by Kelly Risser
***
When Evan came over that night, my dad excused himself. My heart dropped. I knew that he avoided people now, but I hoped Evan was an exception. While Dad walked down the hall toward his room, Evan stared after him.
“He’s not getting better, is he?” he asked low enough that only I could hear.
“He’s worse.” I waited until my dad closed his bedroom door. Turning back to Evan, I forced a smile. “Are you hungry?”
“I’m okay. You?”
My stomach twisted in knots. I couldn’t eat if I wanted to. “I’m fine.”
He sat on the couch and patted the spot next to him. I cuddled close and rested my head on his shoulder, delaying the inevitable. Now that I’d made up my mind, I needed to tell him. He lifted my chin, and his lips met mine. We kissed, and I lost track of time. My stupid brain wouldn’t leave me alone. Tell him, tell him, tell him, chanted through my head. I broke away and stood up to pace.
“What’s wrong?” Evan looked worried. At least he had stopped asking me if I regretted taking our relationship to the next level. It had been over a month. I had no regrets.
I didn’t want to worry him, but he needed to know what I decided. I stopped pacing and sat back down. “Evan, we need to talk.”
He studied me for a moment. “You’ve made your decision.”
I’d been weighing the pros and cons with him for weeks. He even asked Professor Nolan what he knew about Selkies. It hadn’t amounted to much, certainly nothing I didn’t already know. When I didn’t speak, Evan prompted, “Well?”
I tugged at the hem of my shirt, delaying for a few more seconds before I met his eyes again. “I’m going with my dad.”
He looked resigned, as if he was expecting it. “When?”
“After graduation.”
“That day?” He looked shocked, and I couldn’t blame him. It was only a month away. We were running out of time.
“Maybe that evening or the next day. I don’t know.” I took his hands, wanting to touch him. He gripped mine in return. Despair wound its deadly vine around my heart. “Evan, you’re the only thing that makes this difficult. I can’t breathe when I think of leaving you.”
“But not enough that I can convince you to stay.” I barely heard him, and he wouldn’t meet my eyes.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered. “I have to know what I am.”
“I know what you are, and I love you. Isn’t that enough?” He searched my face.
“I wish it was.” My eyes filled with tears. Why was this so hard? Why couldn’t he understand?
He let go of my hand so I could wipe my eyes. “Where will you be going?”
“A small island near Scotland, I think.”
“Can I visit you?”
“I’m not sure.” I wasn’t clear on how often I could be around humans while I lived as a Selkie. My dad needed to explain it to me.
“Will you come back?”
I studied our hands joined together. I loved him so much, but the best thing I could do was let him go—let him meet someone else. A day here or there would not be fair to either of us.
“Meara?” His voice sounded strained.
“I’ll come back.” I couldn’t let him go. I was too selfish. “If I can.”
He brushed a strand of my hair out of my face before resting his hand on my shoulder. “Why couldn’t you?”
I sniffed and thought about what he said. Why couldn’t I? Dad never said I couldn’t come back here. He told me I could appear as human for small amounts of time. I could come back to see Evan, at least once after the Change. Would I feel the same?
“I’ll come back on my birthday.” I said the words as I finalized my decision. “My dad has come here on that day for years. I’m sure I can convince him to bring me.”
“Next year on your birthday.” He seemed to mull it over. It wasn’t much, but it was all I could promise. “It’s a date,” he said finally.
“A date,” I repeated. We sealed our promise with a kiss.