Reckless

by Stella Rhys

  “Oh my God, he’s so smallll,” Chloe cooed, making me laugh before I turned to Adam.

  “Hey. Everything okay?”

  “Why wouldn’t it be?”

  “Because you were out with your friends for less than an hour before asking what I was up to,” I said. He squinted at me for a second before she added, “I made the reservation Adam. I know.”

  “Right,” he chuckled. “Well. They’re kind of loud and I wasn’t really in the mood for all that noise,” he said just as Georgia and Chloe started squealing, because puppy and owner were crossing the street to say hi.

  “I think you might’ve come to the wrong place if you’re in the mood for quiet,” I said. He laughed.

  “I’m in the mood for you, AJ,” he said unapologetically, making me swallow hard. “I don’t even remember what it’s like to not be thinking about you every five minutes.”

  I was speechless for a second. It was just that he said it so unabashedly. Like it never occurred to him that this would be an embarrassing admission for somebody else to make. Namely me. I hated this particular fact about myself in the past couple weeks—so much so that I hadn’t even admitted it to myself. But leave it to Adam to say it like it were any other sentence.

  I was thankful to be sitting, because it kind of knocked me off my feet for a second.

  “Same,” I finally said as quietly as possible, just in case Emily could hear.

  But apparently it didn’t matter, because thirty minutes later, as we were all getting ready to leave, and as Adam was saying bye to my now-very attached friends, Emily pulled me aside.

  “What. The fuck, AJ.”

  “What?” I practically whined, stamping my foot playfully because I was in no mood for her lecturing. But that wasn’t what I got.

  “There is a lot that you haven’t been telling me,” she said, looking me dead in the eye, like she could read the memories of the past few weeks flashing through my mind. I frowned at her, ready to ask her what she was getting at, but then she said it. “You realize he’s into you, right?”

  “What?”

  “Adam. He’s genuinely into you. Like, two notches from falling-in-love-with-you type into—”

  “Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Chill,” I said, my stupefied seriousness followed immediately by a burst of incredulous laughter. “Emily. What’s going on? Is this you?” I teased. “What happened to my no-nonsense, tells-it-like-it-is sister?”

  “She’s right here, bitch,” Emily snorted. “And she’s telling you like it is—as someone who has an even better perspective than you, because she was actually watching him when you were talking to Georgia and Chloe about the dog. And the way he looks at you… it’s something.”

  My smile faltered and I could actually feel the laughter in my eyes fading away. Because I thought I’d wanted Emily to ease up on me about Adam, but I was realizing now I couldn’t quite handle this total one-eighty. “Look… I don’t know what this is, Emily,” I said carefully, suddenly forcing myself to get serious. Practical. “And you were the one who pointed out how much this couldn’t work. How he’s never been in a relationship,” I reasoned.

  Emily shrugged just as Chloe called her to the car, but before she walked off, she left me with a piece of advice.

  “Well, maybe you should ask him why.”

  25

  AJ

  The entire ride to Adam’s house was spent talking on the phone with Georgia, who had graduated to the weepy stage of her drunkenness and kept thanking me for “the funnest afternoon.”

  “And the fact that Adam came,” she cried before graduating immediately to her thirsty stage. “God, that man is next-level sex, AJ. Adrienne Joelle. When he lifted the pitcher of sangria—did you see his bicep? The way it twitched? I think I have to booty call Wes.”

  “Georgia—no.”

  That, of course, kicked off the first ten minutes at Adam’s house, which were spent talking Georgia out of booty calling her ex.

  I was wandering in the kitchen when Adam touched my waist.

  Gonna shower, he mouthed to me as I tried but failed to wrap up with my very hammered birthday girl. I nodded, mouthing back sorry but smiling as he let his touch and his laughing gaze linger on me for another second before heading upstairs.

  God…

  When did he become my Kryptonite?

  “Well, what if I promise not to get back together with him this time? It’ll just be the sex,” Georgia said, making me groan and laugh at the same time.

  “Georgia, you said this last time,” I said while smiling to myself at what I saw at the top of the pile of mail on the kitchen counter. It was some obscure, fancy-looking gardening catalogue, which seemed like something Adam had no business receiving, given he had never gardened or even spoken the word “gardening” in his life.

  Georgia was going on about soul mates and the concept of “twin flames” as I walked out onto the terrace then floated back into the kitchen, gravitating absently to the counter again and deciding a closer look at the catalogue.

  But when I picked it up, my eyes were drawn to what lay underneath.

  A cream envelope.

  It had Adam’s address on the top left corner in his handwriting, and it was on the somewhat pricy stationery set I bought him years ago, when he’d asked me to find him “something nice.”

  Scrawled in red on the envelope were the words “RETURN TO SENDER.”

  With instant guilt, I dropped the catalogue back onto the envelope, taking a step back. But not before I’d already processed the address it was mailed to. There was no name, but it was an address in Asheville, North Carolina.

  I blinked as I remembered that I’d seen Adam writing this letter last week.

  “Okay, I can hear your judgment in the silence, so fine, I shan’t text him,” Georgia said in a huff. “Also I know I’ve kept you on the phone forever, so go be with your man.”

  “He’s not—” I cut off. “Georgia, you just go drink some water now, okay? And if you take a bath, text me once you get out so I know you didn’t fall asleep and drown in there.”

  “Yes, ma’am, will do.”

  Once we hung up, I wandered back to the living room just in time to see Adam coming down the stairs all showered, wearing a soft T-shirt and the same sweats he wore at the hotel room in Palm Beach.

  It was only a few weeks ago, but it already felt like a different lifetime.

  I smiled as Adam pulled me to him by the front of my top and kissed me all the way to the couch, bringing me to a straddle on his lap. He tasted my mouth in slow, deliberate licks as I lay my hands flat on his chest, and just feeling the warmth and hardness of his muscle under my fingers made me feel drunk again.

  And tiny. At five-foot-six, I never felt particularly small, but I did in Adam’s arms, and while I never knew I wanted or needed the feeling, I had to admit that I kind of loved it.

  I was floating off on a cloud by the time I finally pulled away to crack a little smile at him. “Thank you for sitting with my crazy friends today. And for bringing Georgia cupcakes. That was really sweet.”

  I could see his lips curved in a smile as he dropped a kiss onto my shoulder. “Everything good with her?”

  “Yep. Just had to prevent her from falling down that rabbit hole of booty calls and exes and… on-again off-again madness… you know how it is.”

  “I don’t, actually,” he said. It was without judgment or humor—it was just total honesty. And it was the exact topic Emily had told me to ask him about. I told myself not to ask though—to just leave it, because I wouldn’t like the answer.

  But the question just slipped out. “Why not?”

  Adam blinked like he’d forgotten what we were talking about. “What do you mean?”

  “Why is that a rule?” I asked. “The no-relationship thing.”

  His brow furrowed. “It’s not a rule. I’d just… never cared to be. I like keeping my life compartmentalized, and that can’t really happen when you have a partne
r. You have to share everything,” he said. Before I could overanalyze that, he gave a rueful laugh. “Plus, I was born into enough complicated relationships. I have a lot to sort with that. I still have to make things up to the people I already love.”

  “What do you mean? Like with Holland?”

  “Yeah. I don’t want to have to rely completely on Iain or you to remember my own sister’s existence. I need to reverse this instinct I have to just… not care about her too much.” He shook his head to himself, like he found himself confused. “It’s not right.”

  I was quiet for a second, staring at Adam’s long lashes as I watched him play with the drawstring of my linen joggers. Do I dare ask him? I asked myself before deciding that I did. “How did it get that bad?” My question came out barely above a whisper. “What did she do?” I asked.

  Because while I didn’t know exactly how she did it, I knew who was at the root of all of this.

  His mom.

  I watched the little frown between Adam’s eyebrows deepen as he untied and retied my drawstring, making us both snort a little before he finally gave me an answer.

  “After Holland was born, I think she was home from the hospital for four, maybe five days before I got to even look at her.”

  My lip protruded as I tilted my head to the side. Four or five days? What was the normal amount of time to wait to introduce siblings? Probably none? As soon as they get home?

  What the fuck, Jeannie, I thought for probably the ten thousandth time in the past five years.

  “She’d tell my dad she just gave birth, she needed time alone with the baby. Said I stressed her out. When I finally did get to see Holland, it was like she was throwing me a bone. It would just be these little two-second glimpses, but as soon as I started trying to say hi, she’d pull away.”

  “Wow.” I tried not to gape as Adam spoke—not that he was even looking at me, his eyes were still downcast—but it was hard not to be a little shocked, because I actually wouldn’t have guessed Jeannie Maxwell to be this level of cruel. To a ten-year-old no less. “So you never got to bond with Holland,” I said softly. Adam shook his head.

  “I thought it was normal that kids weren’t allowed to go anywhere near babies. But then our family visited, and my mom let my neighbor hold Holland on the couch. And we were the same age. So I asked if I could. Answer was no. And when my dad tried to argue, she said I was bad, that I’d hurt the baby and make her cry. So at this point, I was like, fuck this.”

  I managed a laugh. “That’s what your ten-year-old brain thought?” I teased. He smirked.

  “Whatever the ten-year-old equivalent to that is,” he said. “I was just pissed, because I had actually been on my best behavior when she got back from the hospital. No tantrums. Being quiet. I was about to have a little sister, so I was trying to turn a new ten-year-old leaf,” he said, making me giggle softly. “But that day with my neighbor was my breaking point and I just thought, fuck being good. When Mom’s asleep, I’m going to sneak into the nursery at night and hold my sister better than my neighbor did, and just prove everyone wrong.”

  “Did you?”

  Adam nodded. “Yeah. It was solely to spite my mom, but then I climbed into the crib and scooped Holland up. And she woke up, but she was fine. Didn’t even cry. She just looked up at me like, oh, okay. That’s what you look like.” My heart twisted a little as Adam laughed to himself. “I was just holding her and I was basically triumphant one second, crying the next. These angry little kid tears, because that meant I wasn’t actually damaged or defective like Jeannie made me believe for so long. I could hold my baby sister and keep her safe. And happy.”

  I was floored, a giant knot in my throat. Adam didn’t even tell the story like he was sad, but I was completely heartbroken. I could understand how a teenager who fought at school and totaled cars could earn such disdain from a parent, but I couldn’t imagine that ten-year-old Adam deserved to be treated like a leper in his own home. Conditioned to believe he was plain bad. Defective.

  I felt like there had to be something more here, and I wanted so badly to ask. But I knew even Holland didn’t know, so how would it be any of my business?

  “Adam, you know you’re a good brother, right?” I said, tipping his chin up so his eyes met mine. “You were there for her when she was planning The Great Escape,” I said, smiling when he smiled at the name of the plan Holland had hatched to move out. “You consulted on everything, all the logistics, so it could work without your mom finding out.”

  “That was both of us,” Adam said.

  “True.”

  “And let’s be real, she took your advice more often than mine.”

  I laughed. “Also true. But we’re a team. She wouldn’t have me without you. And she’ll always need you. It’s never going to be too late to be the brother you always wanted to be for her, because your relationship to her is nothing anyone else can replace. You’re her only brother,” I said with a growing smile as I felt Adam’s strong arms circle around me, hugging me even closer as I spoke. “You’re the only one she grew up looking at like he was a superhero. And I know she’s become quite the grown-up really fast—like, out of nowhere—but she’s still always going to be that little girl who’s just endlessly fascinated by everything her big brother does,” I said softly. “She’s never going to stop looking up to you. And because you helped her get out of that situation last year, you have from now till forever to be in her life, and be good to her the way you always wished you could.”

  Adam nodded, and for the next five or ten seconds, he just looked at me. With my arms snaked around his neck, I felt his touch on the bare skin of my back as he slipped his hands under my shirt. “You know I couldn’t have done this without you, right?” he finally said. His eyes were solemn, serious, but I could feel the appreciation glowing in them as he looked at me.

  “I think you could’ve,” I said genuinely. But then I cracked a smile. “I just think it would’ve taken a little longer.”

  “Yeah, well.” His fingers stroked lightly against me. “I’m glad it didn’t,” he said before cupping the back of my neck and pulling me in for another kiss—one that didn’t break even as he pressed his hand against my back and laid me down on the couch, letting me feel the weight of his hard body as he laid on top of me. Parting my lips, his tongue slid against mine, kissing me with a hunger that deepened by the second.

  We were both half-naked, our shirts on the floor and my hand in his sweats when he groaned that he was out of condoms. I almost blurted that I was on the pill. That I was clean and I knew he was, because I was in the car and his phone was too loud when he got his last test back.

  But I didn’t. A part of me said it was for the better, because I needed to slow down. Take a breather. Because what Emily said about Adam being a few notches from falling—it turned out she was onto something.

  Maybe he was. Maybe he wasn’t.

  But I was definitely there. Smack dab in the danger zone and in too deep to pull myself out.

  26

  AJ

  I stirred to the sound of an unfamiliar chime and awoke to find myself blinking out the window. My bleary eyes took their time to focus. First on the shimmering blue pool. Then the canyons.

  I processed that I was in Adam’s bed about a second before I processed his strong arms wrapped around me.

  Wow.

  So this is a thing that’s happening, I thought, a bit delighted, surprised and amused as I nestled into his chest and recalled last night.

  He had gotten a work call late at night and the last thing I remembered was dozing on the couch. Warmth spread through me when I realized I’d fallen asleep there and that Adam had carried me up here.

  Oh, wait.

  Lifting the sheets, I peeked down at my naked body and remembered a flash of last night. My body hitting this glorious bed and immediately wiggling out of my top and joggers. I remembered the tortured groan Adam gave as I flung my bra on the floor.

  “Fuck,
baby, don’t do this to me right now.”

  I grinned at the memory just as I heard Adam give a low, sleepy rumble that made his warm chest vibrate against me. I didn’t know what it was about that, but it felt so good, and I actually pouted to myself when I felt him lift his arm off me to reach behind him for his phone. I giggled when he clearly couldn’t reach without turning all the way around, and before I knew it, he was on his back with me climbing on top of him, reaching across the bed for him to turn off the alarm. I toggled all three off, hearing the smile in Adam’s groggy voice before I even looked at him.

  “Sorry. Forgot to turn it off last night.”

  “Why would you? We do have work in an hour.”

  “Yeah… think I’m going to work from home today.”

  Setting the phone down, I lay on top of his chest and grinned. “Oh, really? Why is that?”

  “Because I don’t feel like moving from this position for at least the next two hours.”

  “Would you feel that way if I reminded you that you don’t have any condoms in the house?” I teased.

  “Yes. I’d rather be tortured with you lying naked on me than be at work having to keep my hands off of you.”

  “Fair enough.”

  His eyebrows pulled together. “Do you always sleep naked, by the way?”

  “No. But I can’t sleep in my outside clothes, which is probably why I stripped last night while half-asleep.”

  “Got it,” he laughed. “That was hell, by the way.”

  I smirked. “Sorry. Did you jerk off?”

  “Multiple times.”

  I raked my bottom lip between my teeth at the thought of Adam jerking off while I was asleep. That combined with the fact that he was so hot and rock-hard underneath me right now was like torturous karma. God, just put it inside me, I begged internally. Condom or not, I was ready, but it felt like there was a level of intimacy to that—one that I felt self-conscious suggesting since he hadn’t already. So I just gave him a wicked little smile as I looked up at him.