by Taylor Hyer
I looked down to meet his eyes and said, “I don’t…”
Mr. Williams interrupted me, “Of course he is!”
“Dad, he doesn’t have to stay if he doesn’t want to,” Parker chimed in.
“I’ll stay,” I spoke up. I looked at Parker, “If that’s okay with you.”
Parker nodded. The basement door opened next to us and a small woman with long black hair appeared. She had paint all over her clothes and she wore a big smile on her face. “Oh P, I would’ve worn my nice art clothes if I knew we were having guests,” the woman laughed, looking at her shirt.
“Mom, this is RJ,” Parker said. “We go to high school together.”
“Very nice to meet you, RJ,” her mom replied.
“Nice to meet you, Mrs. Williams,” I said.
“Oh please, call me Nancy,” Parker’s mom smiled.
I saw Parker shoot a look at her father as if to say, See? Mom knows how to react to our guests.
“What’s for dinner?” Jackson asked, jumping up on the stool at the counter. “I’m hungry.”
“I was thinking chicken alfredo,” Nancy answered. She looked at me, “Do you like chicken alfredo, RJ?”
Before I could speak, Parker spoke up, “he probably doesn’t. He’s in football season right now. They probably only eat chicken and potatoes with a side salad or something healthy.”
I laughed, ignoring her stereotypical comments, “I love chicken alfredo.”
Parker rolled her eyes and smiled, “You better not lose that figure.”
Parker
I felt more comfortable with RJ. I didn’t mean to share so much information with someone I barely knew, but everything kind of fell out of my mouth. The words kept coming, even when I didn’t mean for them to. I automatically felt more relaxed with RJ, but I worried we’d become friends and people would still try to talk to me. I still didn’t feel comfortable in the spotlight, and if RJ was involved, that’s exactly where I’d be. I didn’t want to be just another punchline at yet another school.
My parents let him stay for dinner, and I worried he’d find out even more about me. My dad was the embarrassing kind. He was the one who would immediately share baby pictures that showed me naked on a porch swing in the middle of the night. Or the dad who told stories about when I was three and swore I was a cat, refusing to say anything other than “meow” as I rubbed up against any adult that was nearby.
My mom was the type of mom to sit back and listen. She didn’t want to tell embarrassing stories, but she wouldn’t stop my dad if he tried. She would simply sit and laugh as she reminisced along with us. Jackson wasn’t around until I was almost ten, so he loved hearing the stories, too. “Man, you were one weird kid,” he’d say. Said the kid who used to need monthly hospital visits for sticking random objects too far up his nose or in his ears.
Dad was finally lightening up to RJ. After my incident at the new high school, he never trusted guys around me, so it was impressive that this was happening. I think the bond over football helped immensely.
“I think I would’ve made it far,” my dad bragged, “but for some reason, the idea of fighting for the country overpowered the idea of making it into the NFL.”
“That’s admirable,” RJ said. “I think my dad would kill me if I tried that. I think professional football is more his goal than mine. Don’t get me wrong, though, it’s my goal too; but he didn’t get the chance, so now he’s living vicariously through my brothers and me.”
“How many brothers do you have?” my dad asked.
“Two,” RJ replied. “They’re twins. They’re only a year older than me.”
I didn’t even know that. Right then, I realized I hadn’t really asked RJ about his life. We had only talked about mine. I couldn’t believe that I could be so selfish. He was caring so much about my life, yet it seemed like I didn’t care about him. Well Parker, if he liked you before, he doesn’t now.
Why would I care if he liked me, though? I didn’t want this. I didn’t want the stress of being known again. I wanted to coast through the rest of high school and move on with my life. College would be a fresh start for me, where it didn’t matter if people knew you because it was such a big place.
I realized that I had stopped paying attention to RJ and my dad’s conversation. I was in my own head, as usual, and missed the fact that my dad brought up my past.
I caught the tail end of whatever they said. “She’s been through a lot,” my dad said.
I moved my head quickly to make eye contact with my dad. I stared into his eyes, opening them wide in shock. He mouthed “what” as I continued to stare at him, trying to let him know he needed to shut up.
“Did you just tell him what I told you?” I shot my look at RJ now.
“What?” RJ asked. “No. We were talking about how you have moved so many times.”
Shit. Without directly saying it, I had just told my dad that I told RJ my deepest, darkest secret.
“You told him?” my dad asked, his burly voice raising a few octanes.
“We said we wouldn’t tell people,” my mom, surprisingly, chimed in.
I looked down at my hands as I played with the hair tie on my wrist. “I felt like it needed to be said.”
“To a boy you barely know?” my dad’s voice kept rising. “To a popular boy just like HIM?”
“Daddy, stop,” I begged. “It isn’t like that this time, I swear.”
I didn’t know what to do. RJ was sitting in silence as he moved his fork back and forth across his pasta. I knew this was probably the most uncomfortable he had ever been. It had to be.
“Parker Savannah,” my father roared. “You’re just going to pretend last time never happened?”
“Kenny,” my mom said softly, “lower your voice dear. You’re scaring our guest.”
My dad was breathing heavily. He looked over at RJ and stared into his eyes, not saying a word. After what felt like ten minutes, RJ spoke up.
“Sir, I have no ill intentions with your daughter,” he said. “I will admit that I wanted to know about her. She was so mysterious and so quiet, so I kept trying to get small bits of information about her during school. We have a couple classes together. I was so curious about her, because I had never met someone like her in my life. I wondered if it was because she moved so many times, or if she was simply a shy person, but I learned more than I thought I would.”
RJ took a breath and looked over at me. He smiled slightly, then looked back at my father.
“The thought of what she has gone through in such a short time aches me inside,” RJ said sincerely. “I didn’t have the intention to hurt your daughter, and I still don’t. I wanted to know her as a friend first. There was nothing I wanted more at the time. I still want that. She clearly has a pure heart and she comes from a family that loves her no matter what.”
My dad stayed silent, potentially waiting for RJ to continue. When he didn’t say anything else, my dad sighed. “I’ve been overseas more than once, son. I’ve seen and done things you couldn’t even imagine. I wasn’t able to kill that fucker that hurt her the first time, but I swear I’ll kill you and all your NFL dreams.”
I was going to yell at my dad for being so vulgar, but RJ spoke up before I could. “I understand, sir. I would help you kill that guy if I could.”
My dad laughed. He actually laughed during such an intense moment. He was one to always stay serious; to never show an emotion other than hate for those he wanted to intimidate. I was confused, so I laughed too. We all started laughing, our voices echoing throughout the house.
“Daddy swore,” Jackson spoke up as our laughing subsided.
“Sorry, J-dude,” my dad laughed. His laugh came right from his stomach. It was a full laugh, one that would spread across an entire field if he were standing near one. It was full of love, too. When he was laughing, everything was okay.
RJ
After dinner, Parker took me back upstairs to talk. “I want to finish talking,�
� she said as we put our plates into the dishwasher.
“I thought we did finish?” I asked, confused at what other bombs she could drop on me in a day.
“Not yet,” she smiled softly. What else was there to talk about?
I followed her into her room. As we walked toward the bean bags, she held my hand. She had tiny hands that were cold to the touch. Both of her hands probably could’ve fit in one of mine. Our fingers were still interlocked as we sat on both bean bags together. When we sat down, Parker folded her legs up and turned toward me. She had a blank expression on her face, as if she was unsure of what to say.
“You’re making me a bit nervous,” I said honestly.
Parker laughed, “It’s nothing bad.”
“Then why aren’t you talking?” I asked.
“I’m still kind of laughing about dinner,” she said. “I shoved my foot in my mouth, and somehow you were smart.”
“Somehow?” I asked, putting my hand over my chest. “Ouch, Parker Savannah, you have hurt me.”
Parker shoved me, almost causing me to fall over. She laughed as I tried to catch my balance, and I couldn’t help but smile as I listened to her. I could probably listen to her laugh all day. She had a big laugh just like her dad, even though her body was much smaller than the sound that left her body.
“I realized I’m dumb,” she said abruptly. Before I could ask what she meant, she continued. “I told you my pathetic life story, but I never asked about you.”
“You’re the most beautiful person I have ever seen,” I said without thinking. Parker looked away, blushing. “Sorry, didn’t realize I said that out loud.”
“Will you tell me about you now?” she asked, acting as if I didn’t just embarrass myself completely.
“What do you want to know?” I asked.
“Everything,” she replied quickly.
“Well you didn’t tell me everything,” I said.
“I’ve told you enough for a while,” Parker said. “I want to know about you now. See if you have skeletons in that perfect closet of yours.”
“I’m not perfect,” I laughed.
“Prove it,” she challenged.
At that moment, I didn’t know what to say. What does someone say to a person who struggled in many different social and personal aspects? You can’t tell her that you never had to move in your life. You can’t tell her that your parents both own their own companies, so you never had to worry about money. You can’t say that your dad was able to take days off just to watch you practice football. You can’t say that you already have plenty of offers from colleges for full scholarships. You can’t say that you had the same friend group since you were six years old.
Parker tilted her head, waiting patiently. Her eyes twinkled as the light hit them, and right then I wanted to kiss her. I knew I couldn’t, but maybe one day I would.
“I don’t know what to say,” I said, almost ashamed of the seemingly perfect life I was given.
“I don’t need you to try and find a fault in your life,” Parker said, reading my mind. “Just tell me who you are. Who is underneath the popular football player?”
“If you’re looking for me to say an insecure little boy, I’m not going to,” I laughed.
“This isn’t the movies,” Parker replied, heavy sarcasm in her voice.
“I guess I struggle with balancing my grades and football,” I said. “My dad isn’t that worried about my grades because college players get extra help. My mom on the other hand is always worried.”
“What about you?” Parker asked.
“What about me?” I asked.
“Are you worried about your grades, or are you okay with taking the extra college help just to play football?”
“You say it as if it’s a bad thing,” I said.
“Well, how is it fair that someone can get so much help just because they’re good at a sport?” Parked asked. “Shouldn’t you have to work to stay on the team?”
“I don’t know,” I replied.
Parker was digging deep, making me question how I approached life. If anyone else had called me out like that, I probably would have punched them in the face. I was aggressive and defensive like that. I certainly didn’t want to punch Parker, though.
There was a magnet pulling me toward her. Before I even realized what I was doing, Parker leaned away. I didn’t feel myself leaning toward her until it was too late. Until she rejected me.
“So, one thing I’ve just learned about you is that you don’t like to have serious conversations,” Parker laughed nervously, rubbing her hand on the back of her neck. I stared at her bottom lip as I bit my own, embarrassed at the events that had just unfolded.
“I shouldn’t have done that,” I said. “I didn’t mean to.”
“Listen,” she started, “it’s not like the idea of kissing you appalls me or anything, but as of right now, I don’t feel that way about you. Sure, I like you; but I don’t like you as more than a friend right now.”
Ouch, the friend zone. A zone that I never had territory in. What do guys do when they enter it? How would I get out? I immediately regretted every decision I had made up to this point as it pertained to Parker.
Parker took me out of my own head, “I know this means you don’t even want to be friends. You’re not the type to just be friends with a girl, and I get it. You know my story now, so you know I’m okay with being alone.”
“It’s not like that, Parker,” I said defensively. “I want to be your friend. I just don’t know how.”
“You don’t know how to be friends with me?” Parker asked. Our constant eye contact broke when Parker looked at her hands. She began to play with the hair tie that was on her wrist. I realized she hadn’t done that since we got back from dinner; not until she got nervous again.
“I can tell you’d be the best friend I have ever had,” I said. “You’d tell me the truth, and you would keep me motivated. My other friends only care about football. You would be like a breath of fresh air. Football is my life, but what happens when that doesn’t work out? What do I have to fall back on?”
I had never said these thoughts out loud before, because these were thoughts I wasn’t allowed to have. I didn’t have a problem with living out my dad’s dreams because they were also my dreams. Football was my dream, but what did I have to fall back on if that didn’t become a reality? Or if it did become a reality, what would I have to fall back on when I needed to retire? Sure, I could be like Larry Fitzgerald and spend over fifteen seasons on a team, but sometimes it didn’t work out like that. We all couldn’t live like Larry.
“What are you interested in other than football?” Parker asked. “What would you major in when you go to college?”
“Is it bad that I haven’t really thought of that much?” I laughed.
“I kind of figured it was a silly question,” Parker smiled. We were making direct eye contact again. Her ocean colored eyes lit up when she smiled, and wrinkles formed under them. “What’s your favorite subject?”
“Nope,” I said. Parker furrowed one of her eyebrows. “Not answering that question.”
“It’s embarrassing,” Parker guessed, laughing. “You’re embarrassed to tell me. What, are you too cool to have interests that pertain to school?”
“Anatomy,” I said under my breath.
“Science guy, huh?” Parker asked.
I never told anyone that anatomy was my favorite class. I couldn’t understand Chemistry, but I enjoyed learning about the human body; how it functions, the differences in men and women, our inside and outside parts. It all interested me. I was looking at colleges that had strong anatomy and human biology programs. Maybe I’d be a physical therapist or an MRI technician. Those careers interested me. After the NFL, of course.
“It’s interesting,” I said.
“Don’t be embarrassed,” Parker said. “Who would I tell anyway?”
“My friends,” I said. “They’d never let me live it down.”
> “Well, that’s their loss,” Parker said. “They’re lesser people because they don’t know the real you.”
“My dad has plans for the colleges I should apply to,” I replied. “Some of those schools don’t have strong human anatomy programs, but they’re some of the best for producing professional football players.”
“Are there any schools that are good at both?” Parker asked. She asked all the right questions. How did she have so many poor past experiences, yet she could easily dig deeper into mine?
“A couple,” I said.
“Then those are for you, right?” she sounded so sure, like she had known me forever. As if she knew what was best for me, without even knowing me. It upset me, but I knew it was the truth. I needed to go after both of my goals, whether my friends or family agreed with that decision.
“Why is it that I’ve only known you a few weeks, yet you seem to know the most about me?” I asked. “I haven’t even told you everything.”
“Some people can listen just by observing,” she replied. “Plus, I watch a lot of movies, and you’re just like a guy in the movies.”
“Oh, so I’m unoriginal,” I smiled, trying to lighten the mood; something I was a professional at doing.
“Maybe just a little bit,” Parker laughed. The wrinkles under her eyes formed again as her smile appeared. Her eyes narrowed when she smiled, but I could still see how deep the blue was. I’m not sure I ever knew what color other girls’ eyes were. At least, I didn’t look as deeply; I didn’t get as lost.
Parker
RJ made me laugh. He wasn’t as confident as I expected, but I figured there would be something he was hiding. There was always something hiding beneath the facade of a popular guy. Sometimes it was good, and sometimes it wasn’t; I’m happy RJ was the former.
We talked for hours that night. My dad didn’t mind RJ staying. I think because he stood up for himself, he was in my dad’s good graces. My mom made us ice cream sundaes a couple hours after dinner. Jackson and my mom brought up two bowls of ice cream topped with hot fudge, crushed nuts, whipped cream, and three cherries. Jackson was never allowed in my room, but I let him because he was helping. He always felt better when he helped my mom.