Maybe This Christmas

by Susannah Nix

  Alex was pretty sure Lucas didn’t want to be kissed right now though. His mouth just always looked like that, no matter what.

  “Can I tell you something?” he asked.

  Something about the way he said it—or maybe it was the somber look on his face—struck fear into Alex’s heart. She almost wanted to say no, he wasn’t allowed to tell her whatever he was about to say, because she wasn’t ready for anything to change yet.

  But she couldn’t ever say no to Lucas, who was pretty much the nicest person in the world. How could you say no to the nicest person in the world?

  “Of course,” she told him.

  He looked away from her, which only made her more nervous. What did he have to say that he couldn’t even look at her?

  “I…” He shoved his hands in his pockets and kicked at the sand with his foot again. “I made a decision about college.”

  “Okay.” Whatever it was, it sounded bad. He must be going somewhere like Baylor or TCU, where she wouldn’t want to follow. That was what he had to tell her.

  “I’m going to Beaufort College,” Lucas said.

  Alex stared at him. Beaufort College as in Beaufort Community College? As in, here on the island?

  “Please don’t be mad,” he said.

  “Why would I be mad?” She was shocked, stunned, flabbergasted, and astounded, but definitely not mad. “I’m just…”

  “If you say disappointed, I swear I’ll hurl myself into the Gulf.”

  Even though she knew he didn’t mean it, she put her hand on his arm—as though she could keep him from going anywhere with the strength in her fingers. There was a drowning at one of the island’s various beaches almost every year. Tourists, mostly, but occasionally some islander who’d been a strong swimmer and knew where the riptides were would wash up on the beach, and everyone would know it probably wasn’t an accident. She didn’t like him joking about drowning himself.

  “I am a little disappointed,” Alex said. “But only selfishly. I’m disappointed you won’t be coming with me. That we won’t be together next year.”

  “I’m disappointed about that too.”

  “But I’m not disappointed in you. Why would I be?”

  “Because I’m only going to community college. Because I’m not leaving to start a new life. I’m staying here in the life I already have.”

  “But why?” She was still holding on to his arm, but he didn’t seem to mind. In fact, he’d moved closer, like he wanted to make it easier for her to reach him.

  “My dad needs help with the business. This way I can go to school part time and help him out.”

  Lucas’s father owned a construction company that did residential renovations. Business had been booming since the last hurricane had hit the Texas coast two years ago. There was more demand than most local contractors could keep up with to rebuild all the condos and beach houses that had been damaged by the storm surge.

  “But is that what you really want?” Alex asked. “Because you shouldn’t have to sacrifice your future for your dad’s business.”

  “It’s not like that,” Lucas said. “I’ve been thinking about it a lot, actually. I like the work, and I’m good at it. So why not stay here and do this? Why rack up a mountain of student debt majoring in something I don’t care about, when I’m probably just going to end up back here doing this anyway?”

  Alex didn’t have a good answer to that, except that she didn’t want him to. But that didn’t seem like it should be the most important consideration. He wasn’t asking for her to talk him out of it. He was asking for her support and understanding.

  “If that’s true,” she told him, “then I support your decision one hundred percent. All that matters is what you want.”

  The relief that flooded Lucas’s face told her she’d said the right thing. His mouth curled in a lopsided semi-grin. “I’m going to miss you next year.”

  “I’m not going to miss you at all.”

  “Liar. You’ll be a mess without me.”

  “You’re right,” she said in her most sarcastic voice. “I don’t even know how I’ll get out of bed in the morning.”

  “You’re a dick, you know that?” He was full-on grinning at her now.

  She grinned back at him. “That’s what you love about me.”

  “I do.”

  Alex had to look away as the words hung in the air between them, growing larger and larger until it felt like she couldn’t breathe anymore. She was afraid to look at him. Afraid that whatever she might see on his face would break the spell, and she’d know it didn’t mean anything. It was just words.

  Then Lucas moved in front of her, and his face was right there, so she couldn’t help but see it. What she saw didn’t break the spell at all. It made it even stronger.

  When he lifted a hand to touch her face, the world went silent around them. The roar of the waves, the faint sounds of music and laughter drifting over from the fire, all of it dropped away. It was just the two of them, alone in the universe.

  Lucas’s fingers caressed her cheek, which should have felt weird because this wasn’t how they touched each other. This wasn’t how they looked at each other.

  But it wasn’t weird at all. Nothing had ever felt so right.

  Until he kissed her.

  When Lucas’s beautiful, wonderful mouth pressed against hers, the sensation spiraled through her with a feeling of perfect completion.

  It wasn’t technically their first kiss. They’d done a scene together for drama once with a kiss in it. It had just been a brief peck, and they’d done it in front of their teacher and all their classmates. It hadn’t been a real kiss. Not like this. Nothing at all like this.

  At first it was just a soft, tentative exploration. But then Lucas’s hand slid around the back of Alex’s head as their mouths slanted, parting in marvelous synchronicity. The moment their tongues touched something burst inside her chest. The hair on her arms stood up like it had been electrified, and the air around them vibrated with possibilities.

  She let out a gasp and felt him start to break the kiss, but she curled her hands in the front of his shirt, tugging him closer as she rose up on her toes to crush her mouth harder against his. She wasn’t ready for it to end yet. If only it could last forever.

  Alex had always wondered what it would be like to kiss Lucas—really kiss him, not pretend kiss him—and now that she knew, she’d never be able to forget. Somehow it was both everything she’d imagined it would be and something completely new.

  His arms banded around her, hugging her as much as he was kissing her. Crushing her against his chest. She uncurled her hands from his shirt and slid them up around the back of his neck, digging her fingernails into his hair.

  She felt his breath hitch unevenly, and he dragged his mouth away, but only far enough to press his forehead against hers. “Do you know how long I’ve wanted to do that?” Lucas murmured.

  “How long?” She must have forgotten to breathe while he was kissing her because she felt lightheaded.

  “Since forever.”

  “But that’s how long I’ve wanted to do it,” Alex said.

  “Seriously? What was I waiting for?”

  “I don’t know. It’s not like anyone was stopping you.”

  Lucas’s nose nudged against hers. “Alexandra?”

  “Hmmm?” She nudged his nose back, getting used to the feeling of their faces sharing the same space. They’d never been quite this close before and she was enjoying it very much.

  “Will you go to prom with me?” he asked

  “Prom’s not for five months,” she felt the need to point out, although she wasn’t sure why. She was prepared to say yes on the spot, and that was probably what she should have said instead.

  “I know, but I don’t want to wait too long this time. I want to get my offer in early, before the rush.”

  Alex laughed and reached up to touch the curl above his forehead. She could do that now, as much as she wanted. “You think
there’s going to be a rush?”

  “To take you to prom? I think there definitely could be, and I want to be first in line.”

  Something warm and bright exploded all over the inside of her chest like molten gold. “I’d love to go to prom with you, Lucas.”

  “Good.” He was smiling so wide his teeth gleamed in the moonlight. “It’s a date, then.”

  Five months felt like a lifetime away, and also not nearly long enough. Because after prom was graduation, and after graduation came summer, and at the end of the summer Alex would be leaving for college. She didn’t know where she’d be going, except that it would be somewhere that wasn’t here. Somewhere Lucas wasn’t.

  She couldn’t think about that now. Not with Lucas’s arms around her and his eyes lit up like a pair of sparklers in the darkness. There would be plenty of time to worry about it later.

  Tonight was the start of something new and wonderful, and that gave her more than enough to think about for the moment.

  Alex pulled Lucas’s head down to hers, and he kissed her again, openmouthed and smiling. “Merry Christmas, Alex.”

  “Merry Christmas, Lucas.”

  Two

  Lucas

  December 25, 2011

  Lucas’s fingers drummed impatiently on the steering wheel as he drove to Alex’s house. His eyes flicked to the speedometer and he eased off the accelerator a little. It would only delay their reunion if he got a speeding ticket now.

  He hadn’t seen Alex since UT’s winter break had started. Instead of coming straight home from Austin, she’d gone skiing with her roommate’s family in Crested Butte.

  I’m standing knee-deep in snow!!!! she’d texted him on the first day. It’s a lot wetter than I thought it would be. It was the first time she’d ever seen real snow like they got in the mountains, as opposed to the light dustings they occasionally got in South Texas.

  That’s what he said, Lucas had texted back, and Alex replied with a string of laughing emojis.

  Lucas had tried not to be hurt that Alex had picked skiing with her roommate over coming home to see him at the start of her winter break. Alex had never been skiing before. She’d never been to Colorado or even seen mountains, much less knee-deep snow. Of course she’d want to experience that, even if it meant they’d have less time together.

  The thing was, Lucas hadn’t seen much of her at Thanksgiving either. They’d both had family obligations on Thanksgiving Day, and he’d had to work the Friday after and most of the weekend on a bungalow reno that had fallen behind schedule.

  He’d only seen Alex for a few hours on Thanksgiving night, when he’d picked her up after they were both done with their family dinners. They’d parked down on the seawall and made out for a while in his hand-me-down Ford pickup with the full moon shining in through the sunroof.

  That part had been nice. That part had been just like old times.

  But then Lucas had to tell Alex about needing to work the next day, and how he wouldn’t be able to hang out while she was home like they’d planned.

  He was afraid she’d be disappointed, or annoyed, or mad. Something. But she didn’t seem to mind at all. In fact, she said, she had a paper due for economics and a lot of reading she needed to catch up on, so she should probably spend most of her time studying anyway.

  Ever since, Lucas hadn’t been able to shake the feeling that something was wrong. It didn’t help that he hadn’t talked to Alex since he drove her back to her parents’ house that night. They’d texted a lot, but he hadn’t heard her voice in a month.

  At the start of the semester they’d talked on the phone a lot more—at least twice a week usually. But then Alex had gotten busy with classes and her social life, and he’d gotten busy with classes and work, and after that they’d mostly just texted. They texted a lot, but it wasn’t the same.

  Lucas tried to make himself relax as he turned onto Alex’s street. He parked his truck next to the Bonners’ mailbox and smoothed his shirt as he walked toward the mint green house with the rusty swing on the porch. It was a new shirt his mother had given him for Christmas, and he was having second thoughts about wearing it. He feared it was too boring. Too conservative. Too uncool.

  Alex’s mother looked surprised to see him when he opened the door. “Lucas! I suppose you’re here for Alex.”

  “Merry Christmas, Mrs. B!” He’d never been certain if Alex’s mother liked him. He thought so, but she always seemed sort of distracted when he was around, like she’d rather be talking to someone else.

  “Hey, Lucas.” Alex’s sister Mia nodded at him as she slipped past her mother toward the stairs. Mia was a sophomore at Beaufort High, but she ran in a different crowd than Alex and Lucas. She was on the dance team and pretty much only socialized with other members of the dance team.

  “Tell your sister her gentleman caller’s arrived,” Mrs. Bonner told Mia, sounding like a character in a Tennessee Williams play.

  “I’m here!” Alex called out, thundering down the stairs. She wore reindeer antlers on her head and a red plaid shirt that was tied at her waist.

  Lucas’s eyes started to water a little, he’d missed her so much. She’d cut her chestnut hair into a shoulder-length bob halfway through the semester, and he still wasn’t used to seeing it so short and hanging around her face. All through high school she’d kept it long and worn it pulled back in a ponytail. The new haircut made her look older, like she’d grown into a full-blown adult while she was away.

  Mrs. Bonner disappeared into the kitchen with a vague wave of her hand as Alex threw herself at Lucas. His arms wrapped around her and he lifted her up off the floor, swinging her in a circle as he buried his face in her hair. She smelled incredible, like clean laundry and some kind of new shampoo she’d started using. But underneath it all she was still Alex, the girl he’d been in love with since the sixth grade.

  She wriggled out of his arms as soon as he set her down, and grabbed a jacket off the rack by the door. “Come on, let’s go.” She took his hand and started to pull him out the door.

  “Wait,” he said, refusing to be dragged outside so fast. “I want to give you your present first.”

  “Oh, shit! Right! Presents. Hang on.” Alex ducked into the next room and crouched down to pull something out from under the Christmas tree.

  Lucas’s house had looked like a wrapping paper bomb had exploded in his living room when he left, but the Bonners had already cleaned up all evidence of their present-opening. There was nary a stray bow or an empty box in sight, as if a team of Christmas elves had swept through the room tidying and restoring it to magazine-perfect condition.

  Alex came back clutching a square white envelope with a big red bow on it and grabbed Lucas’s hand again. “Outside.”

  He let her drag him out the door, but as soon as it was closed behind them he tugged her toward him for a kiss.

  It had been thirty-one days since he’d last kissed her. And before that it had been an excruciating sixty-three days. There hadn’t been nearly enough kissing Alex in his life the last few months. Lucas had a lot of lost time to make up for.

  His hands cupped her face, tender and possessive, as a flood of emotion filled his chest. She tasted sweet and just a little bit salty, and her hands pressed against his chest, radiating warmth that chased away the winter chill.

  Before he was ready, she pulled away. “Over here,” she said, pulling him down to the porch swing. The old rusty chains squeaked as they sat down, and Lucas braced his legs on the floorboards of the porch to stop them from swinging.

  “Merry Christmas.” He took Alex’s gift out of his jacket pocket and thrust it into her hands. “And happy anniversary.”

  It was exactly one year since their first kiss at the beach. One year since they’d started dating. One full trip around the sun that they’d belonged only to each other.

  Lucas watched her unwrap the tiny box, tearing at the paper he’d folded and taped so carefully trying to make it look like a professiona
l wrapping job.

  “They’re so cute!” she exclaimed when she saw the earrings he’d gotten her. There were two sets for her double-pierced ears: a pair of silver crescent moons and a pair of silver stars. “I love them!”

  “Really? Because I can return them if you don’t like them. You can pick out something else—”

  “They’re perfect,” she told him firmly. “I love them.”

  Lucas let out a relieved breath. He’d thought she’d like them, but he wasn’t as certain of her tastes these days.

  “I’m putting them on right now.” She took out the Christmas earrings she was wearing—little strings of tiny plastic Christmas lights—and tucked them in her jeans pocket before putting in the stars and moons. “What do you think?” she asked, turning her head from side to side so the silver caught the gleam of the Christmas lights strung along the edge of the roof.

  “I think you’re beautiful,” Lucas said.

  Alex shook her head the way she always did when he complimented her. “I was asking about the earrings.”

  “They’re pretty nice too,” he said and kissed her. “My turn. Where’s my present?”

  Her mouth pulled down into a frown as she handed it to him. “My gift seems so lame now.”

  “Whatever it is, I know it’s not lame.”

  “It is. I didn’t have any money—”

  “I don’t care about that.” He tore open the envelope and found a rewritable CD inside. Mix for Lucas was scrawled on the surface in black Sharpie.

  “I made you a mix CD of all the bands I’ve seen in Austin,” Alex said, biting her lip.

  “Oh, wow.” Lucas didn’t know what to say. It was an incredibly thoughtful gift that had probably taken her hours to put together. But it felt like a reminder of how much they’d grown apart.