To My Immature Ex Boyfriend (The Inappropriate Bachelors Book 5)

by J. S. Cooper

  “Oh, he wouldn’t waste his time doing that.” I laughed. “He knows much better than that.”

  “Yeah, I guess. So there’s no chance you’re going to see him?”

  “Girl, there’s absolutely no chance. Trust me.”

  “Okay. You want to read me the email he sent you that got you so angry? I’m curious what he said.”

  “Oh, do I have to?”

  “No, you don’t have to, but I’m curious.”

  “Okay, hold on.”

  I grabbed my phone and pulled it out and brought up my email and then I read it to her. I watched Olivia’s face and I could see that she was trying not to giggle.

  “You can laugh. It’s fine,” I said, as I chuckled a little myself. “I mean, if it weren’t an email sent to me, I’d think it was quite funny as well. Of course, it was sent to me, so I don’t think it’s funny. But I can see why you would think it’s funny.”

  “Oh, Birdie. He just sounds like he’s a lot of fun.”

  “Hmph, maybe too much fun.”

  “I mean, if he treated you poorly, then obviously do not see him and do not get back together with him. But …”

  “But what?”

  “But until you tell me the story, I won’t actually know what happened.”

  “Oh, Olivia!” I laughed. “Let’s make a deal.”

  “Okay, what’s the deal?”

  “You and I have to go out Friday night for drinks.”

  She nodded. “Okay.”

  “And you have to come and you can’t bring your boyfriend.”

  “I won’t bring him.”

  “Then we go out for drinks, and I’ll tell you everything that happened.”

  “Then you definitely have a deal. Do you want me to invite Millie, Magnolia, and Jane as well?”

  “I mean, you can. But do you think all of them will ditch their boyfriends on a Friday night just to come hang out with me?”

  “I have a feeling they will.” She grinned. “Especially if I tell them they’re going to hear about the famous Hunter.”

  “He’s not famous.” I made a face. “Don’t ever say that. If he were to ever hear you say he was famous? Ugh,” I shuddered, “his ego would just get that much bigger.”

  “Wow, he still really affects you, doesn’t he?”

  “Trust me. When you date someone like Hunter Augustus Beauregard III, you never forget him. I’ve learned that the hard way. The very, very hard way.”

  Chapter 7

  Hunter

  “Hey, Nellie?”

  “Yes, Hunter?” My little sister gazed at me apprehensively. I guess she could tell from the tone in my voice that this wasn’t going to be your standard conversation. “What is it now?”

  “Don’t worry, it’s nothing much. Well, at least nothing that you have to buy me.” I laughed, thinking about how she’d acted when replacing my suitcase.

  “Okay, so what is it then?” Her eyes narrowed. I felt like an inmate being scrutinized by the cops in a very small jail cell.

  “I need you to do me a favor.”

  “What sort of favor?” She was ever the skeptic.

  “I need you to call Birdie for me.”

  “What?” Her jaw dropped and she looked at me in surprise. “Why do you want me to call Birdie?”

  “Because she blocked my number.”

  “Didn’t she block your number years ago?” Nellie’s lips thinned. I couldn’t tell if she was pissed or trying to stop herself from laughing.

  “Yeah, and I have a new number, and I called from that, and she blocked it as well.” I shrugged.

  “So obviously she doesn’t want to talk to you.”

  “She thinks she doesn’t want to talk to me. There’s a difference.”

  “Bro, she doesn’t want to talk to you, especially after—”

  “Hey, Nellie”, I interrupted her. “Enough, okay?”

  “Okay, but what do you think I can accomplish by calling her?”

  “Just ask her how she’s doing. Let her know that I’m coming to San Francisco.”

  “Doesn’t she already know you’re coming to San Francisco?”

  “Yeah, she knows I’m coming, but—”

  “But what? You tried to get her to see you and it didn’t work, did it?” Her lips were definitely twitching now.

  “I did not try to get her to see me. I just wanted to see if …”

  “If what?”

  “If she would go to lunch or something, so we can catch up for old time’s sake.”

  “Bro, why would she want to do that? You’re her ex. You’re her ex who broke her heart and treated her very, very poorly.”

  “I did not treat her poorly.”

  “Hunter, I’m not joking. If you had done to me what you did to Birdie, I would have slashed your tires. In fact, I would have slashed more than your tires I would have—” She was getting heated now. I couldn’t believe I’d tried to ask my overly dramatic sister for help.

  “Nellie, that’s enough. Just do me this one favor.”

  “She’s not going to want to see you just because I call her.”

  I was frustrated. “I just don’t understand. I emailed her as well and …”

  “And what?”

  “And she responded back and she didn’t seem to take any of my jokes the right way.”

  “Brother, why would she?”

  “Sister, why wouldn’t she?”

  “If I have to explain to you one more time why Birdie wants nothing to do with you, then you’re dumber than I thought you were, Hunter.”

  “Nellie!” I groaned. “If I have to explain to you one more time that you need to do everything that I ask you to do or you’re going back home, then you’re dumber than I thought.”

  “You cannot keep holding that over me. You can’t keep telling me you’re going to send me back to Mom and Dad’s if I don’t do what you want.” She shook her head. “That’s absolutely, totally horrific. What sort of brother would do that to his sister?”

  “Me,” I grunted.

  “You’re a horrible brother, you know that?”

  “Really? Would a horrible brother let you stay with him for free?”

  “Seriously, Hunter?” She rolled her eyes. “But anyway, no, I’m not calling Birdie. Well, at least not for you. I might call her and see how she’s doing. I wouldn’t mind heading over to San Francisco myself.”

  “Oh, yeah?” I was thoughtful. “What about …” I paused. I had an idea, but I wasn’t sure if it was good or bad.

  “What about what?

  “What if I pay for you to come to San Francisco with me this weekend, and we stay the week?”

  “What do you mean you’ll pay for me to come with you?”

  “I’ll pay for your trip to San Francisco. I’ll buy you a plane ticket and put you up in whatever hotel you want to stay in.”

  “What’s the catch?” She narrowed her eyes as she looked at me, trying to read my mind. She could try; better women than her had tried and failed.

  “There’s no catch. Why would there be a catch? I’m your big brother. You want to go to San Francisco, right? I just want to make that happen.”

  “Yeah, sure. Well, if you want to pay for me to go to San Francisco, that’s fine. I want to fly first class.”

  “Seriously, Nellie?”

  “What? You and Dad always fly in business class.”

  “That’s not first class.”

  “Well, business class will do.”

  “I guess I have the miles for that.”

  “Then I want to stay in the swankiest hotel in San Francisco.”

  “Of course you do.”

  “And I want to go to the best dinners, and I want to see if we can get a reservation at French Laundry.”

  “What’s that? You want to wash your clothes?” My response earned me a scathing look from my sister. She was going to give some poor bastard a run for his money someday.

  “It’s only one of the best restaurant
s in the whole world.”

  “And it’s in San Francisco?”

  “Well, no, it’s a little bit out of San Francisco. It’s near Napa. It’s run by the world’s most famous chef, Thomas Keller.”

  “Not that famous. I’ve never heard of him.”

  “Anyway, I want reservations, lunch or dinner, whatever you can get.”

  “Okay.”

  “And just so you know,” she said. “It’s not cheap.” She grinned. She loved spending other people’s money. She was lucky we had rich parents.

  “What exactly does that mean?”

  “Most probably, the meal’s going to cost us about $800.”

  “What?” I said loudly, my jaw dropping. “Are you out of your mind, Nellie?”

  “You want me to come, right?”

  “I’ll see if I can get a reservation, but then you have to do something for me.”

  “Uh-huh. I thought something like this was coming.”

  “You have to go to lunch or dinner with Birdie.”

  “Okay, and what? You want me to tell her something once I’m there?”

  “I want you to give her a little present from me.”

  “A little present? That seems weird. Why are you giving her a present?”

  “No need to ask any questions. You’re going to give her a present for me. Okay?”

  “Okay, I guess I can. You’re not coming to the dinner, though. You know that, right, Hunter?”

  “I know that. Would I ask to do that?”

  “Yeah, you would. You just asked me to call her.”

  “I said to call. I’m not going to gate-crash your dinner.”

  “Why don’t I believe you, Hunter? You’re going to pay for me to fly business class to San Francisco, go to one of the most expensive restaurants in the world, put me up in a swanky hotel, and you’re not going to try and crash the lunch or dinner I have with Birdie?” She looked very skeptical now.

  “I promise you. On my word, I will not try to gate-crash the dinner or the lunch that you have with Birdie. I just want you to give her a gift from me.”

  “So, I’m just going to give her a gift, and that’s all?”

  “Yeah, and the gift will have a letter attached.”

  “I don’t know about this, Hunter. You keep adding more and more stuff.”

  “It’s just going to be a card.” I smiled at her. “What’s wrong with a card and a gift?”

  “Oh, I hope you’re not going to make me regret this, Hunter.”

  “You’re not going to regret it. I mean, I would have preferred you to call her and ask her if she’d meet me, but obviously, you don’t want to do that, and I don’t want to put you in an awkward situation. So, hey, we can have a bonding experience and fly to San Francisco together. Doesn’t that sound like fun?”

  “Not really,” she said. “I’d much rather go with my friend.” She paused. “Actually, that gives me a really great idea.”

  “Oh gosh, what now?”

  “Will you pay for one of my friends to come as well?”

  “No, I will not pay for one of your friends to come.”

  “It will be so boring by myself.” She pouted. “What am I meant to do? You’re going to be doing all your business trip stuff, and I’m just going to be, what? Hanging out in San Francisco by myself? I mean, doesn’t Birdie work as well?”

  “Yeah, she works. So what?”

  “So she’s not going to have time to hang out with me. She probably doesn’t even want to see me.” She made a face. “I mean, I am your sister.”

  “She loved you, you know that Nellie.”

  “Yeah. She loved me, but when you guys broke up, our relationship ended as well. I don’t know if you realize that. I haven’t heard from her in years.” She let out a deep sigh. “And I was really hurt.”

  “You were hurt? I was the one that was dating her.”

  “Yeah, but while you were dating her, she was my big sister. And you know …” Her lower lip began to tremble. “That meant a lot to me. I felt like I lost someone too when you guys broke up.”

  “Oh my gosh, quit the melodrama, Nellie.”

  “I’m not being melodramatic, I’m being serious.” She tossed her long blonde hair over her shoulder. “Birdie was good people, and she was my person. You know, she gave me advice when I was young, and when I was a teenager. It was because of her that I got my first kiss with a boy that I really liked.”

  “What are you talking about?” My eyes narrowed.

  “Remember Mark Jacobs?”

  “Marc Jacobs, the designer?”

  “No,” she said. “Mark Jacobs that was in my class. His brother Brandon was in your class. Do you remember him?”

  “No, I can’t say that I do.”

  “Well, it was because of Birdie’s advice that he kissed me.”

  “Okay, okay, fine.” I let out a deep sigh. “I don’t really care, Nellie. Sure, I will pay for one—not two, not three, not four, not the entire sorority house—I will pay for one of your friends to come on this trip with us. Okay?”

  “Yay, I love you, big bro!” She ran over to me and gave me a big hug. “You’re the best.”

  “Yeah. I hope you remember that.”

  “So what are you going to tell Mom and Dad?” She looked at me.

  “What do you mean, what am I going to tell Mom and Dad?”

  “About why I’m missing class for a week?”

  “Oh, shit, yeah.” I sighed. “Well, maybe we can keep this between us. I don’t think Mom and Dad are really going to appreciate or approve of the fact that you’re skipping school to go on a trip.”

  “It’s not a trip I want to go on. It’s a trip you want me to go on.”

  “I won’t say anything, you won’t say anything. and we’ll have a great time. Okay?”

  “Okay, Hunter, whatever you say. I really hope I’m not going to regret this.” Nellie held her hand out.

  “Why are you holding your hand out?” I looked at her with a frown.

  “Because I need some cash or your credit card.”

  “You need cash or my credit card for what?”

  “I need some new outfits for San Francisco. Hello?”

  “You have two credit cards that Dad gave you.”

  ”Dad looks at every single charge that I make and wants to know why. I’m not going to tell him that I went shopping for a bunch of new clothes because I was going to San Francisco—unless you want me to.”

  “Fine,” I growled. I took out my wallet and handed her my Black Amex. “Don’t go crazy, Nellie.”

  “Do you think I would ever go crazy?”

  “You always go crazy.”

  “Is that how you’re going to treat your wife when you get one?”

  “Nellie, my wife will make her own money. She won’t be coming to me for my Black Amex.”

  “You want to bet?” She laughed. “I have a feeling, brother, that you’re going to have to be handing out your credit card a lot.”

  “Whatever, Nellie.” I walked out of the room.

  That hadn’t gone exactly as I’d planned, but it had gone pretty well. Now that I had Nellie coming with me to San Francisco, I’d be able to give her something to give to Birdie.

  Once she gave her the gift and the letter, I was pretty confident that Birdie would say yes to meeting me. I knew I was going low, but what choice did I have? She didn’t want to talk to me, she wouldn’t text, she didn’t really care about emailing me, and she said there was no way in hell she was going to see me. And, well, I needed to see her at least one more time because as much as I’d hurt her, I’d hurt myself as well. The end of our relationship hadn’t just broken Birdie and Nellie, it had broken me as well. I just needed to make things right so that I could move on with my life. It’d been long enough.

  And, well, I was hoping, maybe, just maybe, Birdie would give me one more chance, even if it were for just one more night. That’s all I needed to get her out of my system. She was the one who h
ad broken my heart. I just needed to remember why I never needed to be in another relationship with someone like her again.

  Chapter 8

  Birdie

  There’s something about your first love. It sticks with you. It’s ingrained in your heart, in your DNA. Your life wouldn’t be what it is without that person. You can remember the first time you made them laugh and the first time you made them cry. You can taste their first kiss, feel their first caress, hear their first whispers of love. Fragmented pieces of the first time they broke your heart still exist in your brain and every now and again, you’re reminded of what this person meant to your life.

  Hunter was the yin to my yang. He was the first person who made me feel like I was beautiful and worthy of love. Sometimes I still lay in bed thinking about those days … and then I’d come to my senses and remember how everything ended.

  But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t forget him. I couldn’t get him out of the inner depths of my heart. He’d always be there, with his mesmerizing, teasing blue eyes telling me he couldn’t imagine his life without me.

  Though that had been a lie. He seemed like he’d been doing fine without me.

  “Olivia. Oh my gosh, I’ve got a huge problem!” I said as I met my friend outside the bar. For just a couple of seconds, I envied her. If only I could look as lean and tall as she did, maybe I wouldn’t have such a shitty love life. I felt sorry for myself for a few seconds, but then I realized I was being stupid.

  “Birdie, what’s wrong?” She looked concerned. Olivia was good people. She genuinely cared about me and made time for me, and I vowed that if she ever needed me, I’d be there. “What’s happened?”

  “Nothing. I was just admiring how tall and beautiful you are and feeling sorry for myself,” I admitted.

  “But, Birdie, you’re just as beautiful as me if not more so.”

  “No, I’m not. You’re so slim. Oh, I’m dying to be as thin as you.”

  “Birdie, you have got curves in all the right places. I thought you loved your body.”

  “I do love my body, but …” I sighed. “I mean, sometimes I wish I were skinnier. I hate to hate on myself, you know, but doesn’t everyone wish they could lose five to 10 pounds?”