The Text God: Text and You Shall Receive ... (An Accidentally in Love Story Book 2)

by Whitney Dineen

  “I can’t help but feel as though something’s wrong …” he says.

  Sighing, I pull out my phone and send a text to God.

  JFlan: I know you didn’t want me to text you anymore but I’m standing right across from you.

  Byrne’s phone pings with an incoming message but it looks like he’s going to ignore it. “Read your message,” I tell him.

  He pulls it out of his pocket, and I lean over to watch him read it. He has me programmed under CrazySister. Byrne looks up at me and demands, “What’s going on?”

  I no longer see any reason not to tell him. “I used to walk Audra’s dog and we both have these ancient phones. She programmed your number into my phone, so I thought you were texting me.”

  “You thought a total stranger was texting you? I mean, why would you ask a total stranger for help?” He seems totally perplexed by everything going on. “And why would you take it?”

  “I thought you were God,” I tell him, unable to meet his eyes for more than a second.

  “God? You mean …” He points to the ceiling.

  “Yes.”

  “Why in the world would you think I was God?”

  I feel like I’d be in real trouble if he had a butterfly net handy. I’d probably be halfway to Bedlam by now.

  “She programmed your name into my phone as God.” See how crystal clear it is now?

  “You thought God was taking a special interest in you?”

  I nod my head slowly. “By nature, I’m a person who believes in miracles.” But not anymore.

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Gabe

  “Wow, well … wow. I don’t know what to say. That is … it explains a lot, actually …” I tell Jen as my mind races through my interactions with the person I thought was Audra. “So, I got you the job at the hotel.”

  She nods.

  “And the Macy’s gift card.”

  “Yup.”

  “And you thought you were confessing directly to God about the scones,” I say, before I start scrolling through our conversation. “Oh, and here you’re kind of giving God the business for making your friend Zay so short.” I glance up at her, and her face is red with shame. Suddenly I feel really bad. “That’s actually pretty impressive. You went to bat for your friend with the only being who could strike you down with lightning.”

  Jen clears her throat, then mumbles, “I’m a loyal friend.”

  I stare at her, not knowing what to say or do. I am completely, utterly drawn to Jen, but the truth is, I don’t really know this woman at all. I knew she was a free spirit and that she paints not-so-subtle body parts. She’s also got a take on life that just feels so good to be around. But this is … a whole other level of different. Not bad, just different. Or maybe bad. I’d need to get to know her better in order to make that determination, but the truth is, I’m definitely interested in taking the time to figure her out.

  The women over at table two flag her down and she hurries away. Soon, the dinner rush starts and somehow, word gets out that I’m back at the pub, so I end up with a lineup of “clients” that will eat up the rest of my evening. I take the booth in the corner, sitting with my back to the wall so I can catch a glimpse of Jen every few minutes. Or seconds. That works too. She won’t look at me, and I know it’s not just about the texting thing. Something else was bothering her when I came in, but I don’t have the first clue what it could be. I find myself longing for closing time so I can walk her home and try to sort this out.

  Jen is a beautiful person, inside and out. So, she believes she was texting God. Is that such a leap from believing there is an all-knowing being guiding us along? Okay, maybe a little. Oh, there she is again. She’s laughing at something a customer said. She has the best laugh.

  “So, you’re into your parents’ new waitress, eh?” the man across the booth says to me. His name is Peter Fisher and we’re rewriting his will so the Head Harpy (aka his ex-wife) won’t get a dime.

  “What’s that?” I ask, my attention snapping back to him.

  “It’s pretty obvious. You can’t stop looking at her,” he says. “And I’m not sure you’ve heard a word I’ve said.”

  “Sorry, let’s get back to your will,” I tell him, my face heating up with embarrassment.

  “Randall told me how great you are, but I’m not so sure …” Peter says, having a sip of beer.

  “Well, you could always seek free help elsewhere, I suppose,” I tell him, but I keep a smile on my face so the insult won’t be completely obvious.

  He laughs like I just told him the best joke ever, then says, “Fair enough. Now, is there any way I could, say, have her charged with murder, even if I die of old age?”

  ***

  It starts raining about twenty minutes before closing, and by the time my parents clear everyone out, it’s “pelting down” as my dad puts it. So, no warm walk home, followed by a kiss at the door tonight. I get out of the booth, bus the table, and take the dishes to the kitchen. When I come back out, Jen is stuffing her tip money into her wallet.

  “So, I guess I can’t walk you home,” I say.

  She shakes her head. “I’m going to treat myself and take a cab.”

  “Ah,” I say, nodding. “Probably a good plan.” I wait to see if she’s going to ask me to split it with her, since she thinks I live near her, but she doesn’t.

  She just points to the front. “There it is now. See you.”

  With that she rushes off, leaving me to wonder why she’s mad at me. I’m not responsible for this whole misunderstanding.

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  Jen

  I feel like a world-class idiot. Byrne—screw it—Gabe acted like I was a mental midget for thinking I was texting with God. Hey, if the guy can create billions of galaxies and all that entails, surely he can mentally zap me a text every now and again.

  I ask my cabbie, Vinnie (according to his dashboard badge), “Vinnie, can I ask you a personal question?”

  “I’m an open book, sweetheart. What do you wanna know?”

  “Do you believe in God?”

  “What? You mean the God?” he asks. “Of course. Why do you ask?”

  “What if I told you I got a text from God the other day?” I ask him, carefully watching for his reaction in the rearview mirror.

  “What do you mean? Is this some new service the church is offering? Because that would be a great way to supplement the collection basket, you know?”

  “Yeah, it would be, but that’s not what I meant. I mean an actual text from the Big Guy upstairs. If I told you He messaged me personally, would you think I was nuts?”

  “Well, I’d be surprised maybe, but I wouldn’t think you were off your rocker,” he says. “Someone call you that?”

  “Yeah, Vinnie. Someone did.”

  “That’s a damn shame. Someone saying somethin’ so mean to a nice girl like you.” Vinnie beats his hand on the steering wheel, then says, “Why couldn’t God text someone? He made the entire planet in what? Seven days?”

  Well, not according to science, but I admire Vinnie’s faith. “Right? So, you’d think he’d be able to figure out something as easy as texting.”

  “Of course, he would. And you know what? Why wouldn’t he answer someone’s prayers in writing? He’s a good guy,” Vinnie says. “He gave my sista a miracle, you know.”

  “No kidding,” I say, leaning forward a little.

  “For real. When she was pregnant with her twins, she asked God to make sure that neither one of them had a peanut allergy on account of peanut butter being her all-time favorite food, and you know what?”

  “What?”

  At top volume, he tells me, “Neither one of ’em has a peanut allergy! How ‘bout that?” He veers wildly to avoid hitting a guy delivering take-out on his bike, causing me to do a face-plant into the seat in front of me. Suddenly I wonder if this is what I sounded like to Zay and to Audra … and to Byrne. Ur
gh. Negative Me pops up and says, Umm … yeah.

  Vinnie pulls over to the curb in front of my apartment and shuts off the meter. “So, what did God say? If you don’t mind me asking.”

  “Nothing,” I tell him, handing him a ten. “It was a hypothetical.”

  “Oh,” he says, his face falling. “That’s too bad. I was kinda excited there for a minute.” Then he adds, “No matter. I know He’s up there watching over us. Just look at my sista’s twins. The two little boogers just gobble up peanut butter every chance they get. Shelled peanuts, too. Sometimes trail mix. It’s beautiful.” He looks like he’s about to burst into happy tears right here in the cab.

  “Thanks for the ride,” I tell him. “And I’m glad about your sister’s twins.”

  “You’re welcome,” he says. “Keep the faith.”

  I step out into the rain and shut the door, before muttering, “It’s already gone.”

  Chapter Thirty

  Gabe

  Last night’s rain turns into today’s thunderstorms, the kind that make you want to curl up with a good book. Instead, I spend the entire day on my couch with a laptop and a legal pad, researching everything I need to know to start my own firm. After a few hours of gathering info, I start a pros and cons list of going it on my own or trying to join an existing firm. I think I want to hang my own shingle, eventually hiring on a couple more lawyers. As soon as I draw the line down the page, I find myself smiling at the memory of Jen figuring me for a list maker. The thought of Thursday’s weirdness takes over my mind and I set my pencil down and lean my head against the back of the couch. I hurt her feelings. Badly. And that’s the last thing I wanted to do.

  I pick up my phone, open my text messages, swap out the name CrazySister to Lovely Jen, then send her a text: I’m really sorry about yesterday. I know I hurt your feelings. Does it help that I changed your name to Lovely Jen?

  After waiting for a full minute with no reply, I set my phone down and get up to grab a bag of chips from the kitchen. I hear my phone ping just as I pop the bag open. My heart jumps as I hurry back to the living room to see what she replied.

  It’s not from her. It’s from Alexis.

  Hi, Gabriel, I was hoping I could stop by to pick up my things. Being that you haven’t responded to the olive branches I sent, I’m assuming that we’re through. I would really like to retrieve my La Mer face cream and my Waterpik.

  Sighing, I consider telling her I’ll ship them to her place, but then I decide that, after eight years together, she deserves more than that.

  Me: Sure. I’m home now.

  Alexis: Can I pop by this evening around eight? I’m at the office right now and I won’t be able to leave for a few hours.

  Me: See you then.

  I do nothing special to get ready for Alexis. I don’t even change out of my sweats or brush my hair. When the buzzer goes off at five ’til eight, I don’t even shut off the TV. I just amble over to the door and buzz her in. While she’s coming up in the elevator, I crack open a beer before going to the door and opening it.

  As soon as she gets off the elevator, I see that she’s dressed in a trench coat, heels, and a certain shade of red lipstick I haven’t seen in a while. My first guess is that she’s not here to pick up her stuff and say goodbye.

  “Good evening, Gabriel.” She walks past me, leaving a wake of perfume as she enters my apartment and makes her way to the kitchen.

  “How’ve you been?” I ask, glancing down at the box by the front door that I packed up for her. I just really want her gone.

  She turns, her face filled with pain. “I didn’t know it would be this hard.”

  Shoving my hands in the front pockets of my sweats, I nod. “I’m sure it’ll get easier, right?”

  “I don’t know. It feels like someone amputated my heart, to be honest,” she says, blinking quickly.

  Oh, crud. She looks so pathetic, I almost want to give her a hug, but I won’t. That would send mixed signals. Also, I only almost want to give her a hug. “Breakups are never easy.” There’s also a definite air of acting on her part.

  Her eyes fill with hope. “Are you struggling too? I’m such a mess I can’t even focus at work.”

  “Well, I think that’s pretty normal,” I say, staying rooted by the box so she’ll hopefully take the hint that we’re not making an evening of this.

  “Listen, I didn’t just come by to get my things. I came because I needed to see you,” Alexis purrs, walking over to me. “And I think you need to see me. This can’t be it, can it?” She places her hands on my chest. “After all these years, after everything we’ve said … and done together. Remember when we rented that cabin in Vermont? We skied all day and made love all night. Maybe that’s what we need. A getaway—just the two of us, getting to know each other again. I want to reacquaint myself with every inch of you.”

  I remove her hands from my chest, then sidestep her, creating a good deal of space between us. “That’s not going to happen, Al. I’m sorry you’re missing me, but I can’t be the man you need me to be, and truthfully, I don’t want to be him.”

  The door buzzer goes again, and I lift one eyebrow, immediately knowing she’s up to something. She pushes the button and asks, “Delivery for Mr. Daly?”

  A woman’s voice says, “Yes.”

  “Apartment 3F,” Alexis answers, buzzing the visitor up before turning back to me. “I hope you don’t mind. I got you one last gift. Something that will show how much you mean to me and that I’m ready to change and be the woman you want.”

  Shaking my head, I say, “No, please don’t buy me anything else. It’s just … over, okay? Whatever you ordered, I can’t accept.”

  She ignores me and asks, “Can I use your bathroom?”

  “Sure.”

  As soon as she disappears there’s a knock at the door. Sighing, I yank it open and come face to face with Jen. She’s dripping wet, her arms loaded with a large black garbage bag that is holding something square. She doesn’t say anything, she just stares at me with the saddest look I’ve ever seen.

  “Hi, what are you doing here?”

  “She’s delivering my present for you, silly,” Alexis says, striding into the room stark naked. She throws a faux-embarrassed smile at Jen. “Sorry! I didn’t think the evening would progress as fast as it did, but Gabriel just can’t get enough of me.”

  Jen stares at her, blinking for a second, before shoving the bag into my hands, spinning around, and rushing down the hall.

  “That was weird,” Alexis says. “For someone who paints the things she does, you’d think she’d be a lot cooler seeing a woman in her birthday suit.”

  I turn to Alexis and raise my voice. “You are unbelievable.”

  Her face falls. “I just wanted to surprise you.”

  My voice goes dead calm. “Get your jacket and get out.”

  “What are you so mad about?” Alexis yells. “You should be flattered that I would go to so much trouble for you.”

  I pull the door open, but before running after Jen, I tell Alexis, “Be gone when I get back.”

  With that, I sprint down the hall, hoping to catch up with Jen before she disappears.

  I don’t bother waiting for the elevator. Instead I run down the stairs like I’m on fire. I get to the lobby only moments after Jen must have gotten off the elevator because I reach her just as she gets to the curb and holds her hand up to signal a cab.

  “Jen! It’s not what it looks like, I swear!” I yell to be heard over the thunder that rumbles through the atmosphere.

  She turns around and looks at me with rain pouring down her cheeks. “Alexis came to my apartment and told me everything, Gabe. I know you are getting engaged tonight.” She adds, “I wish you the best. I really do. It’s not that there’s anything between us, really. Just one big misunderstanding.”

  I close the distance between us. “There is something between us, Jen. And I’m not getting engaged to
Alexis. I’m sure she only said that to drive a wedge between us.”

  “Did you tell her there was something between us?” she asks with hurt in her tone.

  I shake my head. So, she continues, “I’m grateful for all of your help, Gabe.” I don’t want her to call me Gabe, I want her to call me Byrne. “I really need the job at your parents’ pub, so I hope there won’t be any weirdness between us, but you and I aren’t meant for each other.”

  “How can you say that?”

  “If you really did break up with Alexis—which I find very hard to believe being that she just spent a fortune on a painting for you and, umm … because she’s currently buck naked in your apartment—I don’t want to be your rebound girl. I deserve better than that.”

  “You’re right. You do, Jen,” I tell her while feeling a sharp stab of pain in my heart. “You wouldn’t be my rebound. Things have been over with Alexis for a long time, I just didn’t realize it until I met you.”

  “Seriously? So you met me, then you decided you didn’t want to be with her anymore? That’s just … gross.” She’s soaked through now and looks like a drowning puppy.

  I sigh, wishing I knew what to say to make it better. Instead I just stand here, while the sound of her calling me gross reverberates through my brain.

  A yellow cab pulls up next to her as she says, “It doesn’t matter anyway. It’s not like anything even started between us. It was just some ill-advised flirting. Let’s leave it at that.” Then she climbs into the cab and drives out of my life.

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Jen

  I give the cabbie my friend Seraphina’s address. I really don’t want to go back to my own apartment right now, so I send her a quick text.

  JFlan: Hey, do you mind if I come over? I’m having the worst night ever.

  LibraGrl: Come on down! I just ordered a load of Thai food.