To My Immature Ex Boyfriend (The Inappropriate Bachelors Book 5)

by J. S. Cooper

  “Bro, everyone knows that you went to a party with someone else that weekend. Victoria Venice. Ms. Teen South Carolina.”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I pulled my headphones out. “ I’m going to listen to some music now.”

  I turned away from her and put the headphones on and pressed play on my phone to listen to some music. Heavy metal blasted in my ears, and I closed my eyes. I didn’t want to think about it.

  I didn’t want to think about it because my sister had been right. Partially, anyway. I hadn’t gone to a party with Victoria that weekend, but she had been there. And we had danced together, but it wasn’t because I was interested in her. It was because I wanted to make Birdie jealous. I wanted her to see that she couldn’t just walk out and ignore me, that there were other girls that wanted me. But it had all blown up in my face.

  I let out a deep sigh. I didn’t want to think about it. Birdie had been my life. She had been the sweetest and best thing that had ever happened to me. And I knew that my pride had gotten in the way, and I had ruined a really good relationship. In fact, I knew that it had been more than my pride. I’d been a jerk. Me and the other guys on the team were typical macho assholes, but that’s just how we were. Birdie shouldn’t have taken it personally. She should have understood that I couldn’t look like a punk in front of the guys.

  I opened my eyes with a slight groan as I felt my sister poking me. “What is it?” I pulled my headphones off and looked at Nellie.

  “Look, brother. Obviously, you have some unresolved issues, and I think I can help.”

  “Obviously?

  “Obviously,” she said again, “You fucked up. I know it. You know it. Even if you don’t want to face the truth.”

  “I am facing the truth, Nellie.”

  “I don’t think so, but I think you know you fucked up, and I think this is something you want.”

  “What do I want, Nellie?”

  “You want Birdie, duh. If you’re trying to get back with Birdie and you genuinely like her and love her and feel like you’ve grown as a person, I can help.”

  “Excuse me. What do you mean, ‘grown as a person’?”

  “Brother,” she shook her head, “just listen to me, okay?”

  “I’m listening to you, Nellie. I’m always listening to you. It seems all you do is talk, talk, talk, talk, talk. I hope I didn’t make a mistake by bringing you with me.”

  “Hunter, I’m trying to tell you that if you’re trying to win Birdie back, maybe I can help you, okay? Maybe we can really make this work for you.”

  “What do you mean?” I asked softly, eyes narrowed.

  “I mean I have a feeling that you miss her and you want to be with her.”

  “Why would you think that?”

  “Because you haven’t dated anyone else since you guys broke up.”

  “I’ve been with plenty of girls. Thank you very much.”

  “Yeah. You’ve been with girls, but you haven’t dated anyone seriously. Going to the bar and hooking up with someone is not a real relationship. I think you know that Hunter.”

  “I’m young. I don’t need to be in a real relationship. I was in a freaking eight-year relationship with Birdie and look where that got me.”

  “It got you a broken heart because you’re an asshole.”

  “I’m not an asshole, Nellie.”

  “Yes, you are, Hunter.”

  “Okay, whatever.”

  “Bro, do you want my help or not?”

  “Fine,” I said, exasperated. “I mean, it would be nice to actually have a conversation with Birdie and try and figure stuff out and let bygones be bygones.”

  “I need you to admit to me that you want to be with her again, or I’m not going to help you.”

  “What do you mean to admit to you I want to be with her again? Who said I want to be with her again? She was freaking drama.”

  “Hunter Augustus Beauregard III, listen to me and listen to me good. Do you still love Birdie? Do you still want to be with her? Because if you don’t, I’m not going to help you, okay? If you’re just trying to get laid and trying to get her to admit that she was in the wrong, I’m not going to help you. Because one, she wasn’t in the wrong, and two, she deserves more than an asshole like you coming at—”

  “Okay, stop.” I held my hand up and shook my head. “Fine. I would like to have another chance with Birdie.”

  “So you still love her?” she said with a grin.

  “I don’t know.”

  “Hunter?”

  “Fine. I still love her. She’s a drama queen, but yeah, she was the love of my life. She was it. And I guess I kind of screwed up maybe a little bit.”

  “You guess you kind of screwed up maybe a little bit?” She shook her head. “I need more than that from you, brother.”

  “Okay. Maybe I screwed up a lot, but really she just took it the wrong way. If she wasn’t so sensitive and—”

  “Hunter,” she gave me a disapproving look. “This is not on Birdie, okay? What happened was your fault.”

  “Maybe what happened was kind of my fault, but—”

  “No buts! And if you really want a chance with her again, you’ve got to understand that. You have to own who you were and what you were and be better.”

  “Okay, that’s true, but she also lives in San Francisco, Nellie. And in case you forgot, I live in South Carolina. So even if she forgives me, it’s not really going to work anyway.”

  “Maybe, maybe not. We don’t know what could happen,” she said. “But if you’re serious about seeing her and owning up to your mistakes, I’m going to help you.”

  “Okay. How are you going to help me? Are you going to—”

  “Don’t even ask. I’m not going to let you come to lunch or dinner with me and Birdie. That’s not going to happen.”

  “Okay, then.”

  “I will hand her a card from you. Not a present because I think that’s too cheesy.”

  “Okay.”

  “And you’re going to have to show me what you write in the card, because if you’re trying to blackmail her—”

  “What do you mean blackmail her?”

  “I don’t know. Maybe you’ll say something like, ‘I have that video of us having sex, and if you don’t meet me, I will show your parents.’“

  “Nellie, I would never do such a thing!” I was actually offended. “Are you absolutely crazy?”

  “I don’t know, but you’re dumb enough to try and pull something like that and think it will work. That will only make Birdie hate you more, and that would make me disrespect you, too.”

  “Fine, Nellie. So, what do you want me to do?”

  “I think you should write a really nice, really sweet card owning up to the fact that you made a mistake and saying that you’d like to talk to her.”

  “Okay. And you really think that’s going to work?”

  “I think the card, along with me, your beautiful, sweet, innocent sister, begging Birdie to give you another chance to at least have a conversation might work.”

  “Why would you do that for me?” I asked suspiciously. “You think I’m a horrible douchebag asshole.”

  “Yes, you are all those things, Hunter, but you’re also my brother, and I know you’ve got a good heart underneath everything.”

  I laughed. “You think I have a good heart underneath everything? You really don’t know me well, do you?”

  “Hunter, don’t make me go back on this. Don’t make me—”

  “Okay, okay,” I interrupted her. “Fine. I’d love your help, okay?”

  “Great. And Shelby can still come?”

  I groaned. “Yeah, she can still come.”

  “Yay! I love you, bro.”

  “I love you too, Nellie. Please don’t make me regret this.”

  “I won’t. I promise,” she said. “I’m so excited to see Birdie, and I have a good feeling. Of course, we don’t know if she’s already moved on. For all we know,
she’s got a new boyfriend or she’s seeing someone, but at least maybe you guys can eventually be friends again, you know?”

  It hadn’t occurred to me that she might be dating someone new, and the thought pissed me off. If Birdie had a new boyfriend, he was going to be on his way out. I didn’t care what Nellie had to say. There was no way I was going to let Birdie date someone new. Not that I really had a choice in the matter, but if push came to shove, I would do everything I could to ruin any relationship that Birdie was in. Because if she was seeing someone else, then there was no way she was going to take me back.

  And I suddenly realized that what I wanted more than anything else in the whole world was to win Birdie back. I missed her, and I loved her. And I’d been an absolute asshole. I wasn’t sure how much of that I was willing to admit, though. I’d see when the time came. At the end of the day, Birdie had to accept some responsibility, too. I mean, if she’d really loved me, she would have fought for the relationship. She would have fought for me, and she definitely wouldn’t have left and gone to San Francisco. I mean, San Francisco? That was thousands of miles away from me, and what really hurt was that she’d wanted to get away from me that badly.

  Chapter 11

  Birdie

  “Birdie, my darling.”

  “Hi, Mawmaw,” I said into the phone, a big smile on my face. I absolutely adored my grandmother, and she was the person I missed the most living in San Francisco. I could picture her astute blue eyes, her big white hair, and the huge diamond rock on her finger.

  “Birdie, your mother tells me that you might not be coming home for my anniversary celebration.”

  “Mawmaw, I’m going to try, but you know how it is for a working woman,” I paused. “Well, you know.” I didn’t really know what to say. Mawmaw had never worked, and in fact, she thought it was abhorrent that any woman should work. She was still of the mindset that women should get married and be homemakers, and even though she knew that wasn’t what I wanted from life, she didn’t care.

  “Birdie, you are my favorite granddaughter, and it would make me so happy to have you back home.”

  “I know, Mawmaw. I’m really going to try, okay?”

  “Well, when will you know?”

  “I guess in the next week or so?” I chewed on my lower lip. I didn’t really want to go back home, even though I knew that it was my duty. “I’m going to try my best. Okay?”

  “Okay, darling. I know that you will. Now, how’s it going in that big city over there? I hope you don’t come across too many criminals in the streets?”

  “Mawmaw, how many criminals do you think there are in San Francisco?” I paused. “I mean, yes. There’s crime, but it’s safe. I’m safe. I’m okay.”

  “Well, you know, your father was telling me that there were a lot of homeless people and a lot of drug addicts, and I would rather you weren’t around those sorts of people, you know?”

  “Mawmaw, I’m not around any drug addicts. Yes, I do see homeless people on the street, but honestly, I mean, I feel bad. I wish there were more that I could do, you know?”

  “I know. You always did have the most beautiful heart, Birdie.”

  “Well, obviously my heart is not that beautiful because I haven’t really been able to do anything for them. I mean, I just wish I had more opportunity and capability, and I guess more money. I can barely afford to give people $5.”

  “Well, if you came back home and—”

  “Mawmaw, you know that’s not going to happen.”

  “I know,” she said with a deep sigh. “So, what’s this I hear about the young Beauregard boy going to San Francisco now?”

  “Sorry, what?” I pretended to be ignorant.

  “That boy that you dated. What was his name again?”

  “Which one, Mawmaw?”

  “Don’t be facetious, now, Birdie, it doesn’t become you. Hunter, yes. That was his name. Hunter Augustus Beauregard III. What a poncy name.”

  “Mawmaw,” I laughed. “I thought you loved him.”

  “He was okay. But I hear he’s going to be in San Francisco?”

  “Yeah. He’s going to be in San Francisco.”

  “Are you going to meet up with him?”

  “Oh, no way. You know I can’t stand him after what he did to me.”

  ”Yes. He was rather an immature chap, wasn’t he?”

  “Mawmaw. Why do you sound like a British aristocrat all of a sudden?” I started laughing. “What’s going on?”

  “Darling, I have been in the company of three of the queen’s cousins in the last couple of weeks, and I guess their accents have sort of rubbed off on me, so to speak.”

  “What are you doing hanging out with the queen’s cousins? Like, her first cousins?”

  “Well, no, not her first cousins, darling, her first cousins wouldn’t be in Bluffton. They’re … I think quite distant cousins, maybe third or fourth. I’d have to ask, but they are members of the royal family, however distant. And you know, I am a bit of an Anglophile.”

  “Oh, my gosh, Mawmaw, really? Do Mom and Dad know that you’re talking like that?”

  “Well, I don’t talk to them like that, do I, dear?” She started laughing.

  “Oh, you are so eccentric. I love you, Mawmaw. I miss you so much.”

  “I love you too, Birdie, and that’s why you must come home for this anniversary, or it’s going to be a really big bore and you know your mother and your father will drive me absolutely crazy.”

  “I’ll see.”

  “I mean, it doesn’t have anything to do with that Beauregard boy, does it?”

  “No, of course not.”

  “Well, then why aren’t you coming home?”

  “I told you—my job.”

  “Every job gives people at least a couple of days off. You can’t tell me that they won’t give you time off to come to your favorite grandma’s anniversary.”

  “I’ll see what I can do.”

  “And also, Birdie?”

  “Yes, Mawmaw?”

  “See that Hunter boy, give him another chance.”

  “What? You just told me you didn’t like him.”

  “I know how you felt about him, and you know, I think that with time, he may have matured.”

  “Mawmaw, Hunter is never going to mature. If you saw the emails he sent me last week, you would realize he is nowhere close to being mature.”

  “Oh, so you’re emailing back and forth, are you?”

  “No, we’re not emailing back and forth. He sent me an email and I responded, and he sent me another email. And let’s just say I’m so over him, he is completely inappropriate. If you saw what he wrote, you would not like him.”

  “Oh, but you know, boys will be boys, Birdie. Boys take much longer to mature than women do.”

  “I guess, but we can’t make excuses for them. I’m not going to accept that behavior. He treated me very poorly and—”

  “Birdie, you love the boy. I saw you together.”

  “I loved him when I was in high school and I didn’t know any better. Now I’m a grown woman and I have really good friends who are in really good relationships with really good guys, and I see how those guys treat them. And you know what? It is head and shoulders above how Hunter used to treat me. There’s no way I would ever go back to that sort of crappy relationship again.”

  “Oh, well you do sound quite heated, my dear.” She paused. “I take it that you’re not dating anyone else?”

  “I’m going on dates here and there. Do I have a new boyfriend? No, but—”

  “Oh, Birdie, you know, you‘re not getting any younger. I wish—”

  “Mawmaw, I’m not going to marry someone just because you think I’m getting old, and I’m not going to pop out a bunch of kids for some random guy. You know that’s not who I am.”

  “Would I ever ask you to do that, Birdie? Who’s the one that gave you the $5,000 so that you could make the move to San Francisco in the first place?”

 
“I know, Mawmaw, and I thank you. That was amazing and I love you, and I want you to know that I am prospering here. I am being the woman you want me to be, just not in the way you want me to be.”

  “Oh, Birdie,” she sighed, “you know that I love you, and I want you to live your life. And I mean, I know Bluffton, South Carolina, isn’t the whole world, but it is a pretty darn great part of the world. After you sow your wild oats in the wild, wild west, I do hope you’ll come home.”

  “Grandma,” I started laughing. “California is not the wild, wild west, and San Francisco is—”

  “Oh, Birdie, it’s full of heathens and hippies and liberals and God only knows who else.”

  “Mawmaw!”

  “What?” she laughed. “You can’t forgive your old grandma?”

  “Of course I can forgive you, Mawmaw, but I’m one of those liberal hippies as well.”

  “You’re not a liberal and you’re not a hippy.” Her voice was firm.

  “Grandma, I—”

  “Birdie,” she said in her no-nonsense voice.

  “Yes, Mawmaw, whatever you say I am, I am,” I said, with a small smile. There were some things you didn’t bother wasting your time arguing about when it was your beloved grandma. “But I do have some news, Mawmaw.”

  “Oh, what’s that?”

  “I’m actually going to be meeting up with Nellie Beauregard for lunch tomorrow.”

  “Oh, Hunter’s little sister?” There was a smile in her voice.

  “Yes, Hunter’s little sister.”

  “And Hunter’s not going to be there?”

  “No, he better not be. If he’s there, I’m going to …”

  “You’re going to what, my dear?”

  “Nothing. Nellie knows I don’t want to see her brother, but it will be really nice to see her. I’ve missed her. She was like a little sister to me, and when Hunter and I broke up, well, I really regret that I wasn’t able to keep my relationship with her.”

  “I’m sure she understands.”

  “Yeah, so it will be nice to see her and catch up.”

  “Yes, my dear, and you know, you might as well see how Hunter’s doing as well.”