by Ruby Vincent
I paused over the three names under Emma. I made myself write them down when we made this list all those months ago, but I did not want to believe it. Ace seemed to harbor real hatred of me. It came through loud and clear when they made me cut my hair, kiss Kai, and tried to force me to strip. Eric, Claire, and Ciara would have had to be phenomenal actors to hide that hatred all the times they were around me.
Eric does hold the traditions of the school very highly, a voice countered. His whole family does. He dropped me not once, but twice.
But he also stood up for me when I came out about Scarlett, I thought. Maybe he’s not so entrenched in the traditions after all.
Thinking of that morning reminded me of Claire’s tears. Would Ace have gotten sick and cried for me? Could I even suspect a girl who came from the same side of the tracks that I did of being Ace?
Groaning, I tossed the list aside. I wasn’t narrowing it down. I was just going around and around in circles until it made me dizzy. The truth is the way people are acting now that the knowledge of Scarlett is out doesn’t help me. Someone patting me on the back and saying they’re on my side could still be Ace. They could have had a change of heart after finding out they blackmailed me over defending myself from a pedophile.
If Ace even cares about that. I don’t know what they feel because my phone hasn’t buzzed with a single message. I don’t know what any of this means.
A knock on the door saved me before I could go down the rabbit hole again.
“Come in.”
Ryder let himself inside. “Morning. Mom sent me to see if you were ready for breakfast. She wants to leave for the bank in...” Ryder trailed off when he saw the list lying on the carpet. He picked it up but didn’t put it in my hand when I reached out.
“Ryder,” I said when he put it in his pocket. “I need that.”
“We both know you have it memorized. Can I ask you for something?” My hand was still outstretched. He took it and helped me out of bed. “This weekend... can we do normal again?”
I opened my mouth to refuse. There was no normal anymore. Police, secret societies, murders, and blackmail had seen to it that we couldn’t have normal again for a long time.
“Okay.” I blinked when that word tumbled out. “Normal would be nice.”
“Thank you.” Ryder’s smile transformed his already perfect face into a work of art. My breath caught as those silver pools drowned me.
“It’s not fair how beautiful you are,” I whispered. He pressed his finger to my lips and memories of the night before flooded in.
“What’s not fair is how much I want to kiss you right now.”
“Then why don’t you?”
He stepped back and the finger was gone. “Now isn’t the right time. Mom is waiting.”
I sighed. “Maybe if you told me what the right time is. What are you waiting for, Ryder? I thought you had gotten past the belief that you didn’t deserve me.”
“I don’t deserve you. I never will.”
My throat tightened at hearing him say that. It hurt more that he sounded like he believed it.
Stepping up to him, I folded my arms. “You want normal? Then how about this: this weekend we are a normal couple with a boring past. You never tried to drown me or throw me off a roof. I never outed a dark family secret and tried to destroy your life. We’re totally different people. You’re Lincoln Mandelbaum from the local high school. I’m Marie Freebush. You saw me across the lunchroom, asked me out, and tonight we are having our first date. Deal?”
“Lincoln Mandelbaum and Marie Freebush? Where the hell did you come up with those names?”
I jabbed his chest. “Do we have a deal, Lincoln?”
He laughed. “Only if you never call me that again.” Ryder backed away toward the door. “Get dressed, Marie. After you come back, we have normal couple shit to do.”
I did as he asked and then went down for breakfast. Caroline was up and dressed in her best when I came down. A chic, wraparound dress covered her from collarbone to ankle and thick shades perched on her nose. They matched nicely with the floppy hat that obscured part of her face.
We ate quickly and then headed out. The trip to the bank was quick and painless. After we wrapped up the details, I called Mom the moment we stepped outside.
“I did it, Mom. We’re middle class once again.”
She chuckled. “Not so middle class when you’re hoarding enough diamond earrings and gold necklaces to feed a small country. You have expensive taste, kid.”
“Oh no. I don’t have to give those back too, do I?” I asked, half-joking.
She laughed at me again, but quickly sobered. “This is good for us, baby. We’re going to start over on the right foot.”
I smiled. “Lincoln and Marie.”
“What?”
“Nothing. Can you put Adam on?”
“Sure.”
My cheerful baby came on the phone and I cooed at him while we rode back to the manor. We said goodbye when the driver passed through their gates.
“Valentina?” Caroline said when I hung up.
“Yes?”
“It’s such a nice day. Will you sit with me by the pool?”
The car came to a halt. Jacob walked around the vehicle and was there to take Caroline’s hand when she opened the door.
“I’d love to.”
“Wonderful,” she said over her shoulder. “Give me an hour to rest and then I’ll meet you out there.”
I searched for Ryder in the meantime and found him in the kitchen—one of the kitchens. An assortment of colorful foods were spread out in front of him. I watched him for a minute while he chopped carrots.
“So Lincoln can cook.”
Ryder twisted around and found me leaning against the countertop. “Hey. I didn’t hear you come in.”
“What are you making?”
“Corned beef and cabbage.” He went back to chopping as I drew closer. “My grandmother used to make it for Mom when she was little. I taught myself how to cook it.”
“That’s sweet.” I picked up a potato and began cleaning it under cool water. If I was going to be here, I might as well help. “You’re going to put your chef out of a job at this rate.”
“Mom won’t always eat his cooking, but she feels bad when she doesn’t finish what I make for her.”
My hands still beneath the water. “Does she often... not finish meals?”
Ryder didn’t look up from his task. “She doesn’t always have an appetite.”
I let it drop. “Can I help you? Show me what to do.”
“Will you chop the cabbage while I peel the potatoes?”
We switched places and got to work. There was an easy atmosphere while we cooked. We talked and laughed over the bubbling pot.
“Your mother’s family is from Ireland,” I repeated. “Have you ever been there?”
“A few times when I was little. We haven’t visited much since my grandparents passed away.”
“I’m sorry.” I didn’t know her parents were gone. I was realizing now how much more I needed to learn about Ryder and Caroline. “Your mom must love that you give her a piece of her childhood back by making the foods she loves.” I bumped his hip. “If you’re not careful, I’m going to start thinking you have a soft, gooey center.”
He bumped me back. “Does that mean I’m not irritating as fuck anymore?”
“Nope. You’re definitely still irritating. You can be both.”
He turned on me with a smirk. “What was it you said the other day? Something about going the right way for a spanked bottom?”
Ryder advanced on me as my eyes widened. “I definitely did not say anything about spanking.”
“That’s what I remember.” Ryder stalked me, eyes darkening as my heart rate doubled.
“Don’t you dare, Ryder Shea.” I backed into the countertop and hurriedly slid along the rounded edge.
“But isn’t that what a normal boyfriend would do?”
�
�No!” I forced out. I couldn’t breathe, I was laughing so hard. “You stay back, Lincoln.”
“That’s it.” He leaped forward, grabbing for me, and I darted away. I made it two steps before his strong arms encircled me and lifted me up.
His laughter rumbled against my back as he held me. It echoed mine. This was everything to me. I wanted us to laugh and grow closer.
“You can’t spank me.” I leaned my head back and peered at him through my lashes. “But you can do a few other things with me. Things that a boyfriend would definitely do. Want me to go into detail?”
His grip tightened. “Fuck, Val,” he hissed. “You’re not going to make this easy for me, are you?”
“Not at all.”
“I should have known that. Making things hard is what you do.” He put his mouth to my ear and his hot breath sent shivers up my spine. “Making me hard is what you do.”
The words passed through me and went straight to my core. “Let’s go upstairs. Now.”
“W-we can’t.” To be fair, it sounded like it physically hurt him to say that. “Mom is waiting for you and I have to make sure she eats.”
He was right. This tiny peek into their lives was opening my eyes to how much Ryder did to care for his mother. I didn’t want to get in the way no matter how much I wanted to be with him.
“Can we spend time together afterward?” I asked.
“I was planning on it.” He set me on my feet. “I’m way behind on my ‘labors.’ One of the things I wanted to do this weekend was make up for that.”
“Really?” The boys had done so many wonderful things for me to show how sorry they were. The day Ryder and I spent with Adam in Santa’s village was one of the best Christmas memories I had—despite Adam beating up Santa. “I can’t wait.”
We gazed into each other’s eyes, smiling, and then Ryder bent his head. My eyes fluttered shut in anticipation of the kiss I had been waiting for. They snapped open when Ryder pressed that kiss to my forehead.
“You should go. Don’t want to keep Mom waiting.”
“Okay.” I wasn’t sure if he picked up on my disappointment. I stepped away and made for the pool. Ryder was back at the stove before I left the room.
I noticed Caroline had changed clothes when I walked out onto the terrace. The dress was gone in favor of a sweater and pants, but they seemed more comfortable. That wasn’t the only addition. A bundle of fur occupied her lap, purring loud enough for me to hear as Caroline stroked her.
“There you are,” she said.
“Sorry to keep you waiting. I was helping Ryder make corned beef and cabbage.” I sat in the patio chair beside her and reached for the cat. “Hello, Cara. I still like your old name better.”
Caroline laughed. “Is he cooking for me again? I want him to relax when he’s home, but Ryder insists on fussing over me. He has such a good heart.” Her eyes grew unfocused as she gazed across the pool. “I’m glad I did one thing right in my life.”
That sounded so close to what Mom said to me in the courtyard that it prompted me to reply. “He’s not the only thing. You’ve done a lot of good.”
“Thank you for saying so.” She placed her hand on top of mine. “But I must admit, this is not the life I saw for myself.”
“What kind of life did you want?”
“I thought I would write, paint, travel the world, and fill a home with children. All of that seemed possible when I was at Evergreen.”
“It’s still possible. You can do anything you want now.”
That Benjamin is gone.
I let that thought hang in the air between us.
“No... I can’t.”
The mood had shifted. I wasn’t sure how or why it had happened so fast, but Caroline’s smile was dimming and the cat’s purring stopped as her hand stilled. I cast about for a subject change as the silence stretched. In the end, it was Ryder who broke it.
“I made your favorite, Mom,” he said as he came out onto the veranda. “Valentina helped.”
Her smile briefly returned. “I’m not very hungry, love, but I’ll have a little as you both worked so hard.”
Ryder lowered the tray and I saw two plates were on it. He gave one to his mom and the other to me. I took one bite and moaned. “That is incredible. How can a dish this simple taste so good?”
“Of course, it’s good. It’s my mother’s recipe.” Caroline took a hearty bite. “She was a magician in the kitchen. She could make thirty-four different meals with a bag of potatoes.”
“You’re putting us on, Mom.” Ryder pulled up a chair, grinning.
“I am not. Thirty-four. I swear.”
“So then you should be able to name them.”
Clicking her tongue, she swatted his arm. “Don’t you trust your mother?”
“I’ll never doubt a thing she says... after she lists the thirty-four dishes you can make with a potato.”
Caroline tossed her head back laughing. I may not have known how to lift her mood, but Ryder did. “You get that smart mouth from her too, but you’ll regret doubting me. It’s fries, mashed potatoes, potato soup, hash browns...”
She actually went through the whole list. I was deeply impressed but there was no stopping Ryder’s smart mouth.
“Number twelve and nineteen don’t count. Those are just two different kinds of potato salad. Potato salad counts as one.”
“If I say it counts, it counts.” Caroline made to get up and Jacob was at her side in seconds. He helped her to her feet and then she bent and kissed her son. “I’m going to rest for a while, my love. When I wake up, we can watch Casablanca.”
“We’ve seen that thirty-four times.”
“Here’s to thirty-five.” Caroline patted my cheek on her way out. “You two have fun.”
I turned to Ryder when she was gone. “The corned beef and cabbage was really good. I’ll have to make it for Mom and Adam.” I leaned back in the chair but Ryder stood.
He held a hand out for me. “Come on. It’s time.”
“Time for what?”
“Labor number two.”
I let him pull me to my feet and lead me inside. Ryder was quiet as we walked through the cavernous halls of the mansion. Our bare feet were soundless on the hardwood floors.
It’s so quiet here. This place was meant to be filled with warmth and laughter.
I shook away my thoughts before they could turn morose. My heart would always twinge thinking of what I had seen within these walls. Benjamin snapping and tearing apart a young Ryder for the smallest things. Caroline a figure only heard about and not seen while he worked to crush her spirit. The man was rotted through to his soul. Maybe the pain these walls had seen would always cling.
I just said I wouldn’t get sad. No more thinking of Benjamin Shea. He’s dead and gone, and Ryder and I are moving on. I peered at the back of his head. We’re going to have everything he tried to take from us.
“Are we going out?” I piped up. “Do I need to get changed?”
“No. We’re not leaving the house.” We rounded the corner and came out in front of the grand staircase. Ryder held me securely as he took me up.
“Can I get a hint?”
He laughed. “A hint? You’ll find out in two minutes.”
I kept up the questioning anyway. “Will I like it?”
“It wouldn’t be much of an apology if I didn’t think you’d like it.”
“I can never be too sure with you.”
He gave me a look over his shoulder. “You trying to talk yourself into losing it? ’Cause you’re doing a good job.”
I made a show of zipping my lip and tossing away the key. The act caused him to smile which made my heart do a little flutter. I swear a cardiologist would be very concerned if they found out how much my heart acted up around these guys.
We topped the landing and Ryder turned left. It was the opposite direction of my room, but the right direction for his. I didn’t hold back my grin when we stopped in front of his door.
>
“Oh. It’s that kind of labor.” I glided in front of him, slid my hands up his chest, and then draped them around his neck. Ryder’s eyes went round as I pressed myself against him. “Am I allowed to say that those are my favorite kind?” He grunted as I hopped up and wrapped my legs around his waist. “I am going to put you to work.”
“We— I— That’s not—” His breaths came in hot pants. “Fuck, woman! Will you behave yourself? We’re not going in there to have sex.”
I pouted. “Why not?”
“I can’t fucking remember now.” He tossed his head back and sucked in a couple shuddering breaths. He seemed to be trying to summon his resolve and I couldn’t let that happen. I bent my head and dropped kisses on his jaw as his breaths grew more ragged. “Because there’s... something I want to do with you... to show... how I feel. It’s important to me.”
I hummed. “Well, if it’s important to you, then it’s important to me.” I slid off of him but held on to his hand. “I’m ready.”
“Okay.” It took another minute for the fog to clear behind his eyes. I was the one who opened his door and pulled him inside. I looked around as we stepped through. His room was the same as always. I didn’t see anything different or out of place except for one thing.
“Your piano is back.” The black masterpiece sat in a place of honor beneath a bay window. The light shone through the curtains, making the polished wood gleam.
“It was removed from the Knight room when the others took over.” To my surprise, he walked me over to it. “When we were little, I remember you’d hide in the doorway and watch me play.”
My cheeks warmed. “I didn’t hide in the doorway. I just— just listened.”
He grinned. “I’d catch you listening a lot.” Ryder let go of my hand and trailed a finger along the ivory keys. “Once, you snuck in here to play my piano and I acted like an awful shit when I found you.”
“We don’t have to think about that,” I said softly.
“We do,” Ryder replied, “because I want to do what I should have done back then. I’m going to teach you how to play.”
“You are? I—” The words stuck in my throat. I had always wanted to learn to play an instrument—to make beautiful music like a young Ryder could tease from his keys. Lessons were expensive though, and after entering the academy and becoming a mom, there was no time for anything like that.