The More the Merrier

by Sean Michael

  “Sarah. I will sleep with you so you’re not lonely. I promise. I will be right with you.”

  “Honey, Sarah’s—” Logan started, but Sarah shook her head.

  “It’s okay. She can stay. She’s just a little girl. She doesn’t understand.” Soft sobs started, and Logan sat on the bed, holding her, rocking her.

  Melly climbed up and cuddled on the other side of Sarah. She patted Sarah’s hand. “I understand having a mom in heaven.”

  Sarah collapsed, and the soft wails broke Dirk’s heart.

  “Babe, can you get Sarah a glass of Sprite please? Maybe a piece of toast for later?” Logan asked.

  “We’ve got saltines. I’ll bring up some of those.” His mom had always had those on hand for when he was sick. It still made him feel better when he was under the weather. “You need anything else?”

  “I’d take a drink, please.” Logan carefully took Sarah’s shoes off.

  “You got it.” He would bring Logan a bottle of water as well as a snifter of brandy. He had a feeling Logan needed the shot, even if he didn’t realize he did. He’d worry about getting food into Logan after Sarah was asleep.

  He went back downstairs, feeling like he wasn’t doing enough but knowing Logan needed him to do the things he was doing.

  Aiden was holding little Dylan, hugging him. “Hey, honey. How are they?”

  He shook his head. They weren’t great. He imagined they wouldn’t be great for some time. Especially Sarah. “I’m getting some food and drinks for them.”

  “I’ve talked to Zack and Dev. Zack will take the twins and my oldest to his place. Dev will stay here with the little ones while I take care of some things. Then we’ll both help out for a couple of days with the babies, okay?”

  “Yeah? That really rocks, guys.” In fact it made him mist up a little. He blinked rapidly a few times. “Thank you.”

  “Yeah, he’ll bring Lindsay back tomorrow. She and Melly can play.”

  “Sounds good. Seriously, thanks everyone.” He hugged Zack and Aiden, then left them to sort themselves out as he went to the kitchen to put together a tray of food to tempt a very sad little girl with an upset tummy, and her daddy, as well as the drinks he’d promised.

  “Da! Da, Sarah throwed up. Unca Logan said to help you while he helps her clean up and get in jammies.”

  He picked Melly up as she came running in and wrapped her in a tight hug. He had her. He did. “I love you, Melly. Sooo much.”

  Her little arms wrapped around his neck, and she squeezed. “Love you, Da.” She smacked a kiss on his cheek.

  God. God, what was he going to do? Five kids, three infants, a little girl who’d just lost her mother…. He didn’t know if it made it worse or better that he’d only met Rebecca a few times, so he didn’t know her that well. His mourning was more for Logan and Sarah than anything else.

  “No one would blame you if you ran screaming,” Zack said, coming into the kitchen and kissing Dirk’s cheek. “I’m heading out. Would you like me to take Mel?”

  “Thanks, but no. She wants to be there for Sarah, and I think that would be good for both of them.” He thought it would make it harder on Melly if she were taken away from them, no matter how well-meant.

  “Okay. She’s a good sister.” Zack smiled at Melly, and she nodded.

  “I will hold her and make it better.”

  And Dirk believed that truly would help. He gave his daughter a warm smile and put a tray down on the table. “You want to put some crackers on that and maybe some grapes, sweetie?”

  “Yes, Da. I will help.”

  Zack hugged him. “Okay, you have my number, you have the guys, and you have all the help we can muster.”

  “Thank you. Thank you.” He watched Zack go, then went back to pouring out drinks and helping Melly arrange the food. At the last minute, he added a bottle of Children’s Tylenol. “Okay, that looks like a good tray to tempt sad people, doesn’t it?”

  “There’s something missing, Da.”

  “What’s that?”

  “Ice cream.”

  Oh, that was super adorable. Even if ice cream would be too heavy on Sarah’s upset tummy. “How about a Popsicle instead?” Cold and sugary, but also pretty much all water, it was more likely to stay down.

  “Okay, Da. An orange one.”

  “Fine. Grab it for me, and let’s go.”

  He carried the tray while Melly carried the Popsicle, and they went all the way up to Sarah’s room.

  “Quiet, just in case they’re asleep,” he murmured when they got to the half-open door.

  Logan was holding Sarah, who was sleeping in his arms. As soon as the door opened, she tried to wake up, open her eyes. “My head hurts.”

  “I’ve brought some kiddie Tylenol, and there’s lots of water, among other things.” He set the tray down at the foot of the bed and passed the bottle of pills and a glass of water to Logan. “And Melly brought you an orange Popsicle.”

  “Thank you.” Sarah looked shaky. “Daddy says I can come live here. Right now.”

  “Of course you can, honey. This is your house too. You even have your own bedroom here. This is your home.”

  “See? I told you. This is your home. Always.”

  Melly climbed up on the bed to sit next to Sarah, took the wrapper off the Popsicle, and handed it over. “Orange is the best flavor.”

  “Thanks, Melly.” Sarah’s eyes were huge and swollen, and Dirk went to fetch a cold rag. Poor baby. He suspected he would have that thought on repeat for a while to come.

  When he came back, Sarah was sucking on the Popsicle while Melly ran a brush through her hair, gently, over and over.

  He was so proud of his girl. She was so caring, so nurturing. He knew that would help Sarah get through this. He just wished there was nothing to be getting through.

  He handed Logan the cold washcloth and let him fold it and put it across Sarah’s eyes. She sighed and leaned against her daddy, her breath hiccupping now and then. Every time it did, Melly patted her arm.

  Dirk felt so fucking helpless. “Can I do anything for you, Logan?” Anything at all.

  “Are the babies sleeping?”

  “They are, and Dev is still here, helping out. Aiden’s going to come as well. He’s getting Linds to Zack’s for a sleepover and picking up a few things for them and Dylan. They’ve got our backs.” Speaking of backs, he put his hands on Logan’s shoulders and began to massage. Poor man was tight as a board.

  Logan leaned into him, and he handed over the liquor. “You need it.”

  It looked like Logan might protest, and he massaged harder.

  “You need it, and there are three other adults here to look after the triplets. They aren’t going to remember you weren’t with them tonight when they’re grown. Hell, they’re not going to remember tomorrow. So take care of yourself and Sarah, hmm? Drink.” He kept massaging, moving from close to Logan’s neck all the way out along his shoulders to the round of them. He ran his hands up and down along Logan’s arms, then returned to working the tight muscles across Logan’s back.

  Logan shot back his drink, throat working. “Thanks, honey. This is… unexpected.”

  Dirk leaned in and hugged Logan from behind, careful not to dislodge Sarah. “It’s a tragedy, and you never expect those. My heart is breaking for you both. But we’ll get through it together. All of us, and our friends. We’re a strong family.”

  “I want to go home, Daddy. Please. Make them bring her back.” The broken tones of Sarah’s pleas broke Dirk’s heart all over again.

  “Sh. Just rest. Please, baby.”

  “Do you want to sleep with Melly in her bed tonight?” Dirk asked. “Or she could sleep up here with you.”

  Sarah turned her swollen eyes on Logan. “Can I sleep downstairs, Daddy? Please?”

  “Of course. Anything you want.”

  “I want Mommy back!” Her face crumpled, and she started crying again, horrible, jagged sobs that were so hard to hear. He wished
he could take this for her.

  Melly’s face twisted up, a few tears leaking. It was impossible not to be moved in the wake of Sarah’s grief.

  “I do too, baby. I’m so sorry.” Tears slid down Logan’s cheeks.

  Dirk held on and rocked Logan, knowing that, for the moment, this was the best he could do. Healing would come, but right now they all needed to hold each other.

  Chapter Eleven

  SARAH and Melly lay together in Melly’s bed, and once they were finally asleep, Logan and Dirk headed downstairs. Aiden and Dev were sitting in the kitchen, drinking coffee.

  Aiden came right to Logan and held him close, and his legs buckled, his sobs rocking him. Aiden had known Rebecca all along; Logan had discussed having Sarah with him. Aiden knew what a wonderful woman she was. Had been.

  Dirk hovered, looking like he didn’t know what to do.

  “Come on. Come on, man.” Aiden got Logan to a chair, sat him down. “Breathe.”

  Right. Breathe. He could do that, right?

  “You want something to eat?” Dirk asked. “We have a bunch of stuff people brought.”

  “No. A roll maybe? Something small? It was just an accident. No one was drunk. No one was speeding. This man had a heart attack and died behind the wheel.”

  “That really sucks,” Dirk noted as he fussed around, finding a plate and something for Logan to eat.

  “Shit happens.” Aiden sat close, took Logan’s hand. “You never know when your number is up, and as often as not you don’t get a warning. And it sucks for those left behind. We’re all here for you guys, though. You’re going to hear that a lot over the next few months, but that’s because it’s important to remember.”

  Suzy started wailing, and Logan made to jump to his feet, but Aiden put a hand on his back and encouraged him to stay put while Dev got up. “We’ll take over baby duty tonight. You take some time to grieve and to sleep.”

  “And you need food and to focus on Sarah. She’ll have a rough few days.” Aiden squeezed his hand.

  Dirk put a roast beef sandwich and a glass of milk in front of him. The sandwich had a tiny bit of mayo and a tiny bit of ketchup, just how he liked it. Dirk knew him well.

  “Thanks, honey. I’m just… it doesn’t seem real, not at all.” And yet it hurt like a mofo anyway.

  “I know.” Dirk sat next to him. “I can’t really believe it.”

  “They say she never felt anything.” That meant something, right? Everyone kept saying it like it did.

  “That’s good. I bet she never even saw it coming. No pain, no fear.” Dirk put the sandwich in his hand.

  “That’s right. I need to find her will, her information. I know she had great life insurance; so do I.” He had copies of all her papers here and at the office.

  Dirk stood and wandered around the kitchen. “Sarah will be set, hmm? You won’t have to worry about providing for her, sending her to college.”

  “You don’t have to worry about any of that right now,” Aiden told him. “Eat, have a shot of something hard, and get some sleep. That’s what you need right now.”

  Dev nodded. “Tomorrow we’ll start with funeral arrangements.”

  “Oh God. How am I supposed to make Sarah sit through her mother’s funeral?”

  “It’s not going to be easy, but it’ll help her.” Dirk wiped down the counters. “In the long run, I mean.”

  “Or if she doesn’t want to, don’t make her.” Dev sounded sure. “Did Rebecca want a service?”

  “I have no idea.” He rubbed his face. He had no idea about anything, except that this sucked and he wanted her back, just like Sarah did.

  “You want me and Dev or Aiden to go to her place and find the important papers?” Dirk asked. “So you don’t have to go back there?”

  “I have her will and her insurance papers. We’ll start there. I’m her executor.” He would have to deal. It was his job.

  “Okay.” Dirk came to stand behind him again, squeezing his shoulders. “But tomorrow. It’s not going anywhere.”

  “Right. Tomorrow. Today we just remember her and take care of Sarah.”

  “And you.” Dirk kissed the top of his head.

  “You do a good job of that.” He leaned into Dirk’s body. This would have been even harder without Dirk.

  “That’s because I love you, and your health and happiness are important to me.” Dirk was solid and warm, hands just right against his collarbones.

  “I hope you’re ready to have another child full-time,” Aiden said.

  Dirk answered before he could. “We’ll always have room for Sarah in our lives and in our hearts, full-time.”

  “Of course. She’s my first baby girl.” He didn’t want it to happen like this, though.

  “And she knows you, knows this place. She’ll be able to heal here.”

  He looked into Dirk’s eyes. “Promise?”

  Dirk cupped his cheeks, looked right back at him. “I promise. You and your beautiful girl are going to make it through this. You’re both going to heal.”

  Logan began to cry again, and he reached for Dirk. His lover pressed in close and held him tight. Then Dirk started to rock him, hand sliding along his back. “Come to bed, Logan. You need to rest. You’re going to make yourself sick.”

  He shook his head, but Dirk stood and took his hands, tugging him up. “Bed. I’ll hold you all night long.”

  “We’ve got the babies. Just relax and rest.” Dev nodded.

  He let Dirk pull him to his feet. One arm around his waist, Dirk supported him as they made their way to the staircase and headed up to the bedroom.

  “I love you.” Logan was leaning more than he’d meant to, but Dirk seemed to have him. “I’m so…. Thank God you’re here.”

  “I love you too, and I’ve got your back.” They passed the triplets’ room, and he heard Dev murmuring to the babies. None of them were crying. Okay. They were okay. They checked in on the girls too. Melly and Sarah lay curled up together, both still asleep, thank God.

  Then Dirk led him to his bedroom and over to the bed.

  “Let’s get your clothes off and your pajamas on.”

  “I feel… disconnected.” Like he was in a different reality. God, he wished that was true.

  “I’m not surprised.” Dirk took Logan’s shirt off him, then undid his belt and pulled it off through the loops. “You want to talk about it?”

  “I need you to tell me Sarah is going to be okay.” That was the important part.

  Dirk cupped his face again and gazed into his eyes. “Sarah is going to be okay.”

  “I’m going to believe you.”

  “You’d better. Or else.” Dirk tugged his slacks down, then helped him into his pajama bottoms.

  Logan stared at nothing, letting Dirk help him. As soon as Dirk had him in his pajamas, he helped Logan climb into bed.

  “Hold me. Just for a minute.” Logan needed that.

  “No way! I am going to hold you all night long.” Dirk stripped quickly, climbed into bed with him, and wrapped him up in warm, solid arms. All he had to do was cuddle in.

  Dirk gently stroked his back and murmured soft incomprehensible words that sounded like comfort and love.

  “I’m sorry about all this, love. You’ve had so much change.” What if it got to be too much for Dirk?

  “You don’t have anything to apologize for. And you’ve had just as much change. Only this is far worse than anything I’ve gone through. Don’t worry about me; focus on your daughter. I love you so much.”

  Logan held on tight. “I love you. Thank you.”

  “Anything. Anytime. Anywhere.”

  Logan hoped that remained true when things got rough with Sarah and the babies teething and all. He would need Dirk more than ever.

  “Sh… stop thinking. Rest. Please.”

  One of the babies cried out, and he tensed, getting ready to go. Dirk held him tighter.

  “There are other grown-ups here ready to deal with babies. Rest.
Sleep.”

  Sure enough the baby quieted, taken care of.

  “She never felt it. She didn’t hurt.” It turned out that was indeed a huge comfort. No pain.

  “That’s good. That’s how we all want to go, right? No warning, no pain, just boom. It’s too bad it was so young.”

  “Yes. Yes, exactly.” He sighed, shook his head. “At least Sarah wasn’t in the car.”

  “Yeah.” Dirk squeezed him extra tight. “She’s safe. And she’s going to be okay. I’m not saying it’ll be easy, but she’s going to get through it.” Dirk kissed his shoulder, lips soft and warm, gentle. “Now, please, you need to get some sleep. It’ll help, I promise.”

  “Right. Right.” He closed his eyes, his head throbbing. It would get better. Dirk had promised. He knew in the back of his head that Dirk couldn’t actually promise that, but he shut that part of his brain off. He wanted to believe Dirk’s promise.

  Dirk hummed softly. Logan thought it was one of the lullabies they sang to the triplets, but he couldn’t be sure. It didn’t matter. The sound was soothing, and it was surprisingly easy to push everything else behind it and let it take him away.

  Chapter Twelve

  DIRK checked in on Logan and the babies. They were all asleep, Logan looking even more exhausted than Dirk felt. He checked on Melly next, finding her curled up in the middle of her bed with her dollies and animals tucked in all around her.

  That just left Sarah. The funeral had been disastrous, and she’d run upstairs to her room. That had been four days ago, and she hadn’t come down at all. Only Logan had been allowed in her room, and even that had been under protest. Dirk knew Logan had brought her food, but he wasn’t sure she’d actually eaten anything.

  So he made a peanut butter and jam sandwich and grabbed a couple of cookies and a small bowl of strawberry ice cream, along with a glass of milk. Putting it all on a tray, he headed up to Sarah’s bedroom. Maybe she’d talk to him, maybe she’d eat. Maybe she’d scream at him and throw him out, but he was going to try to get through to her.