Secret of Words

by Allyson Huber

  “Who wants a pastry?” I asked, ignoring all of their attempts to ply me with money to help pay. After taking orders, I walked away from the group and bought a set of pastries from the bakeshop.

  “Thanks, Natalie.” Austin smiled at me.

  “No problem,” I replied, taking a bite of the pastry I had bought for myself. It was filled with a delicious mix of fresh raspberries and tama. I had a flashback of moments on Earth. I remembered how my father and I had always gone to get pastries to eat for dessert; it had almost been like a tradition. Even though Dad rarely talked to me around the house, he had never forgotten to take me out for pastries.

  “What’s wrong?” Austin asked.

  “Just got a memory of Earth.” I mumbled.

  “And?” He seemed concerned.

  “My dad and I always went to get pastries.”

  “It’s not stupid, you know,” Austin said finally, “You shouldn’t think that things that matter to you are stupid.”

  But it was stupid. I wanted to say the words out loud, but nothing came out. This was my new life, and I wanted to make the most of it and be happy. I thought too much about Earth for my own liking. Sometimes, I dreamed of going against the Ones of Within and smuggling my father into Aughmortor and starting a new life with him here.

  “Natalie, you’re always so focused on life here,” Austin said softly, “Did it ever occur to you that you aren’t the only one that has memories like that? Just because you’re in a new world, it doesn’t mean that the old one you lived in was stupid.”

  Was he right? I hadn’t thought the little things I had done on Earth were stupid while I was on Earth. I just saw things differently now that I had gotten a taste of the real world, the world my mother had grown up in, or so I thought. I still had no leads on my mother. Part of me thought she was living out in one of the other human cities of Aughmortor doing some profession like gardening or owning a business of something. My mother seemed like she would make a good businesswoman.

  “Did it ever occur to you that now that I have learned what life really is like, it is stupid? Everyone on Earth, all they care about is material things. The newest iPhone. Their devices. Social media. We had no idea that there is a parallel universe and an entirely different, environment-friendly, and self-sufficient world.”

  “Yeah, it’s a different world. But just because it’s different doesn’t mean that it’s stupid. I see things differently now, too, but I still miss things on Earth all the same. I feel like the hard part about being here hasn’t happened yet.”

  I could second that. Life on Aughmortor seemed great, but how would I feel after the war? How would I feel after I lost some of my friends or people I knew? Life seemed all great and fine until thinking about the bleak things I didn’t want to think about. Being here came with a price. On Earth, I lived in this oblivious bubble of blissful ignorance, and it was beautiful in its own way. Yes, on Aughmortor, I now know about so many things that exist that I didn’t before, but it still had a price. A hefty price.

  “That’s true.”

  Austin and I finished talking, and my friends and I began walking around the streets, eating more delicious food and dancing. After a few hours at the Inner Celebration, we decided to head back to the Kartica.

  “There are going to be contests on the training grounds.” Kat said to me.

  “Really?” I asked. Patrick hadn’t told me about that. Maybe he wanted to keep it as a surprise, or forgot.

  “Yeah, the competitions involve determining who the best swordsman is, and stuff like that.” Kat didn’t seem very interested in the contests, but they sounded fun to me. Not that I could compete with any of the advanced Ones of Within members, but it would be fun to watch.

  “I think we should go,” Austin said, “Sounds cool.”

  “Yes, it would be fun to see how good I was compared to others. Maybe I’ll try a few rounds.”

  “You’re actually going to try to fight the members that have been here for ten years? Honestly, Natalie?” Austin shook his head while I shrugged absentmindedly.

  “She’s better than you think.” Dominic said overhearingly.

  Austin turned on him. “I didn’t say she wasn’t good at it. I meant to say that she was good but not ready. I meant that it would be foolish and just an embarrassment to go against the fighters who’ve been here their whole life.” Austin glared at him. I pushed myself in-between them.

  “Calm down, I see your point, Austin. I guess you’re right.” Austin sent one last defiant look in Dominic’s direction before turning to talk to Kat.

  It was a long trip back to the Kartica… Patrick was already waiting for us at the door. “You guys finally got here!” Patrick stood up, looking relieved.

  “You were great, Patrick.” I said.

  “I didn’t do bad, did I?” Patrick smirked.

  “Oh yes, the paw thing was very efficient. You could tell how much the crowd was dying to pet you.” I tried not to laugh.

  “This big fox has a dangerous bite.” He warned jokingly.

  “Natalie wants to keep her hand today, but thanks for the offer.” Emilie pulled me into the Kartica, a teasing glance behind her.

  “We still have a few hours before the feast, so what will we do?” Lyte asked us from behind.

  “Hang out on the training grounds probably.” I said. Lyte seemed satisfied with my answer.

  “Did you see anything suspicious?” Emilie asked, whispering in my ear.

  “Nothing, really,” I answered.

  “That’s a good thing,” Emilie said, looking relieved.

  “You?”

  “Nothing. I think Shay meant to scare us on purpose.” Emilie grinned. I remembered, though, that Emilie had seemed unworried, unlike me. Was there a reason for it? Did she not have to worry because she was the spy?

  “Well, Emilie and Shay seem very close. If they were acting suspicious, then maybe they’re both Shadow Bringers.”

  My head shook side to side, refusing to believe it. How could I doubt Emilie? She had brought me to Aughmortor. What would Emilie say if she knew that I had just thought she was a traitor? Ashamed, and guilty, I tried to distract myself. I didn’t want to think about anything upsetting anymore. The Inner Celebration was supposed to be fun! I fell back to talk to Lyte, who seemed almost inhumanly quiet. Could she be the traitor? The one that is always quiet and always listening carefully to every word that popped out of our mouths? And what about Austin? Since Dominic had gotten his Vatra, Austin had been even less patient with Dominic. Is that because Dominic was his sworn rival, or was it just due to his pride? Maybe he was jealous that Dominic had his Vatra.

  I groaned inwardly. If I started to doubt my friends, how would I be able to trust them? Any member of the Ones of Within could be the traitor! Shay didn’t know everything, no matter how smart she was. What if, it wasn’t any of my friends? What if the traitor was me and I didn’t even know it? What if I was the one meant to betray us all?

  I shut my eyes, listening to the soft murmur of Adam’s voice as he talked to Patrick. No one noticed how my head fell into my hands. I had been so foolish. It wasn’t only my friends I had to worry about. What if my friends figured out what I was thinking about? Would they be able to trust me anymore? Would they even be able to look at me anymore? Did I deserve such wonderful friends? I didn’t have many back on Earth.

  Could I honestly be thinking these things of myself? I couldn’t help seeing the truth in my reasoning. I was overly superstitious, but that’s only lately. Would I ever be able to truly trust anyone anymore? Be able to trust myself? Not only that, but I was clearly ambitious. My friends called it determined and intense, but I remember how I felt when I figured out Dominic was the Chosen One. Jealousy.

  “Natalie, is something wrong?”

  “No, just thinking.” I said quickly, conscious of the fact everyone else was looking at me. There was a concern in their eyes, but was there something else?

  “What wer
e you thinking about?” Patrick prodded.

  “Nothing that would concern you.” I replied, feeling the coldness of the words prick at my soul. He’d done nothing, and he didn’t deserve that.

  “Maybe you should start telling us what’s wrong rather than hiding it.” Patrick walked by me, leaving me in the back of the group. I could see shock mingling in all of their eyes, except for one person. I knew I had hurt Patrick’s feelings, but I couldn’t tell him the truth. A white lie crept onto my lips, ready to smooth away all the problems I just created.

  “I’m sorry, I just don’t like talking about it… My mother was my link to the Ones of Within, but she hasn’t been written down in records. No one knows if she even existed. I don’t know where she is. I was hoping coming here would help me learn what happened to her, but it hasn’t. Celebrations are hard without her.”

  Patrick turned his head to me, a frown on his face. “Even though it’s a convincing problem, I don’t think you’re telling the truth. When are you going to be willing to accept our friendship? We’re your friends, not your enemies… or are we?”

  He was speaking the words I didn’t want to be spoken! I fought the urge to yell at him, scream at him. His disparaging words rubbed me the wrong way. But he wasn’t trying to hurt me. Did I make it obvious? Did I make it obvious that I had a hard time fully trusting anyone?

  “That’s not fair,” I said evenly, “Because you can’t judge me on the part of my life you haven’t seen.”

  “Natalie isn’t the Shadow Bringer!” Emilie quickly stepped in to defend me. What a terrible friend I was.

  Patrick glared at her, an eyebrow raised. “No? Then maybe it is you. You act like the most supportive Ones of Within member out there. What if it’s all just an act?”

  “Or maybe it is you, Patrick! After all, you are the one trying so hard to place the position onto someone else.” I gave him a cold stare.

  “He does have a point, Natalie. You do have a hard time trusting people, and you’re always lost in thought,” Dominic said. I turned towards him, trying to hide how much his words hurt. Just as I felt like we had taken a step forward at the Inner Celebration, we took two steps backward.

  “Or maybe it’s you, Dominic.” Austin’s eyes narrowed. “Your moods are so unpredictable, and you act as though you are better than everyone else. More than ever, now you’re the Chosen One.”

  “Austin, you are the one who has been acting hostile to him for no good reason,” Lyte quietly muttered.

  “And what about you, Lyte? You rarely speak at all, but you sure listen to everything we have to say. Taking notes for Lucia?” I was starting to get angry, but I felt horrible when I saw the way those words seemed to hit Lyte. Tears began welling in her eyes, and I automatically came over and embraced her. My friends kept arguing while I held her, but the fire in their words was starting to peter out.

  “Would everyone just shut up?” I snapped loudly, and the group of us automatically quieted. “There are more important things to do than to point fingers at each other. This is exactly what the Shadow Bringers want.”

  I walked away from them all, back turned to their accusations. I didn’t want to hear it right now. Was I losing my grip? My touch? Was I losing more of myself?

  “I just need some more time,” I told them and then walked away.

  What were they all thinking? Did they think that I was going on the streets to meet a spy? No, I decided. They trusted me. I was the one who wasn’t trusting them. Should I place my trust in them, though? What if one of them is a traitor? I felt shivers creep up my back, as though an ice cube had swept across it. I waited to hear footsteps coming my way, chasing me. Telling me that someone wanted to talk to me. But nothing came after me.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  For about an hour, I wandered around the Kartica mindlessly without an end goal. Wandering was something I could do without a real destination or purpose, which was a relief because it let me to just think in silence. I didn’t exactly want to go anywhere, but I eventually found my way onto Sybra’s streets. Time went by quickly as I walked down the busy, dark streets and talked with the people. Even though I loved being a part of the Ones of Within, it came with a lot of responsibility. Tension had never been so high amongst us, but the Inner Celebration was meant to calm all of that. For our group, it had done the opposite.

  After a while, I stopped thinking about the argument from earlier and focused on another problem I didn’t particularly want to think about- my mother. I started passing the swirling black iron gates that led into the Ones of Within cemetery. The first day I had ever been into Sybra, Emilie had called the burial place the ‘Necropolis’. Every Ones of Within in existence was given their own sepulcher and epitaph in the Necropolis. Personally, I’d never been in here, and Emilie had said very few people go into there because it’s filled with bad memories.

  My hands fell on the strong gates before I pushed away from the stirring fear in my heart and opened the doors. I couldn’t hide from the truth for long; if my mother was in here, I should see her tomb. I should know what happened to her; I had the right to know. Even though my body was telling me to leave and never come back, my mind’s curiosity got the best of me and kept me moving forward.

  Once I passed through the gates, I took a few minutes to gape at the scenery. In front of me was a large obelisk with words engraved from its top to its bottom. The rest of the Necropolis was covered in a labyrinth of tombs. I could almost hear a requiem buzzing in my ears at the sight of this many graves, at the mass proportion of land covered in endless deaths.

  My mind betrayed me and gave me a gruesome image of alabaster bones covered in emaciated flesh and dark hollowed-out holes in the skull for the eyeballs that had decayed in the days spent incarcerated by the ground. My breath came out in short gasps, but I forced myself to face my fears and to take some deep breaths to dispel the dark image in my mind.

  I forced myself to walk up to the obelisk in front of me and to look at the words engraved into it: ‘The Necropolis is the graveyard used to appreciate the endless members of the Ones of Within who have given their lives for the protection of their people. Each of the members who serviced us have their place among the graveyard. We ask you, respectfully, to spend time recognizing the lives that we will miss.’ I touched the words lightly with my fingertips before walking on, refusing to stand still in front of the obelisk. The abrasion on the first epitaph past the obelisk made the words almost impossible to read.

  #

  Amisen Golesen, the mother of Carlson Golesen, the wife of Matthias Golesen.

  Her uses to the Ones of Within were endless; she was renowned as a hardworking mother, fighter, and member. Her soul departed on August 18th, 1946, at the age of forty-six years old.

  #

  One of the nearby burial tombs was the color of charcoal and appeared to my eyes as a smudge among the dark landscape. Only a few of the tombs in the whole, endless graveyard seemed to be as large or as pronounced as that one, so I walked over to it almost hesitantly and bent over the epitaph to read it.

  #

  Christopher Wellington, the last liege of the Ones of Within. His death was a regicide; Christopher was killed among the streets of Sybra. He was known to be an opulent ruler and led the Ones of Within through many times of struggle, such as the Massacre of Wiere. His son, James, took his position after his death. His youngest child, Laurel, disappeared not long after his death and hasn’t been seen since. His wife, Rumentia, died two years after her husband’s death. The Wellington’s are a family filled with sadness and hardship.

  #

  My eyes widened as I read the words; Christopher Wellington was James’s father. Emilie had told me that James had taken his father’s position, but she hadn’t spoken of his sister or his mother. Suddenly, I realized the truth about James. His whole family had practically deserted him or died- he was the only one left and had the most responsibility of anyone I’d ever met, especially being an ei
ghteen year old. I felt bad for him.

  The fear I had felt when coming into the graveyard started to stir against my skin and seep into every pore of my body. I noticed the shadows covered the bleak graveyard and the chilling wind that had picked up rapidly in speed and hurled against my skin. All of a sudden, I wanted to be anywhere, but here. And then, I saw her, my mother. I knew I must be imagining it myself, but that didn’t stop me from staring. She looked just like I’d remembered her; dark hair, strong cheekbones, the full, dark lips. My mother was wearing a white, gossamer gown that seemed to float behind her with the air. She walked away from me through the lines of graves with her shoulders pulled back.

  “Mother?” I called out, even though I knew she couldn’t possibly be here in this graveyard with me. It didn’t make sense; why would she be in an empty graveyard in the middle of the night?

  My mother didn’t even bother to look back, but I followed her all the same. She stopped at one of the graves, and then turned back to me, smiling thinly with tight eyes. I took a few steps forward until I was only a foot away from her, but she was looking at the epitaph of the small grave next to us. My hand reached for her arm to see if she was real, but just as I was almost turning to her, her head snapped back towards me, and she opened her mouth as if yawning. Her brilliantly white teeth seemed sharp and pointed, and she stared at me like I was prey she couldn’t take a bite out of.

  My hands continued to reach forward as if I didn’t see the look on her face, but a second before my hand touched her arm, she started to crumble into a white powdery dust that coated the dark ground in front of me. I stared at the dust, horrified, then blinked a few times to clear the image out of my head. When I opened my eyes again, the dust had disappeared, as if it had never existed, and I turned my head to the epitaph my mother’s spirit had led me to. I expected the worst; that it would be my own mother’s grave and that she actually had existed here even though the records didn’t have her charted down. The epitaph was so badly damaged I couldn’t read anything on it, though. Disappointed, I decided to head back onto the streets- the reality was there were too many epitaphs to really look, and it was hard to see at night anyway. The thought of remaining in the graveyard any longer made my skin crawl, so I hurried out and started walking the streets again.