Other Echoes
Page 40
*****
In French class, Emi grabbed a seat next to Josh’s usual spot in the back of the classroom. As usual, he was scrambling to finish his vocabulary assignment at the very last minute. Either he was too focused on finishing to say hello, or too repulsed by yesterday’s kiss to look her in the eye. There was also the distinct possibility he was just being his usual standoffish self and Emi was reading far too much into it.
As she waited for him to finish writing, Emi started taking down Ms. Labarge’s notes from the chalkboard. It was a free work period that day, and many of her classmates had already begun rehearsing their presentations for tomorrow’s class. Emi looked around the room. Much to her satisfaction, she caught Kainoa and Tori snatching furtive glances at her from their table near the chalkboard. By now, Kainoa had surely heard the gossip about her and Josh. It was impossible to know from Kainoa’s expression if he was jealous or not. Either way, she had his attention at the very least.
“So, have you memorized your lines for the report?” Emi asked, turning her attention back to Josh.
No response.
“Earth to Josh.” She waved a hand in front of his face.
He finally looked up, and his expression was so full of disdain that Emi almost recoiled.
“Emi, what have you been telling people about me?” he asked. His voice was several degrees colder than usual.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean how did Cassie Roxburgh know I was adopted? I don’t recall ever telling her that.”
Emi couldn’t believe the news had gotten back to him already. Her lunch with Cassie had been less than an hour ago.
“I didn’t know it was a secret.”
Josh’s voice never rose above a whisper, though he was clearly angry. “That was personal information, Emi,” he said. “And to be perfectly clear, I don’t want you talking about my family to anyone again. It’s not your place, or anyone else’s, to pass judgment on my siblings.”
“I wasn’t judging them,” she protested.
“You wouldn’t understand. It’s different for me than for you,” he said in a strained voice. “My school life is my school life. My home life is my home life. They’re two separate realms. They don’t intersect. The fact that you came barging into my home doesn’t give you the right to mess all that up.”
“Mess what up? I’m so confused.”
Ms. Labarge came bustling over to their table and cleared her throat. “Josh, Emi. Parlez français s'il vous plaît.”
Continuing the conversation in French was out of the question. Uneasily, she and Josh practiced their oral report together for the rest of the period. Emi was sure they could have cut the tension with a knife.
When class ended, she held Josh back and waited for everyone to leave before speaking. Tori lingered a little longer than necessary after packing her bag, but eventually left with the rest of the class.
“Listen I’m sorry if I blabbed about your private life,” Emi said once they were finally alone. “But you don’t have to get upset. Lots of people are adopted. It’s not a big deal.”
“I’m not upset about that,” he said stonily.
“Really? Because you look like you want to strangle me.”
“I have to go to practice.” He grabbed his backpack and moved towards the exit.
“So you’re going to leave me here feeling guilty without knowing why? Thanks a lot,” she shot out, unable to keep the sarcasm from her voice.
He stopped and turned slowly.
“I just thought you were different,” he said. “But you talked about my family like a freak show exhibit for amusing your friends.”
Emi was silenced by confusion and remorse. It hadn’t occurred to her that she was using Josh and his siblings for her own gain. It sounded downright malicious when he put it that way.
“Is Cassie even a friend of yours?” Josh started up again, in the same weary tone. “Or do you go around discussing others’ private lives as a matter of course? Is it a game for you?”
The words hurt because there was truth in them.
“Maybe, you’re the first person from school who’s ever been to my home,” he said, quieter. “Maybe you’re the first person I’ve ever trusted with that experience.”
“Why?” she asked. “Why do you have to be so paranoid? If anyone’s judging you, it’s not about your family, it’s about the nasty chip on your shoulder.”
His face hardened. “I have reasons for being the way I am.”
“Okay then, what are they?” she demanded. “Do you resent taking care of your siblings or something? I don’t get it.”
Emi regretted the words the instant she saw the effect they had on Josh. He shrunk away like she’d slapped him in the face.
“I don’t resent my siblings.”
“I know. I’m sorry.” She pressed both hands over her mouth, muffling the words. “It was the wrong thing to say.”
She watched his face transform from anger to sadness. “I want to like you, Emi,” he said. “But you make it hard.”
She lowered her head. In all her thoughts about The Plan, she hadn’t taken into account Josh’s feelings. In her mind, he was a means to an end, and not much more than that.
“You know what. I finally put it all together this afternoon,” Josh said. “You’re on the rebound from Kainoa. That’s all this is, isn’t it? You’re using me to get back at him.”
“Josh…”
She had no retort. He was right. As petty and awful as it sounded coming from his mouth, she knew it was true.
He walked to the door and opened it. A light rain was falling outside, but the sun was slicing through the clouds, turning the whole world pearly incandescent.
He stood with his hand on the knob for a long time, a silhouette against the rain.
“There are reasons I keep to myself,” he said at last. “There are reasons I don’t trust people.”
Emi remained in the classroom after he left. She felt weighed down by guilt. All this drama had never been part of the plan. Josh was supposed to be a handsome, shallow jerk, not a human being with issues of his own. How had she gotten herself into this mess, anyway? And what was she supposed to do now?
Chapter 12