Saving Serena

by Beverley Scherberger

  When he finished talking, we watched the shark for a few more minutes and Nathan maintained his hold on my hand. Afterwards, we swam along, hand-in-hand, for quite a while. I felt comfortable and safe with him. I wondered if seeing the shark reminded him of his wife’s death and decided to broach the subject. If he wanted to tell me about it, I was willing to listen. If he didn’t, I wouldn’t push.

  “Nathan, I’ve heard bits and pieces of what happened to your wife. I’d like to hear it from you, if you wouldn’t mind talking about it.” I held my breath, hoping I hadn’t overstepped.

  At first, I wasn’t sure he was going to respond. Then he stopped and turned to face me, still holding my hand. He looked into my eyes as he began to speak, his voice soft and low. “I was born into a different sirene, not Tinami and Saya’s, and lived with my parents and four siblings until I was ten. I’d always had unusual interests for a young merkid and didn’t fit in well with the rest of my age group. They wanted to play and chase and hunt while I wanted to know why and how illness and disease could be cured, how broken limbs could mend. Hanging out with the doctor was more exciting to me than playing games.”

  I could picture Nathan as a little merkid, pestering with curious questions.

  He smiled faintly at the memory, looked away, and then continued, his voice becoming more somber. “Our sirene developed a debilitating illness and one by one, I watched friends and family waste away and die. The doctor was helpless in the face of the disease and, in fact, succumbed to it himself. My entire family died. When there were only five of us left, we set out to find another sirene that might be willing to take us in. It was risky since some groups were known for killing anyone they encountered, considering them competition for food. Others looked more kindly upon those less fortunate.”

  His eyes took on a sad, far-away look as he recalled the pain of losing his family and the hunger and desperation of those few remaining. After a brief pause, he resumed his story.

  “We swam for many days before meeting a hunting party. They took pity on the hungry, bedraggled, and exhausted group and led us here. Luckily, we’d found Tinami and Saya’s sirene.

  “I was the only merkid in our group and without parents to look after me I didn’t know what would become of me. But Tinami and Saya opened their hearts to me, took me in as one of their own, and treated me like a son. Unlike most mermen marriages, they had a deep love for each other that spilled over into the treatment of their people. I promised myself I would one day repay them by becoming the sirene doctor. And I longed for a marriage like theirs, not an arranged merger meant only to foster the health and prosperity of the group.”

  His eyes lost the sadness as he remembered growing up in a loving family home. That love had helped shape him into the caring merman he was today. I felt grateful to Tanami and Saya for their part in his development and for allowing me to stay in the sirene after my accident. I was even more grateful to have met this amazing merman, to have him in my life.

  “In true merman tradition, I was promised to Saralee in an arranged marriage by the time I was twelve, but since I was studying to become a doctor, I was not forced to marry by the age of sixteen.

  “Saralee was a beautiful mermaid, kind and gentle, but I had watched Tinami and Saya and yearned for more than a marriage of convenience. In some arranged marriages, the couples develop feelings for each other and become true lovers, but most are simply business arrangements. A few are disastrous.”

  His voice took on a tenderness I hadn’t heard before and he looked deep into my eyes. I felt he was speaking to me with more than just words and my heart yearned to respond.

  “I wanted more—I wanted passion and love that would sustain us until we were old and grey. I wanted to laugh and share my innermost secrets with a soul mate that understood me like no other. Although Saralee was a good mermaid and would have made a wonderful provider for our family, I felt only fondness for her. So I made excuses not to marry. I studied and kept busy with my work for as long as I could, hoping a solution would present itself.” He let out a deep breath, resignation plain on his face.

  “Finally, Tinami and Saya ran out of patience and insisted that Saralee and I marry. They had done so much for me that I couldn’t refuse.”

  Nathan paused and when he continued the story, emotion roughened his voice. “Two months into our marriage, Saralee left on a hunting trip early one morning and didn’t return. A shark attacked her... She was so young...” His voice broke as he confessed, “I didn’t love her and I feel so guilty for trying to pretend I was happy...”

  I wanted to hold him, to console him, to tell him it would be alright, but how could I? Would it be alright?

  Squeezing his hand, I offered a reassuring smile. “Thank you for telling me, Nathan. It’s natural to feel badly about Saralee’s death. But feeling guilty isn’t going to help. You have to get on with your life and look for that love and passion you so desire. If Saralee was the caring woman you say she was, she wouldn’t have wanted your life to end just because hers did.” I stopped there, afraid of saying too much, and motioned for us to continue our swim.

  That day, I felt very close to Nathan and was reluctant to see him go. Later, as I attempted to relax in my cubicle, I had a mental conversation with myself regarding my feelings. What are you doing? What if he doesn’t feel the same way you do? It’s hard enough to fall in love with a human man—how do you expect a relationship with a merman to work? I had many questions and very few answers.

  Chapter 4

  WITH TIME ON MY HANDS, I’d begun spending the late afternoon hours with Kalani, learning about her research and “old ways” of healing. A warm, intelligent mermaid, she cared deeply about the well-being of the sirene. In years past, each sirene had retained a medicine man or woman, but as the field of medicine grew and changed, educated doctors were in great demand. Eventually, Tinami and Saya recruited a physician to replace Kalani and she began doing research in her lab, only occasionally treating illness or injuries, helping the doctor on an as-needed basis.

  A very hands-on type of teacher, Kalani encouraged me to get involved with dissections, mixing tinctures, and various other aspects of her research. One afternoon as I dissected a seaworm, I wondered if she resented being replaced.

  Almost as though she’d read my mind, Kalani said, “Although I dedicated my life to medicine and love treating the people of my sirene, I find I also have a passion for research. Discovering new and better treatments for diseases and injuries is really exciting. And here in my lab, no one bothers me and I can do what I want, when I want. It suits me.” Her gentle smile crinkled the corners of her eyes; a tendril of grey-brown hair escaped the bun at the back of her head and floated around her face. I felt fortunate to be learning from her.

  As she continued, I found that Kalani enjoyed our time together as much as I did. “The merkids today aren’t interested in learning the old ways and sometimes call me a witch. It’s sad to think that when I’m gone, no one will remember the things that used to be so natural. I’m glad you have such a curiosity and desire to learn about natural ways of healing. I really enjoy our afternoon sessions. You soak up information and encourage me to share what I’ve learned throughout my life—I now feel my efforts are worthwhile.”

  To treat diseases, Kalani used natural herbs and minerals found in shells, shellfish, corals, fish, kelp, sponges, worms, and other types of sea life. She willingly imparted her knowledge to me and I eagerly absorbed everything she said.

  Kalani then mentioned that Dr. Nathan was very different from the old doctor. “Dr. Maldon was determined to use only what he’d been taught in school and was extremely set in his ways. He pooh-poohed my ideas and suggestions, calling them old wives’ tales. Dr. Nathan is much more open to natural treatments. In fact, on a couple of occasions, he has asked me to help with a patient’s particularly puzzling symptoms.”

  She turned to face me. “I have something to ask you, my dear. Would you mind if I invi
ted Dr. Nathan to join us for our afternoon sessions? I think we would all benefit from learning from each other. What do you think?”

  “I think it’s a great idea, Kalani! As the sirene doctor, Nathan should have as many methods of healing available to him as possible. There’s no such thing as too much knowledge.” And, on a personal note, I was thrilled at the prospect of spending even more time with him.

  The next day during our morning swim, Nathan mentioned Kalani’s invitation to join our afternoon seminars. He was afraid of intruding but my broad smile and enthusiastic “Please come!” convinced him otherwise.

  I loved our long swims together, the time we spent in comfortable silence just enjoying the natural beauty surrounding us, his quick smile and twinkling eyes, and knew I was seriously attracted to him. I wanted to drown in the depths of those green eyes and feel his strong arms holding me close. I often awoke from nocturnal dreams, wanting him, aching to feel his lips devouring mine. Nathan had been the consummate gentleman on our long morning swims and sometimes I wondered if he wasn’t attracted to me. But once in a while, I’d catch him staring at me intently with a smoldering heat and he’d look quickly away as though caught doing something he shouldn’t. At those times, I was sure he felt the same way. He would often take my hand in his during our swims and I longed for more.

  I floated into Kalani’s lab one afternoon and found Nathan chatting comfortably with her. A thrill ran up my spine at the prospect of our working and learning side-by-side. Hours passed quickly as Kalani happily shared her knowledge. We dissected various creatures, made poultices, and discussed what would best ease symptoms of certain diseases. We asked numerous questions and Kalani answered with what she knew. Nathan also shared his knowledge of the new ways of healing with Kalani and me, so I was learning twice as much as before.

  With both of them checking regularly on my bruise and my arm, I felt I was getting the best possible care. They agreed the bruise was fading to a terrific shade of green and should disappear altogether in another week or so. The arm, however, would take longer to heal. I realized that it took longer for injuries to mend here in the ocean depths. Normally, the bruise and broken arm would have healed by now. Perhaps it had something to do with the water pressure. I didn’t care how long it took, especially if it prevented Tinami and Saya from making a fateful decision. More and more, I felt I belonged here.

  Early one evening, as I relaxed in my cubicle following dinner and another day spent swimming and studying with Nathan, I heard a sound at my door. Expecting to see Kiki or Maia, I glanced up to find a voluptuous, dark-haired mermaid studying me with narrowed eyes and an openly hostile demeanor. Her silvery tail deepened to sapphire then to a shocking violet at the end, a color I hadn’t seen before.

  Without being invited in, the woman swam boldly to the center of the room and looked me over with barely concealed disdain. Her gaze lingered on my legs and then moved to the cast on my arm. Obviously agitated, she swished from left to right and back again, never taking her eyes off me. I felt palpable waves of hate emanating from her and wondered what I could possibly have done to cause such strong feelings in someone I didn’t know. She began to speak, her words measured and deliberate, her voice low and threatening.

  “You spend a lot of time with Nathan and I see how you look at him. You...you with no tail and no knowledge of our ways. You think you can come here and take him from me.” She lifted her chin and stared down her nose at me, haughty and suddenly motionless. The abrupt change from constant movement to total stillness unnerved me. “When his two mourning years are over, he will be married to me, so don’t expect your helplessness to bind him to you.”

  At my shocked expression, she sneered. “Obviously, he hasn’t told you he’s promised to me. Our laws prohibit him from marrying sooner or he would already be mine.” Through clenched teeth, she hissed, “You’d be wise to distance yourself before I show you how ruthless a mermaid can be.”

  She whirled and snapped her muscular tail. The ensuing wave nearly washed me off the bed when she darted out the door, her evil laughter fading into the distance.

  Shaken, I sat, trembling with a myriad of emotions and replaying the ugly scene in my mind. I was so furious at the woman’s audacity in barging into my room and threatening me that I jumped up and paced back and forth across the small space. In fact, my actions closely mirrored hers of moments before.

  Then the anger was replaced by a deep hurt. I stopped pacing and pondered why Nathan hadn’t told me he was promised to another. But, in his defense, he hadn’t lied to me, either. And he’d never made inappropriate overtures that would indicate he was free to do so.

  But how could he not tell me? He had to see my feelings clearly displayed in my eyes and on my face. He had to feel it whenever he held my hand.

  Suddenly terror clenched my gut and I stiffened. What would happen if the woman carried out her threat? Would she come to my room again and physically attack me? Could she poison me, leaving me to die in my bed, unable to call for help?

  Another fear intruded on my thoughts. What would happen if this was brought to Tinami and Saya’s attention? Would I be sent away and Nathan forced to marry this awful woman? That was the most unbearable idea of all.

  The strength left my legs and I collapsed on the edge of the bed. Here, in this mermaid-driven society, the women were the providers; they pursued their chosen mates. Tinami and Saya might see the woman’s actions as totally justifiable. Not a permanent resident of this sirene, I had only been accepted as a temporary guest until my injuries healed. Surprisingly, no one had broached the subject of returning me to the surface in the months I’d been here. But if Tinami and Saya examined this situation closely, I would undoubtedly be asked to leave. What would I do? Where would I go? How would I survive? No doubt I would perish if sent away.

  Hopeless, drained, I slid from the bed to the floor and puddled in a boneless heap. Sobs wracked my body while copious tears merged invisibly with the saltwater; my sore, swollen eyes could see only heartbreak and disaster ahead. I desperately needed to talk to Nathan, but couldn’t risk calling attention to our relationship by seeking him out tonight. In spite of needing him so dreadfully, I decided to wait until the next morning when we could talk during our swim, far from the prying eyes and ears of the sirene.

  Chapter 5

  MAIA STOPPED BY later that same evening for a short visit. Although I had pulled myself together, I couldn’t enjoy her company with such a heavy heart. I apologized and told her I didn’t feel well. “Maybe we should do this another time.” We chatted a few minutes more and she jokingly suggested I see Dr. Nathan.

  I felt guilty for not being more open with her, but I hadn’t seen much of Maia recently and I didn’t want too many people to know about my feelings for Nathan. She left with a promise to come by more often. “Take care of yourself. I’ll visit another time.”

  That night, I tossed and turned restlessly, plagued by unpleasant dreams I couldn’t quite recall in the light of day. I barely tasted my breakfast, my stomach tied in knots and my nerves jangling. Afterwards, I paced back and forth across my tiny cubicle, both dreading and anticipating Nathan’s appearance at my door.

  When he finally poked his head into the cubicle, he knew at first glance that something was wrong. I’m sure my serious countenance and muttered, “We can talk outside,” didn’t reassure him. We swam in silence to the cavern opening and Nathan performed his chivalrous predator check at the doorway.

  Some distance away, I turned to face him. My face contorted as I fought back tears. I didn’t even know where to begin this most difficult of conversations, especially since my voice was shaky with emotion.

  He took my hand and murmured, “Come.”

  The delay gave me the opportunity to regain my composure so when Nathan stopped at the entrance to a small cave, I was a bit calmer. He checked inside and then motioned for me to enter. At the back of the cave a pile of rock provided a natural seating area and we se
ttled to talk. Nathan reached for my hand, but for the first time I pulled away. His touch would make it that much more difficult to talk about his relationship with another woman.

  The only way to begin was to begin. “I had a visitor last night. A woman who said that once your two years of mourning are over, she will marry you. I...” My voice broke. I couldn’t continue and glanced up to see Nathan’s reaction.

  He looked broken, defeated. I wanted to reach out and hold him but had to know the truth. Finally, he took a deep breath, met my eyes, and began a story that I needed, hated, had to hear.

  “I told you part of the story the day you asked me about Saralee. You know I’ve always been different from other mermen and why I refused to mate early in life.”

  I nodded, afraid to reply for fear my voice would betray my inner turmoil.

  He paused, collecting his thoughts, and I could tell this was difficult for him so I kept silent.

  “As I mentioned before, we had only been married for several months when Saralee didn’t return from that hunting expedition.” He paused and lowered his head, turning his eyes away from mine. When he continued, his voice was rough with emotion and I fought the urge to touch him.

  “The hunting party had seen the shark’s tell-tale danger signs and turned as a group to head in the other direction. A young, inexperienced woman was watching something on the sea floor and didn’t realize everyone had moved off. Others in the group said Saralee glanced back and saw the girl swim forward a few more feet, just enough to be well inside the shark’s territory. He made a tight circle then sped toward the girl who was still unaware of the danger. Saralee darted into the shark’s view to divert his attention.” He swallowed hard and finally raised his face to mine.

  My heart clenched at the raw pain in his eyes, the tightness of his jaw.