going to do to make this shit right?” Tal asks me.
“I’m so confused right now that I don’t have a clue,” I admit.
“Well, figure it out and fast,” he says. “Because if you lose Eden a second time, I don’t think she’ll ever take you back.”
Eden
The next day, even though it makes me feel guilty, I call in sick to work. I may be the boss, and work is probably piling up on the girls, but I just can’t face anyone right now.
But I should’ve known that in our close-knit community, it was only a matter of time when I didn’t answer my phone that people would start showing up at my apartment.
“What happened?” Miriah says when I open the door wearing my robe over my pajamas. I don’t need to look in the mirror to know that my face, especially my eyes and nose, are red from crying.
“I’m sick…with a cold,” I lie to her between hiccupping sobs. “You should probably go…before you…catch it.”
“You are so full of it!” she declares, pulling me into a hug. “It’s Sage, isn’t it? I heard you’ve been staying with him and that he thinks you’re still together.”
“Not anymore!” I say as more tears fall down my cheeks.
Before they can get her shoulder wet, I pull away. “I’ll be fine.”
“No, you won’t! I can’t believe he did that to you. Again!”
“It wasn’t his fault,” I say when I turn away to search for more tissues. I pull several from the box on the sofa and then flop down on it with Miriah taking a seat on the ottoman facing me. “He lost his memory after the hit to his head.”
Miriah winces. “He may have more than his head injured soon.”
“What do you mean?”
“I heard my mom talking to your mom…”
“Oh no!” I exclaim as I fall backward into the sofa cushions, wishing I could disappear into them for good.
“You know how they are! It’s a tight group, and everyone finds out everything eventually…”
As if on cue, there’s a knock on my door. No, it’s more of a banging.
“Oh no. My dad is probably ready to kill Sage!” I say, completely frozen in place. “It was a miracle he didn’t the first time he dumped me.” There are more heavy knocks, but I just shake my head and get to my feet. “Will you get it? Tell him I’m in the shower and I don’t feel like company, that I’ll call later.”
“I’ll try,” Miriah says with a sigh as she gets to her feet and starts to the door while I run to my bedroom, shutting the door and locking it behind me. I know I can’t hide from my father, from the world forever, but for now, I just don’t want to talk about Sage. I wish I wasn’t even thinking about him. But it’s impossible to stop.
Chapter Fifteen
Sage
“So, you’re confident that all of your memories have returned?” Dr. Henley asks after shining the blinding light in my eyes. “Dr. Granberg in Fairfax noted that you were unable to recall previous years or the details of what lead to your hospitalization.”
“Yes, I remember everything except for the actual fight,” I answer, feeling odd having my parents and brother with me in the doctor’s office since I’m nearly twenty-seven.
“More or less than half an hour of the night?” he asks.
“I remember my brother was late to help me warm up, then he showed up and I went out to the arena. That’s it, so about, what, fifteen minutes?” I ask my parents since they would know.
“That’s right,” my Dad agrees. “No more than fifteen minutes from the introduction and the illegal knee hit in the second round.”
“Then that’s to be expected, and nothing to be overly concerned about. Otherwise, do you feel like yourself again, Sage?” he asks, putting the light away to remove a pen from his coat pocket to jot down notes.
“Mostly, yes,” I respond.
“Mostly?” Mom prods and the doctor asks me to elaborate on what I mean by that.
“I remember everything, the previous years and months, but the last few days are still sort of hazy, like they were almost a dream, or that I was someone else entirely,” I admit as I recall the things I said to Eden about missing her, loving her and wanting to give up fighting. I can’t believe I told her all of that. “I just felt…different.”
“He acted different too,” Tal chimes in to say.
“How do you mean?” Dr. Henley asks.
Looking at me, he says, “Sage was eating junk food he doesn’t normally touch, and he was…desperate for attention from his ex-girlfriend.” That’s one way of saying I couldn’t keep my hands off of Eden without giving our parents too much information.
“That’s not unusual,” the doctor says.
“It’s not?” Tal asks him.
“No, it’s quite common to experience uncharacteristic feelings and behaviors even with post-traumatic brain amnesia. Some patients may be more docile while others are more violent and aggressive. The injury to the brain can make people even more disinhibited than usual.”
“Disinhibited?” Mom asks.
“A lack of restraint with one’s wants and needs, disregarding social norms and becoming more impulsive,” the doctor explains to her, which only makes me question myself even more.
No twin intuition needed now. I can tell by the angered look on Tal’s face that he’s thinking the exact same thing as I am.
Was it my fucked-up brain making me think I wanted to marry Eden, or was that really how I felt? Jesus, what if I only slept with her because she was there and I was horny and uninhibited. I feel like such a jackass. Tal was right. He should’ve told her to leave and not stay with me while I was out of my mind.
Dad quickly takes my mind off of Eden when he asks, “So, what does this mean for Sage’s future in the cage?”
“I wouldn’t sign off on allowing him to take another fight for at least six months,” the doctor says, and I’m instantly relieved to hear that.
“And training?” I ask, because I need a distraction from the bizarre thoughts in my head.
“I think it would be safe for you to engage in individual activities such as running and weightlifting, but I don’t want you taking any shots to the head until we do a few more scans to ensure the swelling in your brain has gone down.”
“Understood,” I agree since I’m not all that eager to get back in the cage just yet.
“I’ll want to see you back in two weeks for another scan and to check in to see how you’re doing. Until then, take care,” Dr. Henley states before he says goodbye and leaves the room.
“So that’s good news,” Mom says, always the worrier yet oddly optimistic. “What are your plans for the rest of the day?”
“Guess I’ll go to Havoc,” I say since I want to get back into my normal routine to feel more like myself again and not the needy asshole I was to Eden.
“Just be careful,” she says. “Keep an eye on him,” she tells our dad.
“You know I will,” he says when he kisses her forehead sweetly and they start out of the room. I jump down from the exam table, and then Tal and I follow them out.
“Are you really just going to go back to the gym and act like nothing happened with Eden?” Tal barks at me.
“You heard the doctor. I need time to figure out if it was the post-traumatic amnesia talking or if it was really me,” I tell him.
Shaking his head, he says, “You’re getting a second chance to have everything you could ever want, and you’re going to blow it again.”
He doesn’t say anything else to me before we get to the parking lot and he rides off on his bike.
Dad and I drop Mom off at home so she can get to her painting, and then we’re off to the gym.
“I can drive myself, you know,” I tell my father.
“Better safe than sorry,” he says. “Let’s try to limit your injuries as best we can.”
“What if I don’t want to fight anymore?” I ask him, and he swerves onto the shoulder thanks to how fast he takes his attention off the road to look at me.
“Are you serious?” he asks as he rights the car. “You were so close to taking the title! You would’ve won it if that asshole hadn’t cheated!”
“Yeah, probably,” I agree. “But I’ve been training for fifteen straight years. I’m exhausted.”
“You’re still recovering,” Dad says, his eyes straight ahead again. “Give it a few weeks before you do anything drastic, okay?”
“Okay,” I agree even though I’m not sure if I’ll change my mind.
The problem is, if I do decide to quit fighting, what the fuck will I do? Sure, I’ve saved up a decent pile of cash in the bank from my previous wins, but that money won’t last forever.
And if I want an actual life with a wife and kids, then I’ll need to figure out a way to support them.
Except, I’m not sure if a family is what I want either.
I try to think about how the ideal future looks while running on the treadmill, but it’s impossible to have more than a minute to myself when everyone wants to come up and talk to me.
“Yo, Sage. Glad to see you back and on the road to recovery!” Jude says when he hops on the treadmill next to mine and takes off running. He may not be as fast as h
e was when he was a legendary fighter who beat my dad, back before they became best friends and co-owners of Havoc, but that doesn’t stop him from trying to keep up with us young guys.
Seeing him, remembering the footage of the fight with my dad, of his current wife Sadie leaving with him and not Jude, I slow down to a jog to ask him something I’ve wondered for a long time. “Back in the day, did you and my dad fight over Sadie?”
It’s a good thing Jude had the red emergency stop clip attached to his t-shirt, because the next second he’s slamming face first on the running belt that immediately grinds to a halt.
“Fuck, that hurt!” Jude exclaims before he scrambles to his feet and plugs the clip back in to start jogging with a slight limp.
“You all right, old man?” I ask while biting back a chuckle.
“Oh yeah. I’m fucking great. Think anyone saw that?” he asks while glancing around the gym.
“Nah. You popped up pretty fast,” I assure him, unable to hide my grin. I make a mental note to pull the surveillance video later to show everyone, especially my dad and Jude’s teenage daughters. When he doesn’t say anything else, I ask, “Are you going to answer my question or not?”
“That shit happened so long ago…it’s hard to even remember it,” he says, sounding like he’s suddenly got selective amnesia.
“The reason I ask is, well, I think my brother and I love the same woman,” I admit.
“Oh yeah? Eden?” he looks over to me and asks. “FYI, Senn was in here looking for you earlier. He’s on the rampage. Hope you’re feeling good enough to outrun him.”
“Fuck,” I mutter because Eden’s dad is still a big ass heavyweight. “I didn’t mean to hurt her.”
“Yeah, we never mean to hurt the ones we love,” Jude agrees. “But that’s exactly what I did to Sadie, practically pushing her into Linc’s arms.”
“So, my dad and Sadie…”
“Fuck no. Never,” Jude quickly responds. “They were just friends. I thought they were more at the time, but he was just there for her after I hurt her. She eventually forgave me for being a dick to her, obviously. But it wasn’t easy. In fact, those few weeks without her were the worst ones of my life. Guess that’s why I’ve tried to forget them.”