Warm November

by Kathleen Knowles

  She liked it immediately and began fantasizing about living there, then chided herself for getting too invested too fast in an outcome that was far from certain. Howard had often chided her for her tendency to plunge into everything headfirst. He hadn’t been on board with her enthusiasm for, well, nearly anything. Again, she wondered why she’d married him, never mind the sexuality mismatch. But why ask why now? She’d done it, and from the marriage she’d gained her wonderful son, Robbie.

  Hayley had read that San Francisco’s unique neighborhoods that gave the City its character were like little villages. She’d never felt that out in the Avenues, though it was true for multigenerational Irish families that had lived there forever. But they complained about the influx of Asians and, more recently, the invasion of the high-tech crowd. That, at least, had allowed Hayley and Howard to get a terrific price for their house. Seller’s market.

  In Bernal, Hayley saw the village character immediately and was drawn to it.

  Then she noticed the hill and saw it loom closer as she walked from Cortland Avenue down Bonview Street. Bernal Hill certainly dominated the area. She started thinking about taking walks up to the top and then back down. She looked at her phone where she’d keyed in the address and arrived at the house all of sudden. It wasn’t colorful, like some of the others, nor was it a Victorian, but she liked it. It looked homey; its neat front porch and brown shingles gave it an air of solidity. She walked up the front steps and noted the two Adirondack chairs separated by a wooden telephone-cable spool. It was very seventies. But would the house’s owner be as wonderful as the neighborhood and her house? Hayley rang the bell, and after a moment the door opened and she stood face-to-face with Merle Craig.

  “Hi? Merle?” She sounded foolish, but she was nervous. People thought of her as outgoing, and she was, but she had a shy side that showed up sometimes. Like now.

  “That’s me. Come on in.” Merle held the door open, and Hayley stepped through and into the living room. The large, light-yellow dog glued to Merle’s side didn’t bark at her, but as she stepped into the house, he crowded close and sniffed her in an amiable way. She put her hand out for him and he nosed it, then grinned a dog grin and panted.

  She turned and took in Merle more thoroughly. Merle was somewhat taller than her, maybe five-eight or five-nine, with a medium build. She wasn’t thin nor was she overweight; she looked solid and strong. She stood erect, with her head up and shoulders back. Her eyes were blue gray, and Hayley suspected her hair was prematurely gray because she didn’t seem old enough for completely gray hair. Her face was weathered in a pleasing way, with small wrinkles at the corners of her mouth and eyes that became more pronounced when she smiled. She had the skin color of someone who spent a lot of time out of doors. She wore broken-in chinos and a white T-shirt under a light-blue sweater.

  The dog sat at her side, tongue hanging out. They both seemed to be examining Hayley in a curious but friendly manner. It made a beguiling picture: the handsome gray-haired woman with her well-behaved dog. Hayley didn’t want to stare too much, but she was transfixed for a moment. She didn’t know exactly how she knew it, but she was certain she was the right person at the right time for this pair.

  Merle nodded at the dog. “This is Arthur.” She looked down at him and he gazed up at her, the epitome of human and canine connection and understanding.

  “Hi, Arthur. You’re a very handsome boy.” Hayley liked his noble profile and his calm demeanor. “What’s his breed?”

  “He’s a yellow Lab.”

  “How old?”

  “About four. Not old, but he’s through his puppy phase, thank goodness.”

  “He seems well trained.”

  Merle grinned at the compliment. “Thanks. We work on it. And Labs aren’t hard to handle.”

  “I’m not super familiar with dogs, but I like them. He seems easy to like too.”

  “Hear that, Arthur? You’re easy. He actually is easy. Give him food and a toy and a nice long walk, and he’s fine. So let me show you the house. Did you have a hard time finding it?”

  “Oh, no. It was a snap.”

  Hayley noticed that Merle seemed a bit shy herself, so that relaxed and emboldened her. Her disquiet of a moment before had disappeared. She was deeply curious about Merle though. Hayley was certain she was a lesbian, but she didn’t want to stereotype. However, she very much wanted Merle to be a lesbian. She wanted to meet women in her own age range, as friends certainly. If they were roommates then they could probably be friends.

  She followed Merle toward the back of the house, past the dining room and into the kitchen, which was large enough for a table. At the back was the door to what looked like a nice-sized yard. They passed through a tiny laundry room off the kitchen that also housed the dog dishes and other odds and ends and down a short flight of stairs into the backyard.

  Hayley stood at the top of the stairs while Merle walked on. She wanted to get a feel for the yard. It wasn’t large, but it was well maintained between the collection of plants, including a lemon tree and a swath of grass that was well grown, no doubt from May’s late-in-the-season rain showers. In the center of the yard stood an old-fashioned sundial and a single chair. Hayley slowly walked the steps as she took in the look of the backyard. She automatically scanned the ground and didn’t see a single dog turd. That told Hayley volumes about Merle. She either maintained her living space very well or she walked her dog often or both. So far so good.

  Merle turned around and the sun caught her hair, making it look silvery.

  “We’ll have to put another chair out here.” Hayley couldn’t quite divine her expression. She looked sad but hopeful. What she said and the way she said it struck Hayley as though Merle had made up her mind already that Hayley was moving in, which was wonderful, but Hayley was taken aback. They hadn’t exchanged more than a few words, most of them about Arthur, and here Merle was ready to have her move in. That both terrified and thrilled her, and she knew it couldn’t be true. Merle didn’t strike her as the impetuous type but quite the opposite. She was likely just thinking aloud.

  “It’s beautiful. You’ve put a lot of work into it. I can see that.”

  “Thanks. Do you garden?”

  “Oh, no. I’ve got a black thumb, but I can mow the grass.”

  Hayley watched Merle look around, vaguely, hands on her hips.

  “Well, it’s not required. The backyard’s my thing.”

  They were silent a moment and then Merle said, “Let’s go look at the rest of the house, and I’ll show you the bedroom and bathroom.”

  Hayley followed Merle again, and before she could even think about it, the phrase “nice ass” popped into her head. This wouldn’t do. She couldn’t be thinking of her potential landlady as a sex object. She couldn’t go down that road under any circumstances. The resulting drama would probably make The L Word look tame. She shook her head to clear it, glad Merle couldn’t see the gesture. They moved through the downstairs area with Arthur trailing them. Some things seemed to be missing in the house, and Hayley wondered if that was true, and if so, who had taken them. She’d have fun shopping for new items. My God, she’d already been accepted, had moved in, and was on to the shopping phase. She needed to get a grip.

  They climbed the stairs, and at the top was a small hallway with a bathroom and two bedrooms. Hayley presumed the promised bathroom was the one in the hall and Merle had the bedroom with bathroom attached. She didn’t mind that.

  “This would be your room.” Merle gestured in front of a door. The room in question was empty, but it was newly painted, sunny, and a decent size. The view out the back of the house was of Twin Peaks and the Sutro Tower. Nice.

  As Hayley stood at the doorway taking it in, behind her, Merle said, “My ex took a lot of stuff so you’d have to get your own furniture.”

  Hayley turned around, wanting to see Merle’s face. She’d spoken in an even tone, and Hayley couldn’t read her expression. “That’s no problem. I as
sumed I’d bring in my own furniture.”

  “Well. Okay then. We can sit and talk for a bit.”

  “I’d like that.” Hayley flashed her best smile and got the response she wanted. Merle grinned back. If the thought behind the word “ex” had been sad, the feeling had come and gone. Hayley wanted to know more, though, and if she moved in, she hoped she would. She was curious about people and their stories and their experiences. She was able to indulge that part of her personality directly in her work with her law firm’s clients. In her personal life, she enjoyed eliciting information from people and listening to them talk.

  They sat in the kitchen drinking iced tea and chatted easily about their jobs. Hayley mentioned her son Robbie but not her ex-husband. Merle said no more about exes, and Hayley didn’t ask. There was likely a world of pain and regret behind Merle’s studiedly neutral persona and her dispassionate use of the word “ex.”

  “Um. I have to confirm something with you. Do you drink?” Hayley again sensed a story behind that question, but she said, honestly, “Sometimes a glass of wine when I’m out to dinner or beer at a baseball game or picnic, but no, I’m not much of a drinker. I’m a lightweight.”

  She tried a rueful smile and Merle smiled back. “Okay. Well. I’m still interviewing people. I want to make a decision soon though. When could you move in?”

  “Right away, as soon as possible. I have to vacate my home because we’ve sold it. It’s in escrow, and I’ve got about a month until I have to move.”

  “Oh. Okay. I’ll let you know soon.”

  “Just so you know, I’ve had a house for years and can do basic house repairs like change electrical switches, grout bathtubs, and stuff. And I’d be happy to do that if I was living here.”

  “Wow! Yeah. Sure.” The offer seemed to surprise and intrigue Merle.

  “Thanks for letting me see the house. I’d like living here, I think. It looks like we’re similar ages and might be compatible. At least I think so.” That was a little risqué, but Merle didn’t seem fazed.

  “I think you may be right,” she said, nodding. She showed Hayley to the front door and waved casually, saying, “Bye. Thanks for coming,” as though it had been a purely social occasion for two old friends to chat and drink iced tea.

  Hayley made her way back to Cortland Avenue thinking how much she liked the house, the neighborhood, and Merle and dared to hope that her interview had been a success.

  *

  The decision seemed too easy, and Merle berated herself mildly for even being ready just to stop the housemate hunt and give it to Hayley. She’d dismissed a goodly number of prospective candidates on monetary issues alone. As for the group who were financially sound, each of them seemed to have some fatal flaw, such as militant vegetarianism or overly strict political views or a belief that the earth’s magnetic poles were going to swap places and kill everyone on earth who didn’t live in Minnesota.

  Merle certainly considered herself a liberal, but she wasn’t fanatical about anything. She doubted she could stand a housemate constantly haranguing her about one thing or another. She’d heard more than enough haranguing about all sorts of subjects during her life as a lesbian. Some girls didn’t know when to stop.

  One of her prospective housemates had quizzed her on everything from where she grocery shopped to where she worked and frowned when Merle said UCSF. Then she made a remark about animal research as though Merle’s employment there made her collusive in animal cruelty. Merle had crossed her off the “possible” list. One applicant had claimed to like dogs in her email but exhibited barely disguised disdain for Arthur when she found out Merle hadn’t adopted him from a shelter or rescue group. Another woman had displayed incipient obsessive-compulsive disorder when she’d tried to secretly wipe a cloth on top of the mantel over Merle’s fake fireplace. An otherwise lovely and financially secure redhead had spent over an hour talking about herself in extensive and intimate detail. Merle couldn’t abide that much talking so she disqualified Redhead too. She’d exhausted Merle on the first day and it would only get worse. At least Kay knew when to shut up.

  Oh, wait, that was one of the problems with Kay. Merle frowned. She didn’t want to think about Kay, but she was sure it was inevitable. Also she didn’t want to continually compare everyone she met to Kay. And these were only potential roommates, not potential wives. She needed to stop doing that.

  Merle knew no one could be perfect, but Hayley sure appeared to come close. She was clearly right in all the obvious ways, though Merle wasn’t a hundred percent sure she was a lesbian. Merle had made her ad vague because she hadn’t wanted to run afoul of fair-housing regulations. She figured the Bernal Heights location would speak for itself. She also had interviewed a fair number of lesbians who were wrong in one way or another. She assumed Hayley knew she was a lesbian: chinos, short hair, Bernal Heights?

  Hayley was a perfect cipher when it came to any lesbian tells: no piercings, no tattoos, no labyris necklaces or obvious T-shirt, and no wallet in her back pocket. She could be a femme. But that was all useless speculation and should be irrelevant anyhow.

  Her personality and demeanor were so pleasant and even-keeled, even if she was straight, it wouldn’t be problematical. Like her, Hayley had contrived to not reveal very much. Merle understood that impulse well. The danger was, of course, that Hayley would move in and then some heinous secret vice would surface. But she didn’t think that would happen, and significantly, Hayley was simpatico with Arthur. She was also really nice looking, with her shoulder-length blond hair and big brown eyes. She had a serene and ingratiating personality. She could have just been on her good behavior, but Merle had enough people skills to tell when someone was faking.

  She didn’t think she’d need to apologize to anyone for finding Hayley attractive. It wasn’t the only or even the most important reason to have her move in, but if she was going to live with someone, it helped if she was easy on the eye. Kay, of course, had been nice looking, and her personality was lovely too. It hadn’t been until much later that Merle had discovered Kay’s flaws, and then she’d tried to ignore them. Who’s perfect? No one. Whoa, it was time to stop thinking about Kay, or for that matter it was time to stop thinking about how pretty Hayley was.

  They were entering into a business arrangement, and that was all. Merle told herself if Hayley and she became friends that would be a nice bonus, but it wasn’t required. And also here she was thinking as though Hayley was going to move in and she didn’t have any reason to continue the search.

  Merle sighed. It was difficult to make a decision with incomplete information. She only knew she didn’t get any weird vibe and Hayley hadn’t revealed any overt negative characteristic. Merle was sorry she’d made the remark about the chair in the garden as though Hayley moving in was already a done deal. She didn’t want Hayley to get the wrong idea. She had no idea where that came from. She was generally cautious about revealing her thoughts to people she didn’t know well.

  So she did the only thing she could think of and asked Arthur.

  “What do you think, bro? Is this the one? She was perfectly nice to you.” Arthur wagged his tail, obviously trying to divine what Merle was saying. He knew she was talking to him and that it was positive. That was the extent of his understanding. Merle was impressed by Hayley’s approach to her dog, her open smile, and her offer of household-repair help. That last thing alone might be enough to make her the top candidate. Merle hadn’t inherited the lesbian power-tool gene, and when something broke, she had to call for outside help and pay for it.

  “I don’t think we’re going to do much better than her, guy.”

  Merle went up to her room and sat down at her desk and emailed Hayley, then the rest of the possible applicants. She indicated Hayley could move in when she was able to and she would pro-rate the rent accordingly and asked her for a security deposit. She’d downloaded a rental agreement for them to sign. And that was that.

  Chapter Four

  “So
, you think she’s a lesbian?” Sigrid asked at breakfast the following Saturday.

  “I don’t know. It doesn’t matter.”

  “Yes, it matters. What if she’s not and starts bringing home random guys?”

  “I don’t get the impression she’d be like that. She’s a professional, a paralegal. And she has a twenty-six-year-old son, so she’s not young. And if she’s straight, she just doesn’t strike me as the slutty type. Why are you being negative?” Merle was surprised how defensive she felt on Hayley’s behalf. Clea and Sigrid were just being protective friends, and she ought to appreciate that. They looked at her quizzically.

  “I’m sorry. I’m touchy because I’m so unsure about this and it’s new and it’s happened so quickly. I know you’re just looking out for me.”

  “You’ve got good judgment, Merle. We’re not worried.” Clea was the soother, the diplomatic one. Sigrid, on the other hand, asked questions like a district attorney, but it was because she cared. Merle wasn’t sure exactly how good her judgment really was anyhow, considering she’d chosen Kay. But this was a different situation, thank goodness.

  “I’m not really worried about Hayley. It just feels right. I’m more worried about me. I wasn’t apparently that great a lover so I’m not sure how I’ll be as a roommate.”

  “Will you stop? It wasn’t all about you. It was a lot about Kay.”

  “Keep reminding me of that. Some days I’m totally fine with saying it was all or almost all her fault, and on others I think I just royally screwed up.”

  “Well.” Sigrid looked thoughtful. “We know that we have to always clean up our own side of the street, so it’s good for you to examine your part, like the program says. Still, you can’t beat yourself up over it. You can’t think you’re a failure, because you’re not.” She looked so sincere, Merle had to smile.