Falling For Ryan: Part One

by Tracy Lorraine

  I notice Molly start to roll her shoulders while we’re chatting. “You seizing up?” I ask, ever hopeful.

  “Yeah, a little. It’ll be okay, though.”

  She must be crazy if she thinks I’m going to pass on a chance to touch her. “Scoot over and come sit in between my legs.”

  I throw a cushion down for her to sit on and tap the edge of the sofa to encourage her over. It doesn’t take much, because she’s soon taking off her hoodie and moving towards me. My hands instantly go to her shoulders to try to relieve her discomfort.

  “Ahh, that’s good,” she moans, turning me on more than I wish to admit.

  I continue working her shoulders and the top of her back. But it’s not long before I start to push my luck, and I slide the straps of her top to the edges of her shoulders. Molly doesn’t seem fazed, so I continue. I move down the tops of her arms and then back up again. I keep repeating this, each time pushing her top a little farther down. I can’t see the front of her, but it can’t be covering too much right now.

  Eventually, the pull of her body and her vanilla scent is too much, and I can’t stop myself leaning forward and placing a soft kiss just beneath her ear. Her entire body shudders. She tilts her head to the side and I take that as permission to continue. I trail kisses down the side of her neck before following her hairline and working my way up the other side when she moves. Needing more, I sneak my tongue out and caress her skin with each kiss. She tastes incredible. My dick presses painfully against my jeans.

  I need to focus. This is about Molly, not me. I need to take this slowly. If she’s open to the idea of us, I don’t want to rush her and scare her off.

  My hands gently brush over her skin while my lips continue exploring her neck and ears. I slide them up her arms, down her back, and up again to her shoulders. When I bring my fingers to the top of her chest, she moans quietly, giving me the confidence to continue. I move them lower towards her breasts. I can feel how heavily she’s breathing under my fingertips. As much as I want to continue, I know I can’t. I move them back down her arms and follow their movement over her shoulders with my lips.

  I feel her head move and, when I open my eyes, she’s leaning it right back and is looking at me upside down. The passion in her eyes makes my already ragged breath catch in my throat.

  Staring right down at her, I move my eyes from hers down to her mouth, then continue over her neck and down her chest. I was right; her top is barely covering her pebbled nipples. Her chest moves dramatically as her heart races beneath.

  I lower my head and rub our noses together, making her lips twitch up at the sides. I need my lips on hers now. I move myself forward and press my mouth to hers. Fireworks fly through my body at the contact. Neither of us moves for a few seconds, but then I feel her tongue run across my lips. I open my them and touch my tongue against hers. Our kiss only lasts a short couple of seconds before she moves to the side.

  Disappointment floods my body as she stands up, but, to my utter surprise, she turns around and straddles my lap. She stares deep into my eyes like they hold all the secrets in the world, and she places her hands on my cheeks before bringing her mouth back to mine. It takes me a couple of seconds to get into it because I’m so surprised, but when I do, I put my hands on her lower back and pull her flush against me while I tangle my tongue with hers, exploring her mouth.

  It’s a slow but passionate kiss, and it feels like it goes on forever, but when she eventually pulls back, I realise it wasn’t long enough at all. I could live the rest of my life just kissing her and be happy. I look into her brown eyes. They’re sparkling with happiness, excitement, and pure lust. She has a small, seductive smile on her lips that makes me want to have them on me again.

  “Goodnight, Ryan,” she whispers, kissing me quickly one last time and grabbing her top to stop it from completely falling. She stops at the doorway, turns, and gives me a heart-stopping smile before disappearing.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Molly

  I’ve been in bed for forty minutes and still can’t wipe the smile off my face. That was, well, just wow. I don’t even know how to describe it other than ‘completely-out of-this-world-amazing’. The electric shocks are still going off around my body at the memory of his tongue moving against mine.

  When Ryan’s lips are on mine, I feel things I never have before. I feel beautiful, sexy, wanted, needed, safe, loved.

  Loved.

  Holy shit, I’m in love with Ryan. It hits me like an articulated lorry. Fuck.

  My heart pounds in my chest as the realisation settles in. I’m in love with Ryan Evans. Not just a little in love—full-blown, earth-shatteringly in love with him.

  Needless to say, I don’t get much sleep. I spend most of the time tossing and turning, wondering what to do about my situation. Do I tell Ryan how I feel? Will he feel the same? What will everyone think? Will his parents accept me?

  “Morning, gorgeous,” Ryan says with a huge smile on his face as he walks over to me in the kitchen and wraps his arms around me, pulling me into a bone-crushing hug.

  “Morning,” I say, muffled by his chest.

  “I’ve got to go. I’ve got a meeting before school.” He presses a quick kiss on my lips before leaving the room. “I’ll see you later.”

  Oh shit, I’d forgotten about my date with Adam. Fuck it, I can’t just cancel last minute. He’s been really good to me; he deserves better than that. “I, uh…I’m out tonight, remember?”

  His face drops. “Oh, you’re still going?” he asks, shaking his head. “Sorry, I just thought…” He runs his hands through his hair and turns away from me. “Have a good time.” With that, he leaves.

  “Fuck.” I didn’t mean to hurt him, but I need to deal with Adam the right way. He’s been a good friend to me.

  “Molly, are you okay? You’ve been really distracted all night.” Adam looks concerned.

  “I’ve just got a headache. It’s been a long day.” It’s not a lie. I’ve spent all day worrying about Ryan. I’ve texted him a couple of times but have only had short replies. He’s really not happy with me.

  I give Adam my apologies and make my way home not long after that conversation. He says goodbye but still has a concerned look on his face.

  The house is in darkness when I get home, so I presume Ryan has already gone to bed—that, or he doesn’t want to talk to me and is hiding in his room. I grab myself a glass of water and a couple of painkillers before getting myself ready for bed.

  I’m lying in bed, feeling sorry for Adam and trying to figure out the best way to deal with this whole situation, when I hear my bedroom door open. I’m not surprised. I’ve noticed Ryan always comes down to check on me after I’ve been out with Adam.

  I keep my eyes shut and stay still, but he doesn’t leave. After a few seconds, I feel the bed dip as he sits behind me. He gently sweeps a piece of my hair out of my face and tucks it behind my ear. I have to really focus on my breathing not to allow my heart rate pick up, giving away that I’m awake.

  He sits there a while longer, obviously watching me. I’m dying to open my eyes, but I have a pretty good idea of what will happen if I do, and I’m not in the right frame of mind to be doing anything right now.

  The bed dips again and Ryan’s lips touch my shoulder with a gentle kiss.

  “Goodnight, sweet Molly. I love you,” he whispers before getting up, walking out the door and up the stairs.

  My eyes are as wide as they can be as soon as I know he can’t see me.

  “Hi, angel. How are you?” Susan asks as I sit myself on a bar stool in Cocoa’s.

  It’s Thursday night, and I’m meant to be meeting Emma in ten minutes. I’m feeling really apprehensive.

  I didn’t see Ryan last night because I did a late shift here for Susan. He was already in bed when I got in. I didn’t need to go and check because I could hear him snoring from the living room.

  “I’m good. You?”

  “Looking forward to C
hristmas and having Lilly and Dec back. Emma is still out of the house all the time, and we have no idea where she is or what she’s doing.”

  “I’m meant to be meeting her here in a few minutes.”

  I watch Susan’s eyebrows rise. She knows what’s happened between us in the last few months, and she looks as worried as I feel.

  “Oh, well, I hope it goes okay. I know you miss her.” Just as she says that, Emma walks around the front of the shop and enters. “I’ll get your coffees and bring them over,” Susan says as she spots her daughter.

  “Thank you.” I head off towards our usual booth.

  She sits down opposite me and we just stare at each other for a few seconds, as if we’re both trying to form what we want to say.

  “Emma, I…” I try to break the silence, but I still have no idea where to start. I’m more than grateful when she interrupts me.

  “Molly, no. Please let me speak, I need to get this out.” She lets out a big breath before looking down at her hands, rested on the table. She composes herself before she looks back up at me. “Molly, I’m really sorry. I’ve been completely out of order. I know it’s not an excuse, but this year has been so hard for me. I feel like I’ve lost the other half of me, and my head’s been a total mess. I mean, it still is, but I’ve been working through things and trying to get everything sorted. I know that I jumped off the deep end with my reaction to thinking there was something going on between you and Ryan, but I just felt like you’d forgotten about Hannah.”

  I go to say something, but she stops me.

  “I know that’s not true. I know that some of my feelings have been completely irrational. I know that you both loved her and have spent this year dealing with losing her in your own ways, the same as me. You both seemed to have dealt with it so well. I’ve been so jealous that, while you two got on with your lives, I’ve completely fallen apart.

  “Molly, I miss you so much, and I’m sorry it’s taken me this long to get everything together, but if you’ll have me, I want to try to go back to how we used to be. Friends?”

  I scoot out from my side of the booth to join Emma on her side. When I get there, I throw my arms around her shoulders, pulling her in for a hug.

  “I’m sorry, too. I said some awful things I didn’t mean. I know I should have come to talk to you about the situation with Ryan, but you’ve been so damn hard to get a hold of.”

  I feel her nod against my shoulder. When I pull back and look at her, tears are shining in her eyes, just like they are in mine.

  “I’m in love with him, Emma,” I blurt out. “Shit, I wasn’t going to say that. It just fell out. I only figured this out the other night, and it’s confusing the fuck out of me.”

  “Have you told him?”

  “No, not yet.”

  “I think you should,” she says with a knowing smile.

  I go on to explain everything she’s missed out on. I tell her about Adam, Holly, Jax, and Abbi. About Ryan avoiding me for what felt like forever, and then about this last week—leaving out any details she won’t want to hear.

  “Molly, I never in a million years thought I would ever say this, but I think you should go for it. Put the poor boy out of his misery, Molls.”

  We end up sitting there chatting for so long that Susan brings us some food over. It’s almost nine before we say our goodbyes and head home.

  Ryan’s car isn’t outside the house when I arrive home. I’m really disappointed. After having my talk with Emma, I was ready to sit down with him and sort this out once and for all.

  I put my stuff in my room before heading upstairs to get a drink and slob in front of the TV for a bit. As soon as I enter the kitchen area, I spot a piece of paper on the worktop.

  Molly,

  I’ve gone out with Holly. Don’t worry about doing me any dinner.

  See you later.

  Ryan x

  I just stand there, staring at his handwriting. I feel like I’ve just been kicked in the stomach. Now, I understand his reaction to me saying that I was going out with Adam on Tuesday night. I’m sure the look on my face right now is similar to his that morning.

  Deciding against sitting in front of the TV and waiting for him to come home, I take myself back downstairs for an early night—not that I’m going to be sleeping anytime soon.

  I hear the front door open just before midnight, and his head pops around my door.

  “Hey Molls, you awake?”

  “Yeah, the front door woke me up,” I lie. In reality, I was still thinking about him.

  “Sorry, I’ll leave you to sleep. Goodnight.”

  “Night.”

  I listen to him climb the stairs before going back to not sleeping.

  After a long day meeting with clients and many bad nights’ sleep this week, I’m feeling ready to go home and spend my Friday evening snuggled down on the sofa with a glass of wine and a good chick flick. But I’ve just arrived for my pole dancing class with Megan to find out that tonight’s class is a two-hour session because the instructor is on holiday next week. Everyone else looks excited by the prospect. I, on the other hand, want to find a corner to hide in and sleep.

  “Come on, Molly, look at least a little enthusiastic.”

  I plaster a smile on my face and do my best to look like I’m enjoying myself for the next two hours.

  By the time our instructor does our cooldown routine, I’m really ready to have a hot bath and hit my bed. Megan has to practically drag me from the club to my car. When we usually leave this place on a Monday night, it’s pretty dead—in complete contrast to what is going on now. There are drunken men in all directions. Many are shouting and hollering our way. Clearly, they think we’re dancers from the club, finishing our shift for the night. We put our heads down, along with the other ladies who leave at the same time as us, and head straight for our cars. I say goodbye to Megan and make quick work of getting home.

  I have my music on, hot bath running with bubbles so high they’re spilling down the sides, and a glass of wine on the side waiting for me.

  I just slip my weary body into the hot, soothing water when a loud bang rattles the house. I sit up so fast the water sloshes all over the floor. My heart thunders in my chest as I wait for something else to happen.

  “Molly!” Ryan hollers from the hallway.

  “In here,” I shout back, but not at the same crazy volume.

  The bathroom door flies open with such force, I think it’s going to come off the hinges. Ryan looks seriously pissed off. I stare at him in shock.

  “What the fuck do you think you’re doing, Molly? Why the fuck did you ever think that was a good idea? I mean, for fuck’s sake, all those slime balls looking at you. You promised me you’d changed, that you weren’t going to be like that anymore. First, you go off and sleep with Adam, and now I find out you’ve been doing this. What the fuck, Molly? You’d better have some good fucking reasons.”

  I watch as he rants and throws random questions at me. His hands have been through his hair so many times I’ve lost count.

  “Ryan, calm the fuck down. You’re going to have to explain what you’re going on about. I’m a little confused.”

  “I’m fucking livid. I’m so motherfucking angry that you would put yourself in that position.”

  “I don’t know what you are talking about.” Then, the penny drops. “Wait. You saw me tonight, didn’t you?”

  “Yes, I fucking saw you. Care to explain why I saw you leaving a sleazy strip club in your skimpy clothes, looking exhausted? Why the fuck would you want to do that? It’s not like you need the money.”

  “You think I was working at the strip club?” I can’t help but laugh at this, but the murderous look on Ryan’s face soon stops me.

  “Well, what the fuck else would you be doing there on a Friday night? Is that what you’ve been doing when you said you were going to dance classes? Dancing for arseholes for money?”

  “Ry, seriously, calm down. It’s not what it looks
like. Come here.” I put my hand out for him. He steps forward begrudgingly and takes my hand in his. “I am not dancing for scumbags for money, and I do not work at the strip club.”

  “What have you been doing, then?” he asks, looking thoroughly confused. It’s only now he’s calmed down a bit that I can tell he’s been drinking.

  “The club has dance studios at the back. I guess the dancers train there and stuff, but they also rent them out. Megan and I have been going to pole dancing lessons.”

  “Pole dancing lessons? Why the hell didn’t you tell me?” Now, he just looks hurt.

  “It was Megan’s idea. Apparently, it’s one of James’ fantasies for her to pole dance for him. She swore me to secrecy because she didn’t want him finding out and ruining the surprise.”

  I watch Ryan as he takes this on board. He drops to his knees in front of me and grabs my other hand.

  “I’m sorry, Molly. I just jumped to conclusions. I saw you leaving and there were guys shouting stuff, and I just thought… I just saw red, the thought of guys staring at your body like that. I’m so sorry.”

  I pull my hand from his and cup his cheek, stroking my thumb gently over his cheekbone. “It’s okay. I never thought someone would see us and think that. I should have told you. I’m sorry, too.”

  I move my hand to the back of his head and pull his lips to mine. He only stays there for a couple of seconds before he pulls away and stands up. “What are you do—” My eyes widen in shock. “Oh.”

  He pulls his t-shirt over his head before making quick work of the button and zip at his waist. He takes his shoes and socks off, then steps out of his jeans. I can’t help my eyes roaming over his perfect body. He’s barely touched me but still, his boxers are tented. His hands go to the waistband and I suddenly don’t know where to look. He bends slightly and his boxers slide down his legs before he steps out of them. He snaps his eyes to mine. “It’s okay, Molls. It’s all yours.”