1 To Have His Cake (and Eat It Too) ~ Mr. Darcy's Tale

by P. O. Dixon

  “What do you propose?” she inquired, endearingly.

  Darcy demonstrated his desire by stretching out on the blanket and persuading her to relax beside him. He had waited his entire life for a moment such as this—to lie next to the woman of his dreams, the only woman he ever had loved.

  “This is more comfortable,” he spoke softly. He placed his hand on her face and kissed her tenderly. “Do you agree?”

  Darcy ceased his attentions to Elizabeth’s pleasing lips as he sought to capture the essence of her beauty in his mind forever. He studied her face, her amazing eyes, and her slightly swollen lips with a temperance that soothed her. Any lingering concerns that Elizabeth might have felt about the depth of his love and devotion vanished.

  Elizabeth stroked the side of his face, rousing Darcy to resume their kisses. Between kisses, he moaned, “I have waited for this moment forever. You are so very beautiful. I can hardly wait to make you mine.” He kissed her again and whispered, “All mine.”

  Elizabeth opened her eyes to gaze into his, uncertain of his intentions. Darcy placed his fingers lightly upon her lips to ease her concern. He uttered sensuously, “Trust me. I will not make you mine just yet... not now, certainly not here, not before our wedding night. I simply wish to hold you, to feel your body next to mine, and allow you to experience the depth of my affections,” all the while enticing her with kisses.

  Darcy trailed kisses along her delicate neckline, until ultimately forestalled by her habit shirt. That was an inducement enough to take things more slowly. He softly caressed and tenderly massaged her bust through the smooth, thin cloth of her shirt. He yearned to explore more of her body, but reminded himself that there would be plenty of time for that. In that moment, his aim was in giving pleasure to his bride-to-be, and in acclimating her to his titillating touches, his sensual caresses, and his arousing kisses.

  Elizabeth’s soft moans were symphonic, urging Darcy to heighten her pleasure even more by deftly positioning himself and pressing against her in satisfying rhythm. At length, his own aching desire served as a reminder that he was reaching the confines of his endurance. He gradually ceased his amorous attentions and sought Elizabeth’s eyes.

  Though not quite certain of what had just occurred, she knew she did not want it to end. Elizabeth beheld a look in Darcy’s alluring eyes innately recognisable to her, smouldering passion. In that moment, she knew she would never get enough of him.

  Filled with glee, Darcy laughed quietly and pulled Elizabeth into his lap as he sat upright. He said, “Let us marry within a week, here at Pemberley. I find it unbearable to think of your leaving me ever again.”

  “So soon sir; how will we ever explain such an impulsiveness?” she questioned, at last regaining her composure.

  Darcy and Elizabeth spent the next half hour or so discussing their impending nuptials and how best to explain their sudden decision to their families. Elizabeth was as eager as Darcy to remain by his side and, therefore, agreeable to whatever explanations he put forth.

  Walking along holding hands, once they had handed the horses off to the stable boy, Elizabeth often looked up to admire Darcy’s strikingly handsome profile. She sought to discuss the changes she perceived in his character. When she questioned him on the change in attitude towards her relatives and even towards her, for that matter, in offering his hand, he explained, “I have attended to your reproofs, and I am endeavouring to be a better man.”

  “Why?”

  “Surely, you must know. I am heartily ashamed I let my pride overrule my heart for so long, thereby denying us both a chance at happiness.

  “I have been a selfish being all my life, in practice, and sometimes, in principle. As a child, I was given good principles, but left to follow them in pride and conceit. Unfortunately, as an only son... for many years an only child, I was spoilt by my parents, who allowed, encouraged, almost taught me to be selfish and overbearing, to care for none beyond my own family circle, to think meanly of all the rest of the world, and their sense and worth compared with my own. Such I was, and might still have been, but for you, dearest, loveliest Elizabeth,” he expounded, before bringing her hand to his lips for a lingering kiss.

  “I am pleased you finally thought to give us a chance. I have missed you very much, almost as much as I missed Pemberley,” she teased. “Now sincerely, what about your family—how do you suppose they will take the news? I know enough of them to know they barely tolerate anyone outside the highest circles.”

  “You are the only woman for me, and there is nothing I would not do for you. All of this means nothing to me without you in my life.

  “Elizabeth, I cannot promise you that everyone will accept our marriage. We will have Georgiana and Richard’s support. As for Lady Catherine, I have no hope. However, there is some hope with Lady Ellen... perhaps even my uncle. I will travel to Matlock tomorrow to tell them personally.” In response to the uneasy concern shown on Elizabeth’s face, he continued, “But you, my love, are not to worry. We all know how self-absorbed I can be,” he expressed with a contrite smile. “Either they will respect my choice, or they will risk losing me.”

  “Sir, I know that my letter to you was rather harsh,” she said, reminded of her parting words to him as being the most self-absorbed person she had ever had the misfortune of knowing.

  “What did you say that was not true?”

  “Still, I would feel better if you told me you destroyed the letter.”

  “I consider it your first love letter to me. I shall cherish it always. In fact, it is safely locked away with the rest of the family treasures,” he teased. He kissed her, and they continued along. Silently, Darcy debated the hastiness of their plans to marry. He said, “Elizabeth, you would tell me if you thought I was rushing you into marriage, would you not?”

  “Of course I would. Why do you ask?” she inquired.

  “I know how close you are to your family, especially your eldest sister. I am willing to wait if you want your entire family with you for our wedding. We will marry in Hertfordshire should you wish it, my love.”

  “It would be nice to have my dear sister Jane with me, as I was with her. She is such an inspiration to me. I feel she suffered the most from our family’s downfall. The loss of Mr. Bingley only compounded her pain. I think that hurt her more than even she was ever willing to admit.”

  “Bingley? I am afraid I do not understand. Are you saying your sister felt a strong attachment to him, that she suffered his departure? I did not think she was very affected by him,” he confided, somewhat startled by Elizabeth’s revelation.

  “Jane rarely shows her true feelings to anyone, but let me assure you, she liked him very much. She was very hurt by his abrupt departure. I am afraid she was the object of all the people of Hertfordshire’s derision for disappointed hopes, for a time. Of course, all that changed when my sister Lydia ran away.”

  “I am very sorry to hear that. I fear that what I am about to say will only distress you further. I hope you will understand.”

  “What is it?” She started to worry.

  “I was instrumental in persuading Bingley to depart from Netherfield after the ball,” he pleaded guiltily.

  “You convinced Mr. Bingley to abandon my sister? How could you?” Elizabeth demanded angrily, halting them in their tracks.

  Darcy took Elizabeth’s hand and led her to a nearby bench. He encouraged her to sit, while he disclosed his part in the scheme. Begging her to hear him out before she reacted excessively, he began to recount the events of his time in Hertfordshire, and most importantly, the night of the Netherfield ball. He spoke of Bingley’s unguarded attentions to Miss Bennet having given rise to a general expectation of their marriage. He confessed that he observed the young woman most attentively during the ball and detected no particular regard for his friend on her part.

  To his surprise, Elizabeth sat patiently and listened to all that he said. He waited for her to say something. She said nothing.

 
Darcy reiterated, “I felt Bingley was getting in over his head with your sister, and that his attachment was deeper than hers. I surmised that her heart was not easily touched. I did not want to see him rush into something he might soon regret. However, by your own account of your sister’s feelings, I confess my misapprehensions, and I apologise for my interference.”

  Finally, she spoke in a tone that could bring him no pleasure at all. “And what of my family’s lack of fortune, our want of connections? I suppose that had something to do with your reasoning, as well,” Elizabeth replied accusingly.

  “No, but as much as I hate to admit it, there was the matter of the lack of propriety shown time and again by your family. Of course, I excused you and your eldest sister. The fact of the matter is that I had no right to judge. I am very sorry for that.”

  Elizabeth stood and walked away, trying to absorb all that she had just heard. Darcy approached her from behind and placed his hand lightly along the small of her back. Elizabeth flinched and brusquely turned to face him. Somewhat despondent, she said, “I was of the belief it was my family’s misfortunes that caused Mr. Bingley to stay away—only to learn he had married another so soon after returning to town. I began to accept that perhaps he never loved my sister at all... and now you tell me this, Mr. Darcy.”

  ~ Chapter 15 ~

  Absence of Malice

  “Tell me, what is to be done? How can I make amends?” That was the burning question put forth by Darcy; still, he had yet to entertain a reply. Elizabeth was lost in her reverie, ostensibly miles away. Elizabeth thought of the past, when she first had realised her eldest sister’s feelings for Mr. Bingley. She had surmised, even if no one else had, that her sister had delighted in Bingley’s attentions and had been well on her way to falling in love with him, despite the short duration of their acquaintance. She had known her sister well, and had supposed that everyone else must. Indeed, she called to mind the response of her dear friend, the late Charlotte Collins née Lucas, to her shared assessment. She remembered Charlotte’s exact words.

  It may perhaps be pleasant to be able to impose on the public in such a case; but it is sometimes a disadvantage to be so very guarded. If a woman conceals her affection with the same skill from the object of it, she may lose the opportunity of fixing him; and it will then be but poor consolation to believe the world equally in the dark. There is so much of gratitude or vanity in almost every attachment, that it is not safe to leave any to itself. We can all begin freely—a slight preference is natural enough; but there are very few of us who have heart enough to be really in love without encouragement. In nine cases out of ten, a woman had better show more affection than she feels. Bingley likes your sister undoubtedly; but he may never do more than like her, if she does not help him on...

  Back then, Elizabeth had argued that Bingley would have to be a simpleton not to perceive Jane’s regard for him. Nonetheless, Charlotte’s words had rung truest.

  Elizabeth considered her own family’s possible role, which Darcy had mentioned in terms of such a mortifying, yet merited reproach. Even she had been deeply embarrassed by their antics at the Netherfield ball. How could she deny that credit to his assertions in one instance, which she was obliged to give in the other? He declared himself to have been totally unsuspecting of her sister’s attachment. There was confirmation in Charlotte’s opinion, the undeniable justice of his description of Jane, and her own opinion that Jane’s feelings, though fervent, were well-concealed. In light of all the evidence that lent credence to his argument, perhaps he indeed acted in the kindness of his friend and completely in the absence of malice.

  Recalling herself to the present, Elizabeth realised that Darcy had asked her a question.

  “Tell me, what is to be done—how can I make amends?” he beseeched.

  “I shall not lay the blame at your feet in its entirety. Mr. Bingley surely is culpable for his own actions, and he did marry someone else within weeks of his departure. Perhaps it is for the best. What is done, is done. Both have married elsewhere. My brother Mr. Eliot is a kind man. He is sure to make Jane very happy. His feelings for her are of a long duration. I will not hold this against you, Mr. Darcy, but I have to say, I am not entirely reconciled to your absurd and impertinent interference in the affair. You sir, are not completely absolved,” she conceded.

  “As long as you will be my wife, I will suffer whatever punishment you see fit,” he confessed as he placed a loving kiss on the inside of her palm.

  Withdrawing her hand, Elizabeth asked, “Before we go further, are there other dark secrets you wish to confide in me?”

  No… not if we are to have our happily ever after any time soon, he thought to himself, but upon second thought, Darcy said, “I am not a perfect man, and I have not lived a perfect life, as you have known well. In every aspect of my past, for better or worse, I have conducted myself in a manner consistent with gentlemen of my standing.” Darcy claimed Elizabeth’s hand and continued, “Trust me, if there were something in my past that would affect our felicity in marriage, I would tell you so. As regards our future, I vow that I will be a deeply devoted husband, a generous lover, and a most loyal friend.” Darcy kissed the inside of her palm once more and said, “Let me assure you, you are the most important person in the world to me.”

  Darcy pulled Elizabeth into his embrace and kissed her on her temple. Wanting to make her happy, he offered, “Perhaps we can persuade your sister and her new family to join us here at Pemberley for an extended holiday, or if you wish, we will travel to Hertfordshire for a lengthy visit.”

  “Let us marry here at Pemberley as we planned by the week’s end, go on the romantic wedding journey that you promised, and extend an invitation to my family to visit Pemberley upon our return,” Elizabeth replied.

  “We shall do whatever is your heart’s desire.”

  “Oh, Mr. Darcy, I am just getting started. You may want to reconsider ceding so much power before the wedding,” she said.

  “I have always been in your power, my love,” he moaned as he kissed her lips.

  ~ ~ ~

  They parted upon reaching the house. Darcy sought out Mrs. Reynolds to share his happy news and to ask her to meet with Elizabeth to discuss the wedding details. He wanted Mrs. Reynolds to handle everything because he did not want to overwhelm his intended, though they agreed that Mrs. Reynolds should seek her opinions. He also asked Mrs. Reynolds to have the mistress’s apartment readied and to assign an appropriate lady’s maid for his new bride.

  Darcy went to his study to write to his solicitors to prepare the settlement agreement, and he summoned an express rider to carry the letter to town. He asked to have Mr. Gardiner meet him upon his return from Lambton.

  As Mr. Gardiner entered the room, Darcy set the papers he was reading aside to attend to him. “Mr. Gardiner, I requested your presence to tell you that I have asked Miss Elizabeth to be my wife, and she has agreed. We plan to marry within a week. We ask for your blessings.”

  Astounded by Darcy’s straightforwardness, Mr. Gardiner responded, “Of course, Elizabeth is free to make such a decision, and I am happy for her; but I have to say that this is a complete surprise. What has happened to bring about this sudden proposal, and might I ask prompts such haste?”

  “With all due respect, Mr. Gardiner, I must confess this is not at all sudden. Miss Elizabeth and I have grown close as friends over the past year; neither of us would allow to the other that our feelings were stronger than that. However, our separation has led us to consider that we mean far more to one another than we had previously admitted. We are deeply in love. We have missed each other terribly, and we do not plan to part again.”

  Slowly digesting Mr. Darcy’s assertions, Mr. Gardiner offered, “You have my blessing, but what of the rest of her family? Surely, they should be in attendance for the wedding.”

  “We hope Mrs. Gardiner and you will stay here to witness the ceremony. We will invite the rest of the family for a visit to Pemberley
after the honeymoon period.”

  “How do you intend to get a license? To travel to London and back within the week, surely cannot be done.”

  “I plan to travel to Matlock and acquire a special license from the bishop. He is a close friend of the family. I do not expect any delays. However, if I must travel to London, so be it. Miss Elizabeth will remain at Pemberley until I return.”

  While Darcy met with Mr. Gardiner, Elizabeth shared the joyful news with her aunt. Mrs. Gardiner was happy but rather pensive. Despite the fact that Elizabeth had never shared her sentiments towards Mr. Darcy with her aunt, she suspected that Elizabeth was fonder of him than she allowed, and had been for a while. Of course, Mrs. Gardiner never suspected the extent of her niece’s sentiments.

  “This is completely surprising. Do you truly love him, Lizzy?”

  “While I admit I did not always love him as I do now, I must say yes, I love him very much.”

  “You certainly have done a good job of hiding that fact. You have always hinted of him as being such a proud, disagreeable sort. However, that means nothing if you really love him.”

  “I really do. I have loved him for months now,” she replied, her eyes beaming with joy.

  “I am glad to hear that. It should go a long way in ensuring your felicity in this marriage. It is clear how much he admires you, Lizzy. And that he has chosen you as mistress of all this, indeed, is a testament to the strength of his love. He has had to shoulder so much for a very long time, and now he will have you by his side. Please do not forget, he needs your strength and your support, as well as your love. Be kind to him, my dear.”

  Mrs. Gardiner encouraged Elizabeth to open up to her about her sentiments on the journey upon which she was about to embark. It meant the world to Elizabeth. As fiercely independent as she believed herself to be, she greatly needed a caring, maternal figure to help her understand the swell of emotions she was experiencing.