“How is this going to work now that we are in town?” I’ve been asking myself that same question since we started our drive. It would be easy to pretend he didn’t exist. But now that I was home and he was so close, I knew my heart wouldn’t be able to withstand it, and I was not wrong. The pain of losing him is even more now than before. The ache in my chest is a combination of pressure and little stabs of pain.
“I’m going to make it work,” I say, trying not to make her feel any worse than she already does about bringing me back home. “Besides, I think it’s a big enough town that I won’t run into him.”
“Dude, we’ve been in your town for a hot minute, and you’ve run smack into him.” Olivia points in the direction where we can from. “Literally one street.”
“I know that, Olivia,” I say harshly. “I get it, but right now, I can’t fall apart, okay? I’m going to see my parents, and the last thing they need to see is me being a fucking basket case.” I blink as fast as I can, ignoring the stinging in my eyes. “It took a month for them to get me up and out of bed when I left here.”
“It’ll be okay,” she says softly. “Everything is going to be okay, and if it’s not, we can leave and go back home.” We drive into a clearing, and you can finally see my property. There are four black stallions running free in the fence enclosure on the right side.
“Oh, wow,” Olivia says, her eyes looking around at the vast green that surrounds my parents’ huge house. “You lived here?” she asks, gesturing to the huge white farmhouse where my mom and father still live. The same house where my mother grew up. The sight of the house makes my heart speed up just a touch, and when I finally turn into the parking area beside the house, all I can hear is the gravel crunching under the car. The sound is suddenly louder than I ever remembered.
I look over at the house. “They painted the house,” I say. The fresh white paint was applied not too long ago since it still shines. My mother opens the front screen door, and she walks out onto the covered porch, waving excitedly at us. I turn the car off and look over at Olivia. “Here goes nothing.”
Opening the car door, I put one foot out of the car before the smell of the horses hits me. It really is country. I smile to myself, and the sudden memories of me riding the horses come back to me in full force; the memories of falling off them, and the ones of me and Jacob going on the secret trails we found. It’s all too much, and I want to run away again. I want to hightail it out of here just like I did eight years ago.
“Kallie,” my mother says. She rushes down the two steps and hurries over the little concrete path in front of the house. I look at her, and she looks just the same as she did four years ago when she flew out to see me. Her hair is a touch whiter, but she is still in her jeans and a T-shirt. I turn and walk around the car and rush to her. She holds her arms out, and the minute I smell her, I fall apart in her arms. “It’s okay, sweetheart,” she says softly, smoothing my hair. “It’s going to be okay.”
“Mom.” I just say her name as I hug her harder than I ever have in my whole life. I’ve missed her so much. I didn’t know how much until I hugged her.
“What is all this?” When I hear my father’s voice, I sob and run to him. He catches me in his big arms, and I finally see how much he’s aged. His beard is salt and pepper now. I’m sure the hair on his head is the same, but it’s covered with the cowboy hat that he puts on as soon as he starts his day. “There’s my girl,” he says softly, and I know that with them, nothing will be able to touch me. They will protect me until the end.
“Okay, enough of that,” my mother says, and I look back at her, and she has her arm around Olivia, who wipes her own tears. “We need to get these two fed. The wind is going to take them away.”
“God, she’s been cooking for a week. You would think it’s going to be your last meal,” he whispers in my ear, and I laugh and use my sleeve to wipe my nose.
“I’ll go set the table. You get the bags,” my mother says to my father, who just nods, but I shake my head.
“No can do,” Olivia says. “I got my bag.” She goes to the car and opens the trunk.
“She is going to kill herself,” my father says as we watch Olivia take out her massive luggage that took both me and her to lift. I try not to laugh at her when she drops it on her foot.
“Motherfucker!” she yells and then looks at my parents. “Sorry,” she hisses out. I see her grab the handle, and she tries to roll it over the gravel, but it gets stuck on the rocks. All of a sudden, Casey storms past us and straight to Olivia.
My brother is all that and a bag of chips as the girls in town say. “Why haven’t y’all helped the lady?” His Southern voice booms, making Olivia look up, and her mouth hangs open. My brother is six foot three, and he’s six foot three of muscle. He’s in his regular faded blue jeans, cowboy boots, and a white T-shirt. His skin is bronzed, and unlike my father, he doesn’t wear his cowboy hat unless he has clients coming over to check out the horses. “I got it, sugar,” he says, smiling at her, and I roll my eyes. His smile lights up his whole face, and it’s gotten him out of enough trouble over the years that it’s annoying to me.
Olivia just looks up and still says nothing. “Don’t tell me the cat’s got your tongue.” He winks at her, and I have to save her.
“That’s enough, Romeo,” I say to him, and he looks over his shoulder. “Don’t waste all that charm on Olivia. She’s immune to it.”
He runs his hand through his hair, making his arm flex. “Is that so?”
“Um,” Olivia says. “Um.”
“Goodness gracious,” my mother mumbles. “Casey, you get the bags upstairs.” She looks at my father. “Let’s get the food on the table.”
“Mom,” I say, and she holds up her hand.
“Don’t even mom me. You are skin and bones.”
I shake my head. “I’m not.”
“Hush up,” my mother says. She turns on her sneakers and walks up the two steps, letting the door slam behind her.
“Um, Kallie,” Olivia says from beside me when Casey walks up the steps and my father holds the screen door open for him. “Is that your brother?”
“Yup,” I say, nodding my head. “That would be Casey.”
“Why have I never heard about him or seen pictures of him?” she asks, and I put my hand up to my head.
“There is a picture in my bedroom of me on gradation day with my family,” I say, and she tilts her head.
“That man is not in that picture.” She points at the door. “He’s married, right? He has a herd of children.” We walk slowly to the front door.
I throw my head back and laugh. “I don’t even know what to say to that, but the answer is no. He is not one to be tied down.”
“Good God,” she says. The smell of my mother’s cooking hits me right away, and my mouth waters.
I pull open the screen door, and my feet don’t move from the spot. It’s almost the same from when I left. All that’s changed are the paint colors. But when I walk inside, the pictures lining the wall are all there. Pictures from our childhood to high school and then college. There are a couple from Christmas, but I’m not in those, and my hand comes out on its own, and I trace the frame. “See, he’s in this picture,” Olivia says from beside me. “He’s definitely not in the one in your room.”
“He’s just in the back, and you don’t notice him.” I laugh, shaking my head. Then I hear Casey walking upstairs and then jogging down the steps. “Definitely not,” Olivia says from beside me.
“I set her up in my old room,” he says and then looks at Olivia. “I can give you a tour later if you want.”
“NO!” I shout out the same time Olivia says, “Sure.”
“Goodness gracious,” my mother says, coming out of the kitchen wiping her hands on the apron she is now wearing. “Why the yellin’?”
“Nothing, Ma,” Casey says. He walks past us, and I look at Olivia who watches him like he’s her last meal on earth.
“We have a
“What pact?” She looks over at me.
“We aren’t allowed to date each other’s brother. It’s a universal thing really. Friends are not allowed to date the other’s siblings.”
“I don’t have a brother,” she informs me, “but if I did, and he looked like that, I would let you date him. I mean, date is a strong word since I gave up on dating, but I would let you find out if he wears boxers or briefs.” She points at Casey.
“It’s boxer briefs,” I say. “There, now no need to find out.”
“He could make me forget,” she says, and I groan. “Fine, fine.”
We walk into the kitchen area, and it’s just like it’s always been. All six burners on the range have a pot of them. The long wooden table in front of the big island also has food on it with a vase of fresh flowers in the middle. Something my father always does is bring her fresh flowers every single Friday. “It smells so good,” I say to my mother, and she just smiles.
“Go wash up and then have a seat.” She points at the bathroom, and Olivia and I both go wash our hands. When we come back, the table is set, and Casey and my father are bringing plates to the table.
“How many people are coming?” Olivia whispers, and I shrug.
“Everything is bigger in the South,” I say, walking to the table.
“Heehaw to that,” Casey says and then looks at Olivia. “Saved you a seat, darlin’.”
“You.” I point at Casey. “Stop that right now. We have a pact.”
“It’s null and void.” He smirks. “Has been since you left.”
“How many?” I ask him, thinking of how many of my friends he’s hooked up with and broke their hearts.
“A gentleman never kisses and tells.” He sits down, and I look around.
“I don’t see any gentlemen here,” I say, grabbing my own chair and sitting down. “You.” I point at Olivia. “Come sit here next to me.”
“Would you relax? I can handle myself.” She pulls out the chair and sits down. “Oh my gosh, is that fried chicken?”
“Yup,” I say when my mother puts down the plate of chicken. “That’s chicken fried steak.” I point at the plate next to the chicken. “That’s shrimp and grits. And then collard greens, biscuits with gravy you can also put on the chicken fried steak, and cornbread.”
“I’m going to be a million pounds when I leave here,” Olivia says, looking at all the food. I’m about to grab a piece of chicken when a phone rings, and we both look at each other. The panic in her eyes is apparent, and she almost bolts from the table. Casey’s eyes fly to hers and then mine as he pulls his phone out of his back pocket. He looks down and then looks at me.
“’Bout fucking time you took your head out of your ass,” he says and looks at me and then my parents as he pushes away from the table. “I was calling to give you a heads-up.” He walks out of the room.
“No one will touch you here,” my father says softly, and Olivia grabs her napkin and dabs her eyes. I don’t say anything when Casey comes back into the house, the door slamming behind him.
I watch him toss his phone on the counter. “Well, it’s safe to say people know you’re back.”
Chapter Five
Jacob
“Is this going to be a problem?” Savannah asks, and I shake my head.
“Ethan, say bye to Mom,” I tell my son who walks over to his mom and reaches up to give her a hug.
“Love you, kiddo,” she says and then she looks at me. “Can you call me later?”
“Will do.” I nod at her. Having Kallie back in town is fucking with me, and I saw her for point seven seconds. I feel shifted, and I hate it. I get Ethan in the truck and buckle him in. “Eat what your mom packed you.” I point at the lunch bag that he put on the seat when he got in.
After closing the door, I try my hardest to slow my heart rate, but I know I have to call Casey. I get into the truck and drive over to the football field. I get Ethan out of his seat, then grab his equipment from the back. “You finish your food?” I ask, and he just nods. “Have a good game,” I say and kiss his head.
I wait for him to get to his coach before I grab my phone out of my pocket and call Casey, who answers after three agonizing rings.
“’Bout fucking time you took your head out of your ass,” he says.
“Kallie’s back in town.” I don’t even bother acknowledging his previous statement. There are a lot of things I feel for the whole family, but I can only step in the ring with Casey.
“I was calling to give you a heads-up.” I hear a chair scrape, and I wonder if he’s at home with her.
“Cut the bullshit,” I hiss. “The last thing you would ever do was help me.”
“Wasn’t me who had a kid with someone else, was it?” He always hits below the belt. “Either way, I just wanted you to know she’s back.”
“I saw that,” I say, then my voice goes soft. “She saw me already. I was in front of the station with Ethan.” I don’t know why I say it, but I do. I say it because I know that if the roles were reversed and I saw her with a child she had with someone else, I would need to bury my sorrows in a bottle of whiskey. Fuck, just the thought of it makes me sick.
“Fuck,” he hisses. “Needless to say, I think it’s a good idea if you both avoid each other.”
“Works for me,” I say and disconnect the call. I walk over to the stands and take my usual spot. A couple of parents wave at me, and some of the dads walking by stop and shake my hand.
My foot moves up and down with nerves, and I force myself not to go back to the past. I force myself not to think about how the whole family kept her from me. I force myself not to go back down the black hole of what happened when she left.
“Hey.” I spot Beau climbing the bleachers, and he sits next to me.
“Hey there, future mayor,” I joke with him. He’s dressed in slacks and a white button-down rolled up at the sleeves.
“Very funny,” he says, shaking his head. “What’s the scoop?”
“Kallie is back in town,” I say, looking at the field and avoiding his stare. Out of everyone, he is the only one who saw how hard it was for me when Kallie left. The night of prom, we both sat in my barn and drank until we passed out. He didn’t even question how I could do that to Kallie. He didn’t ask me anything; he just drank with me. When I went to Kallie the next day and begged to see her, he had my back. When I sat in front of her house for three days straight watching for her, he was right next to me. He was also there the day I became a father. He has been a better brother to me than my actual brother.
“What do you mean when you say Kallie is back?” he mumbles and looks around to make sure he didn’t say it too loud. The thing is, the gossip mill spreads faster than the speed of lightning in a small town.
“Pretty much exactly that. Kallie is back,” I say.
“To stay?” He asks the question that has run through my mind over and over again. Not that I care because I couldn’t care less. But I’m sure it’s easier to hate her when she isn’t in front of my face every single day.
“No fucking clue. Casey called me today, but I told him to fuck off.” I swallow. “Then she stops in front of the station.”
“Wow,” he says, running his hands through his hair. “This is insane. Kallie.”
“Yup.” That’s the last thing I say before Ethan jogs onto the field, and the football game starts. The whole time, my head is spinning.
“You need me to come over?” Beau asks when the game finishes, and he high-fives Ethan when he comes out with a popsicle.
“No,” I say, “I’m putting him to bed, and then I’m crashing. I’ve been on duty for the past four days.”
“Well,” he says, stopping next to his brand-new BMW. “Let me know if you change your mind.”
“Will do,” I say, opening the truck door and buckling Ethan in. I make it home and get him in the shower when my phone rings again, and I see it’s my mother.
“Please tell me it isn’t true,” my mother hisses as soon as I answer the phone. My mother has been a rock, my rock. She is the one who held my hand when I told my father that Savannah was pregnant. She never judged me or asked me how I could have done this to Kallie. She refused to let the town win when they basically shunned me for cheating on Kallie.
“Hey, Mom,” I say, going to the fridge and grabbing a beer. I twist the cap off and take a long pull.
“I can’t even believe she is showing her face after all this time.” She slams something. “After everything that you’ve been through.”
“Mom,” I say, “it’s fine.”
“It’s not fine. She broke your heart and didn’t even give you a chance to explain.”
“I mean, I did get another woman pregnant,” I say. I hate having to defend Kallie; that stopped being my job when she stormed out of town without looking back.
“Well.” My mother’s voice goes soft. “You made one mistake. You had no choice but to be there for Savannah. She was having your child.”
I take another pull, this time making my stomach burn.
“It’s fine, Mom,” I say. “It’ll be fine.”
“Yeah, it’ll be fine when she leaves town again,” she hisses. “I have to go. I’m in the middle of baking.”
“Oh, fuck,” I say. She always does this when she gets nervous or she is angry about something or she is heartbroken. When Kallie left town, she baked every day for a week. When her friendship with Charlotte, Kallie’s mom, ended, she baked twice a day. When my father died, she baked three times a day. We had to buy her another freezer so she could fill it. “Mom, I swear it’s going to be fine.”
“I know,” she says. “Bring Ethan over here tomorrow after school. He loves to bake with me.”
“Will do, Mom,” I say and disconnect. I get Ethan into bed and sit by his bed while he says his prayers, and then I read him a goodnight story. I know that it’s going to end soon, so I’m taking full advantage of it.
I kiss his head and walk out of the room, closing the door a bit, and then walk through the quiet house. A house my parents bought for me as soon as the shock of me becoming a father set in. I, of course, refused, and they insisted even more. “It’s for our grandson.”
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