Fighting Absolution

by Kate McCarthy

  He takes a sip, swallowing. “Sure you are.”

  Well shit. Ryan doesn’t believe me. I guess I cried wolf one too many times over the years. “Roof of the car. Front passenger side.”

  The mug lowers in his hand, and he looks at me. I’ve never been specific before. Ryan sets his coffee aside and stalks from the kitchen. I follow him down the hall and out the front door. He sets eyes on the Mustang and jerks to a stop.

  “Sonofabitch!” he curses with force. “You dented my car. You actually dented my fucking car!”

  “Language,” I scold, tucking a hand over Jacob’s exposed ear.

  He turns, his eyes wild and furious. “You know you should have just kept going and driven it over a cliff rather than come back here.”

  “I couldn’t do that to Fin. She would miss me.”

  “You have a serious set of balls, Brooks,” he literally growls.

  “Well I don’t like to brag, but—”

  Ryan takes a step towards me. “Give me the baby.”

  I take a step back. “No.”

  “Give me the damn baby!” he yells.

  “Don’t talk about your son that way. He’s not a damn baby.”

  Fin appears, blond hair tousled and sleep shirt hanging around the tops of her thighs. Ryan glares at her. “Cover yourself, woman.”

  “What the hell is going on? You’re out here squawking like a damn rooster and probably waking the whole neighbourhood.”

  “Brooks here…” Ryan looks at me with nostrils flaring “…dented the Mustang. And now he’s going to die. So take Jacob would you so I can get to the killing.”

  “There’ll be no killing.” Fin turns to me. “Kyle, would you like a coffee?”

  “He doesn’t have time for coffee, baby, now that he’s about to die and all.”

  Fin rolls her eyes. “Calm down, Ryan. I’m sure he has a perfectly good explanation.” She starts down the hall, and I call her back.

  “Here.” I pass Jacob over. She takes him, cooing gently as she walks off with him.

  Ryan looks at me.

  I take a deep breath. “I picked up Jamie from the airport yesterday.”

  “I know that, genius. That’s why you borrowed the car. And on that particular subject, you’re never borrowing it again.”

  I swallow the thick lump in my throat. “Jesus, Kendall. You should see her.”

  Ryan picks up on the strain in my voice. He cocks his head. “Why?”

  “She’s covered in bruises from head to toe.” I shove my hands in my pockets, hiding the tremors. “Cuts to her belly and thighs. Stab wounds in her shoulder.”

  “What the fuck happened?”

  “The Taliban. They grabbed her in Kandahar.”

  Ryan curses and turns around, giving me his back. He folds his arms, staring at the car, his voice rough. “Did they touch her?”

  “I asked the same thing. She says they didn’t.”

  “But you don’t believe her?”

  I step up beside him, both of us facing the street. “I want to, but she likes to downplay things. She didn’t even tell me. I’m wondering if she even would have had I not seen the bruises for myself.”

  Ryan nods, his eyes still on the car.

  “So I lost my temper.”

  “I see that.” His voice is mild, but I’m not fooled. He’s pissed. Seriously pissed. And not at me.

  “I’ll pay for the damage.”

  “No.” Ryan turns and grips my shoulder, squeezing. “I’ll cover it.”

  He lets go and walks back inside. “Come drink your coffee before it gets cold. I’ll drop you at the hire place on my way to work.”

  “You’re still alive,” Jamie says with no small measure of amazement when I step inside the apartment a few hours later.

  I swing around to face her, cocking a brow. “Turns out Kendall thinks my little temper tantrum was well justified.”

  “Whatever.” She walks into kitchen as two slices of bread pop up from the toaster.

  I look around. The place is empty apart from the boxes, basic furniture, and Jamie. “Where is everyone?”

  “Wood is at Bunnings,” she replies, referring to the hardware store as she plates her toast and scrapes it with butter. “And Erin has gone shopping. I gave her my credit card and it cheered her up a little. She’s going to pick up everything I need for our trip on the condition I stay here and rest.”

  “And yet here you are, not resting.”

  Jamie rolls her eyes. “It’s midday. I’ve been sleeping all morning, and now I’m hungry.” She starts adding a small mountain of scrambled eggs to her plate before pausing. “Want some?”

  “Yeah, but you eat that. I’ll make some more.”

  “Knock yourself out,” Jamie says, carrying her breakfast to the table. I start cracking eggs into the bowl she left on the counter. “Did you pick up the car?” she asks around a mouthful of toast.

  “Yep.”

  “What’d we get?”

  “A Toyota Hilux. White.”

  “How much did it cost to hire?”

  “Can’t remember,” I lie, giving her my back as I pour eggs into the pan.

  “Don’t lie,” she says as I set the bowl down beside the stovetop.

  “I’m not lying.”

  “Tell me.”

  “No.”

  “Tell me.”

  “No.”

  “I’ll show you my boobs.”

  “Okay.” I turn around, folding my arms as the eggs cook slowly in the pan behind me. “Get ’em out.”

  “Kyle!”

  “No. You promised me boobs. I’m not telling until you deliver.”

  Jamie huffs. “Fine. I don’t need you to tell me.”

  I pop bread in the toaster. “That’s what I figured.”

  She gets up from the table and starts for the front door, snatching up the keys I dumped on the side table when I walked inside. “I’ll just check the receipt you probably left sitting in the passenger seat of the car.”

  “Dammit!” I chase after her.

  Jamie gets the apartment door open an inch before I get my hand on it, my arm stretched over her head as I slam it shut. She literally growls as she turns, glaring up at me. “You’re impossible.”

  I wink. “I’m a lot of things.”

  “Why won’t you just let me pay half the cost?”

  “Because the whole trip was my idea. It’s only right I pay for it.”

  “That’s a bullshit notion, Kyle, and you know it.”

  “It’s not.”

  “It is.”

  “Just let me do this. For you.”

  The beep of the toaster cuts through the room.

  She sighs and victory is in my grasp. “You’re so stubborn.”

  My hand drops from the door, and I step back, grinning. “I learnt from the best.”

  I parallel park the Hilux in a spot outside Erin and Wood’s apartment building and switch off the engine. It’s Tuesday morning, five a.m. I want to get an early start and beat the morning work rush. I literally cannot wait to get my ass out of the city and on the road.

  Bear: I’m downstairs.

  I toss my phone in the centre console and step out of the Hilux, taking a deep, happy breath. The back is loaded down with camping gear, fishing gear, and hiking gear. There’s an esky already loaded with ice and beer, and a mesh bag filled with snorkels and flippers.

  Walking around the back, I flick the rubber hooks loose and flip back the tonneau cover, shifting bags and tackle boxes while I wait, making room for Jamie’s bag.

  Erin appears ten minutes later, clad in pyjamas, her eyes puffy with sleep and face creased from the bedsheets. Wood is behind her, wheeling two large hardcover suitcases. My brows almost fly off my face. “What the hell?”

  “Don’t even say it, mate,” Wood cautions as he reaches the back of the Hilux. He slides the handles down and lifts one, tossing it into the back.

  “Careful,” Erin snaps.

  �
��There’s no room for the other one,” I say when the first one fills the small bit of space I kept free for Jamie’s stuff. “Does she really need all this?”

  Erin’s eyes shift to the loaded bed. “Do you really need all that?”

  “You can’t argue with her,” Wood cautions me. “It’s too early.”

  “Colin, you’re making me sound like a witch.”

  “If the shoe fits,” he mutters under his breath.

  “What did you say?”

  His voice picks up volume. “I said we’ll make it fit.”

  “Where’s Jamie?” I ask, just as the automatic doors whoosh open, and she steps out carrying a thermos in each hand. Bless her beautiful, caffeine-obsessed heart. She’s wearing a white cotton sundress that skims the middle of her thighs. Her thick dark hair is bound into a high knot and mirrored aviators rest on top of her head. My pulse kicks up a notch. I rub a hand over my chest, putting it down to excitement. This trip is going to be epic.

  “Morning,” she says, reaching me and handing over a thermos.

  I bring it to my lips, sipping on piping hot liquid, the perfect blend of coffee, sugar, and milk. “You’re the best.”

  “Say it again.”

  “You’re the best.”

  Jamie laughs and Erin makes a grumpy harrumph. “You freaks are so perky in the mornings. It’s unnatural.”

  The three of us share an amused glance. That’s the army for you. The routine is ingrained so deep inside I’ll probably wake at sunrise every day for the rest of my life.

  “What’s the hold up?” Jamie asks, looking to Wood as he lifts the second suitcase, struggling as if it contains rocks, all the while pretending he’s not struggling at all.

  “All your bags,” I reply. “What’s in them?”

  She shrugs. “No idea. Erin came home with a thousand shopping bags and wouldn’t let me lift a finger. She packed it all for me.”

  “You’re welcome,” Erin says.

  “I already said thank you,” Jamie replies as we stand there watching Wood’s face turn red as he thumps the second suitcase down. “It’s not going to fit though,” she adds. “Do I really need all that stuff?”

  “Yes. You do,” Erin tells her.

  I hand Jamie my thermos and help Wood. We make it fit, and just as we’re getting ready to leave, he pulls me aside, talking to me as if he’s Jamie’s father. “Take care of her, okay? No stupid risks, no drunk driving, and make sure she doesn’t do anything too strenuous while she’s healing.”

  I don’t take offence, even though he should know he can trust me. He’s only looking out for her. I’m glad Jamie has friends like him in her life. “You got it, mate.”

  I put the windows down as soon as we leave the city behind us. The dawn air rushes in, fresh and cool as it whips through the dual cab. We’re starting off in Broome near the top of Western Australia, a twenty-four-hour drive away. We’ll make our way inland through the ranges before winding our way down along the coast until we reach Esperance at the lower end of the country. It’s a huge undertaking, but it’s something I’ve wanted to do for years. A once-in-a-lifetime kind of trip.

  Jamie tips her seat back a little and sighs as the scenery passes by in a blur. “It feels good to leave everything behind.”

  “I feel lighter already,” I admit.

  “Thanks, Kyle.” She turns her head, looking at me.

  I glance at her. “For what?”

  She waves her hand around. “For this. You were right.”

  “What?”

  “You were right.”

  “Sorry, what? I can’t hear you.”

  Jamie laughs and I cop a light punch to the arm. She fiddles with the music, connecting her phone to the Bluetooth. “Born to Run” by Bruce Springsteen blares from the speakers, and she kicks back in her seat, sipping at her thermos.

  My fingers tap to the beat against the steering wheel. “I thought driver chose the music?”

  “Are you complaining?”

  I laugh. “Not at all.”

  We reach the small mining town of Mount Magnet at midday, pulling into the rest stop. After stretching our legs and eating lunch, we get back on the road, arriving at Kumarina, a little town off the Great Northern Highway, population seventy-five, four hours later.

  “Stop here for the night?”

  Jamie nods. “Sure.”

  We get a small room at the roadhouse, eat dinner, and crash early on the twin beds. I rise at four a.m. and shake Jamie awake. I want to get to Broome by tonight, another fourteen hours away.

  She jerks with a start, reaching under her pillow and coming out with a small blade. “It’s just me,” I say quickly, and her eyes focus on me in the dark. “Sorry.”

  Her chest rises and falls in rapid breaths. “Christ.” She sits up, swiping a hand across her face, her voice croaky. “What time is it?”

  “Four.”

  After loading up with takeout coffee and filling each thermos, we get back on the road, nothing around us but red dirt, open road, and the occasional road train. The sun hits the horizon an hour later.

  Jamie presses the button, and her window comes down. She sticks her arms out, taking a photo with her phone, her expression one of awe. “It’s incredible.”

  The vast sky is lit with a rich, deep orange, the scattered clouds turning a warm pink, their shadows tinged with purple. The colours seem endless, stretching across the Earth as far as the eye can see. “I’ve never seen a sunrise like it.”

  We stop an hour later for breakfast, and lunch a few hours after that, before arriving in Broome around seven that night. We spend five full days, pitching a large tent in the local caravan park. We visit the markets, traverse the jetty to jetty walk, and make our way to Gantheaume Point—an iconic peninsula of red rocky outcrops and the turquoise water of the Indian Ocean. We swim at Town Beach, nap the afternoons away, drink beer and grill meat in the evenings.

  “I don’t want to leave,” Jamie says, seated in her camp chair on our final night. Her bruises have begun to fade, and her wounds have turned to thin red scars.

  I tip the beer to my lips, my eyes on the water. “I could easily live here.”

  She turns her head, and I feel her looking at me. “Would you? I mean, when you leave the army. Have you thought about where you would live?”

  I contemplate her question. “No. It’s a nice dream, but I don’t want to live so far away from everyone. What about you?”

  Jamie shakes her head. “I’m not leaving the army, remember?”

  How could I forget? “So you could happily live out the rest of your life in Townsville?”

  She doesn’t answer.

  We pack up early the next morning and make our way down to Port Hedland, spending a couple of nights. From there it’s on to Karijini National Park. We set up camp at the park. “You know Karijini EcoRetreat is here?” Jamie says, sweeping sand from our tent with a grumble. Her shoulder is stronger now, the exercise helping blood flow better, healing her wounds that little bit faster. At least the ones on the outside. I have no idea what’s going on inside.

  “You want to go glamping?”

  “I’m certainly packed for it,” she mumbles and I laugh.

  Erin packed light on the practical wear, allowing only two pairs of decent hiking shirts, shorts, and a pair of hiking boots. Jamie’s suitcases are mostly filled with different types of sandals, pretty dresses, at least a thousand bikinis, and tiny pieces of lace underwear that I try hard not to notice. She hasn’t touched the large makeup case, or the hairdryer, or the myriad of other implements Erin thought she couldn’t live without.

  We spend four full days hiking the gorge, diving in swimming holes and paddling beneath waterfalls before moving on to Ningaloo Reef, where we take an excursion out into deep waters to snorkel with whale sharks.

  I plunge into the ocean alongside a small group of international tourists, expecting Jamie to dive in beside me, but I turn and she isn’t there. I look back to the b
oat. She’s standing on the edge.

  I lift my goggles, resting them on forehead and swiping water from my face. “What are you doing? Jump in.”

  Jamie hisses something at me I can’t hear. “What?”

  She leans down and I swim closer, noticing her knees are almost knocking together. “This is a shark-infested ocean. There are great whites everywhere. I can’t.”

  Huh. Jamie appears petrified. I never expected that. Her vulnerability is usually hidden deeper than the crusty layers of the earth. “It’s not. There are no sharks here.”

  “There are,” she hisses. “I googled.”

  “There isn’t. You can’t give any credit to the rubbish you read on the internet.”

  “Don’t lie.” Her eyes skim the surface. “In fact, you should probably get out.”

  “I’m fine. Trust me.” I gesture with my hand. “Look at all the tourists out there.” Her gaze shifts further down where they bob about in the water, heads dipped down and snorkels pointing to the sky. “In the absolute slightest chance there’s a shark, who do you think it’ll grab first?”

  “You’re not helping.” Her lips press together.

  “I’ll let you swim on my back. If a shark grabs me you’ll have plenty of time to get back to the boat. Have you seen my size? I’m a big meal.”

  Jamie appears to contemplate my suggestion, and when I finally get her in the water, she climbs me like a tree, legs winding around my middle, clinging as we bob about. “Okay?”

  Her expression is grim, and her eyes are on the water as if she expects a great white to come shooting up from the deep, its jaws open wide. “Let’s just get this over with.”

  We encounter our first whale shark, and she lets me go, her fear suddenly forgotten as we take in the majestic fish, its length easily thirty feet. We dive down a little and take turns snapping photos with the underwater camera. When we reach the surface for air, Jamie is laughing and gasping with pure joy.

  She hugs her arms around my neck, squeezing me with exhilaration. The press of her body is warm against mine in the cool water, and I hold her a little tighter.

  “Kyle,” she breathes against my ear, her lips brushing my skin and making me shiver. “This is incredible. I can’t describe it.”

  My hands curl around Jamie’s hips, indulging in the feel of her warm bared skin, squeezing a little. I hear her sharp intake of breath before she pulls back. She looks at me and there goes that hot jittery feeling inside my stomach again. “You don’t need to describe it. I’m right here with you.”