“Well, it has been what? Three years since the last time we’ve seen each other,” he needlessly points out.
“Wow, has it really been that long?” She tosses her long blonde hair over her shoulder. “God, I guess it has. You graduate this year, don’t you?”
“Yep.” He nods. “In a month.”
“Crazy. I remember when you were like this big.” She holds her hand up to her waist. “Now look at you.”
“That’s kind of what happens.”
“I guess so.” Her gaze comes to me. “Are you about ready?”
“Yeah.” I nod. “You need a ride?” I ask Henry.
“Nah, I’m riding over with Elliot,” he says, referring to Bella’s younger brother who’s the same age as him.
“Well, I guess we will see you there.” Lucy turns, taking a few steps before glancing back to make sure I’m coming.
“Wish me luck,” I mutter under my breath.
“I have a feeling you’re going to need it.” Henry chuckles.
“You still drive the Jeep?” Lucy waits until I step up next to her to continue walking.
“Yep.”
“I always loved that car.”
“Since when? If I remember correctly, you hated my Jeep.”
“No, I hated how uncomfortable the backseat was.”
“When were you ever in the backseat?”
“Really?” She gives me a look and I suddenly realize what she’s referring to.
“Oh, right.” I dig my keys out of the front pocket of my black suit pants and click the lock button as we reach the Jeep.
Because Lucy wasn’t technically allowed to date, we had to be creative.
“As if you could forget.” Lucy peels open the passenger door and slides inside.
I resist the urge to tell her that I had forgotten. That I rarely think about her or our time together. What purpose would it serve other than hurting her to share that?
Opening the driver’s door, I take my seat behind the wheel.
“So...you’re friends with Henry now, huh?”
“Hope asked me to check in on him from time to time after she left for New York. Make sure he wasn’t getting into too much trouble. I guess you could say he kinda won me over. He’s a good kid.”
“Yeah, he is. Or at least he used to be. I guess I don’t really know him that well anymore.”
“He’s changed a lot over the years. I used to feel like I was hanging out with a kid. Now, sometimes I forget we’re nearly four years apart.”
“That’s awesome that he has you. I know his relationship with his father has been a bit strained over the years.”
“Yeah.”
“So what’s new with you? How’s school?”
“It’s good.” I fire the engine to life and drop the vehicle into drive.
“Do you like your classes?”
“Yeah.”
“Hope mentioned that you were working on a serial. Is that still something in the works?”
“It is.” I keep my response short, mainly because I’m afraid if I say more I might end up asking her what else Hope has said about me.
“What’s it about?”
“A girl.”
“A girl? What girl?” She turns slightly in her seat so that she’s able to watch me as I drive.
“A fictional girl.”
“Oh.” I’m not looking at her, but I can see the slight pout of her bottom lip in my peripheral vision. “Has Hope read it?”
Her question strikes me as odd and I consider something for the first time... Does Lucy not know that Hope cut me out of her life?
“No. No one has.” I shake my head. “What about you? How’s Texas?” I try to veer the conversation off of me. Mainly because I don’t know what she does or doesn’t know and I don’t want to say something that might come back on Hope.
Based on her behavior, I’m guessing that she doesn’t know about the night I spent with Hope in New York last year. If she did, I doubt she would be speaking to me, let alone sitting next to me in my car. And the way she’s talking about Hope, it’s like she has no clue about anything that’s transpired over this past year.
“It’s good.” She fidgets with the seatbelt.
“Are you dating anyone?” I regret the question as soon as I ask it. While I meant it as a conversation piece, Lucy may take it as something more.
“Not really. What about you?”
“Not at the moment. Though I am interested in someone. I’m just not sure if she’s interested in me.”
“Tell me more.” She leans in closer.
“Not much to tell. We spent an amazing night together and afterward she blew me off.”
“Well it sounds like there’s your answer.”
“What do you mean?” I briefly glance in her direction.
“If a girl blows you off after sex, I think it’s pretty clear where she stands.”
“I don’t think it’s always so cut and dry,” I argue. “This is different. She is different.”
“Hmph.” The little noise that comes out of her throat draws my gaze back to her again.
“What?” I question, tightening my grip on the steering wheel.
“Nothing.” She turns her head to look out the window.
“Don’t nothing me, Lucy Brown. If you have something to say, say it.”
“It’s just...” She picks at the hem of her knee length lavender dress. “I guess I was hoping you were talking about me.”
“What?” I blurt, a knot forming in my throat.
Lucy didn’t want to end things when we did. I know that a few months later she still had feelings for me because she’d texted me saying so. But I didn’t expect that all these months, hell years, later she was still holding onto the hope that we might end up together.
“Lucy,” I start but she quickly dismisses me with a swipe of her hand.
“Don’t. It’s fine.”
“Lucy.” I reach for her hand, but she pulls it away before I can grab it.
“I said don’t.” She keeps her gaze locked out the window.
The rest of the car ride is silent. I feel bad for upsetting her, but I won’t lie to her simply because it’s easier. My heart is with someone else. It always has been. I don’t want to string her along for the sake of not hurting her. In the end, that will only end up hurting her more.
When we pull up outside of the reception hall, I haven’t even killed the engine before Lucy jumps out. I expect her to take off inside, but to my surprise, she waits for me at the front of the Jeep.
“What do you say we go get drunk and dance the night away... For old time’s sake.” She smiles, extending her hand to me.
I don’t want to take it. Hell, I don’t want to do anything but get inside and find Hope.
“Oh come on. It’s just a hand.” She looks down at her still extended hand. “I won’t bite. Unless you ask me to.” She winks, breaking a bit of the tension.
I laugh despite the bustle of nerves eating away at my gut.
“There he is.” Lucy snags my hand and tugs me toward the venue.
We no more than reach the crosswalk when a black Camry glides to a stop in front of us to let us pass.
I glance up, all the air leaving my lungs when I realize that it’s Hope in the car. Her eyes dart from me to Lucy and then to our adjoined hands.
Fuck...
I can only imagine what this must look like. I want to stop, tell her it’s not what she’s probably thinking, but Lucy seems to have other ideas in mind.
Without releasing my hand, she veers toward the driver’s side of the car.
“That was fast,” she says to Hope through the open window, throwing me a backward glance when I shake off the hold she has around my fingers.
“Yeah.” Hope keeps her gaze trained on Lucy, not once looking in my direction. It’s like having a hot branding iron pressed to my chest.
I want to scream look at me!
“Park and we’ll wait for yo
u.”
“No, that’s okay. You two head on in. I’ll catch up.”
“Okay.” Lucy blows her kisses seconds before she speeds away.
Even though I want to wait, I turn and follow Lucy inside. When we enter the ballroom, I’m not the least bit surprised to find it decorated like a winter wonderland. Based on how the church was decorated, it fits the theme.
Everything is white. The tables, the place settings, the flowers, the tiny lights draped from the ceiling. There are even two massive ice sculptures on either side of the wedding party table. The only thing missing is a machine blowing fake snow all over the room.
“Wow.” Lucy looks around the room in awe. “This is gorgeous. I knew Bella would go all out, but I was not expecting this.”
“Did she not tell you what she was doing?” I ask, a little confused. In high school, both Lucy and Hope were really good friends with Bella. I was honestly a little surprised that neither of them were in the wedding. Then again, Bella only had a maid of honor and one bridesmaid, both of which were members of her immediate family.
“We don’t talk much anymore. I’m just so busy with school and stuff.”
“I see.” I nod, peering behind me.
“Come on. Let’s go find our table.”
“Our table?” I question, following her through the room.
“You didn’t think Bella would let us sit wherever we wanted.” She laughs. “She seated us all together. Probably in the corner if I had to guess. Bitch,” she says playfully.
Lucy scans the name plates on every table we pass before locating the one she’s looking for. Funny enough, she was right. Bella did stick us all in the corner.
I look around at the name cards placed in the center of each plate. Lucy. Gretchen. Lance. Todd. Avery. Josh. Alec. Hope. The whole high school gang is here. Well, plus Henry, who Bella probably sat at the same table as his sister because she knows he doesn’t know many other people here.
I smile, seeing my name next to Hope’s. At least this way she can’t avoid me.
“There you are,” Lucy says, pulling my attention to the side as Hope steps up next to the table.
“Hey guys.” She drapes her purse over the back of her chair, avoiding my gaze.
“So, it would appear Bella is embarrassed of us,” Lucy tells her best friend.
“Why do you say that?” Hope asks.
“Because she stuck us in the corner.”
“Maybe it’s you she’s embarrassed of and the rest of us are paying the price,” I joke.
“Ha. Ha,” Lucy mocks, sticking her tongue out at me.
The three of us take our seats as Gretchen and Todd arrive at our table. Hope scoots her chair to the left in an effort to put as much distance between us as possible. My chest aches.
Our table begins to fill as people filter into the room, everyone waiting for the arrival of the new bride and groom. I try to keep my mood light and act completely natural, but it’s damn hard to do with this heavy weight sitting on my shoulders.
Hope talks to everyone but me as the reception gets underway. I try to ignore how that makes me feel and partake in the conversation as much as possible.
After Bella and her new husband arrive and are announced, along with the wedding party, several servers enter the room, carrying the first course of dinner.
I have zero appetite but I force down the salad anyway. I keep catching Lucy staring at me from across the table. It wouldn’t normally be a problem but Hope notices too. At one-point she even inches a little closer to her brother.
I’m not the best at reading people, but I’d have to be blind not to see what’s going on here. Given Lucy’s forward behavior toward me, Hope no doubt suspects that something is going on, which it isn’t.
When the salad plates are cleared and the main course is being served, I take the opportunity to lean in and speak to Hope while everyone is distracted.
“We need to talk.” I keep my voice low so only she can hear. I don’t miss the tight set in her shoulders or the way she stiffens at the sound of my voice.
Her head turns slowly in my direction and when our eyes meet I swear I forget how to breathe.
“I’m not doing this here,” she mouths.
“Well we’re doing it somewhere because I’m not leaving here until we talk.”
The look she gives me is a mix between frustration and pain.
“Fine. But not now.”
“Then when?”
“Just not now.” She whips her head back in the direction of her brother and starts talking to him about his upcoming graduation.
I’m pulled into a conversation with Todd and Josh, both of whom I played basketball with Senior year. Josh has remained local and we’ve met up a few times to hang out. But Todd is attending college a couple hours away and this is the first time I’ve seen him since high school.
I do my best to push the anxiousness in my gut down and try to enjoy catching up with him and some of the other people I haven’t seen in a while, but no matter how hard I try, I can’t seem to keep my thoughts on the conversation.
It’s impossible with Hope sitting next to me, her sweet scent dancing in my nose. All I want to do is reach under the table and hold her hand. Pull her close to me and breathe her in more deeply. Press a kiss to her lips without a care in the world who sees or what they think.
Instead, I’m forced to suffer in silence, hoping that before the night is up I will have the answers I have so desperately needed this past year.
I laugh and cheer along with everyone else as Bella and Chuck shove cake in each other’s faces. I smile and try to ignore the quell of emotion in my chest as they share their first dance, remembering the first time I danced with Hope at the Spring Formal. I may not have understood my feelings for her at the time, but looking back I know they’ve always been there, lying dormant in hopes that one day she would feel the same way.
Little did I know, she did.
There are so many things I wish I could go back and do differently. So many obstacles that could have been avoided had I known how she felt. But I was a kid, and truthfully, I think I was scared of how I felt about her.
Lucy was the easier choice. She pursued me. It was so much simpler. But when you go against your heart, eventually it comes back to bite you. And did it ever.
I turn toward Hope as the wedding party enters the dance floor and the DJ invites everyone to join them.
“Dance with me.” It’s not a question.
“Alec.” She blows out a puff of air through her soft pink painted lips.
“Please, Russell.” I try to entice her by using the nickname I used to call her. “Dance with me.”
I can see the indecision in her eyes, the uncertainty, so suffice it to say, when she nods and stands, I damn near about fall right out of my chair.
Clamoring to my feet, I offer her my arm, which, again to my surprise, she takes. Probably because she doesn’t want to raise any suspicion with the people sitting around us. But whatever the reason, I salivate in the small victory.
When we reach the dance floor, I tug Hope into my arms and for the first time in a year, I feel home. I pull her in closer, pressing my cheek to her temple as we begin to sway to the slow, melodic tune.
“I’ve missed you,” I tell her, cinching my fingers at her waist.
“I’ve missed you too.” Her voice shakes slightly.
“You could have fooled me,” I counter. “In fact, given this past year and the way you’ve acted toward me today, I’d venture to say that this is the last place you want to be right now.”
She pulls her head back and looks up at me, the magnitude of her beauty causing my knees to shake.
“You’re right. This is the last place I want to be.” She sees my expression drop, and she quickly continues, “But it’s also exactly where I want to be.”
“What happened, Hope? What happened in New York?”
“You know what happened,” she says softly, averting her
gaze.
“Look at me,” I demand, waiting until her eyes come back to mine before continuing. “What happened after I left? Why did you send me that text and then ghost me?”
“I didn’t ghost you.”
“Then what would you call it.”
“I cut ties.”
“But why? If you regretted what happened, we could have talked about it. Does our friendship mean so little to you?”
“Our friendship meant everything to me.” I don’t miss the past tense.
“Well you sure have a funny way of showing it.”
“What happened that night was wrong.”
“Why?” I plead, needing some clarity. I feel like there’s so much I don’t know or understand.
“Because you and Lucy...” she trails off.
“Me and Lucy are a thing of the past. We talked about this that night. It’s been over for years.”
“Not for her.”
“What do you mean?” I draw back.
I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. Deep down I’ve known that Lucy still has feelings for me. If I was even a little unsure, today proves that much.
“She’s still in love with you.”
“So this is about Lucy?”
“Yes. And it’s about me. What we did...” She glances around to make sure no one is close enough to overhear what she’s about to say. “Was a complete disregard of my friendship with Lulu. I’m supposed to be the one she can count on. The one she can come to for advice or when she needs a shoulder to cry on. Someone she can confide in. Someone she can trust.”
“You’re all those things and more. You’ve always been more of a friend to Lucy than she’s ever been to you. Always.”
“That’s not true,” she disagrees. “Because Lulu has never slept with someone I’m in love with.”
“But I’m not in love with her.”
“It doesn’t matter. She’s my best friend. I guess I can’t expect you to understand.”
“She’s your best friend and yet you’re content lying to her? And in the meantime, I’m the one left out in the cold?” I bite out of anger and frustration. “How is that fair?”
Hope’s entire body stiffens.
“Do not talk to me about fair.” Her nostrils flare. “And I’m not lying to Lulu. I’m choosing not to rip her heart out of her chest and stomp on it.”
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