If You Come Back

by Alexis Leia

  When she finally reached the door, the smile immediately left her face. She didn’t have to turn around to see Chris was still behind her. No, she felt his presence, and she saw people’s reactions. They ranged from mere curiosity and lust, mostly among women, to recognition and awe among everyone else who connected the dots. She hadn’t noticed Chris talking to anyone before they were out the town hall, which only reinforced her rage – at least have some common curtesy if you’re already crashing the party, she thought.

  “Running away?” Chris taunted her when she marched over to her car without stopping. She unlocked her 2006 Ford Explorer and reached for the bottle of water she always kept in her car, along with some Aspirin. Her head was killing her, and the unexpected blast from the past certainly wasn’t helping.

  “Oh yeah, I’m burning the concrete in my attempt to get away from my own fucking party.”

  Her voice was so flat and dry, it made Chris grin. Selene stared at his smile, not sure if she wanted to punch him in the face to wipe it off, or to beg him to keep smiling because it actually made him look like a normal, gorgeous man instead of a pouting, sulky asshole.

  “I don’t remember you being so snarky”, he commented.

  “And I don’t remember you being so annoying. Oh wait, I do”, she let the venom drip out of her voice. Which backfired, because he actually laughed. She threw her hands up in the air, her plan of insulting him to the point of leaving obviously failing.

  “What are you doing here, Chris?” she turned serious, making him shrug.

  “I’m here because of you. I couldn’t miss the coronation of my new mayor”, he said and gave her a small smile. Well, fuck him for being so goddamn beautiful. Yes, beautiful.

  “Of course you could miss it, you could’ve just stayed in Hollywood, or Bora-fucking-Bora, or wherever you spend your time these days.”

  “I didn’t want to.”

  “Do I look like I give a shit?”

  “You look stunning”, he said and gave her a once-over.

  “Thank you for the compliment. Now go”, she said and pointed her finger down the road.

  “Why, you’re so eager to get back to your boyfriend?” he asked bitterly as he inched closer to her.

  She would never, absolutely never take a step back, because that would be like a challenge to him. He was a predator, but she wouldn’t be his prey.

  “What I’m eager or not eager to do is none of your business, Ledford. In fact, you’re right. Do whatever the hell you want. Go, stay, whichever. Just get the hell out of my way”, she said and walked past him back to the Town Hall.

  A strong grip circled her elbow and she was pulled back into solid wall of muscle. She jumped back like somebody burned her, because she couldn’t stand his touch. Not because she didn’t want it, but because it felt surprisingly good.

  “Are you really with that asshole, or are you just trying to grate on my nerves?”

  Well, goddamn. He really did have selective hearing. Why did he even care? What did he want? Why was he here? A million questions ran through Selene’s brain, but here was no logical answer. Then again, when was anything ever logical with Chris? She knew she really shouldn’t bother with trying to decipher him, instead she should just concentrate on getting him out of there.

  In reality, she probably overreacted. She shouldn’t care if he was there or not; over a decade passed, and all her resentment should’ve died back in her teen years, but to claim she didn’t feel the pain of abandonment even in the present would be a lie.

  Her mind was rational, but in her heart the equation was simple: just like the members of her mother’s family didn’t want her when she passed away, Chris chose to leave her out of his life when he left as well. In retrospect, she hadn’t really expected him to take her with him, and she was honestly grateful he hadn’t even thought about it, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t call once or twice.

  People often said it’s good to be a bit childish in your heart, but a big part of Selene’s childhood wasn’t as great, so all the emotions were also tainted with negativity.

  “What if I am?” she asked venomously, enjoying his clenched his jaw and how he got obviously frustrated.

  “I don’t like it”, he said.

  “Excuse me?” she asked in disbelief.

  “You heard me. I don’t like it. I think it would be best for you if you ended it, because he doesn’t seem like a man for you”, he elaborated, actually sounding like the equation he presented made sense. That’s when Selene started laughing, loudly.

  She really just couldn’t stop. A person who seriously hurt her and who she never wanted to see again stood in front of her, basically ordering her to end a relationship that didn’t even exist, based on his out-of-nowhere presumption that Emmet wasn’t the man for her. He just watched her having her laughing fit with confusion covering his face. When she finally pulled herself together, she spoke in her normal voice she used with everyone.

  “Well, dude, you must be having a serious case of delusional thinking, because there is no chance in hell you’re being serious about telling me what to do. And before you interrupt me, let me point out that we’re not brother and sister, husband and wife, or even friends, so there is definitely no way you can barge into my life and tell me what to do. And you must be a seriously dense motherfucker if you believe I would listen to anything you say”, she said and crossed her arms over her chest.

  In movies, the heroine would probably angrily storm off, and the hero would chase after her; it would start raining, and their dispute would be settled with a passionate kiss and promises of forever. The reality, of course, was different: it was Colorado, the sky was so clear the moon shone in all its strength, Chris and her weren’t even potential lovers, and she was a fucking adult who actually loved finishing the arguments she had with people. So, she stayed and watched the man who she thought would never reappear in her life exhale hard and run his hand through his hair, a thousand of different emotions playing over his face.

  “Fuck. This is not the way I wanted this to go. I’m… I’m sorry if what I said sounded commanding and rude.”

  Chris Ledford apologizing. Now that, Selene thought, was something all the national newspapers should report on. A man who was so unforgiving and unapologetic actually admitted he was wrong. Albeit, he said the words through clenched teeth, like it physically pained him to utter them, but still… She quickly regrouped and stiffly nodded.

  “I won’t even pretend to care why you said what you said, but I accept the apology.”

  “Congratulations on your mandate. I was really happy for you when I heard”, he said, completely changing the topic.

  “Are you bipolar?” she asked sarcastically. He chuckled in the same bad boy way he did years ago.

  “No, babe. I’m just here to stay for a while”, he said and shocked the shit out of her. First, he called her babe. Second, he was staying. And if that didn’t disturb her, hell was made of ice.

  “How long?” she gritted through her teeth.

  “I don’t know”, he said and stuffed his hands in his pockets. He looked her dead in the eye and spoke back in his commanding voice, all the niceties forgotten.

  “I’m here now and I’ll be in touch, Red. I hope that won’t bother the cop, because I sure as hell won’t leave you alone for some time.”

  She closed her eyes for a second and started massaging her temples. “I just want to know why, why now?”

  Again, Chris looked genuinely confused. He opened his mouth, but no words were spoken. He then shook his head and explained himself, sounding more mystical than ever.

  “I think nobody ever makes peace with everything that happened in their past. Eventually curiosity, regret, anger, or sadness makes them revisit it. I got over almost everything, but I’m haunted by some inexplicable thoughts and I want to know why.”

  She raised her eyebrows and sounded exasperated when she spoke. “You do know I have no idea what you’re talking abo
ut, right?”

  Chris merely laughed, leaned in, and gave her a peck on the cheek. “I believe we’ll both find out soon enough”, he said and walked down the street, leaving her alone with her thoughts.

  Fair game was a foreign subject to Chris, and he proved it again this evening. Just like always, he was like thunder rippling through air, appearing out of nowhere and disappearing in the same manner. At least when it came to storms, you had a warning – the lightning before the roaring thunder. With Chris, there was no warning, no preparation. Just shock and surprise that could root you to the spot.

  CHAPTER THREE

  On Saturday, Chris still couldn’t believe how conflicted he’d felt when his eyes found Selene. There she was on the dance floor, in the arms of some man he didn’t recognize, laughing, watching him tenderly and dancing intimately. He’d be lying if he said he hadn’t felt an instant surge of possessiveness when he saw the guy holding her so close and making her laugh.

  Yet, of course, he had no right to feel that way. First of all, she never was his to begin with, so jealousy and possessiveness should’ve been off limits. Second of all, there was over a decade of time and space between them, and they were very much different than they were as teens. And thirdly, he didn’t even know how to answer Selene’s repetitive questions of why he was there. Just as he’d told her – there were some things haunting him, and he needed to see why. That was the best way he could elaborate it to her and himself too.

  The possessive asshole routine wasn’t new to him, though. When he lived in Mountainview, he always made sure to let everybody know she was off limits and back then everybody thought they were together. He hadn’t bothered to try and tell them the truth, because their belief was perfectly alright with him, and with Selene. However, he was sure a large number of guys had felt immense relief when he left and didn’t waste any time in trying to get it on with her. It wasn’t like he was a violent prick, beating up everyone who dared to look at her, but he was known for having a short temper and his peers usually feared him just because he gave off that ‘don’t fuck with me’ vibe.

  Selene had felt protected, and Chris perfectly content knowing nobody could steal her away. Him wanting her to himself wasn’t of sexual of romantic nature back then, of course. She was just his person, the only person who he considered his, almost a part of his nonexistent family. So, deep down, he was afraid of losing her attention and affection to someone else, which is why he had kept her close to his side. When he remembered all that in present, he cringed hard. God, he tried to isolate her from everyone just so he could be her everything, which was seriously messed up. But then again, he was a messed up kid in the past, confused and hurt and completely alone.

  Shaking his head to clear the unwanted thoughts, he parked his car down the street, ignoring Jacks’s usual blabbering. He was the one who talked Chris into going out after yesterday’s disaster, despite him not wanting to share the details of the disastrous encounter.

  Jesus, Selene was so beautiful, her body incredibly curvy and inviting in that green dress she wore, her eyes so smoldering when she fought with him, just like they used to. Only this time, they were adults and there was a new fire within him that hadn’t existed in the past. Sexual attraction.

  And wasn’t that a bitch? The fact that his childhood friend, who now probably hated him, gave him a painful hard-on the very first moment he saw her in person after thirteen years of dead silence and thousands of miles apart. There he was, trying to make amends and clear his past, and his brain decided to balance his attention between being apologetically friendly and insanely horny. Selene’s attitude didn’t help elevate his sufferings either.

  She never put up with his shit, not even thirteen years ago, and most definitely not know. He knew he sounded like a crazy person when he talked to her, and he could see the frustration in her expression, but he didn’t know why she was so hostile with him. Maybe it had something to do with him being an ass who barged in her life again and tried to take over the reins like he used to. Fuck, he really was an ass. He rubbed his face with his hand suddenly feeling very old and very tired.

  “What’s wrong, Prince? Cinderella kept her slippers on?” Jackson asked from the other side of the car with a shit-eating grin.

  “You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?”

  “I would enjoy it helluva lot more if I knew what the hell was going on. You barely said two words the entire day”, Jackson said and lit a cigarette that was more or less all the time in his mouth, and also the reason they were always late everywhere – Jacks always had one more to smoke.

  “You remember that time, nine years ago, when I showed up in your shop, asking you to tattoo a moon on my wrist?”

  “That time you were so plastered I didn’t even understand what you were trying to say? Yeah, why?” Jacks asked and then widened his eyes as the cigarette almost dropped out of his mouth.

  “Oh hell, the mayor is your tattoo.”

  Chris laughed humorlessly and nodded.

  “Well... shit”, Jackson concluded with a wry tone.

  “Yeah, shit.”

  “Don’t get me wrong dude, but it’s been thirteen years. I know I’m the one who encouraged you to get your ass over here, but damn… What made you even consider it?”

  How could he explain it without sounding like a mad man? That need to see her again that consumed him as soon as he saw her face on TV. That need had existed inside him always, but he always managed to control it, to stop himself from going after her. That’s probably why he got wasted nine years ago, on her eighteenth birthday, and why he occasionally got drunk just to stop himself from coming back. But it was too late now, too fucking late. So yeah, there was no way of explaining it without sounding absolutely fucking crazy.

  “I told you what she meant to me. I had to see her again”, he answered in a grim voice.

  “But why now? After all this time.”

  Chris leaned on his car and put his hands in his pockets, throwing his head back and staring at the night sky.

  “There are some people you can’t forget. I managed to stay away from her, push her to the back of my mind when the business took most of my time. I managed to keep myself from coming after her simply because I didn’t see her in front of me, couldn’t hear her voice. When I saw her the other day... something snapped inside me. She was my person, Jacks. The only human being I could trust after being abandoned, and the only one who stayed no matter how hard I pushed her away. She was just a kid, but she showed loyalty way beyond her age. Hell, I was only a child too, and I leaned onto her to cure all my pains”, Chris explained, revealing his weakness.

  He hated talking about it, almost never did anyway, but this was Jackson. The only person in the world he trusted, beside Selene.

  “Why didn’t you take her with you?” Jackson asked. Chris’s chest tightened, constricted. He couldn’t keep talking about this. Not now and not like this anyway.

  “She was fourteen, I was seventeen. She was too young. You saw how I looked when we first met. I was starving and homeless. As selfish as I am, if I had done that to her too, I’d have hated myself forever. Besides, I’m pretty sure it also would’ve been illegal”, Chris said through clenched teeth.

  “So you’re saying all that between you two was wrong? Were you attracted to her, or what? Is that why you look so guilty whenever you talk about it?”

  “Jesus, no. When I left, I was seventeen and she was fourteen. She was an early bloomer, and yeah, she was a very pretty girl. And fuck yeah, I was a hormonal jerk. But never in a million years had I even thought of her sexually. Maybe much later, when I occasionally remembered her and imagined her all grown up. I mean, I’m a dude.”

  Jacks pulled a smoke, and looked at Chris thoughtfully. “So you thought of her as your little sister?”

  Chris kept his mouth shut, and Jacks continued when he saw his best friend keeping his lips zipped. “The drunken tattoo night, remember? You told me a lot more than just
the story of Selene.”

  “No, Jackson. She was never a replacement for Christine. Selene was something special, something else entirely. She was simply mine, and I was hers.”

  “And she still is?”

  “Yeah, she fucking is.”

  Jacks pulled the last smoke and shrugged. “Well, I guess the road is open for me now. I mean, I would kill to have her in my bed and I –”, Jackson couldn’t finish the sentence, because Chris grabbed the front of his shirt and got into his face.

  “Don’t you even finish what you wanted to say”, he growled at his best friend. Jackson started laughing and shook his head.

  “Oh man, I wonder how long it’ll take you to open your eyes”, he muttered, making Chris frown.

  “What the fuck are you talking about?”

  Jackson simply shrugged again. “It’s not on me to tell you until you figure it out yourself.”

  “You know what –” Chris began.

  “Stay away from Selene!” a young voice shouted from behind the car, interrupting whatever threat Chris was about to mutter to his friend.

  Both Chris and Jackson turned around to see a young boy, maybe ten or eleven years old, looking very mad and very focused on Chris. Chris raised his eyebrows, taking in the boy’s appearance; black hair that was more on the long side; cheap, worn sneakers that probably stepped into every mud hole in existence; ripped jeans and a black t-shirt. But the most noticeable things weren’t the boy’s ragged clothes, it was his eyes and his expression that made him seem a lot older than he was.

  Chris noticed the anger, betrayal and pure rawness coming out the boy’s blue eyes, his pale face marred by a deep frown. Shit, he knew that look. It was the same look he had every time he glanced at the mirror when he’d been that age. He took a cautious step toward the boy and internally flinched when he saw him stepping back in alarm. Chris knew that move too, and that’s why he stood where he was, lifting his hand up.