Love or Lust 2

by Rachael Brownell

  Did Lennon just give up the fight? Or is he being the bigger man? Trusting that he doesn’t have to compete with Jace for a piece of my heart. Either way, I feel the loss of his presence.

  “I’m just exhausted, that’s all. In fact, I think I want a rain check if that’s okay. As nice as a ride sounds, I don’t think I’d be the best company.”

  Not now that my heart may have just splintered.

  Jace accepts my shitty excuse and leaves but not before making me another cup of coffee and kissing me soundly on the lips, lighting a fire deep inside me.

  Tears stream freely down my face as I hold my stomach, unable to control my laughter.

  It’s not the best place to go on a date, but it’s certainly the most fun I’ve had all week.

  When Drake told me he wanted to take me to a bar, I wasn’t shocked. I mean . . . there are only so many places to go in the city. Only so many kinds of dates you can plan with limited knowledge of what’s available. So, a bar, sure. Why not?

  I figured we would get a few drinks, talk, get to know each other a little, and then head back to the ranch. Low key. Nothing fancy but I don’t need fancy.

  What I didn’t expect was a comedy club. In what looked like an abandoned building on the outskirts of town.

  I certainly didn’t expect it to look upscale when we walked in, with red velvet high-backed chairs surrounding little round tables. Or for the waitresses to be in black-sequined mini dresses.

  The entire experience was shocking.

  And when the lights dimmed, the audience cloaked in darkness until the first comedian stepped onto the stage, I didn’t expect them to be as entertaining as they were. Four performers later and my stomach is aching from laughter.

  “You seem to be enjoying yourself,” Drake says as the lights flicker back to life, slowly rising to a comfortable level. I can see him clearly, but I’m not blinded by the drastic change.

  “This was so much fun. What a great idea.” As I dab at my eyes with my napkin, I watch him closely. There’s a look in his eyes that I can’t quite place.

  “You have a beautiful laugh, you know that?”

  “Thank you,” I reply, shying away from his compliment.

  I feel like I laugh like a man. My voice gets deep, heavy. When I think of women laughing, it’s soft and high pitched. Not me. I belt out laughter, and it tends to catch everyone’s attention within earshot.

  “I needed a good laugh,” I admit after a moment of tense silence.

  “I think we all do. Each day feels a little more intense than the last.”

  “And here I was thinking I was the only one that felt like that.” My voice drips with sarcasm.

  “Yeah well, at least you have a guarantee you’re going to still be here at the end of the week.”

  “Says who?” Raising my eyebrow at him in question, he just smirks. “Seriously? What are you talking about?”

  “You have no idea, do you?” When I don’t answer, he continues, “There is no way in hell Jace and Lennon are going to let you go anywhere.”

  “They don’t control everything. You and I both know that. They can try and rig the outcome, but there’s no guarantees in this game.”

  As much as I want to believe there’s a way for them to ensure I’ll still be here with at least one of them next week, I can’t. They’re not the only ones voting.

  “It’s all a game, Presley. They’re playing to win. Both of them.”

  “And you’re not?”

  “No, I am, but they have the greatest advantage,” he states, pulling his wallet from his pocket and slapping money on the table before standing and offering me his hand. “They have you. Both of them.”

  “And you’re telling me, what? There’s no one you’re interested in here? What about Natasha?” I ask before I can stop myself.

  Drake laughs as he leads me through the crowd and out the front door. “Of all the people here, she’s the one person who turns me off the most. She wants nothing more than to create an alliance with every single one of us so she can make it to the end. No judgment, but if she thinks she’ll reach the end of the game by sleeping with all of us, she’s delusional.”

  Ah! So she is trying to bed them all. That’s going to backfire on her. Especially since all the guys seem to be talking to each other. Maybe if they weren’t friends it would work in her favor.

  “Well, she’s not the only option, you know. Bella’s a sweetheart,” I start. “And Teegan is gorgeous and nice.”

  “What about Courtney?” he asks, grinning at me from ear to ear.

  “I feel like she’s already made an alliance with someone else,” I note as I climb in the back of the van.

  “Yeah, I heard something about that the other day.”

  I bet he did. We all heard.

  “Don’t count yourself out. Things change all the time. We don’t know who will be here next week. We might not be here. Take it a day at a time, get to know everyone, and see if you connect. That should be the real reason we’re here.”

  “It should be but it’s not. I swear it feels like they want us at each other’s throats or to have a giant orgy. Whatever will pull in the highest ratings, right?”

  “Something like that, I’m sure.”

  “What about you? What if Lennon and Jace go home? Will your heart still be in the game?”

  “Sure,” I lie. “Why wouldn’t it be?”

  “Because I feel like you wouldn’t want to play anymore.” We both know he’s right, so I don’t say anything. “I know you like them, both of them, and I know this game isn’t fair, but you really should consider giving the rest of us a chance, Presley. Like you said, you never know what will happen. Things change every day.”

  With that, the van pulls away from the club and we ride back to the ranch in silence. My mind reels with thoughts of being here without Lennon and Jace. Surviving this without at least one of them here to rely on. To see every day.

  The thoughts make me sad, so when we get back to the ranch and Drake and I part ways. I head to my villa and change my clothes while he wanders off towards the pool. I need to clear my mind. Putting in my earbuds, I make my way to the fitness center.

  Another five-mile run on the treadmill should do the trick.

  At least that’s what I think until I open the door to find Courtney with her lips pressed against Lennon’s and not a single cameraman around to catch them in the act. The sound of the heavy door slamming shut behind me causes Courtney to jump back, tripping over her own two feet and landing on the ground with a soft thud.

  Lennon doesn’t move. The expression on his face is a direct reflection of the ache in my chest. The pain I feel deep in my heart. I knew it would happen eventually. That he would kiss someone else. Jace too. I just wasn’t prepared to witness it firsthand.

  I wasn’t prepared to feel the way I do right now. As if someone is sitting on my chest, making it impossible for me to suck in a deep breath. The last time I felt this way, I walked in on Wren with his hussy.

  Chapter Five

  Day 20

  He tried to talk to me.

  Not that I gave him a chance. One step in my direction, my name a whisper on his lips, and I sprinted out of the fitness center as fast as my legs would carry me. I couldn’t get out of there quick enough, though. My legs felt heavy, my body weighed down by the pain in my heart.

  I heard him behind me. Gaining on me. So I went to the one place I knew would hurt him the most.

  Jace’s villa.

  The door was unlocked, and I didn’t bother knocking. He was standing in his kitchen in only a pair of boxer briefs, my sudden intrusion startling him. A slow smile began to creep across his face until he saw the despair on mine.

  I was wrapped protectively in his arms before I could blink. And that’s where I stayed the rest of the night. He didn’t ask me any questions. Didn’t force me to talk when it was clear I didn’t want to. He just took me to bed, tucked me against his body, and held me tigh
t.

  The ache in my chest is still present when I wake up, Jace’s arm slung over me, our legs tangled in the sheets. As comfortable and safe as I felt, I didn’t sleep well last night, my dreams and reality colliding, making it unbearable to close my eyes at times.

  I want to be angry. To feel betrayed.

  To hate Lennon. Or Courtney. Or even the damn situation I’m in right now.

  I can’t.

  Because this is a game, and I know that. They’re both playing along, doing whatever it takes to stay here as long as possible. I can’t fault either of them for that. It would be wrong.

  Yet, the pain refuses to dull, and I don’t understand why. That’s what kept me up most of the night. Well, that and Jace’s light snoring in my ear, but mostly my thoughts. Attempting to get a grip on why I’m feeling the way I am. To figure out what it is that I’m feeling. To name it. Accept it. Move on from it.

  “You’re gorgeous with bed head,” Jace whispers in my ear, tightening his grip around my waist.

  If I’d slept more than a few hours, he might have a different opinion, but I don’t tell him that. I shyly smile over my shoulder at him and try not to breathe my fiery morning breath in his direction.

  “I should probably head back to my place,” I state, tossing back the covers, but he doesn’t let me crawl out of bed. Instead, he keeps his arms wrapped protectively around me and smiles against the side of my neck.

  “It’s my day, though,” he states matter-of-factly, his lips grazing the sensitive spot just below my ear.

  “Yes, but our date isn’t until later tonight.”

  “Doesn’t mean we can’t spend the day together. Here, in bed.”

  If I weren’t in the midst of an emotional crisis I didn’t understand, I would love to entertain his idea. The fact I can barely keep my eyes open and focus on the feel of his body pressed against mine tells me I need time alone. To sleep. To contemplate life. My next move. If I still want to be here. If I can handle it.

  Because that’s my biggest concern right now.

  Jace may be my date tonight, but Lennon is my date tomorrow. Time alone with him is less than appealing right now. It’s downright upsetting to even think about.

  “Presley,” Jace whispers, his fingers drawing circles on my stomach. “Talk to me. Tell me what’s on your mind.”

  “Even if it’s something you don’t want to talk about?”

  “You can talk to me about anything.”

  It feels wrong to share this with Jace, but he might be the only person who will understand.

  “Have you kissed anyone else?”

  “I’ve kissed a lot of women,” he starts, smiling against my neck before kissing the same spot, sending a shiver up my spine. “But I have a feeling that’s not what you meant. And the answer is, no, I haven’t, but even if I had or if I do, I need you to remember something.” He pauses, slowly turning me in his arms so we’re face to face. “There’s no one else I want to kiss other than you. That doesn’t mean it won’t happen. We both know how this game is played. Sometimes you have to make a sacrifice to stay a little longer, and if that’s what needs to happen so I can be here with you until the end, I’ll do it. I won’t like it, but I also won’t think twice. Is that what kept you from falling asleep last night? Because I’ve never had a woman toss and turn as much as you did in my arms.”

  A playful smile teases his lips, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. He’s trying to lighten the mood, but I can see his genuine concern.

  “I went to the fitness center to run on the treadmill and walked in on Lennon and Courtney.” Thankfully, my confession lacks all emotions, just the way I wanted it to.

  “You do realize he has no interest in her, right?”

  “No.”

  Placing a hand on either side of my face when I attempt to break eye contact, he waits until I’m focused before he continues, “Neither of us wants anyone but you. We know we both can’t have you, but we’re both hell-bent on trying to win your heart. I shouldn’t be talking you out of being mad at him, but I can’t let you walk around with a scowl on your face.”

  “But—”

  “Pres, think about it. The only way to make it to the end is to play the part. If the girls didn’t think they stood a chance with us, they would vote us off in a second.”

  “True.” I deflate like a balloon into his arms again and close my eyes.

  “You’re just upset because you witnessed it. It was a shock. I get it. Plus,” he states, kissing me on the top of the head as he repositions himself the best he can, moving me so I’m lying across half his body. “You’ve kissed both of us. I don’t want to see it, but I know it’s happened, and I’m not upset you kissed him because I’m confident in my skills.”

  “Your skills?” I tease.

  “You have no idea, but whenever you’re ready, I’d be happy to show you exactly what I’m talking about,” he quickly replies, his voice taking on a serious and sultry tone. One that has the ache in my chest moving lower to a region that’s normally as dry as the Sahara.

  “I’ll keep that in mind,” I squeak out, closing my eyes, unsure of how to respond to his proposal. Because let’s be honest, that’s exactly what he was doing. Propositioning me to go beyond kissing. A thought that’s crossed my mind a time or two, but I know I’m not ready to go there with him. Or Lennon. Or anyone right now.

  But I can see it happening. Sooner rather than later. And when I do think about it, Jace’s face is the first to come to mind. His sexy grin and mesmerizing green eyes the star of my daydreams.

  Keeping my eyes closed, our conversation fades away, the only sound the beat of his heart beneath where my head rests on his chest. Between that and the warmth of his body, I’m lulled to sleep in minutes.

  When I wake up, Jace isn’t in bed, but the shower is running. Staying curled up in the covers, I consider heading back to my place without saying goodbye when the bathroom door opens. Jace saunters out with a towel wrapped around his waist, droplets of water cascading down his toned body.

  My breath hitches. I’ve seen him at the pool. I walked in on him in only his underwear last night. I fell asleep on his bare chest. I shouldn’t be affected by his nakedness, but I am. Somehow, knowing the only thing standing in the way of me getting the full picture is a beige towel has me practically panting by the time he turns around and realizes I’m awake.

  “Enjoying the show?” he asks with a smirk as he grabs some clothes and heads back toward the bathroom.

  “Eh,” I reply, trying to play off the fact I’m incredibly turned on right now. “Nothing I haven’t seen before.”

  “Yet for some reason, your cheeks are flushed.” Two steps toward the bed and he’s within reach. I could pull the towel from around his waist with little effort. “Your breathing is strangled.” Another step and his crotch is eye level. There’s no hiding his arousal. The towel would need to be made of steel. “And you’re staring at my cock, licking your lips as if you want a taste.”

  Touching my lips, I find them freshly dampened. Fuck my life.

  “I . . .”

  Nothing. I have nothing. No other words come out. I can’t form a thought to save my life let alone a sentence.

  Bending down, Jace places a chaste kiss on my parted lips, deepening it when a soft moan escapes me. Before I realize what’s happening, his body is hovering over mine and I’m kicking the covers away. Once I’m free of the confines of the bedding, I wrap my legs around his waist and pull him tightly against me.

  A growl quickly followed by a hiss slips from Jace’s lips, and then he’s devouring mine again. My mind goes blank, only able to focus on the feel of his body against mine. On the ache between my legs, the building in my core as he presses against me. My vision begins to cloud, and then the world around me goes blurry as my body begins to convulse.

  One last thrust against me and a deep, erotic rumble pours from Jace’s chest. It’s the sexiest thing I’ve ever heard, and as I try to regain
control of my breathing, all I can think is how much I want to hear it again.

  It’s after three o’clock when I finally leave Jace’s villa and head for my own. All eyes are on me as I walk by the pool. Everyone, including Lennon, is there, making it very apparent where I was coming from. Holding my head high, I keep my eyes trained on the path in front of me as I scurry by, not glancing back as I round the corner.

  I should have.

  Because if I’d been paying attention, I would have noticed that Lennon was following me. I’m about to open my door when he calls out my name. My body tenses, my hand freezing in midair as I reach for the door handle.

  “Presley, talk to me. I want to explain.”

  But he doesn’t need to. He shouldn’t have to.

  “There’s nothing to explain. I’m sorry if I overreacted. I get it, I do,” I say without turning around even though I can feel how close he is. If I look in his eyes, I’ll break down. Not because he kissed Courtney but because of everything that happened between Jace and me this morning.

  I’ve become a hypocrite, and I hate myself for it.

  It wasn’t until Jace pointed out that I had kissed both of them that it really sunk in. As much as I want them both, I can’t continue on this way. I have to make a decision before I destroy any chance I have at something more with one of them. That means, letting go of one so I can hold on to the other.

  It sure would be nice if I could make that decision, though. Because when I’m with Jace, he’s the one I want. Yet the second I’m alone with Lennon, my opinion sways in the other direction. They’re two completely different people. I like them for different reasons. It makes me wish I could smush them together and make one perfect person. Not that they aren’t perfect the way they are, I just want what they both have to offer.

  I’m greedy.

  Fuck!

  “Will you at least listen to what I have to say? Even if you don’t think you need to hear it, I need to say it.” He’s pleading with me to state his case, and I can’t refuse him. With a slight nod of my head, I open my door and leave it open so he can follow me inside.