by Miley Maine
“Sure, you’re still dealing with grief, but that doesn’t mean that you don’t have room to love another person or that you don’t even have the capacity to try. You deserve happiness, Vincent, but I think you keep trying to sabotage it. So I’m telling you now that you need to stop. Go after her. Talk to her. Do your best to make things up, even as friends. It was clear that even then you were happy. And I want to see you happy again.”
I shook my head. “I don’t think she’ll want to see me.”
She sighed. “You won’t know until you try. If she doesn’t want to see you, then she doesn’t want to see you, you leave, end of story. But if she does, wouldn’t you feel so much better? Wouldn’t you be happy knowing you at least tried instead of letting things die off? I know that’s what I would do.”
I laughed. “That certainly seems easier said than done, I’m afraid. I don’t know where to begin.”
“Tell her the truth. That she makes you happy and you don’t want to lose that.”
“Do you really think she would want to hear that?”
“What matters is that you want to say it.” Genevieve pressed her palm to my heart. “I think you know that it’s something you want to say, Vincent. She made you happy, and you were a fool to ever let her go.”
I lowered my head to my hands, feeling the events of a few days ago replaying in my head all over again. “I know. I know. I won’t ever do it again if I get her back.”
I told her then about our relationship in more detail, and all the ways that Emma had made me feel, and all the things we had said to each other. She listened, nodding all the while, and when I had finished she said, “You really are an absolute fool.”
“I know.”
“She clearly loved you. You shouldn’t push someone away just because people who you loved aren’t in it anymore. We don’t have a finite amount of love in us. You can love Maya and Gavin just as much, more even, while loving Emma, and being happy with her. The two don’t have to be mutually exclusive.”
I sighed. “Perhaps. But it doesn’t feel like that a lot of the time. It feels like every time I start to find happiness again, I’m reminded of just how much I miss Maya.”
“Grief isn’t a linear process,” Genevieve said, giving me a sad but soft smile. “Sometimes things are better and sometimes they are worse. The important thing is to surround ourselves with people who we know care about us. They can guide us through those times in which everything seems dark.”
The words that Genevieve spoke were such wisdom. I didn’t know where she got it from. But I was so glad to have her there to guide me, even through personal matters such as this.
“Thank you,” I said. “I mean it.”
“Of course.” She squeezed my shoulder. “I care about you, Vincent. You’re like a son to me. I want to see you enjoying life again. I feel like it’s been too long.”
“It had. Hopefully, I’ll get that back soon.”
“I know you can do it.”
It was on the drive home that I finally decided that Genevieve was right and I needed to reconcile with Emma. I couldn’t bear to be apart from her anymore. I at least wanted to apologize and see if we could be friends again, if not more.
I had no delusions. I didn’t think that things would instantly go back to the way they had been before, but I hoped that we could at least get close.
So I changed directions and started the drive to her apartment instead.
I had been there enough times that I now knew how to get there by heart and didn’t need any directions from a GPS.
The complex was a familiar sight as it loomed ahead of me, but it now seemed to have a foreboding feeling to it. Perhaps it was just my worry over how this conversation with Emma would go. Whatever it was, though, I couldn’t quite put my finger on it.
I parked in one of the visitor spots, locked my car, and then headed up the stairs to Emma’s apartment.
I had to knock twice before there was an answer, and even then it took a few minutes. I considered just turning around and going back home, but I knew that I had to talk to her, there was no way around it.
When the door was answered, Emma peeked through, her face pale, and a half-packed suitcase. Her bottom lip was quivering as if she was about to cry, and her eyes were red as if she had been.
“Emma, what’s wrong?”
Chapter Twenty-One
Emma
I was in the middle of packing when there was a knock at the door of my apartment. Immediately I jumped, expecting it to be Luke, and I looked around for something to defend myself with.
But the door didn’t swing open. There was no yelling or messing with the knob, only a second knock a few moments later.
I realized then that it was not the angry knock that I was used to from Luke, but rather a much gentler one. Could it be?
I crept towards the door and peeked through the eyehole to reveal that it was, in fact, Vincent Eldrige standing in front of my door.
It was Vincent Eldrige who had knocked politely, twice, in this time of terror for me.
Hesitantly, I opened it, still unsure if it was some sort of trap. But no, it couldn’t be. Vincent would never do that to me and I was sure it was Vincent.
Vincent took a moment to look me up and down, then stared at me with soft concern in his eyes. “Emma, what’s wrong?” he asked.
I almost wanted to break down right then and there. Vincent was probably the one person who could save me. But I was also still mad. Those things that he had said to me were still not okay. I hoped that he had come to apologize, but I also recognized the fact that I had asked him not to come find me either.
But still. I had been wishing for him to find me these past few days. I could admit to that at least.
“There’s a lot,” I said, not sure where to begin explaining things at all. I felt like I was about to start crying again.
It had been a solid day of that.
“Maybe you should come in,” I said, knowing that my eyes must be flitting around. He probably thought I was paranoid as I locked and dead-bolted the door behind him, then offered him a seat. His gaze traveled down to one of my half-packed suitcases, then to the partially empty bookcases and the piles of clothes on the couch.
“Emma, what’s going on?” he asked. “You know you can tell me anything.”
I looked down at my feet, not sure what to do with myself. “I was packing to leave,” I said. “I need to get away from here.”
“Why?”
I looked away from him. “Why don’t you tell me why you’re here first. I think things will be easier that way.”
“Oh, Emma. I’m sure you know why I’m here. I’ve realized that I can’t lose you. You make me so incredibly happy and without you...I feel lost. I honestly think that I might love you, as strange as that may sound. A wise person told me that the love we have is not finite and helped me to realize that I have more than enough love to give you. I want to be with you again, but I can understand if that’s now what you want right now. I’d honestly love to just be friends with you again, but I’ll respect whatever choice you make.”
The way he said things, how he approached things, was so different from Luke that I almost wanted to cry.
It was a breath of fresh air.
“Vincent...” I knew that I should explain things, but where to start? “I know I told you not to come after me, but I’m glad you did. I’ve been regretting how I reacted.”
“You had every right to react the way you did. I was the one who was in the wrong,” he said, taking a step closer to me. Unlike with Luke, I didn’t feel the need to flinch or step back.
I felt safe with Vincent, safer than I’d felt in a long while.
I even wanted him to be closer to me.
With Vincent there, was it possible that I would be able to stay? That I wouldn’t have to leave?
“Vincent, there’s something going on that you should know about,” I said, wondering how I would manage to get ev
erything out that was going on inside my head right now. Should I start with the pregnancy? With Luke? Should I even get him involved. “I’m planning on leaving.”
He looked at my packed bags, recognition lighting in his eyes, and then he looked very sad. “Is that why you’re packing?”
I nodded.
“What can I do to make you stay, Emma? I can’t lose you again.”
I hesitated. Should I tell him? “I know you’re sorry, and I know I’m sorry and I enjoyed the time we spent together, but I have to go.”
“Emma, whatever it is, I can take care of it. I want to take care of you, just let me.”
“You wouldn’t just have to take care of me,” I blurted out, thinking of the baby that was slowly growing inside of me.
He cocked his head in confusion. “What do you mean? Emma, what’s going on?” I could tell from his tone of voice that he was beginning to suspect things, but he didn’t want to jump to conclusions just yet. “Is there something you need to tell me?”
I looked down at my stomach, my hands curling around it protectively. “Vincent, I—I didn’t want to have to tell you this way, but I’m pregnant.”
He looked at me in shock, his eyes wide. “Is it mine?” he asked, sounding hesitant and hopeful at the same time.
“Of course it’s yours, you idiot,” I said, tears welling up in my eyes. “I wouldn’t want it to be anyone else’s.”
“Oh, Emma.” He took several more steps towards me then wrapped his arms around me, pulling me close to him. I could hear his heart beating in his chest and the smell of his cologne enveloped me. “I don’t know why you would keep that from me.”
I sniffled. “I was going to tell you, but you…” I trailed off and he looked down at me with a kind but concerned expression.
“Was that why you were waiting for me that day?”
I nodded.
“I thought something was going on, but I didn’t know what,” he said. “It makes sense now. I’m sorry for the way I reacted. That must have been difficult.”
I nodded. “I didn’t want to tell you at first. I was afraid that it wouldn’t be a good thing for you.”
He looked down at me with sad eyes. “Emma, thank you for worrying about me, but I would rather know than not. If I lost you now, I would be losing both of you. I don’t want that to happen again.”
“I know. I didn’t want to make you worry.”
“If anything, it makes me happy, and that is worth all the worry that I might experience. It is my job to worry because I care about you so much.”
I couldn’t help but notice that he still wasn’t saying he loved me, but I could forgive that for now. I felt that it would come in time, especially now that we were crossing this bridge together. Both that of parenthood and that of an obstacle in our relationship.
Then his expression changed as he looked at my suitcases again. “Why were you leaving? Surely it wasn’t because of me.”
I shook my head, feeling the tears welling up again. I wanted to sob just thinking about it, me and my baby in danger, and I was about to bring Vincent into it.
“There’s been...I don’t even know where to start.”
With a gentle touch, he guided me over to sit down on the couch with him, wrapping his arms around me tightly. “Hey, I’m not going to let anything hurt you. Start wherever you feel comfortable. I’ll listen for as long as you need me to.”
I took a deep breath, reminding myself that I was safe now. Vincent would take care of me. He was safe, and he was warm, and I was no longer in danger. And even if I told him what was going on, he wouldn’t be in danger either.
“I...well, before I was with you, I was with someone else for a while. His name was—is Luke Beatricks, and I thought he was wonderful. But he slowly drew me into his trap.” I shivered and Vincent pulled me a little closer. “He was so charismatic at first, was so charismatic through all of it, but he became darker and darker behind closed doors. He made me feel so worthless while making me feel like I meant everything to him at the same time.
“It took years of abuse, physical, emotional, verbal, and sexual, and lots of concern from friends before I finally got out of it, and left him. But he kept coming after me, so I had to leave my home, my friends, start all over again so he couldn’t find me, but now he has.”
I looked up at him with teary eyes. “Vincent, I tried so hard, but somehow he still managed to find me again.”
“Oh, Emma.” He stroked my hair. “You don’t have to tell me if it hurts you.”
I shook my head. “I want you to understand how serious it is.”
“I know, but you don’t have to prove anything to me. If you feel the need to pack up and leave without telling anyone, then it’s clearly serious.”
“I’m sorry,” I blubbered, already sobbing again. I knew that I didn’t need to apologize, but I still felt like I had to. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”
“Shhhh,” he said, stroking my hair back from my face. “You don’t have to apologize. It’s okay, it’s okay. These kinds of things are just like that.”
“He came into my house,” I sobbed. “He came into my house when I had locked the door.” I brought my hand up to my cheek, and Vincent looked at the red cut with a new sort of expression. It was anger and frustration. I could see in his eyes that he wanted vengeance.
“Did he do that to you?” he asked, his eyes burning dark.
I nodded, and I saw his anger burn through him in a moment. His fists clenched and his eyes got even darker. “If it wasn’t illegal, you better believe that I’d get him back for that.”
“I know,” I said and I really did. His expression said it all. He wanted to protect me and that made me feel so safe.
“In the meantime, Emma, you should come live with me. You don’t have to run away anymore. I can take care of everything.”
From the way he was looking at me, I knew that he was being truthful.
“I’ll hire some guards even for the property so that if that bastard ever shows his face you won’t even have to worry. He shouldn’t dare though, not while you’re with me.”
I wanted to. I wanted to so badly, but I no longer knew what to say. I could feel all the emotions washing over me, barraging me with any number of things I might do to thank him, might say to him to express how I felt. But all that I found I could do was bury my head in his chest and sob.
It was a great relief to have someone else take care of this situation for me. The greatest relief.
“There there,” he said, stroking my hair with his hand. “Cry as long as you need to, there’s no rush. I know that it must have been hard on your own, trying to figure out how to protect yourself and our baby. But I’m here now and I’m not letting go.”
I knew that he was telling the truth in that moment. We might have fights or arguments in the future, and there might be times where the two of us wondered if we should give up, but now we had something between us to remind us how important our relationship was, how much the two of us meant to the other.
“Thank you,” I said, glad that those words were coming instead of a thousand more apologies. “Thank you.”
“You don’t have to thank me, I’m just glad I got to you in time,” he said. “I can’t imagine showing up here and you having already disappeared. That would have broken my heart.”
I didn’t want to dwell long on that possibility for the future, but I had to agree that it was not a pleasant thought. There were so many things about this situation that were so much better.
A happier ending, for both of us.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Vincent
I waited until Emma had calmed down significantly to even suggest that we finish packing her things.
I didn’t want to disturb her, now that she was breathing peacefully in my arms. I wished that I could just let her fall asleep and fall asleep next to her, but I knew that both of us would feel so much better once she was away from her and tucked away safely
in my mansion.
The fact that she had installed a deadbolt, the relief on her face once she had seen that it was me, how long it took her to open the door, the shallow cut on her face that looked as if it had been rubbed raw, it all added up to a very unpleasant situation.
And I didn’t want her to be in a space of fear any longer than she needed to be.
“Hey Emma,” I said, rubbing her shoulder gently. I didn’t want to do anything sudden that might frighten her, as if she was a wild animal. I knew it perhaps wasn’t the best way to describe her, but that was how I felt around her in this situation.
I wanted her to feel safe. I didn’t want her to bolt or run away. I was trying to protect her, something that she believed but only partially right now as she was half-awake and might easily mistake me for someone else.
“Hmmm?” she mumbled, slowly opening her eyes. There was one moment of fear, of her body tensing, and then she relaxed against me again. “What is it?” she asked.
“We should get some more stuff packed for you, anything you need. I can buy anything you don’t want to pack, so don’t worry about packing things that can be replaced easily.”
“Will you help me?” she asked, her eyes sad. “I don’t know if I can do it alone. Even with you being able to buy me other things, it still feels like a lot. I was packing fueled by panic before and now it feels like I’m saying goodbye.”
“You’re only saying goodbye for long enough for me to get him out of here,” I said, “then you can come back. I’m just worried that he might do some damage, so I don’t want you to leave anything that’s sentimental to you in case he decides to trash the place.”
She looked at the ground, her eyes welling up with tears again. “I know he probably will, but I hope he doesn’t. Even though it no longer feels safe, I really do love this place. It feels like a home, and it feels like my own. I haven’t had that before.
I put my hands on her shoulders. “I know it won’t be the same, but let me know if there’s anything you need at my house to feel more at home. You’re welcome to sleep in any room you want and add your own decorations.”