You After Hell

by Manuela Ricci

  "Med ..."

  "Enough, I'm tired Noha, go away please!" I see the way it hurts but I do not want nobody on my side. She was the person I thought I knew almost better than myself, and now I realize that it's just a total stranger. Noha takes the keys to his car, I recommend not doing shit and promises to come back later. I do not respond even to everything he says to me, my mind is elsewhere right now.

  I could not react, I could not hurt her because she hurt me, just because I'm the only one to know his past.

  I take the phone from inside the bag and call the only person in whom I trust, the person not know yet that I feel closest ever. I scan the phonebook up to its name. Zac

  I look forward to answer, I have to warn him about Courtney of all, I have to tell him to Eddy, he must know everything.

  Zac

  Shooting at me the contract, Richard's hand rests on almost get stuck and then he begins, "Ian, why not go to the conference room with Eddy, you will inform you well on contract mode" He nods, gets up from his chair and following Advocate leaving the room.

  I look at Richard quizzically, it is the shirt collar system, loosening his tie and sat behind the desk.

  "So Zac, your contract clauses precautionary ... let's call them" rests both hands crossed fists in front of me, I start to feel nervous about the turn is taking his speech. I say nothing and let him finish speaking.

  "Courtney has helped you with your sister, Daphne, if I remember correctly"

  "Yes sir," I nod.

  "I know my little girl and I know how to be generous with others, but also know how people are able to take advantage of his generosity," I do talk but he raises his hand to stop me, lowered his eyes and continue to listen.

  "You see, he told me that you're a good guy who works a lot and you are different from others from which usually is found to be surrounded. I noticed you also slept with us sometimes, "the embarrassment and tension increase in the room, I am afraid of the words that will continue. He opens a drawer of his desk and pulls out a rectangular box of black velvet.

  "Open it," orders, pushing it toward me. I look at him and the box with confusion, trembling hands trying to lift the lid.

  My eyes are in front of three sets of keys.

  "See," says Richard, leaning toward the content to indicate, "The one to your right is the key of your car, if he will not like you can change it. The other is in the midst of your new home, you little more about my house but it is just as great, the last, I think maybe for you is the most important, it belongs to your recording studio. Your in the sense that you can produce whatever you want "

  She stares at me without another word and settles in his chair waiting.

  "I can not accept ..."

  "I forgot, I managed to find a doctor and a nurse who will attend your sister around the clock in the house wherever you live, as long as you agree! >> The last words are those that marked me most, and I have always been divided Daphne since it appeared his illness. I wish I could go back to something that really looks like a house and find her there, lying away from a hospital, where for years are forced to live. I collect all my thoughts and I prepare to answer.

  "In return?" Just I ask, knowing the answer already.

  "We want the same thing in the end, the happiness of people we love. You only have to make happy my daughter all I ask! "

  With his calm and quiet voice he seems to have just expressed the most normal thing in the world, happiness for the people we love. But this happiness has a price and that price is named Medyson. I feel the phone vibrate in his pocket the extension, I apologize and I read just his name on the display.

  "So we have a deal?" Exclaims authoritarian.

  Chapter

  24

  Medyson

  Two months later ...

  "Everyone wants happiness and not happiness,

  but how can you have a rainbow without a little '

  rain?"

  You wonder how many times you fall, get up, and then do it again and do it again. That day, the fall seemed to have no end.

  The sound of his voice coming not to the phone. The frustration for understanding that behind the silence, in fact there were many more words than I was able to quantify. I thought and thought to Courtney phrase that sounded like a chant in the head;

  "If you're not far from Zac, his poor little sister will end up who knows where, and we do not want this to happen real Med?".

  That silence was beginning to make sense, its business meeting would have been much more than that. I knew from where he was able to go Richard, I had seen through the eyes of a child, that day, when the life of Courtney escaped his control. For her he would do anything, and if now, Zac was his obsession, she would have had it.

  I felt his punches hit the door that separated us. I was back in that door, to every shot launched, a piece of me went away dispersing along with that high-pitched sound that bounced along the walls of the house. I could not open, I could not get it into my life to ruin his.

  His voice hoarse, broken with emotion pierced me begging me to open, reassuring me that everything would be over very soon. He did not know what he'd do if he made a deal with them. I got up, I left that door, I left those cries ... away from him. I slowed down shots, until ceasing in a silence like a hurricane had thrown everything up in the smallest part of me that was struggling to survive.

  "Med ... Medyson, can I?" The voice of Noha collecting me from those thoughts, from that day and everything that followed. I turn to him, standing behind me.

  "Yes, a minute and I'm ready," I finish watching my image in the mirror, where I see only the reflection of what is left of me. I reached the door of my room, he smiles a little, I nod and hands me his hand.

  And I grab it tightly, walk the long corridor of cream walls that separate us from the great room. Everyone else is already taking place, now it's my turn.

  "It'll be fine," he murmurs reassuring, it takes place and I step into the middle of the room, I reach Clark waiting for me with a big smile.

  "I'm here by your side," he touched his shoulder and gives me my money, I hold as if he could escape my grasp. The hands are shaking, the ceaseless pounding heart, but I'm here, I can do it. I turned and saw all eyes on me. They are all seated, all with their own stories to tell, with their fears that have become their enemy number one.

  I clear my throat and try the look of Noha sitting in the third row. With a nod m'incita to begin.

  "M-Medyson My name is ..." in unison a chorus greets me. I collect all my thoughts turned to the words with difficulty, retrace the path of the bad memories.

  "Today is a month that I'm sober ... I was raped ... that night lives on in me every time I fall asleep. I can still feel those hands that touch me against my will ... I can feel the fear that takes hold of my body, paralyzing. I hear the sound of his belt loose to create the nightmare starts. I feel his panting breath of pleasure against the cries of my despair. I feel the excruciating pain that takes me all that I was, to feel nothing. I felt empty, like someone tore your whole life. The best memories were substituted in the only reminder that you just want to be able to erase. I hid behind alcohol, drinking made me forget everything and I more than anything else, I did not remember.

  He blinks several times eyelids, blinking back tears struggling to get out. Clark me rests on the shoulder, we exchange a look and go on.

  "I drank until he lost consciousness, until what was the matter did not remember the moment before. Then, when the effects were beginning to fade, leaving only the space that pain that was always more vivid and intense inside me, I knew I could not escape. It would have been right there, engraved in my memory as a mark on my body ... "I look up to that coin I hold in my hands, the first goal of my long battle. I stop and I can no longer speak, he is there, in the back, leaning against the jamb of the large doors that give access to.

  We had not seen more, I denied the permission to see me during the time of the rescue center visits. He, who cou
ld be my salvation in him that I had seen anything, not knowing I attributed my free fall in the Hell from which I am re-emerging. Noha will turn their eyes collide and do not need words, would not be sufficient for the animosity that transpires. Regardless, it is still there, and still turns to look at me. Nailing her eyes to mine, as if there was not anyone else ... we ....

  Those green eyes are the brightest thing that my have seen throughout this period and although it hurts to admit it to myself, at this moment, can still warm up that part of the heart that fights to beat again.

  Zac

  Do not even know how I'm staring at the ceiling, I can not realize how much I really slept. Maybe I did not, maybe I just dozed off.

  It goes on like this for a bit ', my body, my head I can not erase that day. It is said that you always have a choice in life, but my, my life, choices I could not have, not when your dependent from that of another person who can not pay for your mistakes.

  My name, put pen to paper on that agreement ... on that "blackmail" was the end for me, but the beginning for Daphne.

  Now she has everything she needs, all you would never be able to be able to offer. I see her smile is radiant, believe me happy and I want to make him believe. But they are not, I can not 'ever since my eyes have not met her. Since what we have is only a facade. Only music can get me out of this. I shut me in the recording studio and compose, each track is about her and I hope someday to listen to what my every heartbeat accounts for her.

  I rise and after a quick shower, get dressed and go to breakfast with my little sister. She likes to sit on the terrace and admire the bay below us.

  "Good morning," I give her a kiss and sit down in front of her, the breakfast has been spread on the table.

  "Courtney is out early this morning," I noted, I take the coffee and no comment.

  "Well, I see you're usually on your mood!" I stiffen instantly and drew my most convincing smile.

  "Jokes? It's all right. He had class and had to go to his house to take notes, "Daphne stares at me, frowning.

  "You're a bad liar," I sip my coffee and face myself staring at the endless horizon. Today is her day, even if it does not want me to see I managed to be able to know everything on his progress. In all this time, from which he cut me out of her life.

  "Not fair," he murmurs, I look at her quizzically.

  "Is something wrong?" I ask now worried, then I recognize that look, the one that spoke to me when he knew he actually something wrong with me.

  "Tell me"

  "You must not worry about anything, okay? I'm fine, "I go to her and wrap it in an embrace, with hard work pulls me to him.

  "Never give up ... I do not do not you can afford to do it yourself," he whispers again in my arms. I do not ask, but I welcome those words, I put a kiss on the head and after having greeted am going to go out.

  Once in the car the thoughts and memories one after another, seem to chase endlessly, never managing to join.

  Shortly after the white concrete building is in front of my eyes, only these walls that separate me from her, like all the other times that I came here with the sole hope of being able to see even just for a moment. I go down and I walk the halls, I see a small group going into a room.

  As I near the door, I freeze. Listen to that voice, her. It seems so long ago, but the thrills and emotions are the same. I lean her head on the wall and hear every word that comes straight like a stab to the heart. All that pain that comes out, his voice trembling, I imagine her with his head bowed and his hands trembling. I do courage and I look out.

  "... as a brand on my body" locks, slowly raises his face, the hair falls soft on her face framing it and soon his eyes fall on mine. Look for someone with his eyes in the crowd sitting. I see, Noha, and even if it threatens me I'm not going anywhere. I look at her and I want to let my eyes speak for her. Because this time there is a doorway to divide us, I'm not leaving with bruised knuckles in anger that I had poured against that door for losing it.

  Chapter

  25

  Medyson

  "Do you understand to be on the right track

  when you do not feel the need

  to look back. "

  I wait for the people to rise up, leaving their seats and headed for the exit, where he is still there, with his eyes peering every part of me.

  It seems strange, even absurd and insane, as his presence there is always in my worst moments. That night, where a part of me is gone forever. The night in which I lost the reason destroying most of the objects in the living room and now, where talk about what happened to me was like reliving every moment.

  I reach Noha, I see that it is going to him, I reach out to stop it.

  "What do you do?" I see his eyes, the same who stood by me all this time. What comforted me, he reprimanded and protected myself.

  "Med I just want to talk," the voice of Zac behind Noha. He spun around and both find themselves face to face. Neither of them seems to want to look down on the other.

  "She has nothing to say to you," he blurts out Noha, I see his fists clenched at his sides.

  "That to me should tell her," says Zac and at that precise moment in my nailing his eyes and repeated, "I can talk to you? Please, "her voice sweet arrives, almost on tiptoe and knocked at my heart to ask permission ... but I can not, no matter how tempted, I can not continue to hurt me and I know that he and I inevitably there we will do all too right now.

  With his eyes that not even leave me for a second, reach out on a Noha arm, I let it slide until his hand and it tightly clasping his fingers with hers. He turns to me and smiles returning the close, only then am I to put chains to his disbelief, my greeting, my goodbye to what we could be.

  "V-get out!" I whisper. Zac shakes his head and with a silence that breaks my heart, turns his back and walks away. I follow him with his eyes until you lose it. I sigh and let the capture of Noha sit down for a moment.

  "You okay?" He asks, and I'm afraid to talk because I would explode. I would get up and run after him, pull him to me, feel the warmth of his embrace, the taste of his lips on mine and his voice telling me that everything will be fine.

  "I'm fine," I lie, but it's what I do since I was locked in here. Chin doctors, to my sponsors who supports me in those days in which only a bit 'of alcohol could ease my suffering.

  "You do not say! Why did you do that? Because he shook hands? "Hesitantly she asks me for what will be my reply.

  "I ... I need you, that's all," Noha sits beside me, and welcomed me into a hug, lay my head on his shoulder and imagine Zac in his place. It hurts to die so desperately want to know a person and he is unable to ever have.

  "I'll walk in the room," I nod and after traveling the whole corridor in silence I find myself sitting on the bed, staring at the garden below, the sun hiding behind some clouds and the sound of my thoughts to torment me. I hear a knock and I do not even face, I limit myself only to say later, Noha must have forgotten something, before leaving earlier.

  The steps that I feel right after causing me a thrill for the entire back. It's here in my room, I do not need to turn around to have it confirmed, I know who he is, his presence has crept so lunge in my soul that I could feel it everywhere.

  "I told you to leave," I say without turning to Zac.

  "As always, since I've been here. But I can not stay away from you and you know it, "his voice trembles, every word comes and hits like a well-aimed punch. I spun around, I see the sadness stamped as an indelible mark on his face. He twirled in the hands of an Ipod.

  "It's for me?" I just wonder, he nods, approaches the bed looking at me for approval, clap your hand on the side of the bed and sits beside me.

  "I'll go if we listen together?" He says, take the iPod in his hands trembling with embarrassment and fear. I put a cap, he takes the other. Start the track and how I feel that part, I close my eyes.

  I find myself catapulted into a set of loud noises, seem objects crashing against a surface, I sense anger th
en joins a basic melodic light, soft, it almost seems to caress you, the waves crashing on the rocks bear a strange stillness and some fear, all this is connected, creating a unique thing, as if all those parts would create a single soul.

  "Talk about you ... your suffering, our meeting and melodic ... have recognized the basic? It was on the radio when I kissed you "feel a vice stomach at the memory that seems so far away and continues," the waves were the edge of the precipice from which I saved you ... "puts two fingers under his chin and forces me at him. Its green is gloomy but intense, mottled by the emotions of the tears that are on the brink and are about to fall to break over his face.

  "II do not cry ... you have no right," I say in a whisper, but the reaction that creates in him is as if I had shouted against him with all the breath I could have in my throat.

  Zac

  I'm going to pieces after those words, I try to send back those tears but it is too late. They make space without my control. She gets up and walks to the window.

  I see her curled up in the shoulders, the look that does not really look anything definite. She was so fragile, he just needed me and I was his final blow that did it end up here. I look at the room, the white walls, cold and I imagine here in the night, alone, and I would just take it and take it away with me. Tighten strong and reassure her that I'm here now, that everything will be different. I find the courage and try to explain what you do not ever gave me the opportunity to do.

  "I did it just to Daphne, you know ... you know what I felt when I kiss you, because it's the same one you tried and you can not deny it ..." I want you to believe me, you understand why there is no other reason which he did.

  "I could you help me, if only I had spoken -you just once over his shoulder- you still have not understood that this is why I can not forgive you?" I'm about to say but we are interrupted by the ringing of my phone.

  "Excuse me a moment, I have to answer, is the company advocated" I say and I say, 'Eddy, tell me! "

  Medyson turns shooting at me, I remain confused to see her shake like a leaf in the wind, the face is streaked with tears now that rapidly chase each other with each other, it glides along the wall. I close the call immediately and I rush over her.