A Viscount to Save Her Reputation

by Helen Dickson

  ‘Sweet?’ She was indignant. ‘There was nothing sweet about the kiss you gave me when I went to your bedroom. You do not care for me at all, then?’

  ‘What do you want, Lucy? Do you want me to say I love you? Is that it?’

  He said the word as if it were an offence to love someone. She should have been angry at him, but all she felt was an emptiness inside her. She was also saddened that he didn’t say he loved her, but she felt a flicker of hope for he hadn’t said he didn’t love her. ‘I don’t ask that of you. Love is an emotion you have to feel.’

  ‘Lucy, you are a very beautiful young woman. How could any man not be moved when they set eyes on you? But I think that night at the Skeffington ball we were both carried away by the music and the night. As much as I wanted to repeat the offence, I told myself that it would not happen again—but it did, I know.’

  ‘Offence? I did not consider either of the kisses you gave me an offence,’ she said, knowing that she was beginning to sound irrational and unreasonable, but she couldn’t help it. ‘When you kissed me at the ball it was my first kiss. Yes, I will remember it always, but you should have known better.’

  ‘Yes, I should. You’ll forget it soon enough when you get to Paris and all those romantic cities Lady Sutton is to whisk you away to and you have every young fop trailing after you.’

  This was no consolation for Lucy. How gullible she had been. Why did he adopt this cold, remote attitude with her? Was it possible he was ashamed of the way he had behaved towards her and was impatient to get her off his hands, or was his hunger for her so great that he couldn’t bear to be close to her? She hoped it was the latter, but the way he was looking at her made her discount it. Another thought suddenly occurred to her that was far more disturbing than that. He was Viscount Rockley, heir to a dukedom. How could he possibly form a serious attachment to a woman whose reputation was so tarnished? Her eyes met his proudly.

  ‘You really think that as soon as the rakes and fops on the Continent begin paying me attention and whispering sweet nonsense in my ear, I will be silly and weak enough to fall at their feet?’

  ‘Not at all. I credit you with more sense than that. You are a beautiful young woman, Lucy. You will not go unnoticed.’

  His easy dismissal of her from his life raised Lucy’s ire. But it was the way he retained his arrogant superiority that was hard for her to take, when she wanted nothing more than for him to reach out and draw her to his chest and hold her, the way he had when he had comforted her when she’d been told her father had died, when he had soothed and petted her tears. Displaying a calm she did not feel, she managed with a painful effort to dominate her disappointment and accept the slap fate had dealt her. She must blot from her mind the events of the days since she had met him, the exquisite sweetness of his kiss and the overwhelming emotions he had managed to awake in her. Jerking her mind from such weakening thoughts, she looked at him.

  ‘Do you mind telling me why you are dismissing me as though I were an untouchable?’ She knew the answer, but wanted to hear him say it. ‘What have I done that makes you treat me so indifferently?’

  ‘Nothing,’ he said, ‘and I cannot be accused of indifference where you are concerned. At least not intentionally. Too much has happened to you in so short a time. It’s time you faced the truth. It’s time we were honest with each other. I can’t make any promises.’

  ‘I haven’t asked you to do that.’

  ‘Lucy, a wonderful vista is opening up before you. An adventurous life. You should grasp it with both hands.’

  Lucy could hear the absolute finality in his voice that told her it would be futile to argue. There was a time not so very long ago when she had been so excited about the future Aunt Caroline had mapped out for her—seeing as much of Europe and meeting new, exciting people. It was everything she had dreamed of—but that was before she had gone to the fair and met a handsome sea captain who had stolen her heart.

  ‘I will, Christopher. I will do just that. And now there is nothing more to be said except thank you for all you have done for me. I really do not know what I would have done without you.’ Her words were of resignation, not defiance.

  Suddenly Christopher looked at her with unexpected softness. Surprised by the change in his expression, she opened her mouth to speak, but he stopped her by reaching out and tilting her chin with the tip of his finger. Looking reverently down into her eyes, he said gently, ‘I hope the man you eventually fall in love with is worthy of you. I hope he is a man who will have your head spinning and your legs turning to jelly.’

  For an endless moment Lucy searched his features and for a moment her world seemed safe and secure again and warm. ‘I think,’ she whispered softly, ‘that it will be more a question of whether I will be worthy of him after all that has happened. I am also troublesome and opinionated, which might not be tolerated. But I’ve never talked to a man like I can talk to you. I’m beginning to think you are different and the only man who can understand me.’

  Christopher stared down at her, then abruptly turned, shoving his hands into his pockets and staring out of the windows into the garden, where Lady Sutton was seated on a bench in quiet conversation with his grandfather and Amelia. Uncertain of his mood, Lucy remained silent. His profile was harsh. He looked like a man in the throes of some deep, internal battle. She remembered the times when they had been close, when he had held her and comforted her and kissed her—she held that memory like a talisman against her doubts.

  ‘Thank you once again for what you have done for me, Christopher,’ she said when some time had passed and his silence became unsettling.

  Christopher turned and looked at her. ‘It was my pleasure.’

  Beneath the heavy fringe of her dark lashes, her eyes were mesmerising in their lack of guile. ‘I will never forget it,’ she said softly, her words sincere and heartfelt. He was looking at her intently and suddenly she wanted to show her appreciation in the way she had done before when he had taken her in his arms and kissed her. Taking her courage in both hands, she raised herself on tiptoe and placed her mouth on his.

  She felt his initial surprise, his withdrawal, but she kept her lips on his, feeling him respond. Gently he took her arms and drew her towards him. His lips began to move on hers. But then he raised his head and pushed her back.

  ‘No, Lucy. This has to stop. It is wrong.’

  She stared at him, her lovely face mirroring her bewilderment at his abrupt change. ‘But—I don’t understand. Why did you kiss me before and yet now you say it is wrong?’

  ‘Because it was wrong. You are young. You have your whole future before you. You have to go. I want you to go. There are some things you cannot understand.’

  ‘I’m sorry. I acted without thinking, but I am confused—you confuse me. It is clear to me now that I read too much into our friendship. I’ll know better next time.’

  Christopher’s eyes narrowed on her face. ‘Of course you will. But there won’t be a next time.’

  Angry and humiliated beyond anything she had known in her life, Lucy flinched from the sting of his tone. She looked at his hard, handsome face, at the cynicism that was part of him. His eyes were chilled and unyielding. There was a certain air of impatience about him, as if he couldn’t wait for her to be gone. She was no more than a silly young girl, his attitude seemed to say to her. She did not understand him. She could not penetrate the complex masculine depths of him.

  ‘You know, Christopher, I didn’t ask for any of this,’ she said in an attempt to ease the tension vibrating between them. ‘By my behaviour I have been stupid and naive and gullible. And now I have learned my lesson. You told me that I will attract the attention of other gentlemen and marry well. The advice was well intentioned, but I shudder at the thought of trading my body for security. You forget that I have an inheritance of my own and I intend to use it to my own advantage—to eventually establish my
own household,’ she said, her voice quiet but filled with an unshakeable dignity. ‘I will never depend on a man for either comfort or security.’

  Christopher arched one dark eyebrow. ‘A woman of independent means. A woman of worth.’

  Something in Lucy snapped then, something small and rebellious. He was the first male in maturity she had known and she was weak in her ignorance, but there was no mistaking, however, the wounded fury that flashed in her magnificent eyes or the stiffening of her spine as she took an instinctive step forward. ‘That’s right. Exactly the kind of woman who attracts fortune hunters—like Mr Barrington. And now I really don’t think there is anything left to say—at least, nothing you want to hear.’

  ‘No.’ He stood still, taut, fierce tension marking his mouth.

  Lucy heard the absolute finality of that word. She would not stay to argue. She had too much pride to allow her raw, aching emotions to be exposed further. ‘I’ll go and help Ruby to pack my things. If we are to return to London before dark, we must be away.’

  Offering him a glare that cut like a dagger, Lucy gathered her small reserve of strength and turned her back on Christopher Wilding, whom she loved and hated with every instinct that was in her, crossing to the door on legs that shook, trying to retreat from a predicament into which she should never have put herself in the first place. Never in all her life had she felt so humiliated. She was chilled to the marrow. Even now, when she was desperate with the thought of being parted from him, she had to ask herself why it should hurt so much and to question what was in her heart.

  She was surprised when, as she opened the door, Christopher was behind her.

  ‘Wait. We cannot part like this.’

  Standing with her back to him, she swallowed. ‘You mean there is more you have to say to me?’

  ‘There is,’ he said on a softer note. ‘I think there is something I should say to you before you leave and I want you to listen to me very carefully.’

  Lucy stood, holding her breath for what was to come. She felt his eyes on her, burning into the back of her neck like a physical force.

  ‘I want you to know how much I both like and admire you. I think you are a very beautiful young woman and very brave—you’ve had more to contend with recently than most girls and you have coped magnificently. There have been times when I forgot how old you are. If I have treated you as if you were a great deal older, led you on and given you reason to think there could ever be anything between us, then that was very wrong of me and I am sorry. We both have things to do before our own personal feelings can be considered.’ He smiled. ‘I forget how grown up girls are in this new age—how much they know.’

  ‘We were encouraged to learn as much as we could at the academy,’ she said quietly. ‘I know a good deal more that you imagine.’

  ‘I imagine you do. Having said all that, I admit I am attracted to you and it’s been one of the hardest things I’ve ever done to resist you. But that’s where it must end. The last thing I want is for you to feel rejected, spurned and humiliated. You are very special to me. I like and respect you too much. You do understand, don’t you?’

  She nodded. The only thing she was aware of was that he was sending her away, ripping her heart apart. The pain inside her was terrible and it was going to get worse with every bitter moment of their parting. ‘Yes,’ she said. ‘Perfectly.’

  ‘And I haven’t made things worse?’

  ‘Not at all,’ she said, turning round to face him, feeling a little better suddenly, no longer stupid and embarrassed. Yet she was confused. What had she expected from him? What had she wanted? He didn’t feel the same as she did about him. She was a young girl who had thought she was in love, with all those charming mannerisms such a state imposed. Why had she let herself be swayed too much by her emotions and her own desires? He was going to be a duke, for heaven’s sake, and way beyond her in social class.

  She saw this with a new clarity of mind. Of course he wouldn’t commit to her—the daughter of a Louisiana planter. Men of his distinction married ladies from their own sphere. But it didn’t alter the way she still felt about him and made her wish she was a good deal older. Even his companionship was to be denied her in the days and months ahead. He had fulfilled his obligation and now he was doing his utmost to distance himself from her. His next words proved this.

  ‘Whatever sentiment I have created, you have deceived yourself. Many women have made that mistake and regretted it. I made no promises, Lucy. So go with you godmother to the Continent and enjoy your parties and balls—you might find a husband, even, which is what it is all about.’

  Lucy laughed with derision and, for sheer defiance, she gave her head a toss, determined to make herself anything but meek and sad. ‘You may stop there, Christopher. I understand perfectly. I am quite happy with my single state—which is probably a good thing. You are not entirely blameless when it comes to the damage done to my reputation. You really should have known better than to take advantage of a girl fresh out of school with no experience of the world at large and gentlemen with seduction on their mind. I have only recently finished my education and I shall enjoy testing the water, so to speak. It’s all very exciting.’

  Summoning all the dignity she could muster, she turned from him and walked out with her spine ramrod straight and her chin held high.

  Chapter Eight

  Christopher steeled himself to let her go. He emitted a low groan with the gnawing hunger she had aroused in him, for he had never felt anything quite so stimulating as that moment when she had turned from him and he had pressed his body close to hers. He had been tempted to slide his arm around her waist and pull her back to him, to forget all logic and sweep her away and make love to her. Recollecting himself, he was prone to wonder if he was having some kind of lewd fantasy involving the precocious young woman and it came as no surprise to him that she had once again awakened his manly cravings like none other before. At that moment he was torn between an impulse not to go after her and prolong their goodbye, and another to offer her some sort of comfort. The latter impulse was the stronger, but it was the first that won out.

  He watched her go and, despite her coolness, knew how upset she must be feeling and his conscience tore at him. His rejection had hurt her, but he’d done it because he had to, he reminded himself. But he hoped his parting words had reached her and taken away the hurt—although her own parting words had cut him to the core and she was right. Along with Barrington, he was equally to blame for the damage done to her reputation.

  Lucy was young—her godmother was taking her on a grand tour of Europe, where she would meet all kinds of sophisticated young men who would sweep her off her feet. Their friendship had to end. He couldn’t let her waste one moment of her precious life believing she was in love with him.

  He had thought this would solve the problem of this lovely young woman, but his plight somehow only became more unbearable at the thought of being parted from her. He watched her leave with Lady Sutton, determined to follow his standard policy of never looking back where females were concerned, but Lucy Walsh was not to be so easily forgotten.

  * * *

  Having left Rockwood Park behind, Lucy was aware of her aunt looking at her with some concern.

  ‘You have come to rely on Viscount Rockley perhaps too much, Lucy.’

  ‘He has been very kind and considerate to my situation, which, strangely, is linked to his own.’

  ‘I do realise that. How do you feel about him?’

  Lucy sighed, remembering how he had looked when the carriage had pulled away from the house. She could almost imagine the look in his eyes was asking her to stay—but perhaps that was only because she wanted to see it. Whatever it had meant, it was too late.

  ‘I like him, of course, and he has been very kind to me.’

  ‘He has certainly been there for you when you needed someone and I am grateful. B
ut—how important is he to you?’

  ‘I suppose he is—important. He will become very powerful in his new position.’

  ‘That isn’t quite what I meant.’

  ‘Then what did you mean?’

  ‘I think he is not indifferent to you. He is very handsome and he possesses that fascinating allure that is so fatal to a young girl’s heart. Your heart is still intact, I hope, Lucy?’ she asked, watching her goddaughter’s face closely.

  Lucy lifted her chin, Christopher’s words still raw in her mind. She was not so sure whether she was in love with him. She was very much a novice when it came to falling in love. And yet why should she feel angry and hurt that he had turned from her? She had feelings for him, yes, but love? Was it just infatuation? How would she know, never having experienced either emotion? She was fresh out of the schoolroom, so how could she know? Perhaps she had been flattered by his attentions and finding in him a certain sensuality which kindled in herself.

  ‘Yes, it is,’ she replied, not at all sure that it was.

  ‘He’s a lot older than you, darling, you know that, don’t you, and far too experienced.’

  ‘I know, but...’

  ‘...but you like him just the same.’ She smiled sympathetically. ‘You’ll soon put what happened behind you. You have your whole future ahead of you.’

  Aunt Caroline was right, of course. Tormenting herself about something that had happened and could not be changed would do her no good. ‘I know and I plan to enjoy every moment of it. You and I are going to Europe. I expect that by the time we return he will be married. Don’t worry about me, Aunt Caroline. Christopher Wilding is well and truly in the past.’