His Two Leading Men

by Aidan Wayne

  Vlad wasn’t on the porch this time. Darren hadn’t seen him around since their awkward first meeting, not even in the woods, where he and his dad regularly bumped into Tabitha while she was out collecting wild ingredients that couldn’t grow in her garden. The gossip hadn’t died down, so he knew Vlad was still around, but it didn’t sound like he was making all that many public appearances.

  Whatever. Not Darren’s problem. He rang the bell and waited.

  Tabitha opened the door and beamed at him, to the point that Darren took a half step back. Happy to see him? Okay, he’d buy that, but this seemed a little over the top.

  “I’m so glad you came back! Come on in,” she said, motioning Darren inside. “Vlad’s upstairs in his room, but I’m sure he’ll be happy to see you. Here, I’ll show you the way—I don’t think you know it.”

  “Uh. I’m not—what?” Darren said.

  Tabitha frowned at him. “You’re not here to visit Vlad?”

  “I… no?”

  Tabitha frowned at him and looked disappointed. “Why not?”

  What? “Don’t know if you noticed, but last time I was here, we didn’t… uh, get along all too great, Tabby. Also he said that he didn’t want people to gawk at him?”

  At least she stopped looking disappointed. “You weren’t gawking. You were having a conversation! It was wonderful.”

  “We spent the whole time accidentally insulting each other,” Darren felt the need to point out.

  “I don’t know about that,” she said with a shrug, “but you’re the first person aside from me he’s talked to willingly. And all I get is stiff politeness.” She looked at him expectantly.

  Darren stared at her. She was wearing a long black-and-red dress, dreadlocks down—pretty, and someone Darren had known since he was nine, but he still felt a chill run down his spine. “Let me get this straight: you want me to make friends with your weirdo vampire cousin.”

  She instantly started beaming at him again and didn’t even address him calling Vlad a weirdo. Ooh boy. “Would you? He really does need a friend. And someone his own age to talk to.”

  Damn it, Darren was already feeling kind of bad. He heaved a sigh. “Okay, sure. But no promises. If he hates me, that’s not my fault.”

  “I’d be happy enough with an argument,” Tabitha assured him. “I’ll show you his room, and then go get your herbals ready for you when you leave.”

  “Thanks, I guess.”

  Darren followed Tabitha as she went up the house’s narrow staircase, turned left on the landing, and knocked on the farthest door down the hall. He looked around with interest while he was there; Darren didn’t usually go up to the second floor. The walls were all painted dark green, a vivid contrast against the dark wood doors. The effect was a little spooky. “Vlad? You have a visitor.”

  There was a quiet scuffling, and then the door opened. Vlad peeped out, looking wary. He was dressed in shorts and a dark green T-shirt and could have easily blended into the walls. Darren wondered if that had been on purpose or what. He gave Vlad an awkward wave. “Hi?”

  “Tabitha?” Vlad asked, glancing from Darren to her and back again.

  Tabitha smiled at him. “He just came by to pick up some things and wanted to say hello. I’ll let you two chat while I get them ready.” Then she turned and left, not exactly running down the stairs—but it was a near thing.

  Vlad sighed. “Well, come in, then.”

  “Don’t look so happy to see me,” Darren said, before remembering he was supposed to be nice. To keep himself from saying anything else, he looked around the room. It had a bed with an open laptop on it, a desk and chair, a dresser, and nothing else, except a hoodie on the floor near the bed. No decorations, nothing, nada. It looked stark and bare, especially in contrast to the rest of Tabitha’s house. And it was weird too, because Darren was sure Tabitha at least would have decorated her guest room. So that meant the lack of decorations must’ve been a conscious decision on Vlad’s part once he’d moved in.

  But why?

  “Oh my god, man, you’ve been here for a month already. Where’s your stuff?”

  Vlad shrugged and closed his laptop, then sat down on his bed. “What did Tabitha say?”

  “Huh?”

  “To make you come see me. I know you did not decide to visit me on your own.”

  Darren stood awkwardly in the doorway for a second before deciding that the desk chair was safest. He sat down on it and spun around to face Vlad. “She didn’t really say anything so much as she used her disappointed look on me. But if I really do bother you, I can totally go.”

  Vlad snorted.

  “I mean it! I know we didn’t hit it off last time, so I figured I wouldn’t bug you again.”

  “Then why did you come by?” Vlad asked.

  “Needed a med refill.” Darren waved a hand. “That time of the month approacheth.”

  “You were in a lot of pain last time,” Vlad said slowly.

  Darren raised an eyebrow. Were they really talking about this? “Uh, yeah? Periods suck.”

  Vlad frowned and shifted on the bed, hands coming up to clasp together. “No, I meant to ask…. Why do you have to keep coming to Tabitha?”

  “Uh, because I need herbal medicine?”

  “But why? There are many pain relief medications.”

  Darren rolled his eyes. “Yeah, and they work great for humans. I’m half; my dad’s fae, and my mom’s human. The fae don’t menstruate, but humans do. I’m lucky enough to get to bleed every month, and I’m also lucky enough to have an immune system that modern medicine can’t touch. So I gotta treat myself with flowers and stuff. It works, but flowers don’t have the best shelf life, if you know what I mean.”

  “Oh.” Vlad tilted his head and nodded, a slight wrinkle appearing above his nose as he considered that. Which, fine, Darren figured it was maybe a lot to consider. But ugh, silence.

  “Okay,” Darren said, swiveling back and forth in his chair. “You asked me a super personal question, I get to ask you one. It’s only fair.”

  Vlad looked wary, but after a moment he nodded. “All right.”

  Cool. And Darren was totally capable of avoiding touchy subjects. “So, how long have you been a vampire?”

  Vlad eyed him, but he didn’t look sad, so Darren counted that as a win. “I think… six months, maybe? More like seven, now.”

  “What!”

  “What is it?”

  “You haven’t been around for like, hundreds of years or something?”

  Vlad gave him a funny look. “No. Do I look like I have been alive for that long?”

  “I just figured you were stuck as a teenager for all eternity.”

  “Why?”

  “All the vampires in stories are like a bazillion years old.”

  Vlad frowned, the wrinkle appearing in his forehead again. “That does not sound like a real number.”

  “Really really old.”

  Vlad shrugged again. “Vampirism makes for better cell regeneration.” He side-eyed Darren. “Are you not the same way?” At Darren’s confused look, Vlad waved a hand in Darren’s general direction. “Your family. You just told me you are of magic, yes?”

  “Fae, yeah. Sort of. On my dad’s side.”

  “Don’t you live longer too?”

  “Dunno. I mean, I’m pretty sure my dad can, but I think he and my mom are sort of working out the aging thing together. I’m half, so no one’s got any idea what’s going on with me. Even my powers and stuff are weird.”

  Vlad blinked and leaned forward, looking the most interested he had so far. “What do you mean?”

  Darren tapped his cheek. “Does that count as your question?” This was a thing now, apparently: playing getting-to-know-you with Ukrainian Vampire Vlad.

  Vlad tilted his head. “I suppose so.”

  “Ffffine, okay. So, basically, humans can have kids with a whole bunch of different supernaturals because… I don’t know, biology, genomes, blah blah blah,
right?”

  “I was aware, yes. I did pay attention to my own teachings.” The little smirk was back. Rude.

  “Okay, so, humans can have babies, though sometimes it’s rare depending on a lot of other complicated stuff I’m not gonna go into”—Vlad was making a face at him again—“but anyway the point is that, when a kid is mixed, it’s kind of a crapshoot of what traits of which parent they end up with. Same with regular babies, really. You don’t know if you’re gonna get Mom’s red hair or Dad’s bad teeth or your great-aunt’s nose or whatever. So I’ve got sort of a weird mixed bag of abilities. And I’m not as strong as a regular fae either. That’s why—” He cut himself off. Vlad hadn’t asked for the particulars, so Darren totally didn’t have to tell.

  And of course, that’s what Vlad picked up on. “That’s why what?”

  “Oh no, you already got your question. It’s my turn.”

  Vlad sighed but was saved when Tabitha knocked on the door.

  “Boys? Vlad? Can I come in? I just wanted to let Darren know that his herbals are ready.”

  “Oh, great!” Darren hopped out of the chair. “Uh.” He turned to Vlad. “It was good talking to you?”

  “Same,” Vlad said, kinda stiff all of a sudden as he opened his door for Tabitha. She was doing a thing with her face, like she was trying not to look like she was worried. Darren heaved another inward sigh. He was going to do this, wasn’t he?

  Yeah he was.

  “Uh, maybe I can come by tomorrow, after school,” he said before he could regret it.

  Vlad looked at him, surprised but wary. “All right. If you can.”

  “If you don’t mind, I mean,” Darren said.

  Vlad shrugged and glanced at the floor. “I don’t.”

  Silence.

  “Okay!” Darren said, clapping. “So. Tomorrow, then. It’s still my turn for a question.”

  “Ah yes. Okay.”

  Darren got his herbals and got the hell out.

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