She needed to get out of here. She couldn’t hear this. Shoving against him again, she tried to wiggle away. He trapped her between steel arms. “Trystan, let me go.”
“No. I’m not watching you run again.” He grabbed her chin and forced her gaze to his. His eyes flashed wolf. “You’re going to face this.”
He wasn’t going to release her until he’d said his piece. Amanda let some of the tension drain from her muscles. If she was her old self, she would’ve flattened him by now and introduced him to the taste of his balls being rammed down his throat. But she couldn’t do that. As much as it galled her, she took her only route to escape. She lowered her eyes and relaxed.
Growling his approval, Trystan released her chin. “I didn’t screw her because I love you. You’re the only one I want.” At her snort, he narrowed his eyes. “What?”
Amanda held his gaze. “Really? You’re gonna say that when you’ve been sleeping with whatever moves your way for years?” She flinched at the venom in her voice.
Trystan and his wolf both growled. “Yeah, I’ve been with other females. But not nearly as many as you think.”
“Right. I’m not stupid. I have eyes.” Amanda sneaked under his arm again, but he caught her. “And what about Ciarra?” His eyes hardened. “Trystan, you were devastated when she died. I was there. Remember? You ran to me, like you always do.” Part of her died at hurting him. But she had to get him to go away.
“Ciarra was my friend. A fellow warrior. And while I won’t deny we slept together a few times, it wasn’t like that with us.” Amanda’s disbelief must’ve shown in her eyes. He gripped her chin again. “You want to know what we did together most of the time?”
“I really don’t.”
“We talked. Mostly about you.”
“Sure.” Ducking toward the other side, she’d almost made it when he caught her around the waist. She huffed. Her anger was about to reach the boiling point. It wouldn’t be long before the tears flowed.
“It’s true. She knew we were mates.”
Amanda froze at that. “So you spoke to her about it, and never once mentioned it to me?” That little volcano inside her was just about to erupt.
“If I’d discussed it with you, you’d want to know why I couldn’t claim you. Would’ve hounded me until I told you.” Trystan’s green eyes flew wide, as if he hadn’t meant to say that.
Amanda shook her head. “I get it. I’m good enough when you need someone to fuck. But for the real stuff, you needed her. Hell, I wasn’t even good enough for you to explain why we’ve spent our lives knowing we were mates yet never even talked about it.”
“Amanda, it’s not like that. You don’t understand. I can’t─”
“I don’t care, Trystan. I don’t care what your reasons are. I don’t care who you fuck.” She clenched her fists as she lied. “So why don’t you leave me the hell alone and go find the tramp. I’m sure she’ll buy your bullshit.” He opened his mouth, probably to deny once again he’d touched her. Amanda held up a hand. “Don’t. It doesn’t matter.”
“Amanda, listen to me!” Desperation rode every word as he gripped her shoulders and shook her gently. “It does matter! Just let me explain─”
“I don’t want your explanations!” She screamed at him. “It’s too late. Nothing you could say would make a difference now.”
He had to understand they were done. It was for his own good.
“Why?” He shook her again, like he thought it would rattle some sense into her. “Help me understand. Why won’t you listen to me?”
That’s when the truth she’d been ignoring raged out of her mouth. The one fact she’d been shoving aside because it hurt too much.
“Because I don’t trust you anymore!”
Trystan’s arms dropped and he staggered back. He looked as if he’d been felled. His face went ashen. All the bluster and tension left him in a rush. His pain at her words was so sharp it stabbed her gut.
It was the absolute worst thing she could’ve said to a dominant male shifter. Especially one who was her mate.
“Amanda...” Her name sounded like agony falling from his tongue.
It was the magic bullet that hit her target. The one thing that could get him to back off. Though it was true, it still cut her to say it. For so long, he’d been the one she’d trusted most. But after years of being his backup, when he said he loved her, she no longer believed it.
“Trystan, leave me be. It’s over.”
“Amanda, please.” He lifted a hand to touch her, then dropped it. She’d never seen him look so defeated. So broken. Not even yesterday when he’d nearly died.
“Everything okay here?” Rhys’ voice cut into the loaded silence.
Amanda turned and let the now cold water out of the sink. “Yeah. Everything’s fine.”
Trystan remained silent, but she felt his stare heating her back.
Rhys’ eyes went from Trystan to Amanda. “Trystan, I need to speak with you in my office.” Trystan nodded, but didn’t move. “Now.” Trystan headed to the door with an agonized look back at Amanda. Rhys turned to her. “You sure you’re all right?”
“Fine.” She wrung the dishrag out and draped it over the sink.
“When I’m through with Trystan, come to my office and we’ll get started on a plan for tomorrow.”
Amanda nodded as he walked away. Then she sank to the floor, banging her head on the cabinet as she let it fall back. Tears flowed as jagged pain sliced into her hollow gut. It didn’t matter how much she loved Trystan. That she would love only him until the day she took her last breath and entered Néamh.
It was done.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
New Blood
Why didn’t she just gouge his fucking heart out with a dull blade? It would’ve hurt less.
“I don’t trust you anymore.”
Trystan trudged up the stairs to Rhys’ office. He didn’t even care he was about to get his ass chewed, even though he’d spent the night tossing and turning over the coming confrontation. He’d alternated between guilt about overstepping and opposing Rhys, feeling justified in taking the traitor’s head, and being sick over the situation with Amanda.
Now, there was Amanda’s cruel admission.
It was all exacerbated by the inkling he was different since Brianna’s spell hit him. He couldn’t put his finger on it, but something was changing inside him.
He didn’t like it. He didn’t like any of this shit.
As he pushed the door open to the Alphas’ suite and headed to the right, he felt himself shutting down. Being numb was preferable, though. Trystan slumped into one of the soft leather chairs in front of Rhys’ massive oak desk. The dark, refined room usually calmed and relaxed him. Not today.
His mate didn’t trust him.
At first, he’d thought she was just saying it to piss him off so he’d walk away. Then he’d reached out along the frail, fate-given link and found the truth of her statement. His wolf had howled, then retreated deep inside, his tail tucked between his legs as he whined.
Trystan felt like doing the same. Her words had broken something. They’d also woken him up.
Of course Amanda didn’t trust him. Anyone looking at it from the outside would think he’d been using her. They wouldn’t know how much it killed him not to be able to claim her. How the other women were only sad attempts to sate a fire that burned for her. They wouldn’t understand if he claimed her, he’d destroy her.
“Want to tell me what that was all about?” Rhys stomped into the room, closing the door. He fell into the chair behind the desk, looking as exhausted as Trystan felt.
Trystan snapped to attention. He slicked down the messy, shoulder length hair he hadn’t bothered to pull back. “Nothing to tell. It’s over.”
Now he just needed to shove it all out of his aching brain and focus on the war.
Rhys lifted a brow. “I don’t believe that. Neither do you.”
Trystan leaned back. He blanked h
is face, locking his emotions down tight. He didn’t want to discuss this. Even with his best friend. His humiliation was private.
“Did you bring me here to talk about feelings like a couple girls, or to ream me a new asshole? I’d actually prefer the latter, if you don’t mind. Metaphorically, of course.”
Rhys rested his elbows on the desk. “Trys, it’s me. What the hell is going on with you?”
“We’re in the middle of a war. I almost died. Twice. And oh yeah, my mate no longer wants anything to do with me.” He pressed his lips into a thin line. “Yeah, ’bout sums it up. Now can we get on with this? I’ve got things to take care of.” He flicked a frayed edge on his jeans.
Rhys’ brow furrowed. “What do you mean, Amanda wants nothing to do with you?”
Trystan stared blankly. “Exactly what I said. Can we get down to business?”
Rhys sighed. “Fine.” He sat back. “Would you like to tell me why you didn’t wait for my order when dealing with the prisoner?”
Trystan drew one well-worn black boot up to rest on his knee. “Makenna was right. He didn’t know anything else that could help. Since my queen had already made the first move, I figured the floor was open.”
“Bullshit. You needed a target for your own shit, and he made the perfect mark. And Makenna knows she screwed up.”
“Did you come to that conclusion before or after you fucked the defiance out of her?”
Fire licked at the irises of Rhys’ eyes. Trystan winced. Too far. He didn’t do well with being reprimanded. That was no reason to speak of his friends, his Alphas, in such vulgar terms.
“I’m sorry. That was uncalled for.” Rhys settled, seeming to understand the comment was reactionary. Trystan didn’t waver, though. “The guy was going to die one way or another. Besides, it’s my job. I protect the pack by eliminating threats. I saw a threat. I eliminated it.”
Rhys’ jaw clicked. “It’s not that simple. You know we have to present a united front.”
Trystan smirked. “It’s not like he was gonna run back to Kylian and tell him we’re all fucked up.”
“Are we?” Rhys rounded the desk, leaning against the edge in front of Trystan. “As a team leading this pack, as friends, are we falling apart?”
Trystan searched his gaze. Rhys had been his friend since childhood. They’d stood back to back, battling more enemies than he could count. They trusted each other with their lives. Now, Trystan wasn’t sure where they stood, even though none of his issues really had anything to do with Rhys. Rhys was there for Amanda because he was her Alpha and friend.
No, it wasn’t Rhys. It was what Rhys had. A strong, devoted mate. He and Makenna had their issues like all mated pairs. It was especially trying to navigate a mating when they were in the middle of a war. But for the most part, the Alphas were solid. He was jealous. So envious he was surprised his magic wasn’t turning green. They had what he could never have with Amanda.
But Rhys came from good stock. An honorable family. Rhys’ blood wasn’t cursed.
Trystan’s feelings must have been apparent through the link they shared as Alpha and Beta, because Rhys’ eyes widened. Shit. He braced himself for the pity, then for the lecture.
Neither came.
Rhys watched him intently. Trystan shifted in his seat.
Rhys finally spoke. “You didn’t answer my question.”
Trystan’s head snapped up. A wave of emotion swept over him. Rhys understood him. Understood he needed to work shit out himself before he could even begin to try to explain it. “We’re solid, brother.”
Rhys nodded. “Good. Let’s stay that way.” He walked back to his chair. “Now, about Brianna.” Trystan dropped his foot and rested his elbows on his knees. “I’m gonna call Amanda in. I’ll run whatever we come up with by Makenna later.” Rhys’ lip twitched at her name. What was that flash of emotion? He picked up his phone and dialed. As it rang, he eyed Trystan. “This could be a trap.”
“Yeah, it could.”
Trystan bit down on the hurt that rose in his chest at the mention of his mate. No way could he sit in this office with her for hours without losing his mind wanting to touch her. Comfort her. Win back the trust he coveted. It would be torture. He set his jaw. He’d have to suck it up. His wolf let out another whine.
Yeah, buddy. I know.
While Rhys ordered Amanda to his office, Trystan stood and paced the room. He was stiff and sore from yesterday’s adventures but healing nicely. He needed a good sparring session to work out the kinks.
Rhys hung up and eyed Trystan. “You good?”
“Yeah. I just need to get moving. Do you mind if I sit this session out? I can catch up later. I need to get out on the field. Talon could probably use some help getting the new wolves in the groove.”
Rhys’ eyes narrowed. Like he’d caught a scent. “Sure. We won’t work it all out this morning anyway.” He shuffled some papers on his desk. “We definitely need to go for the capture and not the kill. Brianna will have a lot of intel. Things no one else would know.”
Trystan nearly growled. He didn’t want Brianna captured. He wanted her dead. Wanted the magic that had taken Amanda destroyed. “If she’s gone, Kylian has nothing. It won’t matter what she tells us. He’ll be all but defenseless.”
“Maybe. Maybe not. We have no way of knowing what magic he’s acquired. He’s not to be underestimated.” Rhys rose again, facing off with Trystan. “I need you to stand by me on this, Trystan. We can’t afford to be divided.”
Trystan bit back a sharp retort. “Maybe we should wait until we’re all together to decide. I’d like to hear what Bowen has to say on the matter.”
Rhys tilted his head. As if he knew Trystan wanted to tell him to shove it up his ass. “All right. Capture will still be my recommendation.” He leaned his palms on the desk. “Brianna is their sister, Trys. If we can save her, for them, we have to try.”
Rhys had his doubts, but he truly wanted to try and bring Brianna back from the dark. Trystan had no doubts. Once someone went that far evil, there was no coming back. He’d have thought that even if Brianna hadn’t hurt Amanda.
Trystan held his tongue on the matter. “See you after lunch?”
Rhys nodded. His jaw worked furiously, but he didn’t say anything else.
When Trystan turned, he ran smack into a startled Amanda. Instinctively, he grabbed her narrow shoulders to keep her from falling. “Sorry. I didn’t see you.” Which proved he needed to get back on the field and get his head in the game.
Amanda quickly righted herself and brushed past him. “It’s fine.” She pointed at a map on the table next to the desk. “That our location?”
Rhys nodded, then glanced at Trystan. “Let Talon and Bowen know we’re meeting after lunch. Makenna too.” Why didn’t Rhys tell her himself?
Trystan nodded. He stepped into the hallway. Makenna burst out of her room, dressed in her uniform pants from martial arts and a tank top. Her favorite attire for sparring. He took a look over his shoulder. Amanda and Rhys were bent over the map, pointing and talking. He had a momentary flash of envy at their comfort with one another. Then he pulled the door closed.
He caught up with Makenna, who was halfway down the first staircase. “You’re late. Training started an hour ago.”
She gave him the side eye as she hit the landing and jogged to the next set of stairs. “You weren’t exactly up with the chickens.”
Trystan chuckled. “I have an excuse. Near death experiences and all.”
Makenna stopped at the bottom, her face pinching. “I’m sorry. I didn’t think.” He waved her concern away. “Are you okay?”
“I’m good. I promise.”
Appearing satisfied, she continued out the door. “Sure you’re up for a workout today?”
“Abso-fucking-lutely. We need to be ready for tomorrow.”
Makenna loped to a stop at the edge of the busy field. “Rhys thinks we should bring Brianna back alive.”
Trystan nodded
, watching her carefully. There were dark smudges under her eyes. Her jaw was tight, and she flipped the blade in her hands over and over.
“He told me. I take it there was no kissing and making up?” He tried to keep the words light but they fell short. She shot him a glare and gave a sharp shake of her head. “I’m also getting the feeling you don’t agree with him about Brianna.”
She stared over the field, following the fighters with her eyes. “I think bringing that bitch back here in one piece is the worst fucking idea I’ve ever heard.” Makenna crossed her arms. “You with me?”
Trystan’s gaze turned wolf. “Yes. She’s too powerful. Bowen may not even be able to bind her magic. It’s not safe.” He gazed at the pups playing around the edges of the field. “Especially with pups here now.”
“Then we’re agreed.” Her eyes flashed wolf, then gold. The goddess. “Brianna has to die. Regardless of what Rhys thinks.”
Trystan kicked at the grass. The Beta in him balked at the idea of going against his Alpha. Brianna had to die, but this way felt wrong.
“He may change his mind after we meet this afternoon. Once Bowen lets him know he can’t keep her contained.” He doubted that.
“He won’t. No matter how many times I tell Rhys I couldn’t care less she’s my sister, he’s got it in his head we can help her.” She moved closer to Trystan. “We can’t. I’ve seen plenty of evil, and she’s the fucking poster child for Satan’s spawn. Even if she wasn’t, she hurt my baby sister.” She ran a finger along the blade in her hand. “She doesn’t get to walk away.”
“I agree.” He settled his stance. Preparing for what, he didn’t know. He just felt the need to be ready. Possibly for all Ifrin to break loose. “But we have to try and make Rhys see reason first.”
She glared, her eyes gold. “I could order you to do it, but I’d rather not have to.” Her stare wavered as regret and indecision flared. Almost like she wanted him to talk her out of it.
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