Kaitlin's Tale

by Christine Amsden

  Or was that an echo? Matthew suddenly realized he was having trouble keeping her thoughts separate from his own. He’d felt this way before, but never so soon.

  His hand moved from her hair to her upper arm, and he scooted towards her several inches. Her eyes were on his lips; her mind half-hoping, half-disbelieving.

  Any minute now, I’m going to wake up, she thought.

  Not if he could help it. Matthew leaned forward, his eyes fixed on hers, making his intentions plain. He gave her every opportunity to say no – or even think it. She didn’t. Everything in her said yes.

  When his lips brushed hers he felt something ignite inside him. Or her. Softness and warmth all mixed together with the perfect scent of woman. He needed more. Needed to taste. He explored her with his tongue, wondering at the sensation of their breaths mingling as they tasted one another. Strange, he normally didn’t like kissing. Especially with tongues.

  No... she didn’t normally like kissing. She wasn’t sure she loved it now, but it wasn’t horrible.

  Matthew pulled away, slowly, not wanting to push his luck. She wasn’t the first woman he’d ever kissed who hadn’t really loved the experience. She might never learn to love it, or she might get past it, but either way the trick was to give it time. Or use a spell.

  She inhaled deeply, then let out her breath, still feeling disoriented. Matthew smiled and yes, he felt a little cocky.

  Nana?

  Kaitlin jumped when she felt her son’s hand on her thigh. Had he seen that? What was he thinking?

  Nana? Jay thought again, thinking of a banana and looking pointedly at the sack Matthew had brought along with him. He wasn’t sure if there was a banana in it, but it had the right funny shape. Clever boy; Kaitlin really didn’t need to worry about the speech.

  Matthew opened the sack and handed the boy a banana, wishing he could tell Kaitlin exactly what Jay had been thinking about. “Here you go.”

  Jay grabbed it and stepped back a few paces, digging in like an old pro.

  “You’re really good with him,” Kaitlin said. Sexy, great kisser, and good with kids. If only there wasn’t that insidious mind-control thing. Did he... make me kiss him? Maybe even make me like it? I don’t normally like it at all.

  Matthew felt suddenly sober. He would have his work cut out for him, gaining her trust. Assuming he could even use her, which was, after all, why he was here. He might need her, especially if it turned out that she could see through illusions. It was easy enough to believe, especially since she didn’t know who her father was. Lots of people had gifts, especially in the Eagle Rock area. The real question was, how to tell her without admitting he could read her mind?

  Jay finished his banana, tossed the peel on the ground, and dashed off to the pirate ship. Kaitlin stood, picked up the peel, and disposed of it in a nearby trash bin. When she returned, Matthew decided to take the initiative.

  “How well do you know this place?”

  “Not well. I haven’t exactly been here much longer than you have. I haven’t even made any friends, unless you count Hideyuki.” She thought of a strong, older, Japanese man who had apparently been good to her and Jay, even if he spoke in riddles.

  “Who’s Hideyuki?”

  “Hunter trainer. Most of the hunters are creepy, but he’s okay. Anyway, I’m kind of out of my depth here. I’m the lone mortal in a sea of wizards. It’s like I’m Cassie or something.”

  Matthew chuckled, and so did Kaitlin. He knew what she meant, even if he had never been there himself.

  “I mean yeah, there are some drained women in here, but at least they used to have magic. All the men are after them. Most of them look at me like garbage.”

  “Idiots,” Matthew murmured.

  “And while we’re on the subject, can I just ask something I’ve been dying to ask forever? Where are the men who’ve been drained? And don’t tell me it never happens.”

  Matthew laughed again, sensing a bit of a feminist tirade welling up inside of her. Not that he could blame her. The world remained a sexist place. “A few of the White Guard rescued four twelve-year-old boys who’d been drained six months ago. We even managed to find the creeps who did it and reverse the process. It happens all the time – the strong preying on the weak. The only difference is that the world, being a sexist place, doesn’t have a need for the men once they’ve been stripped dry. They tend to blend into the mortal world like they’d never had magic. Quite a few women do too, but others still get sold as breeding stock. So they’re the ones you hear about most of the time.”

  “It’s weird to hear you admit it,” Kaitlin said.

  “Admit what?”

  “That the world’s a sexist place. Most of the men I’ve dated have been like, ‘You want equal rights? Then take equal responsibility.’ You know, while I work and they stay home doing nothing.”

  She was going to a dark place. Matthew wanted to draw her away from it, so he took her hand and inserted another subtle suggestion into her mind. They don’t matter right now.

  Kaitlin sighed, her mind switching gears to her son, the one good thing to come out of those days.

  “Mr. Blair,” Kaitlin began.

  “So formal? After that kiss.”

  She actually blushed. It looked adorable on her. “I’m not sure what happened there. I’d love to think it was the beginning of some kind of fairy tale, but I stopped believing in those a long time ago.” She pictured an older man in her mind, someone who looked vaguely familiar. There was some serious shame and guilt tied to that man, but before he could learn why, she pushed the image aside. “Something made you come to see me today. Will you be straight with me and tell me what?”

  Matthew hesitated. Telling her the truth would mean falling back on memory spells when this was all over, sooner or later. But she was understandably wary, not just of him but of the entire world right now. She didn’t believe much of what she saw around her anymore, and that included him.

  “When you came into Alexander’s apartment today, I noticed that you didn’t see the elaborate mural on the walls.”

  Kaitlin sucked in a breath. “How did you notice that? I’ve been so careful. Hideyuki told me not to mention to anyone that I couldn’t and–”

  “Slow down.” Matthew stroked a thumb over the back of her hand and subtly suggested that she breathe. There was more about her story he wanted to know, especially the part about Hideyuki, but it could wait. “It doesn’t matter how I know; it’s true, isn’t it?”

  “Yes.”

  “You’ve got a gift.”

  “I never had one before. I don’t know what’s happening now.”

  “Not all gifts are noticeable from birth. Some don’t manifest until adolescence. Others just don’t come up. My father always talks about this man he knew who didn’t realize he had a gift until he was sixty. He could breathe underwater, you see, but until the night his ex-wife tried to drown him, he never knew, because who would take a great big breath underwater to find out?”

  Kaitlin managed a small smile. “I’m sure illusions are all over Eagle Rock.”

  “Yes, but you don’t notice the illusions at all. You don’t detect them. You just... see what’s real. As long as no one ever told you that you should have seen something else, how would you know?”

  “Good point.” Kaitlin bit her lip. “But why did Hideyuki tell me not to tell? That’s what I’ve been wondering. He’s got me scared. I’ve wanted to ask, but he keeps shaking his head like someone might be listening in.”

  “They might be. I found two dozen listening devices in my suite this afternoon.”

  “Wow.” A conspiracy theory or the truth? Were the newsletters right about Mad Matt?

  “If this Hideyuki is worried, then I have to assume there’s something you might see that you’re not supposed to
see.”

  “Are we safe out here?” Kaitlin asked, suddenly looking wildly around.

  “I think so. It’s one of the reasons I suggested coming outside. It’s much, much harder to spy on people outdoors.”

  “Why?”

  “Because there’s so much of it. Where do you start?”

  “Is that really true?”

  Matthew shrugged. “I don’t know. I never did study the undercurrents of magic the way others have. Maybe I’ll ask Scott Lee sometime; that’s his thing.”

  “Then there’s not going to be a better time to tell me what’s up. Or what you need me for. I assume you’re here looking for someone or something?”

  “Good deduction.”

  “I can play twenty questions all day, or you can tell me what.” An image flickered through her mind then, one Matthew hadn’t expected – an empty vial beneath a hospital bed, perhaps kicked there by accident, probably destined to be filled with blood.

  Matthew sucked in his breath.

  “You’re not going to tell me, are you?” Kaitlin asked.

  “I want to. I just know that even if you’re careful, this is a dangerous world.”

  “And I can’t protect myself. All I can do is see through illusion.” Kind of a stupid ability, really, Although, it doesn’t explain why the songbird’s music didn’t affect me the other night.

  Matthew stilled. The songbird didn’t affect her? Damn. Songbirds affected him, and he was good. He could minimize their impact, but not throw it off entirely.

  And how did he know I could see through illusion anyway? Kaitlin wondered. Her mind was playing tag with itself, running in circles around the truth. She was really too clever by half; he had no doubt she’d get to the truth before long.

  Well, it had been a risk. Matthew sighed, preparing a memory wipe to remove a good chunk of this conversation. He’d have to try another approach – less direct. Maybe he should manufacture some kind of situation in which it was obvious she couldn’t see an illusion. It would be tough to pull off, especially subtly, but with a bit of planning he could do it. He had just been too eager to take care of this today.

  Can he read minds or something? Kaitlin wondered.

  There it was. Matthew drew on the dregs of his magic and set loose the memory spell regretfully, wiping their last few minutes of conversation. He left the kiss intact.

  Kaitlin turned to face him fully, her complexion a bit paler than usual. “You can, can’t you?”

  “What?” Matthew asked.

  Read minds, Kaitlin thought.

  No, I erased that, Matthew thought.

  If you can, tell me what number I’m thinking of. Go ahead. Tell me. I’m thinking of 5, 123.

  Matthew swallowed, a nervous tell he instantly regretted. He formed the memory spell again, panting with the exertion this time, knowing he was passing his limit but knowing too that she couldn’t know this. Again, he cast it.

  Kaitlin didn’t speak. She simply stared at him, knowing the truth, feeling the truth, waiting for him to confirm the truth. Five thousand, one hundred twenty-three. Again, the image of a vaguely familiar man slipped into her mind but she pushed it away violently, desperate that he not see it. She began to count by fives to keep her thoughts focused... 5... 10... 15... 20...

  He wasn’t making a dent. She didn’t seem to have forgotten the past few seconds, let alone the past few minutes. Maybe he was being too greedy trying to hang onto that kiss. Maybe he should take her all the way back to the moment they’d stopped at this playground. He could always reenact the kiss. He wouldn’t mind. Really.

  He tried again, pulling as much magic into himself as he could draw from the Earth around him. The nearby node allowed him shallow access, but he knew this was going to cost him. Sweat beaded his forehead as he held in enough magic to take a year of her life, if he chose. He only needed a few minutes.

  He cast the spell.

  100... 105... 110... 115...

  Matthew slumped with exhaustion. He was sweating profusely now, not just along his forehead but over his entire body. He was thirsty and his vision was blurred so he could scarcely see. He would spend most of the next day making up for tonight’s bungle, but that wasn’t his biggest concern right now.

  He’d thrown a river of magic at her and he hadn’t made a dent.

  Kaitlin couldn’t just see through illusions. Her mind couldn’t be influenced by mind magic. At all.

  210... 220... no that was 10. Damn it, just say it! Say it already! What has he seen? What does he know? She thought of the kiss they’d shared, and of how she had wanted it, and of how he had known. No wonder it had felt like he was controlling her. I can’t handle this.

  That made two of them.

  “Please,” she whispered, “just tell me the truth.”

  Matthew opened his mouth, closed it again, and then finally closed his eyes. “5,123,” he said. Then he grabbed a bottle of water and drained the whole thing, wondering if his life had just changed forever.

  Chapter 13

  KAITLIN STARED AT THE MAN SEATED next to her on a park bench. A man who could see into her thoughts. Into her soul. Into her deepest, darkest, most painful secrets.

  Oh God!

  Kaitlin stood and backed away a few steps. How much of her mind could he sift through? How much did he know? Did he know about the things she had never told anyone before, the things she hadn’t even told her best friend?

  As he sat there, kissing her, had he been digging through her mind a layer at a time, unearthing her shame? Maybe even using it against her? Was that why she had been drawn into the kiss in the first place, or enjoyed it even a little bit?

  She took another step back.

  “Kaitlin, wait–”

  “Stay away!” Would that do any good? She didn’t know how far she had to be from him to stay safe. Maybe there was no safe, once he’d honed in on her. Maybe he had some kind of hook into her mind now that would always be there, no matter what she did.

  Oh God, does he know? She’d never told anyone, not even Cassie, though she’d come close once or twice. But even Cassie would have looked at her differently if she’d known. Even Cassie, with her high-mindedness and understanding, wouldn’t understand this.

  In her mind’s eye she saw her stepfather once again, but she pushed the thought aside with everything in her. If he hadn’t seen it yet, she couldn’t let him. She had to think of something else. Anything else.

  “Mary had a little lamb!” Kaitlin sang at the top of her not-entirely-in-tune voice.

  “Kaitlin, wait, there’s a bigger problem here than you realize.”

  “Little lamb! Little lamb!”

  Jay came running over from the playground and attached his little arms around her legs, apparently keying in to her distress. She lifted him into her arms, clutching him tightly, but this time he did not jerk away. He clung right back, almost hard enough to crack another rib.

  “If you’ll just calm down for a second,” Matthew said, his arms outstretched in supplication. “We need to straighten some things out. There are things you don’t know.”

  “Is there anything you don’t know?” Kaitlin asked, then regretted it. Her mind snapped back to her stepfather, and then to her rhyme. Where had she left off? Uncertain, she started over. “Mary had a little lamb!”

  Still singing in her trembling, off-key voice, she whirled and ran back to the compound, more than half expecting Matthew to follow. He didn’t, but she didn’t take that as a good sign. She never should have gone anywhere with him. Done anything with him. She hadn’t trusted him, but she had gone with him, and that had been enough. All because she’d been lonely or curious or desperate... the same reasons she had gotten involved with most of her horrible boyfriends.

  “Jay,” Kaitlin whispered as she re
ached the front doors to the compound and went inside. “Your mommy’s messed up.”

  He didn’t respond. He never did.

  Kaitlin drew in a shaky breath as she marched through the door. The ground floor of the compound looked exactly like what it was supposed to look like – a vacant office building – except for the guards on duty. They all looked at her when she passed, one of them staring more intently than the others as if he, too, could read her mind. Maybe he could. Maybe it was a common gift and the idea that any part of her life was private or secret was a comfortable myth she had clung to until this very night.

  She ducked her head and raced for the elevator, thankfully not running into anyone she knew before she was safely ensconced back inside the small room she shared with her son.

  “I think it’s time for a bath,” she said, her voice cracking in her attempt to sound cheerful. God, how did other mothers do it? Try to sound playful and upbeat all the time? Hide their feelings from their kids?

  Jay pressed an exaggerated kiss to her cheek before stripping down naked. She hadn’t even turned on the water, but he hadn’t developed a sense of modesty yet. Or a sense of shame. She envied him that.

  Quickly, Kaitlin poured the water for a bath, grateful that the small quarters at least had a tub instead of a shower. Someone in this place understood the needs of children, at least. As soon as Jay was happily splashing in the warm water, playing with an old rubber ducky that Hideyuki had given him when he’d first arrived, Kaitlin grabbed the cordless phone from the bedside.

  She hadn’t used it since she’d arrived. She had not, as she’d promised, called Cassie. She was really a terrible friend, but she’d been so afraid. Even now, with a man threatening the privacy of her own mind, she hesitated over the numbers, wondering what she should say. And wondering who might be listening. She didn’t trust this place.

  Almost of their own accord, her fingers began to dance over the familiar numbers. Cassie hadn’t changed her phone number since she’d gotten her first cell phone at the age of ten – six years before Kaitlin had been able to get one of her own. In those early years, if she’d wanted to talk to her friend, she’d had to press the keys instead of asking a computer to make a call, a fact that might have saved her life during that lonely flight from vampires a few weeks ago.