Almost Never

by Melissa Toppen

  “So Alec, how’s your first day been so far?” I ask, redirecting the conversation. If given the chance, Lulu will talk about herself all day long.

  “Not too bad, really. Other than almost taking out a girl this morning, it’s gone off without a hitch.” He chuckles.

  “I think maybe the girl almost took you out,” I correct, relaxing a little.

  “Well, it turned out for the best. Thanks to her, I was able to find my way around without getting completely lost.”

  “That’s Hope for you.” Lulu pulls his attention back to her. “Always the do gooder. You know, that’s how we met. I was a transfer in sixth grade. Hope volunteered to be my acclamation buddy for the week.”

  “Acclamation buddy?” he laughs.

  “That’s what they called it back then.” She smiles, and even though she’s not trying, I can already see the way she’s pulling him in. He’d have to be blind to not be attracted to Lulu and vice-versa. They’re like Ken and Barbie. Two people you know would fit together.

  It's a sobering thought and one that leaves me feeling less like eating and more like running for the bathroom to expunge what little is sitting in my stomach at the moment.

  I watch it all unfold over the next twenty minutes. The shared smiles and laughs, the looks, the interest. Having to sit here and witness it is like some kind of sick torture.

  And while I know Alec is so far out of my league that it’s laughable, it doesn’t make watching the two of them flirt back and forth any easier to swallow.

  By the end of lunch, I’m not sure if I want to go hide in a corner and cry or punch my best friend square in the face. It’s not fair of me to think that way. But damn Lulu and her beautiful looks and undeniable charm. Damn her for swooping in on the one person I’m actually interested in getting to know more.

  Not that she knows that’s what she’s doing. How could she? It’s not like I gave her any indication that I liked the guy. And now it’s too late. She already has her claws in him. I can tell by the way he looks at her. By how his gaze barely leaves her as we exit the cafeteria.

  Once again, plain, average Hope gets overshadowed by her stunning best friend. Once again, I’m left on the outside looking in. It’s something I’ve gotten used to over the years. And until now it’s not something that’s ever bothered me much.

  A part of me hopes that I’m making something out of nothing. That I’m letting myself think the worst because that’s what I’m used to. And I really, really hope that’s the case. But deep down I’m pretty sure it isn’t.

  Chapter Three

  “Hey.” Alec slides into the seat to my right, in the middle of the classroom, and drops his bag on the floor next to him.

  “Hey.” I force a smile, despite my sour mood.

  “I didn’t know we had any classes together.” He pulls out a notebook and pencil and sets them on the shared desk. “How’s this teacher? I’ve had a couple today that have been real doozies.” He chuckles.

  “Mr. Hadley is pretty cool. He’s one of my favorites,” I tell him. “We’re starting labs this week which I’m really looking forward to.”

  “Are lab partners involved?”

  “He hasn’t said, but I’m pretty sure he pairs us up once labs start.”

  “Would you maybe want to be lab partners?” He gives me a smile that shows off his dimples and my mood instantly shifts.

  “I’d like that,” I answer honestly. “As long as he lets us pick our own partners and doesn’t assign them for us.”

  “Well here’s hoping.” He crosses his fingers, holding them up for me to see. “At least if I blow you up or burn you, you’ll be more likely to forgive me.”

  “You think so?” I bite the inside of my cheek to keep myself from smiling.

  God, this guy is addicting. I swear, I could sit and look at him all day every day and never tire of it.

  “I’m hoping so.” He knocks his elbow against mine and the butterflies I felt earlier return full force, flapping wildly in my stomach.

  Seconds later, the bell rings and Mr. Hadley comes strolling in, his usual white lab coat draped over his lean torso. After running through attendance, he announces that we will be choosing lab partners today and to make sure we choose wisely because this person will be our partner for the remainder of the school year.

  Alec gives me a sideways grin and winks. I swear it takes everything I have to hold myself upright in my seat.

  On the inside I’m smiling like a lunatic but on the outside I try to act indifferent. Lab partners with Alec for the rest of the school year? This day might just turn around.

  We spend half of the class period talking about egg white foams and what the purpose of the experiment we are about to do is. Then we spend the second half of class trying to create egg white foam.

  Alec looks so good in his thick plastic goggles and tattered lab coat that I can barely concentrate on the experiment. And yet somehow by the end of class we manage to make the foam. I have so much fun working with Alec that I almost forget we’re in school and in a class I’m usually bored out of my mind in.

  Even during the discussion part of the class I was enjoying myself. Mainly because I kept stealing glances at Alec sitting next to me. I couldn’t help but be amused by how thorough he was, taking notes of everything the teacher covered, even though Mr. Hadley had written the instructions on the white board.

  “I don’t know about you, but I think we make a pretty good team.” Alec smiles down at me as we make our way out of class.

  I hadn’t realized until now just how much taller he is than me. Towering a good head and shoulders above me. Not that that’s really hard to do given my five-foot-two stature.

  Since I share both sixth and seventh period with Alec now, we make our way to English Lit together. I don’t know why, but walking next to him, seeing how other girls respond when they catch a glimpse of him, makes me feel special in some weird way. Like they all want what I have, even though I don’t actually have him and likely never will. It’s still something I let myself relish in as we make our way to the west wing of the building.

  Alec is like the shiny new toy that everyone can’t wait to get a peek at. Considering I haven’t been able to stop staring at him whenever he’s near me, I understand.

  Alec follows me into the classroom and waits until I sit down at the back before sliding into the desk next to me. I look over and give him a funny look.

  “What?” He grins.

  “Careful. I might think you’re starting to like me.” I gesture to his desk.

  “I do like you. You’re the first friend I’ve made here.”

  And there it is. The bomb I was waiting for. Friend zoned. He could have said I do like you and left it at that. Adding the friend part was purely intentional, even if he doesn’t realize it.

  “So, Lulu seems pretty cool.”

  My stomach drops. If for a moment I thought I could get out of the friend zone, it was erased with that comment.

  “Yeah.” I swallow past the hard knot in my throat. “She is.”

  “Though you two seem a little mismatched.”

  “How so?”

  “I don’t know. Just an observation.” He shrugs. “You’re just so... sweet.” His features soften. “And kind of quiet. Where Lulu...”

  “Is not. I know. But I calm her crazy and she pulls me out of my comfort zone and forces me to live a little. It works out.”

  “That’s good. You need friends that can challenge you.” He straightens back in his seat. “And friends that can reel you in when you need it,” he adds, right as the bell rings and the teacher brings the class to a start.

  My mind spins the entire period. I can’t focus. Can’t concentrate on a single thing. I think back to Chemistry. The way Alec and I laughed. The way he smiled when he accidently brushed my hand and how he looked at me when I was trying really hard to concentrate.

  It was almost like he could see me.

  Unfortunately, it didn
’t take long for Lulu to come into his mind and like clockwork, I slowly faded into the background.

  It’s clear he’s interested in her. Of course he is. I was foolish to think he would see little ol’ me with Lulu’s bright light blinding him from anything else.

  I’m quiet as we make our way out of class forty-five minutes later. If Alec senses something is wrong, he doesn’t let on. Then again, he doesn’t really know me that well.

  “Where is your locker?” he asks, his long strides easily keeping pace with my much shorter ones.

  “Over by the east entrance. You?”

  “Same. I think.” He looks around the hallway. “Wait, remind me what classes are on the east side.”

  “The one’s that aren’t on this side.” I smile up at him, not able to help myself.

  “Right. Because this is the west side.” He chuckles to himself. “I’ll get it eventually.”

  “It seems a little overwhelming at first. When I was a freshman it took me an entire week to remember where every class was. This place is like a maze.”

  “It really is,” he agrees. “My old school was bigger but more straight forward. Two floors. Two main hallways. You get the jist.”

  “Do you miss it? California, I mean?” I turn right down one hallway and then immediately turn left, Alec staying with me.

  “Yes and no. I miss my house. I miss my friends. And I miss the ocean. Which is kind of weird considering it was a two-hour drive to the nearest beach. It’s not like I lived super close and got to see it all the time.”

  “But that’s not the point, is it? You could go see it. Now you’d have to drive five times that to see the ocean. I’ve heard when you live that close, you can smell the sea in the air.”

  “I never really noticed, but it definitely smells different here. Dryer, if that’s even a thing.”

  “You’ll get used to it. Though I’m purely speculating because I’ve never lived anywhere else before. I’ve lived in Hensley my entire life.”

  “That’s not such a bad thing. Kind of nice to live somewhere where you know everything and everyone.”

  “Yeah.” I shrug. “I guess there’s an upside to it. Though I don’t plan to stay here forever. I’ve got big plans for my life.”

  “Is that so?” He comes to a stop next to me when I reach my locker.

  “It is. I’m moving to New York after graduation.”

  “And what’s in New York?”

  “Only the best Culinary Institute in the country.” I spin the dial of my combination lock.

  “Culinary Institute.” He seems surprised. “I would have taken you for more of a scholar than a cook.”

  “You say that because you’ve never had my cooking. I’m a pretty good baker, too. I make a mean macaron.” I slide my lock off and pop open my locker.

  “I can’t say I’ve ever had a macaron.”

  “I’m sorry, what?” I swing my shocked gaze up to his face.

  “By the way you’re looking at me right now, I’m guessing that’s a bad thing.” His dimples pop, momentarily distracting me.

  “It is,” I say once I’ve collected myself enough to speak.

  “Well, I guess you’re going to have to make me some and show me what I’ve been missing.”

  “I guess I will.” I grab my busted book bag after stuffing all my books inside and turn toward him, clutching it to my chest. “I was planning on doing a little baking this weekend. Maybe I can rustle you up some and bring them in on Monday.”

  “You know I’m going to hold you to that, right.” He leans his shoulder against the locker next to mine.

  “Lucky for you, I’m not one to make empty promises. If I say I’ll make them, I will.” I shut my locker before clicking the lock back into place.

  “Somehow that doesn’t come as a surprise. I barely know you yet I feel like I know exactly the kind of person you are.”

  “And what kind of person is that?”

  “Nice. Caring. Trustworthy. You know, all the important qualities.”

  “I’ve been called worse,” I tease.

  Alec opens his mouth to say something else but snaps it closed when Lulu appears at his side.

  “Hey guys.” She smiles at me before her gaze goes to Alec.

  “Hey,” we both say in unison.

  “So Alec, since you’re new to town and all, I thought maybe we could hang out this afternoon. I could show you around some of the cool spots, maybe stop and get ice cream.”

  “It’s like forty degrees out,” I interject.

  “And?” Lulu hits me with an annoyed look.

  “Don’t you have to get home?” I fire back.

  “Nope. Told my mom I’m staying after for study group.”

  “Study group?” I gape at her. “And they actually bought that?”

  “You know my parents. Anything they can do to help me further my education.” She presses up onto the balls of her feet and then drops back on her heels, her attention going to Alec again. “So, what do you say? You wanna go?”

  “I guess, yeah, I don’t have anything else planned.” He nods. “Any chance you want to join us?” he asks, though I suspect it’s a pity invite at best.

  “She can’t,” Lulu answers for me. “She has to work tonight.”

  She’s not wrong, but it still pisses me off. As much as I love my part time job at the local bakery and coffee shop, I have half a mind to call off just to rain on her parade. Of course I would never actually do that, but damn it if I don’t want to.

  “Oh, okay.” Alec looks between the two of us before finally focusing in on Lulu. “But first you have to help me find my locker. I’m pretty sure it’s down this hallway somewhere,” he tells her, digging his folded-up schedule out of the back pocket of his jeans.

  “No problem.” She snags the paper from his hand. Quickly unfolding the schedule, she rambles off the number. “That’s right down there,” she tells him, handing the paper back. “Come on.” She loops her arm through his. “I’ll show you the way.”

  “Okay.” He looks back toward me. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Hope.” He smiles and the action only further deepens the pit festering in my chest.

  “Yeah. See you tomorrow.” I’m as chipper as I can be, holding back tears as I watch them walk arm in arm down the hallway before disappearing around the corner.

  I have to resist the urge to punch my locker in anger.

  I know I can’t be angry with Lulu. She doesn’t know that I’m crushing on Alec. Then again, she is my best friend. You would think she knows me well enough to be able to tell if I’m interested in someone. I can tell instantly when she is.

  Does she really not know me as well as I thought she did or does she know I like Alec and doesn’t care?

  I know Lulu. She takes what she wants when she wants with little to no apology. I guess I never expected her to take something from me.

  Then again, can she really take something from me that isn’t mine?

  I just met Alec today, for goodness sake. It’s not like I know the guy. And I certainly don’t have the right to place a claim on him. That’s not how relationships work. I can’t just say, I like you so you’re mine now.

  No matter how attracted I am to Alec, it gives me no right to be angry at Lulu for liking him. And clearly he likes her back. At least, it seems like he does. Otherwise why would he agree to go with her?

  He has eyes, the green monster on my shoulder whispers into my ear. And it’s right. He does have eyes. And if he’s using them, there’s no comparison between me and Lulu. There never will be.

  Chapter Four

  “There you are.” Lulu slides up next to me as I make my way into the cafeteria. “I tried calling you last night but you never answered.”

  “Sorry, I went to bed early.” The truth is, I was up later than I’d like to admit stewing over how Lulu’s little outing with Alec went.

  “Well.” She follows me into the lunch line, grabbing a tray right after I do.

>   “Well what?” I grab a salad and plop it onto my tray.

  “Aren’t you going to ask me how yesterday went?”

  No.

  It’s what I want to say, but not what ends up coming out.

  “Of course I do.” I keep my gaze focused forward, grabbing a fruit cup and water before setting them on my tray next to my salad.

  “It was amazing,” she sings, plopping a lunchmeat sandwich and bag of chips onto her tray.

  “Oh yeah.” I try to keep my voice even as we move further down the line.

  “He is... perfect.” She sighs, leaning into me.

  “Sounds like you really like him.” I swallow the hard knot in my throat.

  I knew this would happen. I knew it yesterday as I watched them walk away together. I knew it last night as I stewed and obsessed over what they were doing. And I knew it this morning when I caught sight of them walking in together before I turned and went the other way.

  “I really do.”

  I punch my lunch code into the keypad and wait for her to do the same before making my way toward our usual lunch table.

  I spot Gretchen and Bella sitting there as we approach. I’m immediately relieved to see them. They usually sit with us but chose to spend their lunch period in the library yesterday to study for today’s History test. A test I most likely failed as I couldn’t keep my thoughts straight long enough to concentrate.

  I take the seat to Bella’s left, leaving an empty chair between us, and Lulu slides in directly next to me.

  “So, Lucy Lu,” Gretchen smiles at her the moment we’ve sat down, “rumor has it you were seen at Joe’s yesterday afternoon looking quite cozy with the new hottie.”

  For Christ’s sake. Can a girl get no reprieve?

  “He’s seriously so hot,” Bella chimes in. “And those dimples. Lord.” She fans herself. “He’s in my Spanish class.”

  “He’s amazing.” Lulu smiles so wide I wonder if her face might split apart. “Not only is he gorgeous, but he’s funny and smart and so freaking sweet. Normally guys that look like him are not that nice.”

  “Maybe they just raise them to be nicer in California,” Bella offers, shoveling a bite of yogurt into her mouth.