I Like Dirt (Jack. Book 2)
Page 27
“Katie-Cakes.” She smiled, “I love you, I do.” She paused, “I was wrong. You are exactly what he needs…”
I smiled.
“But I can’t lie to you, either,” she said, shaking her head, “This isn’t the first time. This isn’t even the first time this year. He had cleaned up so good. So good, Katie. He was handsome again. And then you showed up. I just knew this was going to be it.”
“He…”
“Yeah. When you left, he kinda went into something else. He didn’t talk about it, he just went on with his life. He never deals with anything,” she said ruefully.
That sounded familiar.
“This is going to be it,” I insisted reassuringly. Stephanie shook her head as tears fell down her face.
“It’s not, Katie. I don’t know what’s going to be it for Jack. He does so well, and then…” she trailed off as she was looking away into space. “He just goes back.” She sighed.
“I don’t know what to say,” I said looking at her periodically.
“I’m gonna tell you something that I don’t want to tell you. And Jackie…he’s gonna hate me for this if he ever finds out,” she told me.
“Oh…” I said with wide, curious eyes.
“Katie, I know you love Jackie. But it’s gonna take a lot more than love to stay here with him. You have two choices. You can leave now, and cut your losses. Or you can stay and see how this turns out. And I’m gonna be honest with you, I don’t know how it’s gonna turn out,” Jack’s mother said sadly.
“What?” I asked, heartbroken.
“Look, if you’re not sure, this is your way out. But you don’t come back. And if you stay, you don’t get to leave. That’s just how this sorta thing works. I’m telling you now. You’re gonna ruin someone else’s life if you do it any other way,” Stephanie warned me.
“You’re telling me to leave Jack?” I asked, disgusted.
“No. I’m being honest with you. Telling you the choices you’re gonna have to make, Katie. This isn’t some childhood game. Jack needs some help. And if you’re not willing to go on this…this…this whatever ‘this’ is? You need to be honest. If this is too much for you, this is the best time to leave.” There were tears in her eyes.
“Why?” I asked.
“Because if you stay and later on, you try to leave, you might not make it out,” she said. I couldn’t take my eyes off of her. I thought for a moment.
“I gotta go to work,” she said, standing up. She sighed heavily staring endearingly at me, “Listen to your heart…I know you’ll make the right decision, for you and for Jackie.” She paused, “I love you.”
I didn’t say it back. She left the room, drying her face. I sniffled.
A few hours passed. I sat there, thinking of everything Jack had ever done to me, every bruise he left on my skin, every kiss he placed on my lips, every roughness he had no idea of, every stupid thing he had ever done, every girl who he looked at that wasn’t me, every time he had ever dragged me anywhere, every smile he had ever given me. It was true that he wasn’t my Jack anymore. He was a new Jack. He wasn’t homeboy Jack, he wasn’t the kid I met in third grade. He was Money, not Jack.
I thought about what everybody had ever told me about him: Trey, Stephanie, Becs, Bianca. I hadn’t said anything for hours.
“Jack?” I asked, as if he was going to respond. The beeping machines and other sounds in the room seemed to fade away.
“So, I know I don’t share a lotta stuff with you. I’m sorry,” I said sadly, “But, I kinda wrote a song for us. For you, I guess.” I smiled.
“I’m gonna sing it cuz you can’t hear me.” I laughed to myself. I batted my eyes in revelry.
It’s not that I don’t love you.
Really, it’s quite the contrary
People say that I’m not or just barely
Even living anymore
I wish that I could show the world just what you are to me
But they don’t see you like I see
Or if they could understand
You’re so much more than
Just a blue-eyed boy.
Blue-eyed boy. I see your shallow, I see your whole
I see your shadow, I see you.
I sighed. I stood up and looked Jack over.
“I love you,” I whispered. I bent over him and kissed him. “Goodbye Jack.”
I could hear the beeping machines as I left Jack’s side, heading to the door was harder than I thought it would be. I stopped halfway out of the room to look back at him.
I had to go. For both his and my sake.
My eyes closed painfully. I started to walk again. I stopped at the door. I sighed. I thought about what his mom had said. If I left, I couldn’t come back, or someone else would get hurt.
I sniffled, looked back at Jack one last time and left the room. I just left.
I was walking out of the hospital, leaving Jack behind. I was so confident in my decision. I knew what was best for us both. And being without Jack couldn’t be worse than being with Jack. It was almost perfect, almost everything that I wanted in life. I guess you could say if Jack wasn’t Jack, or if I weren’t me, then it would have been. But it wasn’t. It was just this big useless mess of almost ten years.
“Listen to you heart?” I thought, she doesn’t get it. I am listening to my heart, but it’s so fucked up that, I don’t know what it’s saying, I smiled nostalgically to myself, I guess this is over. My whole life has been Jack, maybe I need to find me. I don’t even know who I am. I gulped, Jack’s right, I belong to him, I guess I always will but. I’m not gonna need him anymore. Maybe that’s why he’s here, maybe I fuck up his mind, I know he messes mine up. I can’t believe I dropped out of school. What’s wrong with me? We don’t need each other, we’re toxic, too good for one another, like candy or something. We rotten each other out. That hurt when I thought it, but I’ll always be his, and I’ll always want to be with him. I mean…he’s Jack, somehow it in my blood to want to be with him; he’s a part of me. I closed my eyes, some tears fell but they stopped after I sighed, But, maybe I can be okay without him, he needs to be okay without me. Maybe I can just life my life, and he could just live his. I’m sure he knows by now that we’re no good for each other, we could never work out. I told myself, I’m fine with that, I lied to myself.
It still felt like I could hear the beeping from the machines as I drove off in my car, which was still dented up after Jack’s fit of rage. As I drove, my heart was racing. It felt like something was happening or was going to happen. It was strange.
Jack lay in his bed, after weeks of nothing. The same sound of beeping, repetitive in its nature and then, suddenly, it stopped. No monitors went off. No nurses rushed in. The beeping was gone, it was completely silent when Jack’s mom walked into his room. The door closed. Jack’s eyes opened, and he sat up.
“Jackie.” His mother gave him a pained smile, tears in her eyes. Jack spoke,
“Where the fuck is Hot Rod?”
I Like Dirt.
Laine Watson Books/January 2018
Published By
Mir.Mad Works
A Division of Mir.Mad, LLC
Atlanta, Georgia
©2018 Laine Watson. All Rights Reserved
No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means including information storage and retrieval systems, without permission in writing from the author. The only exception is by a reviewer, who may quote short excerpts in a review.
This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental and not intended by the author.
Laine Watson
Visit my website at www.LaineWatson.com
Laine Watson Books and Mir.Mad Works are registered trademarks of
Mir.Mad, LLC.
Cover Design by © Ram
i M. Callahan, www.RamiCallahan.com
Edited by Codi Johnson www.theparchmentpa.com
Contact Laine Watson
twitter: @_LaineWatson
instagram: @_lainewatson
facebook: @lainewatsonbooks
snapchat: layanlaine
* * *
[CJ1]Unnecessary deets