“Don’t start with me, Casey,” I say. “I get enough of a guilt trip from Mom when I don’t come home for the holidays.”
“Yeah, well, she’s already cleaning out your old room and cooking all your favorite dishes.” He laughs. “Expect lots of home-cooked meals,” he whispers, “with butter.”
“God,” I groan. “I just got under one hundred and ten pounds. Do you know how many hot yoga sessions I had to do and salads I had to eat? Kale is not tasty.”
“It is if it’s deep fried and then drenched in butter,” he says. “Anyway, I’m off to bed. Five a.m. comes quickly.”
“I’ll be home tomorrow. I am going to push through,” I say. The bathroom door opens, and Olivia comes out in a cloud of steam. “See you then,” I say and disconnect.
Olivia has her hair wrapped up in a white towel and another towel wrapped around her chest, and she’s carrying her clothes in a ball in her hand. “That shower felt great.” She dumps her clothes on the bed and comes over to the food that I bought. “What do we have here?”
“The second-best thing I could get,” I say, getting up to a sitting position. “The Piggly Wiggly is closed.”
“I don’t know if I should be happy about that or sad,” she says, grabbing the trail mix and opening it. “Maybe sad.” She turns and walks back to the bathroom to spit it out. “That trail mix is at least a year old.”
“I have no doubt the chips are fresh,” I say. Getting up, I walk over to the bathroom and turn on the water. “I want to be gone by three if that’s okay.”
“Yeah,” Olivia says, sitting on the bed with four bags of chips and two Snickers. “Why did we stop eating chips?” she asks after shoving five into her mouth.
“I mean, it’s a carb,” I say, pulling off my sweater, “and deep fried, and there is a fuck ton of sodium.”
“I don’t care,” she says, putting another handful into her mouth and opening the Snickers. “God, I forgot how much I love chocolate,” she says, taking another bite.
I shake my head and take a fast shower, letting the heat hit my neck. I won’t admit it, but I’m nervous as fuck about going back home. I said I would never go back there, and now here I am, twelve hours away from driving back into a town I never wanted to return to.
When I get out of the shower, I wrap myself the same way that Olivia did, and when I walk out, she’s under the covers and the wrappers from two chocolate bars are on the side table with a bag of chips. “I remember now why we stopped,” she groans. “I feel sick.”
“That’s because your body isn’t used to sugar or starch,” I say, laughing. Getting a shirt, I put it on with my underwear. I pick up my phone and set the alarm for two forty-five. “What are the chances that we’ll hit a Starbucks tomorrow morning?”
I slip under the cold white covers and turn off the light. “I’m going to say almost zero, but you never know.” I put my head down on the pillow.
“Thank you,” she says, and I look over at her in the dark room, “for going back home. I know that the last thing you want to do is go back there.”
“It’ll be fine,” I say, ignoring the hammering of my heart. “I’m just not sure you’re ready for it.”
“I’m ready,” she says softly, and I close my eyes, falling asleep within minutes. When the alarm goes off, I groan, reaching over and seeing that Olivia is sitting up in bed.
“Did you sleep?” I ask, blinking away the sleep.
“For an hour, I think.” Her voice is soft. “I gave up after I had a nightmare.” Ever since she was arrested, she wakes up with nightmares.
“I’m ready,” she says, tossing off her covers to show me she’s dressed in jeans and a tank top.
“I’ll be ready in five,” I say, getting up and walking to the bathroom. I pee in the dark and get dressed, not even turning on the light when I brush my teeth. When I walk out of the bathroom, the lights are on, and she’s sitting on the bed eating another bag of chips. She has a sweater on now and her Gucci flops. I don’t tell her that she’s going to have to put running shoes on once we get to the farm. Instead, I grab my bag.
“I have the rest of the food,” Olivia says, getting up and walking to the door. I’m not a morning person and never have been. I need at least two cups of coffee, and that’s before I can even see straight. We walk past the unoccupied reception desk and outside into the cold air.
“It’ll heat by nine,” I say, unlocking the car door and getting in. We don’t hit a Starbucks, but we do find a coffee shop. I order three cups of coffee, finishing one as soon as we sit back in the car. We pick up a couple of sandwiches, and the closer I get to home, the more my nerves kick into gear.
“It’s going to be fine.” I give myself a pep talk when I look over at Olivia, who’s asleep in the passenger seat.
Getting off at the exit, I slowly make my way down Main Street, trying not to look around or even slow down. Instead, I focus on heading to my family’s farm. “I swear it looks just like a Hallmark movie,” Olivia says while she looks outside in awe, and I want to groan. “Fuck,” she says, and then I make the mistake of looking out the window when we come to a stop sign. I look over to see black hair.
He walks down the two steps of the sheriff’s office, but I would know that walk anywhere. When I left eight years ago, he was just a boy, and now he is all man. No matter what I tell myself or say out loud, just looking at him makes my heart ache even more than it did before. His chest is bigger, his arms are thicker, and his five o’clock is shadow setting in.
I watch him walk, looking down, and then turn around to see a boy come running toward him. He smiles at him and bends down to catch the boy with blond hair. He picks him up in his arms and buries his face in his neck. I was wrong before, the pain of leaving him was nothing compared to the pain I feel now as I watch him with his son.
I don’t even know how long I’m at the stop sign, but a honking horn makes everyone look at my car, and the smile that was on his face a couple of seconds ago is gone, and in its place is a glare as he watches me drive away for a second time.
Chapter Three
Jacob
“How many days are you off now?” I look up from my desk and see Monica standing there with her arms crossed over her chest. She’s been with me since I took over the sheriff’s office after my father died suddenly four years ago. I was already the second in command at that point, so it was a no-brainer I would take over for him.
My eyes roam up and down as she stands there in a tight black skirt and white silk shirt. She is way overdressed for working in the office, and she doesn’t even hide the fact that she wants to be under me. “I don’t know what I’m going to do without seeing you.” She twirls her bleached blond hair around her finger.
I lean back in the chair, the squeak coming out of the wooden chair that once belonged to my father. “I’m sure you’ll be fine.” I smile at her. “Besides, I think that Grady is on all weekend.” Grady is my second in command. We graduated from the academy together and started on the same day. He’s had a hard-on for Monica since the day she sauntered in here.
“I have a couple of things to do before I head out,” she says, turning around and walking away. My eyes go straight to her ass. Fuck, I need to get laid. Looking down at my hands, the right and the left, I wonder which one is going to get lucky tonight.
The phone on my desk beeps, and I look down and see that it’s Casey.
Casey: We need to talk.
I toss my phone down, not even interested in what he has to say. My relationship with him ended the day he took Kallie away from me. My hands clench into fists just thinking about her. The woman who I used to love with everything I had, but now I hate more than anyone in the world. My phone beeps again, and it’s him again.
Casey: I’m not fucking around with you.
I shake my head and answer him back.
Jacob: I don’t want or need to hear what you have to say.
I press send while another text comes in fr
om Beau.
Beau: What time is the game tonight?
I answer him right away.
Jacob: Six p.m. is kickoff.
Beau: See you there.
I run my hands over my face, my back protesting the movement. I have the next four days off, and I plan to sleep all day long. When my phone beeps again, I groan.
Savannah: Hey, I got called in to the bar. Can I drop Ethan off early?
Jacob: I’m at the station.
Savannah: Be right there.
I put my phone on the desk and look over at the picture of me and my son. His smile is everything. He is everything. My mind goes to a place I never let it go.
On prom night eight years ago, Kallie sat next to me, looking more beautiful than ever. With her face done up in light makeup and her long blond hair curled at the bottom, I couldn’t wait to take her back to the barn where I had a special surprise for her. The little black box in my suit jacket pocket suddenly felt heavy. From as far back as I could remember, there wasn’t a memory that I had—good or bad—that didn’t have Kallie in it. But when she finally admitted that she loved me, everything just came together. I loved her. She was everything to me.
We got to the school, and I wanted to leave, but I had promised her a dance. I didn’t even see Savannah when we pulled up, but she stepped out of the shadows, and I saw right away that she was crying.
Savannah, Beau, and I had always had a special bond. Beau as my best friend and Savannah as the pain in the butt who never left our side. She was always the kid picked on because her mother was the help. She would get hand-me-downs and be known as “a boy” since she always dressed in hand-me-downs that either Beau or Liam wore. Beau and I were always saving her one way or another.
“What’s wrong?” I asked her right away, looking around to see if someone was around her.
“I’m in trouble,” she said, her voice shaking. “So much trouble.”
“What do you mean?” I asked her while people walked around us all dressed up.
“I don’t know how it happened,” she said and then sobbed, and I took her in my arms.
“It’s going to be okay.” I rubbed her hair. “Whatever it is, it’s going to be okay.”
“I’m pregnant,” she said, and I let go of her, stepping back.
“Oh my God.” My hand flew to my mouth. “Who?”
“I …” She looked down at the ground and sobbed out again. “I can’t tell you that.”
“What are you going to do?” I asked her as I ran my hand through my hair. This was crazy because she was already looked down at all the time.
“I know that you and Kallie are going away, but if you can just …” she said at the same time I started to shake my head.
“You can’t be serious.” I gasped out at her. “I can’t. Think about this for a second, Savannah. You have to tell the father.” I tried to reason with her.
“I can’t.” She shook her head and put her hand on her stomach.
“Then you have to think about maybe adoption.” I tried to make her see, but it just got her even more hysterical. I was almost at my wits’ end. “What about perhaps …” I didn’t want to say the words, but she read between the lines.
“You can’t seriously be saying this,” Savannah hissed. “I can’t.”
“Hey.” I heard Kallie’s voice from behind me, and I knew it was going to just blow up. “Is everything okay?” she asked, looking first at Savannah and then at me, and my eyes avoided hers. I couldn’t look at her. “What’s going on?” Her voice was frantic at one point, and she called my name. “Jacob.” I knew then and there my life would change. I just didn’t know if I would survive it.
“I’m so sorry,” I said, and it was as if she knew that her life would be changed also. Her body started to shake, and I called her name. “Kallie.” I took a step forward, but she just took a step backward away from me. “I can explain.”
I watched her eyes go blank. I watched her shut down in front of me, and then I heard Beau shouting. I looked at him, and for one second, I wished he got here first. That he was the one who Savannah went to. “Someone had better say something and something fast.” He wrapped his arm around Kallie as she started to shake.
“Say it.” She looked at me, so broken, so helpless. It was like I was looking in a mirror.
“She’s pregnant.” I said the words that would forever change the path of my life. She looked at me, waiting for me to tell her that it wasn’t mine and assure her that I would never do that to her. I thought she would know. I thought she would have had enough faith in me and our love to automatically know that wasn’t true. I prayed that she saw what was in my eyes. That I loved her all the way down to my soul. “I’m so sorry.”
“Oh my God,” she said, her knees buckling under her, and she got sick on the sidewalk. The tears rushed out of me as my heart broke and my chest got tight, so tight I didn’t think I would be able to breathe.
“Kallie. Please, baby,” I pleaded with her while she looked up and shouted.
“No!” Her hand shot up and blocked me from her.
“Kallie, let me take you somewhere, and I can explain.” I almost got on my knees and begged her, and all she could do was look at Savannah, who stood there crying.
“How could you?” Kallie asked Savannah with hatred in her voice, and she had every reason to.
“It’s not what you think,” Savannah tried to tell her, but the sob ripped right through her.
“You’re wrong.” She stood up and tried to hold her shoulders high. My brave, brave girl. “It’s worse than I think.” She ignored me and looked at Beau. “Can you take me home?”
“Kallie.” I stepped forward to put my hand on her, and she ripped her arm away from my touch, so I let my hand fall to my side. “Please let me explain.” I wanted to rip my hair out. I wanted to shout the truth and tell her that it wasn’t true. Nothing about this was true.
“You slept with her while you told me you loved me!” she shouted at me, each word like a knife to my heart as tears poured down both of our cheeks. Every dream I’d ever had of us getting married and having children together was erased, like it never was. “You slept with her while you made plans with me about the future. Our future.” Her voice was so loud that I finally spotted a crowd around us. The pain ripped through me, gutting me, leaving me hollow. I just had to get her alone so I could explain it to her.
“Kallie.” Beau said her name, and she turned her anger on him also.
“You knew.” Kallie pointed at him. “You had to have known. You guys are the three musketeers.”
“No,” he said, shaking his head. He looked as gutted as Kallie looked right now. “I didn’t know.”
“I don’t believe you,” she hissed, and then she looked at me. “I hope she’s worth it.” She turned and walked through the crowd, and my eyes followed her, my feet stuck to the ground. As I looked around, the crowd just looked at me. Some with disgust and others with sorrow.
She got into Casey’s truck, and he peeled off. She was leaving me, and I ran, I ran so fast after the truck. I pushed myself, calling her name over and over until my voice was raw. I ran until my legs burned and my knees buckled, leaving me in the middle of the road with the sight of the red taillights fading.
The phone rings, bringing me back to the present. My chest hurts just as bad as it did that day, just the same as it has since she left. “Hello?”
“You’re a hard man to get a hold of,” Casey says, and I roll my eyes.
“Not a hard man to get a hold of. Me not answering you should have been a clue that I have nothing to say to you.”
“Listen, I don’t have much time,” he says with attitude, and I laugh.
“Actually, me neither,” I say, and I hang up on him. Fuck him, he kept me from her. The next day, he kicked me off his property and refused to let me see Kallie. Then two days later, her father told me she was gone, and I found out he snuck her out of town.
Grabbing my key
s, I say goodbye to Monica while I walk out into the hot Southern heat. I’m walking down the steps when I hear Ethan call my name. “Dad!” he shouts, and I turn to look at him. Luckily for both of us, my son looks exactly like Savannah, but he’s my son right down to my bones. I bend to catch him while he runs to me, and I bury my face into his neck, giving him a kiss. His laughter gets louder, and then I hear cars honking. I look at where it’s coming from, and it’s like I’m brought back to eight years ago. It has to be because there is no way I am actually seeing what I am seeing.
Kallie, looking as beautiful as she did when she walked away from me without giving me a second thought. The same Kallie who said she would always stand by me. The same Kallie I slowly started to hate. “Oh my God.” I look at Savannah beside me. “Is that Kallie?” she asks.
Chapter Four
Kallie
“Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God.” I keep chanting it over and over again, and I blink away the tears that have formed in my eyes the minute I saw him with his son. His son.
“Kallie,” Olivia whispers. She puts her hand on mine, and I just shake my head. “Is that him?”
“Oh, that was him all right.” I wipe away the lone tear that escapes and rolls down my cheek. “He and his son and probably his wife.”
“Probably his wife?” she asks. “Probably?”
My hands grip the steering wheel so hard my knuckles are white. “I don’t exactly know.”
“And why don’t you know?” She throws her hands up and huffs.
“Because I didn’t want to know,” I say, turning onto the gravel road that leads to my family’s property. “After I left, I didn’t want to know.”
“But how?” She looks out the window as the trees pass us by.
“They tried to, but I shut it down. I told them I would no longer call if they even brought him up.” I take a deep inhale. “I couldn’t think of him with her, and I didn’t want to know. I locked it away and refused to even think about it.”
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