This Is Wild

by Natasha Madison

  “That is all you had to say,” Cooper says. “Now we have to get to the house or your mother is going to send out a search party,” he says, pushing his chair away as Matthew does the same. Max smacks Evan, who jolts awake.

  “Thank you,” I tell him. “For giving me a chance to explain and for not judging me because of my past mistakes.”

  “We all have past mistakes,” Cooper says. “It’s making sure those mistakes stay in the past and don’t mess up the future.” I nod my head at him. “Now are you going to the hospital?”

  “I’m going to catch up with everyone. I just need to attend a meeting first,” I tell them, and I watch Cooper to see how he handles this. I don’t know what I’m expecting, but his eyes don’t change. They don’t judge, and they don’t drop down. He doesn’t avoid contact; he just looks at Matthew. Evan mumbles he will see me later, and when the door closes, I grab my phone and text Jeffrey.

  Me: Let me know when you’re free.

  He answers me right away.

  Jeffrey: No time like the present.

  Me: I’m hitting up a meeting at ten. Can you do it before?

  Jeffrey: Just running out to drop off ​a couple of things. Meet you there?

  Me: Great.

  When I finally walk out, the sun is shining, and it seems a touch warmer. I make my way to the meeting a little earlier than planned, and Jeffrey is there waiting right outside the door. He is on his phone and his fingers are moving.

  “Hey,” I say when I get close enough, and he looks up at me. “I hope you weren’t waiting for long.”

  “No, I just got here. I had to drop off some images to a client,” he says. I found out not long after we started talking that he is a photographer. Retired now, but he’s got ​some great shots out ​there in magazines that I’ve seen more than one time. He looks at me. “You look good.”

  “I feel good,” I tell him honestly. “I didn’t sleep well last night, but I have this sudden weightlessness to me.”

  “Really?” he says and looks around. “How about we go grab a coffee before we take in the meeting?” We walk to the coffee shop at the corner and go in, grabbing a table, the hustle and bustle quieter since it’s past nine a.m. and most people have started their workday.

  I grab a bottle of juice, and Jeffrey grabs a coffee. We sit in the corner, looking out the window. “What brought on this sudden weightlessness?” he asks, taking a sip of his coffee.

  “Zara had her baby yesterday,” I tell him with a huge smile on my face.

  His smile matches mine. “Did she? What did she have?”

  “Baby girl. Zoey with a y,” I say, smiling, then looking down. “It didn’t go as planned, and there were complications.”

  “Oh, no, is everyone okay?” he asks with concern. I fill him in about everything that transpired in the hospital.

  “I went to her,” I finally tell him, and I’m not sure if I’m ready for him to tell me if he agrees or not.

  “And …?” He waits for it.

  “And I knew at that moment I was done waiting. I was done with this whole rule about making her wait another two months. What if something happens to her, and she doesn’t know how I feel? What if something happens to me, and all I want is her, but I was waiting?”

  “The rules are there—” I put my hand up.

  “I know why the rules are there,” I tell him. “Trust me, I get it. I don’t think I would be where I am today if I had started dating her six months ago.” I take a deep breath and look up at him. “I’m not that person I was. They say you know when you hit rock bottom.”

  “You think you hit rock bottom?” he asks me quietly, leaning back in his chair.

  “I don’t think I hit rock bottom. I know I did,” I tell him. “And I didn’t just do it once. I hit it twice.” He raises his eyebrows. “I hit rock bottom, or I was forced to admit I was at the bottom when I entered rehab. I accepted the help because I had no choice. But …” I look out the window and blink away the stinging in my eyes. “When I lost Zoe because I let the wrong people in, because it was the old habit, that was my rock bottom. Having her walk away from me and letting her do it because I knew I wasn’t strong enough was my rock bottom. I just did it sober, and I have to say”—I chuckle—“it sucked so much more than the first time.”

  “No one can tell you when the right time is for anything,” Jeffrey says. “Everyone has their own journey with how they heal and grow from it.” He leans on the table. “No one is going to tell you that you are wrong or that you’re right. It is for you to know. You know the steps, and you know the struggle. No one else.”

  “Thank you,” I tell him, and he tilts his head. “For not telling me what to do, but for listening.”

  “That’s my job as your sponsor,” he says. “It’s not for me to sit here and dictate how you should do things. It’s for me to help you be that person who you were always meant to be.”

  I nod at him and take a long sip of juice, and we sit here for the next little while talking about hockey, and when I sit in the meeting, I do it with different eyes. I do it knowing that it’s a struggle, but I have the strength in me to do the right thing.

  Chapter Thirty-Six

  Viktor

  “Any place in particular you want to eat at?” I ask her ​a couple of hours later. We walk out of the hospital holding hands, but not only that, I walk with my head held high. I’m proud that she is beside me.

  “I just want to lounge around, so we can pick up something to eat and go to my house if you want?” she says, but I shake my head.

  “Let’s go back to my place,” I say and then tell her why. “It’s closer to the hospital if Zara needs you.”

  She smiles up at me like I hung the moon. “Oh, you’re good,” she says, and I lean down again and kiss her lips. Just a soft touch, but it’s everything.

  “Let’s just go over to my place,” I say, walking to the edge of the sidewalk and putting up my hand. “And we can Uber eats something while you relax.” A yellow cab stops right there, and I open the door for her to get in, and then I get in next to her. I give the guy my address and then smile down at her. I’m not expecting her to be so close, but I’m also not expecting to want to touch her so badly. My hand comes out and cups her cheek and then she leans up and kisses me, leaving her lips lingering on mine for ​a bit. I turn my head just a touch, and my mouth opens at the exact time she slips her tongue into my mouth. We kiss the entire way to my house, not stopping or letting the other one go. We kiss softly and deeply the whole time, and my hand never leaves her face. When the cab driver clears his voice, I finally let her go, grabbing her hand and exiting the cab.

  We walk into the house together, and she takes off her boots at the door and then shrugs her vest off and places it on one of the stools. “Do you want something to drink?”

  “Water,” she says, and she walks into the kitchen with me standing right next to me. “When are you going to order?” she asks me, putting her hands on my hips.

  “Now,” I say, smiling down at her as she bites her lip. “Why?”

  “One, I’m starving,” she says, her hands wrapping more around my waist. “And two, I would like to continue the kissing thing.” She gets on her tippy toes right up against me.

  “One, I can order right now, and two …” I lean down and kiss her with my tongue, picking her up and placing her on the counter. Her legs open so I can fit between them, and my hands itch to slip under her sweater. As I move my mouth from one side to the other, our tongues are dancing with each other. The kiss leaves us both breathless. “I need to order some food,” I say, kissing her lips softly. “So we can eat.” I kiss the side of her mouth. “We need to talk.”

  “More talking?” she moans, throwing her head back. “Fine. Order me food and then we can talk.” She smiles. “And then we can make out.”

  “Is pizza good?” I ask her, stepping away but then going back to her when I miss her touch. I place the order and then put my phone do
wn. “I spoke with Jeffrey today,” I tell her and lean in to kiss her neck. She scrunches her shoulder and giggles.

  “The beard tickles,” she says. “What did he say?”

  “I told him we’re together,” I tell her, then smile. “It was a great fucking day.”

  “Was it now?” She looks down. “How was the talk with my father?”

  “Good,” I tell her. “I mean, Matthew came with Max and Evan.” Her mouth falls open. “It was fine. It was more of a what are you going to do.”

  “Jesus.” She hides her face with her hands. “You aren’t asking for my hand in marriage.” She takes her hands off. “Right? You aren’t asking me for my hand in marriage?”

  I laugh now and kiss her, and she kisses me back, something that comes so naturally. “No, I didn’t ask for your hand in marriage. But I did tell them my intentions.”

  “This is 2019, right?” she says. “I can date who I want.”

  “They love you,” I tell her. “Accept it.”

  “I don’t see your father calling me to talk to me,” she says, and I laugh.

  “My father would have to give a shit first,” I say to her and then see her look at me with worry. “Don’t get me wrong, I love my father, and he loves me, in his own way.”

  “What way is that?” she asks me, not judging or feeling sorry for me but wanting to know

  “From as far back as I can remember, he was always hard on us. Well, me. My sister pretty much could do what she wanted, but I had to play hockey. Had to. There was no getting around that one. He was always a coach before he was a dad. I had to skate harder and skate faster. We would have team practices, and he would yell at me the whole time.” I shrug now. “It is what it is. I guess it made me the hockey player I am today.” I smile at her. “So yeah, I thought it was a good talk.”

  “Nothing that has Matthew involved is a good talk. Last year, he had my father buy a summer home near Max’s and then buy kayaks.” She laughs changing the subject and I let her.

  “What’s wrong with that?” I ask her.

  “It’s in the woods. Like literally a hunter’s cabin,” she says. “They didn’t even tell anyone; they just bought it.”

  “It’s nice that he wants to be closer to Max,” I tell her and try not to laugh.

  “The kitchen is from nineteen forty-two,” she says. “He had to gut the house and have one rebuilt or my mother was not going.”

  I shake my head. “Anyway, it was fine,” I tell her. “Then I told Jeffrey, and then I went to a meeting.”

  “I’d like to go with you one day,” she says quietly, and I try to hide my shock with a smile. “I mean, if it’s okay.” She then hides her eyes. “I mean, I don’t want to pry and all that.” I lift her chin with my finger.

  “I would love for you to come to a meeting with me,” I tell her, and she smiles at me with everything she has. The door buzzes, and I walk away from her to get the pizza, and by the time I turn around, she has the plates out.

  “Where did you want to eat?” she asks, and I point at the table. She grabs the stuff and meets me at the table, and I open the top and we both grab a slice. While she’s eating, Zara sends her a video of Zoey crying and then my phone pings, and she sees my screen saver. “What is that?”

  “Nothing,” I say and try to hide it, but she snatches the phone from me, and she sees that I made her my screen saver. You can’t ​really see it with the apps in front of it, but her hair is everywhere.

  She looks down and then looks up at me. “When did you take this?”

  “New Year’s Eve,” I tell her, and then she just looks down at it and then up at me again. She puts the phone down and picks up her own phone.

  “If you go into my pictures, I have a folder with your pictures,” she tells me, and now it’s my turn to be shocked. “I have only a couple I took of you live.” She looks down and then up again. “The rest are taken from television.”

  “What?” I ask her, confused. She opens the folder, and I see that the pictures she’s talking about are taken in her living room, and they are from the games I’ve played. “You watched the games?”

  “Um, yeah,” she answers like it was an obvious answer.

  “You hate hockey,” I remind her.

  “I mean, I don’t hate it, hate it.” She rolls her eyes. “It grows on you.”

  “Does it?” I say. Now my heart is so full I wonder if it can possibly be this good. “Are you done eating?” I ask her, and she just nods her head. I push off from the table and grab her hand, pulling her up. “I fed you, so now it’s time to lie on the couch and make out.”

  I lead her to the couch and sit down, pulling her down with me. But instead of sitting next to me, she throws her leg over me and straddles my lap. “This is much better,” she says and takes my face into her hands. We both lunge at the same time, our mouths opening at the same time as we devour each other.

  I pull out her ponytail, and my hands get lost in her hair while I turn my head to deepen the kiss. I let her lips ​go and kiss down her neck. She grinds her pussy right over my cock, and it’s been so long I swear I’m about to come. “Viktor,” she moans my name, and it’s like an angel calling me. Her hands go around my head as I nip and bite my way down her neck and then my hand goes under her shirt, my fingertips touching her back. She groans as she moves her hips up and down, and I take over by flipping her to her back, her legs wrapping around my hips as my arms hold me up from crushing her. Her hands start to lift my shirt, and my body shivers under her touch. I stop kissing her and close my eyes just to feel her touch and relish in it.

  “Viktor,” she whispers, softly kissing my lips, then the side of my lips, and then trailing kisses down to my chin. Her hands stop moving, and she waits for me to look at her. I look down, and I see her eyes so, so clear they sparkle. Her lips are swollen from my kisses, and she has little red dots from my beard. “Hey,” she says and moves one of her hands to my face.

  “I pictured this,” I tell her softly. “Us here like this.” She smiles now. “It was my end goal.”

  “Really?” she says.

  “Really,” I say. “After you walked out, I swore that one day I would make you mine.”

  “You are really sure of yourself,” she jokes, and I smile.

  “I’m not going to lie to you,” I say and kiss her. “I will never lie to you. I was scared as fuck you would move on and forget me.”

  “I tried,” she says, and it hurts more than it should. “I won’t ever lie to you either. I tried, and then I failed miserably. But I never told anyone. I just ignored that it was there. Tried to anyway and then I would turn on the television and pretend you weren’t playing and then change to that channel.” I smile now, and she rolls her eyes.

  “You like me,” I tell her with a smile so big that I think it’s going to hurt my face.

  “You could say that,” she tells me, and I bend my head again this time, biting her lower lip and then slipping my tongue into her mouth. Her moan is swallowed by my mouth, we spend hours, literally hours, lost in the kisses. We settle on my couch on our side with her leg hitched over my hip. Her head is on my shoulder and my face is pressed down to her head when I tell myself ​I’ll just close my eyes for a second. But all it takes is that second with my lips still tingling from her kiss and her hand on my chest for me to fall into the best sleep of my life.

  Chapter Thirty-Seven

  Zoe

  “I made you coffee,” Viktor says when I come out of the bathroom after waking in his arms. I basked in it for as long as I could before my bladder let me know it was time to get up. Waking in his arms was everything. At first, I was unsure where I was until the memories of the past couple of days came rushing back.

  “Hmm,” I say, picking up the coffee and bringing it to my nose. “God, why does coffee smell so good?”

  He doesn’t answer me; he just laughs from the kitchen where he stands wearing the same thing he did yesterday. He reaches up to scratch his ne
ck, and his shirt goes up just a touch, and I see that his pants are hanging low on his hips.

  I close my eyes and take a sip of the coffee, and it’s heaven on my tongue. “Good morning.” I laugh and then see him shaking his head. I sit on one of the stools at the counter. “How did you sleep?” I ask him.

  “Better than ever,” he says, and I tilt my head to the side, trying to hide the huge smile creeping over my face. “I usually only sleep five to six hours a night.”

  “Why?” I ask him, the smile now slowly going away as I listen to him.

  “It’s part of being in recovery,” he says, taking a sip of his own coffee. “Nights aren’t always easy.”

  “What do you do when you have a hard night?” My mind runs wild, thinking about how long the night can be when you aren’t sleeping. I didn’t sleep well in the past two months, and the nights were the worst. Waking ​during the night and just staring into the darkness was the worst.

  “I get up, sometimes watch television or surf the internet until my eyes get heavy again.” His voice still soft. “Usually, I just replay everything over and over again.”

  “It’s the worst,” I tell him, and he just looks at me. “The past couple of months have not been good for me at night either.” I look down, not wanting him to see.

  “Look at me, Zoe,” he says my name, and I look up. “I want to know everything.”

  “It’s nothing. I should check my phone and see if Zara texted me,” I tell him, trying to change the subject.

  “No,” he snaps. “You aren’t going to change the subject that easily.”

  “I’m not changing the subject.” I get defensive because I know that I’m changing the subject and he called me on it. I look at him, and he crosses his hands over his chest. “What?” I say, throwing my hands up. “It was just a hard couple of months. I was busy, work was crazy.”