The Brightest of Dreams

by Susan Anne Mason

  Quinn took a hesitant step forward, his gaze never leaving her face. “How are you? The doctor said you had a difficult time.”

  “I’m tired and a little weak. But I’ve never been happier.” She smiled at him and moved the blanket away from the tiny face in her arms. “This little one made all the pain worthwhile.”

  Quinn walked over and leaned in to take his first look. His brow furrowed, then all at once, the tension in his face eased. “She’s so small.”

  “Actually, she’s a good size, the doctor said. Seven pounds, three ounces.” Julia ran a finger over the baby’s velvety cheek. “Do you want to hold her?”

  Quinn’s eyes grew wide. “I don’t know if that’s a good idea.”

  “Of course it is.” Julia set her jaw. It was important that he bond with the baby as soon as possible. To feel the same incredible connection she did. “Bring a chair over.”

  He hesitated, then did as she asked, taking a cautious seat. “Now what?”

  “Hold out your arms and make sure to support her head.”

  Julia placed the baby in his arms, adjusting the blanket around her face. The little girl scrunched her perfect little nose, then settled in with a soft sigh.

  Julia could tell the exact moment Quinn’s heart expanded with love, exactly as hers had. His entire face softened, and tears shone in his eyes.

  “She’s beautiful.” He raised his head. “Just like her mother.”

  Their gazes held until the baby squirmed in his arms, claiming his attention.

  “So, Mrs. Aspinall,” he said, “what do you intend to call her?”

  Julia wrapped her fingers around the end of her braid. “If you have no objection, I was thinking of Evelyn. After my mother.”

  “Evelyn Aspinall.” He smiled. “That has a regal sound to it.”

  “Do you have a suggestion for a middle name?” Julia glanced at his profile as he stared down at the baby, mesmerized.

  “You want me to choose a second name?”

  “Yes.” She reached over to lay a hand on his arm. “I want you to feel that she’s your daughter too. Because she is—in every way that matters.”

  Quinn’s Adam’s apple bobbed, and he cleared his throat. “My mother’s name is Mary. If it suits you, I know Mum would be honored.”

  “Evelyn Mary Aspinall. That’s perfect.” Julia smiled at him, her heart filled to the bursting point.

  Doubts about the future still plagued her, but in this moment, Julia chose to focus on her blessings, to give thanks to God for the safe birth of her beautiful baby and for bringing Quinn back to her. Whatever else God had in store for her, she would discover as time went on.

  For now, she’d simply bask in the joy of this most special day in her life.

  CHAPTER 36

  The day after Evelyn’s birth, Julia leaned back in her hospital bed with the baby in her arms. She’d just finished feeding her, and now as Julia gazed down at Evelyn’s perfect features, she relished the peace and contentment on her newborn’s face.

  Thank you, Lord, for this precious gift. May I always be a good mother to her and do whatever I can to keep her safe.

  With the warm weight in her arms, Julia’s eyelids grew heavy, but worried that she might lose her grip on the baby, she fought to stay alert until the nurse came to take Evelyn back to the nursery.

  Footsteps brought Julia’s eyes open. But instead of a nurse, Richard Hawkins stood inside the door.

  Julia tightened her hold on Evelyn, clutching the tiny bundle closer to her chest as a protective wave surged through her. What was he doing here? If he thought she would let him have any access to her daughter . . .

  “I heard you’d had the baby.” Richard removed his hat, his eyes straying to the swaddled bundle, then back to her. “I wanted to come by and see how you’re doing.”

  “I’m fine, thank you.” Julia kept her gaze steady. She’d known she wouldn’t be able to keep the news from him. As a physician with privileges at several hospitals in the city, he would have access to any information he wanted. And though she’d tried to mentally prepare herself for this moment, her heart still thumped unevenly in her chest.

  “You had a girl.” He came farther into the room, standing awkwardly by the foot of the bed. Once again, his gaze darted to the baby, whose tiny face was just visible from inside the blanket. A look of pure agony flashed over his features.

  Something about his demeanor stirred Julia’s sympathy. She’d expected him to come in uttering threats, but this unassuming attitude had her baffled. “Would you . . . like to see her?” she asked hesitantly.

  He nodded and moved to the side of the bed.

  Julia shifted the cloth away from the infant’s face so he could see his daughter more clearly.

  “She’s beautiful.” He stared at Evelyn for several moments, his throat muscles working, then he raised his head. “I want you to know that what you said in the courtroom had a profound effect on me.” His gaze faltered, shifting to the baby again. “I owe you a deep apology for my actions. In my arrogance, I made a lot of erroneous assumptions about our relationship, which caused me to take liberties that were very wrong.”

  Julia shifted the baby’s weight, unsure how to respond to this seemingly remorseful man in front of her. Was it a ruse to get her to allow him access to the child, or did he sincerely regret his actions?

  He paused and ran his hand over the back of his neck. “I got caught up in grief and in my own selfish desires and didn’t stop to consider that you might not feel the same about me. I hope you can find it within you to forgive me.”

  She studied him for a moment, searching for some evidence of an ulterior motive for his apology. “If you are truly sorry,” she said quietly, “then you’ll leave us alone. My daughter will have a good home and a good father. Let us live our lives in peace.”

  His attention flickered back to the baby, who had begun to squirm in Julia’s arms, her tiny face scrunching up as though preparing to cry. He straightened. “If you’d given birth to my son, this would have been a much harder decision. I would never willingly abandon my heir, a son to carry on the Hawkins name.” He exhaled slowly. “But I will abide by your wishes . . . if we can both agree to let the unfortunate matter between us rest and not invite further legal action.”

  Julia blinked, barely able to believe she’d heard him right. If her silence was all he wanted, then she could certainly agree to his terms. In truth, she had no wish to go through an arduous court proceeding, subjecting herself and Quinn to harsh judgment. Richard’s apology had helped somewhat to ease her wounds. And now she had her precious baby, whom Julia wouldn’t trade for the world. She nodded. “Very well. I can accept that.”

  The lines of tension in his face softened, and he took a step backward. “Despite everything, I wish you well, Julia.” He gave a slight bow and turned toward the door.

  “Richard, may I offer you some advice?”

  Her words halted his departure, and he turned, his brows lifted in question.

  She leaned forward in the bed. “Make an effort to repair your relationship with your wife. Surely there is something between you worth salvaging.”

  A wry smile twisted his lips. “Ah, a romantic until the end, eh, Julia?”

  “Perhaps. But I believe that a marriage should be preserved, if at all possible.”

  “Well said, young lady.” Rev. Burke entered the room, coming to stand beside Richard. “Ending a marriage should never be undertaken lightly. Not until every solution has been explored.”

  Richard’s features became shuttered. “I’ll keep that in mind. Good day to you both.”

  Julia released a long breath, the tension draining from her muscles as he exited the room. Could the threat from Richard really be over? She bent to kiss Evelyn’s forehead, thankful that Quinn hadn’t arrived to find him here. Heaven only knew what he would have done.

  “Dr. Hawkins didn’t threaten you again, did he?” Rev. Burke pulled up a chair beside the
bed.

  “No. Believe it or not, he apologized.” She shook her head. “And he’s agreed to leave us in peace.”

  “It seems our prayers have been answered.”

  “Indeed, it does.”

  But a niggle of unease wound through her. What would this mean for her and Quinn going forward? Would he feel his duty fulfilled now that the baby had arrived and the danger from Richard had been resolved?

  The minister leaned forward. “Tell me, Julia, have you been able to forgive Dr. Hawkins for what he did to you?”

  Julia gazed down at her sleeping child, for the first time without the fear of losing her, and her heart swelled with gratitude. “I think I will be able to in time. I already feel a tremendous weight lifted off of me.”

  “I’m glad.” He paused. “I hope this means you’ve forgiven yourself too.”

  Julia frowned.

  “Before you married Quinten, you confessed you felt some degree of culpability for Sam’s death and for not rebuffing Dr. Hawkins. Have you come to see things a little clearer now?”

  She pursed her lips, considering. “I believe so.” She stroked a finger down Evelyn’s soft cheek. “I still wish I’d handled things differently, that I could have done more for Sam, but I . . . I know I did the best I could under the circumstances. With Sam and with Dr. Hawkins.”

  Rev. Burke patted her arm. “With the past behind you, hopefully you’ll be able to focus all your attention on this beautiful child and the wonderful future in store for you.”

  Julia lowered her gaze once again so he wouldn’t detect the uncertainty that plagued her. Perhaps the only course of action was to wait and see how God’s plan for her life would unfold over the coming weeks.

  Because right now her marriage “in name only” was beginning to chafe like a pair of ill-fitting shoes. She only hoped that once she and Quinn had the chance to talk, they would both be of like mind about what their future would hold.

  CHAPTER 37

  FEBRUARY 10, 1920

  The snow had not stopped for the past five days, leaving the city blanketed in a thick, fluffy quilt that appeared as soft as cotton. But after shoveling Mrs. Middleton’s property continuously for days, Quinn knew the truth. The snow packed a significant weight. The strain in his shoulders, arms, and back attested to that reality.

  Not that he was complaining. In fact, he welcomed the physical work. Welcomed the proof that he had accomplished something worthwhile. Even though he’d have to repeat the process again in a few hours if the snow continued to fall.

  Quinn straightened and stretched his back, then leaned on the handle of the shovel to survey his handiwork. Once more, the walkway was clear all the way to the road, flanked with waist-high banks of snow. In truth, the landscape around him was beautiful—pristine and pure. The air crisp and invigorating. But it still didn’t help to shake the restlessness that had plagued him of late, nor the guilt for even acknowledging such feelings.

  How could he be so ungrateful after all the gifts God had bestowed on him? He should be filled with joy, yet deep in his spirit, he felt . . . empty, unfulfilled. Mrs. Middleton had been more than generous, allowing him, Julia, and the baby to stay with her these past two and a half months, especially since Julia had only recently resumed her duties as the widow’s assistant.

  Yet with little to occupy his time, Quinn couldn’t help but feel like a kept man. Ridiculous, he knew. Still, his thoughts continually drifted to England and the farm that awaited him there. Spring would soon be nearing, and his brothers would be planning to till the soil in preparation for the crops. Quinn should be there to help them. Not spending his days idle, doing nothing but odd jobs for Mrs. Middleton or some of Rev. Burke’s parishioners who required his aid.

  Of course, he helped Julia with wee Evelyn. Watching that sweet baby grow was a source of constant joy. But also one that reminded him of the other unfulfilled longing in his life.

  His relationship with Julia.

  Quinn set the shovel against the house, then clomped up onto the porch, knocking the snow from his boots. Instead of going inside, however, he leaned against one of the porch columns and looked out over the snow-covered street.

  Ever since Julia and the baby had come home from the hospital, she’d taken up residence in the room adjoining his, keeping the door closed at night. To avoid disturbing him with the baby’s cries, she’d said. Yet night after night of staring at that closed door felt like a silent form of rejection.

  The proverbial and literal wall between them.

  Did Julia ever lie awake in her bed next door and think of him with the same longing he felt for her? Or was she perfectly content to continue with their marriage in name only?

  When Quinn had offered Julia the protection of his name, he’d thought he could accept such an outcome. However, the more they bonded as a family, the stronger his feelings for Julia had grown, and every night that he slept alone in the huge four-poster bed, the lonelier he became. But the shame of his selfishness would not allow him to broach the subject with Julia. Instead, he plied the heavens with earnest prayers for the Lord to work on Julia’s heart and, if it be His will, allow her feelings to grow to match Quinn’s. Maybe if he had some sliver of hope of that ever happening, he could live with the frustration awhile longer.

  Behind him, the front door opened, and someone stepped onto the porch.

  “What are you doing standing out here in the cold?” Julia’s scolding tone was mixed with teasing. “You’ll soon have icicles forming on your brows.”

  He tried to manage a smile but failed. “Just admiring the scenery.”

  “And brooding, it looks like.” She came up beside him and laid a hand on his arm. “Is something bothering you, Quinn?” she asked softly. “You’ve not been yourself lately.”

  So, she had sensed his discontent too. He exhaled, his breath hanging in the frigid air like a wispy cloud. Perhaps it was time to confess some of his angst. “I’ll admit I’ve been feeling restless. Living here with no real purpose. Not able to work to provide for my family. It goes against everything I’ve been raised to believe.”

  She frowned, her mouth turned down, and he silently berated himself. He should never have burdened her with this. She had enough to contend with, being a new mother and all.

  “I had no idea you felt this way,” she said. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

  He shook his head. “I didn’t want to bother you. I thought it would pass, but that doesn’t seem to be the case.”

  She shivered, pulling her cloak closer around her.

  “You should go inside,” he said. “You don’t want to catch cold.”

  “Not unless you come with me. Let’s continue this conversation indoors where it’s warm.”

  “I’d rather forget it altogether.” Now that he’d voiced his grievance, it sounded petty and selfish.

  “No, Quinn. I won’t forget it. It’s time we had a serious talk about the future.”

  He blew out another breath. “You’re right. But it will have to wait until later. I promised Mrs. C. I’d help her with some repair work today.”

  “Fair enough,” she said with a pointed look. “I’ll see you at dinner and we can discuss it then.” She turned toward the door. “Give Mrs. C. my love.”

  Quinn’s heart sank as Julia disappeared into the house. She seemed disappointed in him. What if she’d come to the conclusion that their marriage had been a mistake after all? Could he face leaving her and the baby behind, this time for good?

  Later that afternoon at the boardinghouse, Quinn banged the last nail into the bannister, then shook the rail to make sure he’d secured it tight enough. Satisfied it would pass Mrs. C.’s inspection, he picked up the container of nails and headed down to the hallway below.

  “If a whole barrel of monkeys were swinging on that rail, I doubt it would move.” Mrs. C.’s voice came from behind him.

  He turned to face her. “It should be a lot safer now.” He placed the hammer in
the landlady’s toolbox, a feeling of accomplishment spreading through his torso. He hadn’t felt this useful in a long time. “Any more repairs needed today?”

  “Not right now. Though I’m sure I’ll have more projects to do before the property goes up for sale.”

  He wiped his hands on a rag. “I’m still surprised you’re selling this place, Mrs. C. You seem like part of the woodwork here.”

  A wistful expression crossed her face. “It was time. Besides, I’m starting a whole new life as a pastor’s wife. I’ll have no time to be a landlady.”

  He managed a true smile. “I’m sure you’ll be very happy in your new role.”

  A knock sounded on the front door.

  “Oh good.” Mrs. C. headed to answer it. “You’ll get to see Grace and that adorable nephew of hers.”

  She opened the door and Grace entered, carrying a small boy. The cold air and a flurry of snow snuck in with her. Grace hugged Mrs. C., who promptly scooped the child from her arms. He was snugly wrapped in a thick yellow blanket, with only his eyes and two red cheeks peeking out.

  “Look how big this young man is getting.” Mrs. C. pulled more of the blanket away from his face. “He must be walking by now.”

  “Running is more like it.” Grace laughed, then looked past Mrs. C. as she shrugged out of her overcoat. “Quinn? What are you doing here?” She rushed over to give him a hug.

  “Grace. It’s good to see you.” He’d often thought about his friends from the voyage over, still amazed at how quickly they had all bonded. Emma and Jonathan, who had recently announced their engagement, were now living back in England. But he had no excuse not to see Grace. She and her new husband lived here in the city. “I’m helping Mrs. C. with a couple of repair jobs. How are you?”

  Grace took a step back and smoothed a hand over her dark hair, her brown eyes sparkling. “I feel wonderful.”

  “Marriage certainly seems to agree with you.” He couldn’t help the tiny twinge of envy as he thought of his own uncertain relationship.