All's Well That Ends Well
Page 10
linguist and the armipotent216 soldier.
BERTRAM I could endure anything before but a cat, and now
he's a cat to me.
INTERPRETER I perceive, sir, by the general's looks, we shall be
fain220 to hang you.
PAROLLES My life, sir, in any case. Not that I am afraid to die,
but that, my offences being many, I would repent out the
remainder of nature.223 Let me live, sir, in a dungeon, i'th'stocks,
or anywhere, so I may live.
INTERPRETER We'll see what may be done, so you confess freely:
therefore, once more to this Captain Dumaine. You have
answered to his reputation with the duke and to his valour.
What is his honesty?
PAROLLES He will steal, sir, an egg out of a cloister229, for rapes
and ravishments he parallels Nessus. He professes not230
keeping of oaths, in breaking 'em he is stronger than
Hercules.232 He will lie, sir, with such volubility that you would
think truth were a fool. Drunkenness is his best virtue, for he
will be swine-drunk234, and in his sleep he does little harm, save
to his bed-clothes about him. But they know his conditions235
and lay him in straw. I have but little more to say, sir, of his
honesty: he has everything that an honest man should not
have; what an honest man should have, he has nothing.
FIRST LORD I begin to love him for this.
BERTRAM For this description of thine honesty? A pox upon
him for me. He's more and more a cat.
INTERPRETER What say you to his expertness in war?
PAROLLES Faith, sir, h'as led the drum before the English243
tragedians -- to belie244 him, I will not -- and more of his
soldiership I know not, except, in that country he had the
honour to be the officer at a place there called Mile-end246, to
instruct for the doubling of files.247 I would do the man what
honour I can, but of this I am not certain.
FIRST LORD He hath out-villained villainy so far that the rarity
redeems him.
BERTRAM A pox on him, he's a cat still.
INTERPRETER His qualities being at this poor price, I need not to
ask you if gold will corrupt him to revolt.
PAROLLES Sir, for a cardecue he will sell the fee-simple254 of his
salvation, the inheritance of it, and cut th'entail from all255
remainders, and a perpetual succession for it perpetually.
INTERPRETER What's his brother, the other Captain Dumaine?
SECOND LORD Why does he ask him of me?
INTERPRETER What's he?
PAROLLES E'en a crow o'th'same nest: not altogether so great
as the first in goodness, but greater a great deal in evil. He
excels his brother for262 a coward, yet his brother is reputed one
of the best that is. In a retreat he outruns any lackey263; marry,
in coming on264 he has the cramp.
INTERPRETER If your life be saved, will you undertake to betray
the Florentine?
PAROLLES Ay, and the captain of his horse267, Count Rossillion.
INTERPRETER I'll whisper with the general, and know his
pleasure.
Aside
PAROLLES I'll no more270 drumming. A plague of all
drums! Only to seem to deserve well, and to beguile the271
supposition of that lascivious young boy, the count, have I
run into this danger. Yet who would have suspected an
ambush where I was taken?
INTERPRETER There is no remedy, sir, but you must die. The
general says, you that have so traitorously discovered276 the
secrets of your army and made such pestiferous277 reports of
men very nobly held278, can serve the world for no honest use:
therefore you must die. Come, headsman, off with his head.
PAROLLES O lord, sir, let me live, or let me see my death!
FIRST LORD That shall you, and take your leave of all your
friends. So, look about you: know you any here?
Unblindfolds him
BERTRAM Good morrow, noble captain.
SECOND LORD God bless you, Captain Parolles.
FIRST LORD God save you, noble captain.
SECOND LORD Captain, what greeting will you286 to my Lord Lafew?
I am for287 France.
FIRST LORD Good captain, will you give me a copy of the sonnet
you writ to Diana in289 behalf of the Count Rossillion? An I
were not a very290 coward, I'd compel it of you. But fare you
well.
Exeunt [Bertram and Lords]
INTERPRETER You are undone292, captain -- all your scarf that has
a knot on't yet.
PAROLLES Who cannot be crushed with a plot?
INTERPRETER If you could find out a country where but295 women
were that had received so much shame, you might begin an
impudent297 nation. Fare ye well, sir. I am for France too. We
shall speak of you there.
Exeunt [Interpreter and Soldiers]
PAROLLES Yet am I thankful. If my heart were great299
'Twould burst at this. Captain I'll be no more,
But I will eat and drink, and sleep as soft
As captain shall. Simply the thing I am
Shall make me live. Who303 knows himself a braggart,
Let him fear this; for it will come to pass
That every braggart shall be found an ass.
Rust, sword. Cool, blushes. And, Parolles, live
Safest in shame. Being fooled307, by fool'ry thrive;
There's place and means for every man alive.
I'll after them.
Exit
[Act 4 Scene 4]
running scene 17
Enter Helen, Widow and Diana
HELEN That you may well perceive I have not wronged you,
One of the greatest in the Christian world2
Shall be my surety3, 'fore whose throne 'tis needful,
Ere I can perfect mine intents, to kneel.
Time was, I did him a desired office,
Dear almost as his life, which gratitude6
Through flinty Tartar's7 bosom would peep forth,
And answer thanks. I duly am informed
His grace is at Marseilles, to which place
We have convenient convoy.10 You must know
I am supposed dead. The army breaking11,
My husband hies him12 home, where, heaven aiding,
And by the leave of my good lord the king,
We'll be before our welcome.14
WIDOW Gentle madam,
You never had a servant to whose trust
Your business was more welcome.
HELEN Nor you, mistress,
Ever a friend whose thoughts more truly labour
To recompense your love. Doubt not but heaven
Hath brought me up to be your daughter's dower21,
As it hath fated her to be my motive22
And helper to a husband. But, O strange men,
That can such sweet use make of what they hate,
When saucy trusting of the cozened25 thoughts
Defiles the pitchy26 night, so lust doth play
With what it loathes for that which is away.27
But more of this hereafter. You, Diana,
Under my poor instructions yet29 must suffer
Something in my behalf.
DIANA Let death and honesty31
Go with your impositions32, I am yours,
Upon33 your will to suffer.
HELEN Yet34, I pray you:
But with the word35 the time will bring on summer,
When briars shall have leaves as well as thorns,
/> And be as sweet as sharp. We must away.
Our wagon is prepared, and time revives38 us:
All's well that ends well, still the fine's39 the crown;
Whate'er the course, the end is the renown.40
Exeunt
[Act 4 Scene 5]
running scene 18
Enter Clown [Lavatch], Old Lady [Countess] and Lafew
LAFEW No, no, no, your son was misled with a snipt-taffeta1
fellow there, whose villainous saffron2 would have made all
the unbaked and doughy3 youth of a nation in his colour.
Your4 daughter-in-law had been alive at this hour, and your
son here at home, more advanced by the king than by that
red-tailed humble-bee6 I speak of.
COUNTESS I would I had not known him. It was the death of
the most virtuous gentlewoman that ever nature had praise
for creating. If she had partaken of my flesh, and cost me the
dearest groans of a mother10, I could not have owed her a
more rooted11 love.
LAFEW 'Twas a good lady, 'twas a good lady. We may pick a
thousand salads ere we light on13 such another herb.
LAVATCH Indeed, sir, she was the sweet marjoram14 of the
salad, or rather, the herb of grace.15
LAFEW They are not herbs, you knave, they are nose-herbs.16
LAVATCH I am no great Nebuchadnezzar17, sir. I have not much
skill in grace.18
LAFEW Whether19 dost thou profess thyself, a knave or a fool?
LAVATCH A fool, sir, at a woman's service20, and a knave at a
man's.
LAFEW Your distinction?
LAVATCH I would cozen the man of his wife and do his service.23
LAFEW So you were a knave at his service, indeed.
LAVATCH And I would give his wife my bauble, sir, to do25 her
service.
LAFEW I will subscribe27 for thee, thou art both knave and
fool.
LAVATCH At your service.
LAFEW No, no, no.
LAVATCH Why, sir, if I cannot serve you, I can serve as great a
prince as you are.
LAFEW Who's that? A Frenchman?
LAVATCH Faith, sir, a has an English maine, but his fisnomy34 is
more hotter in France35 than there.
LAFEW What prince is that?
LAVATCH The black prince37, sir, alias the prince of darkness,
alias the devil.
Gives a purse
LAFEW Hold thee39, there's my purse: I give thee
not this to suggest40 thee from thy master thou talkest of. Serve
him still.
LAVATCH I am a woodland42 fellow, sir, that always loved a
great fire43, and the master I speak of ever keeps a good fire.
But sure he is the prince of the world.44 Let his nobility remain
in's court. I am for the house with the narrow gate45, which I
take to be too little for pomp46 to enter. Some that humble
themselves may, but the many will be too chill and tender47,
and they'll be for the flowery way that leads to the broad gate
and the great fire.
LAFEW Go thy ways50, I begin to be aweary of thee, and I tell
thee so before51, because I would not fall out with thee. Go thy
ways. Let my horses be well looked to, without any tricks.52
LAVATCH If I put any tricks upon 'em, sir, they shall be jades'53
tricks, which are their own right by the law of nature.
Exit
LAFEW A shrewd knave and an unhappy.55
COUNTESS So a is. My lord that's gone56 made himself much
sport out of him. By his authority he remains here, which he
thinks is a patent for his sauciness, and indeed he has no
pace59, but runs where he will.
LAFEW I like him well, 'tis not amiss. And I was about to tell
you, since I heard of the good lady's61 death and that my lord
your son was upon his return home, I moved62 the king my
master to speak in the behalf of my daughter, which, in the
minority of them both, his majesty, out of a self-gracious64
remembrance did first propose.65 His highness hath promised
me to do it, and to stop up the displeasure he hath conceived
against your son, there is no fitter matter. How does your
ladyship like it?
COUNTESS With very much content, my lord, and I wish it
happily effected.
LAFEW His highness comes post71 from Marseilles, of as able
body as when he numbered72 thirty. A will be here tomorrow,
or I am deceived by him that in such intelligence73 hath
seldom failed.
COUNTESS It rejoices me that I hope I shall see him ere I die. I
have letters that my son will be here tonight. I shall beseech
your lordship to remain with me till they meet together.
LAFEW Madam, I was thinking with what manners I might78
safely be admitted.
COUNTESS You need but plead your honourable privilege.80
LAFEW Lady, of that I have made a bold charter81, but I thank
my God it holds yet.
Enter Clown [Lavatch]
LAVATCH O madam, yonder's my lord your son with a patch83
of velvet on's face. Whether there be a scar under't or no, the
velvet knows85, but 'tis a goodly patch of velvet: his left cheek
is a cheek of two pile and a half, but his right cheek is worn86
bare.
LAFEW A scar nobly got, or a noble scar, is a good liv'ry88 of
honour, so belike89 is that.
LAVATCH But it is your carbonadoed90 face.
LAFEW Let us go see your son, I pray you. I long to talk with
the young noble soldier.
LAVATCH Faith, there's a dozen of 'em, with delicate fine hats
and most courteous feathers, which bow the head and nod
at every man.
Exeunt
Act 5 [Scene 1]
running scene 19
Enter Helen, Widow and Diana, with two Attendants
HELEN But this exceeding posting1 day and night
Must wear2 your spirits low. We cannot help it:
But since you have made the days and nights as one,
To wear your gentle limbs in my affairs,
Be bold you do so grow in my requital5
As nothing can unroot you. In happy time.6
Enter a Gentle Astringer
Perhaps with a hawk
This man may help me to his majesty's ear,
If he would spend8 his power. God save you, sir.
GENTLEMAN And you.
HELEN Sir, I have seen you in the court of France.
GENTLEMAN I have been sometimes there.
HELEN I do presume, sir, that you are not fall'n12
From the report that goes upon your goodness,
And therefore, goaded with most sharp occasions14
Which lay nice manners by, I put15 you to
The use of your own virtues, for the which
I shall continue thankful.
GENTLEMAN What's your will?
HELEN That it will please you
To give this poor petition20 to the king,
Shows a petition
And aid me with that store of power you have
To come into his presence.
GENTLEMAN The king's not here.
HELEN Not here, sir?
GENTLEMAN Not, indeed.
He hence removed26 last night, and with more haste
Than is his use.27
WIDOW Lord, how we lose our pains!28
HELEN All's well that ends well yet,
Though time seem so adverse and means unfit.
I d
o beseech you, whither is he gone?
GENTLEMAN Marry, as I take it, to Rossillion,
Whither I am going.
HELEN I do beseech you, sir,
Since you are like35 to see the king before me,
Commend the paper to his gracious hand,
Gives petition
Which I presume37 shall render you no blame,
But rather make you thank your pains for it.
I will come after you with what good speed
Our means will make us means.40
GENTLEMAN This I'll do for you.
HELEN And you shall find yourself to be well thanked,
Whate'er falls more.43 We must to horse again.
Go, go, provide.44
[Exeunt, separately]
[Act 5 Scene 2]
running scene 20
Enter Clown [Lavatch] and Parolles
Gives Lavatch a letter
PAROLLES Good Monsieur Lavache1, give my lord
Lafew this letter. I have ere now, sir, been better
known to you, when I have held familiarity with fresher
clothes. But I am now, sir, muddied in Fortune's mood4, and
smell somewhat strong of her strong displeasure.
LAVATCH Truly, Fortune's displeasure is but sluttish6 if it smell
so strongly as thou speakest of. I will henceforth eat no fish of
Fortune's butt'ring. Prithee allow the wind.8
PAROLLES Nay, you need not to stop9 your nose, sir. I spake but
by a metaphor.
LAVATCH Indeed, sir, if your metaphor stink, I will stop my
nose, or against any man's metaphor. Prithee get thee
further.
PAROLLES Pray you, sir, deliver me14 this paper.
LAVATCH Foh! Prithee stand away. A paper15 from Fortune's
close-stool16 to give to a nobleman! Look, here he comes
himself.
Enter Lafew
Here is a purr18 of Fortune's, sir, or of Fortune's cat -- but not
a musk-cat19 -- that has fallen into the unclean fishpond of
her displeasure, and as he says, is muddied withal.20 Pray you,
sir, use the carp21 as you may, for he looks like a poor, decayed,
ingenious22, foolish, rascally knave. I do pity his distress in my
smiles of comfort23 and leave him to your lordship.
[Exit]
PAROLLES My lord, I am a man whom Fortune hath cruelly
scratched.
LAFEW And what would you have me to do? 'Tis too late to
pare27 her nails now. Wherein have you played the knave with
Fortune that she should scratch you, who of herself is a good
lady and would not have knaves thrive long under her? There's
Gives coin
a cardecue for you. Let the justices30 make you and
Fortune friends; I am for other business.
Starts to leave
PAROLLES I beseech your honour to hear me one single word.
LAFEW You beg a single penny more. Come, you shall ha't,
save your word.
Gives another coin