by J. S. Cooper
“Touché,” he said, his lips coming even closer. “But I figured, just one kiss.”
And before I knew what was happening, his lips were against mine and it was like time had stood still. They were soft, sweet, and passionate. I ran my hands ran through his hair. It was silky to the touch and his skin was warm. As he held me against him, I melted into him, feeling like I’d never left his arms. The past couple of years faded away, and I was just here with my Hunter, my boyfriend, the love of my life.
He deepened the kiss until his tongue was in my mouth, and I sucked it, enjoying the taste of hoppy beer. We kissed for a few more seconds, and I felt his hand running down my arm and then towards my thigh. I pulled away sharply as his fingers ran to my inner thigh.
“What do you think you’re doing?” I said, breathlessly. “This was not part of the deal, Hunter.”
“Are you really going to tell me you didn’t enjoy that, Birdie?”
“I mean, you always were a good kisser. It was fine, but it didn’t spark anything in me.”
“ Liar.” He chuckled. His eyes were dark now with desire, and I could see from the way he was shifting his legs that he was very turned on.
I shifted away from him, ignoring the wetness between my legs. There was no way I wanted him to know exactly how I was feeling at that moment.
“Birdie?”
“Yes, Hunter?”
“Why don’t you show me your bed?”
“No, that’s definitely not going to happen. You’re lucky that I even let you come over tonight.”
“What? We can’t just have one more night for old time’s sake?”
“No, we can’t have one more night for old time’s sake.”
“Why not?”
“Because I don’t want to.”
“Liar,” he said again. “You’re going to honestly tell me you don’t want to?”
“I don’t want to.”
“Okay.” He sat back. “We can just watch a movie or something, then.”
“Good. Because that’s all we’re going to do.”
“What if I went down on you?”
“Hunter, no! You’re not going to go down on me. That’s just not acceptable.”
“What if I let you go down on me?”
“Really?” I started laughing then, and for some reason, I couldn’t stop laughing.
“What’s so funny?” The baffled expression on his face just made me laugh more.
“The fact that you think that if I’m not going to sleep with you, I’m not going to let you go down on me, but that I would give you a blow job instead? Like, are you frickin’ out of your mind, Hunter? Have you absolutely lost it? Do you really think I’m just going to unzip your pants and start giving you head?”
“Well, when you put it like that,” his lips twitched, “maybe not, but a man can always hope, right?”
“Yeah, you can hope, but that’s just not going to happen.”
“Well, maybe not tonight, but—”
“But what? Tonight is the only night that was on the table.”
“Well, I was hoping that we could hang out tomorrow, do something fun. Nellie and her friend Shelby will be hanging out. And I think it may be—”
“No, Hunter. We’re not going to meet up again.” I shook my head vehemently. “I think that this was enough.”
“We still need to talk about what happened.”
“We don’t need to talk about anything. Let’s just forget about it. The past is the past.”
“But obviously the past is not the past because you’re still treating me like this.”
“Treating you like what?”
“You’re still treating me like I’m the enemy.”
“I’m not treating you like you’re an enemy, Hunter. I’m just treating you as I would treat any guy friend.”
“So you go about kissing all your guy friends?”
“No, I don’t,” I said, flustered. “I mean, you kissed me and, well—”
“Did you enjoy it?”
“Maybe …” I touched my lips softly. “But just because I enjoyed it doesn’t mean anything. You have to understand, Hunter, that yes, we did date, and yes, we have amazing chemistry, but that’s it. We’re not going back to those days.”
“You disappoint me.”
“If that’s what you came over here for, Hunter, then I think you should leave.”
“Well, what did you think I was coming over here for, Birdie? It’s 10 o’clock at night.”
“I thought you wanted to talk?”
“I do want to talk, but I also want to touch and I want to kiss and I want to—”
“Hunter, we haven’t seen each other in years. Our relationship ended badly. And you think within five minutes of us seeing each other again that I’m going to hop in the sack with you?”
“Well, I mean …” He shook his head. “Fine, when you put it like that, that doesn’t seem like it was a plausible idea, but seeing you again and how beautiful and sexy you are, I just want you. I just want to be with you.”
“I think you should go.”
“What about if we play a game?”
I rolled my eyes. “What game?”
“What about if we play some poker?”
“We’re not going to play poker.”
“Scared that you’re going to lose?”
“I never lose.”
“So then let’s play.”
“I don’t know. Why do you want to play?”
“For fun. Let’s have some fun, for old time’s sake. Let’s drink, play poker, and then see where the night takes us.”
“The night is not going to take us anywhere, Hunter, trust me on that.”
“Maybe if you say yes and we play, I’ll let you in on a few secrets.”
“What secrets?”
“Well, I’m not going to tell you unless you agree to—”
I interrupted him. “Oh my gosh, fine! We can play some poker, but that’s it. You’re not staying the night. We’re not having sex. And this doesn’t mean that anything has changed between us.”
“I think a lot has changed between us, Birdie.” He jumped up.
“What are you doing?”
“I got to go to the store and get some cards. Unless you have some?”
“No, I don’t have any.”
“Okay, well then I’m going to be right back.” He hurried to the door. He turned around and looked back at me. “Birdie, promise me one thing.”
“What?”
“Promise me you’ll let me back in when I get back.”
“Fine, I promise,” I said with a small smile, and he grinned as he hurried out the door.
I sat back on the couch and wondered what I was getting myself into. I think both of us knew that the night was going to lead to something that neither one of us was fully prepared for. Allowing him to stay to play poker was opening the door to a lot more.
I sighed as I put my hand on my head. What the hell was I doing? I had no idea, but as soon as I’d seen him, I knew I couldn’t just walk away. Not like that.
I still missed him, and I still wanted him, and well, if Nellie was right, he had changed. I was just going to have to see for myself. And he really was going to have to make amends for the past because if he didn’t, there was definitely no way we were ever going to move further in our relationship again.
Chapter 16
Birdie
I grabbed my phone and started a group text to Olivia, Jane, Magnolia, and Millie.
“HEY GUYS, MAYDAY, MAYDAY, I NEED YOUR ADVICE!”
Olivia was the first one to respond. “What’s going on, Birdie??”
“Okay, don’t kill me, but Hunter just came over.”
“Oh my gosh, what?!”
“Yeah, he just went out to get a pack of cards.”
Jane: He went to get a pack of cards or he went to get some condoms?
Millie: Come on now, Birdie. Is cards the new euphemism for condoms?
B
irdie: No, he went to get cards. He wants to play poker.
Olivia: You guys are going to play strip poker?!
Birdie: No, we’re not going to play strip poker. We’re going to just play poker for fun.
Millie: Who plays poker for fun at 10:30 at night?
Birdie: It wasn’t my suggestion, it was Hunter’s.
Olivia: And you said yes?
Birdie: Yeah, I said yes because well, okay, guys don’t kill me, but he looks amazing, and …
Olivia: Oh my gosh, don’t tell me you’re falling for him again.
Birdie: No, I’m not falling for him again. He just looks really delicious.
Olivia: Do we need to come over and stop you right now?
Birdie: You don’t need to stop me from anything. I was just messaging because I’m confused and I don’t know what to do.
Jane: What do you think you want to do?
Birdie: What do you guys think?
Magnolia: You totally want to hook up with him, don’t you?
Birdie: I can’t lie, I wouldn’t mind making out with him.
Olivia: Girl, you said you didn’t want to make out with any randos.
Birdie: But he’s not a rando, he’s my first love.
Olivia: Your first love who BROKE YOUR HEART.
Birdie: Well, yeah, but is one more hookup going to do anything?
Jane: Do not do it, girl.
Birdie: I know, I know. I just don’t know what to do. Should I tell him not to come back?
Olivia: Text him and tell him you’re falling asleep.
Magnolia: I agree. He sounds like bad news.
Jane: I concur.
Millie: I think you should give him a chance.
Olivia: Millie, stop it, don’t encourage her.
Birdie: Guys, I’m sitting here laughing right now. I can just picture all of your faces.
Magnolia: Well, picture my face looking at you really sternly. Letting an ex back into your life is a bad idea!
Birdie: But it worked out well for you.
Magnolia: Yeah, but Jagger wasn’t technically an ex.
Birdie: True, but he did seem to have some drama.
Magnolia: That’s quite true, haha.
Birdie: Am I making a huge mistake?
Olivia: If you’re just playing poker, that’s not a mistake. If you’re playing poker to have sex with him …
Birdie: No, I’m not going to have sex with him, but …
Millie: What’s the but?
Birdie: I mean, maybe we’ll make out, maybe he’ll go down on me, I don’t know.
Olivia: Oh my gosh, Birdie. Didn’t you just tell me yesterday you wanted nothing to do with him?
Birdie: Yeah, but I hadn’t seen him. He’s like my kryptonite.
Jane: Oh my gosh, I’m rolling my eyes so hard right now, Birdie. If he’s bad news then you should not see him.
Birdie: Well, his sister said that maybe he’s changed. And well, I don’t know, could it really hurt to give him a chance to explain everything?
Olivia: You know, I think you should give him a chance to explain, but not if the explanation comes while he’s deep inside you.
Birdie: Oh my gosh, Olivia, really?
Olivia: Just saying, is all. I mean, he can talk, but let him talk with his mouth and not with his cock.
Birdie: You guys, really?
Millie: Birdie, we all know you’ve been wanting the cock for a long time.
Birdie: Oh my gosh, you’re making me sound so thirsty. I’m not. Okay, I’ll let you know what I decide.
I put my phone away and started laughing. Who was I kidding? I was thirsty. I wanted to get laid so badly, and Hunter was even more attractive than he was when I dated him. And he’d been pretty attractive then. But I knew myself: if we were to hook up, it could definitely lead to other things. And I just wasn’t ready, emotionally or mentally, to let anything else happen. I mean, maybe I could try and hit it and quit it, but I didn’t really think I was that sort of person. And Hunter was still Hunter, and he hadn’t actually apologized or given me any explanation for what had gone on. He’d just gone directly to talking about sex, which, if I were honest with myself, was really annoying.
I heard him knocking at the door and my phone beeping at the same time. Shit, shit, shit! I grabbed the phone and then walked to the door and opened it slowly. “Hey, you’re back quickly.”
“I just went to get some cards, Birdie, nothing else,” he said with a small smile. “Unless you’re telling me I should go and get some condoms, then …”
“Oh, you don’t have condoms just in case?” I stared at him, a look in my eyes that told him I was not believing anything he had to say.
“Okay,” he grinned. “Of course I always have condoms in my wallet, just in case. Is there anything to be just in case tonight?”
“No, there’s not!” I said more firmly than I felt. I then opened the door wider. “You can come in, but you can’t stay long.”
“Ah, dang. What’s up? Where’d the cold vibes come from all of a sudden?”
“Cold vibes have been coming from me for a long time, Hunter. Don’t act like this is a surprise.”
“Well, I thought after our little kiss just now …”
“You thought what after our little kiss just now?”
“I thought perhaps you’d have warmed up to me a little bit.”
“Hunter, just because I’ve given you a chance to come into my house and chat doesn’t mean I’ve forgiven you for everything that went down. You haven’t even apologized to me for what happened.”
“I thought we weren’t going to talk about that.” He let out a huge sigh. “Obviously, I’m really sorry. And obviously, I know that I messed up, and you know, if I were to do it again, I would not allow those guys to say the things that they said.”
“You’re telling me that if we were to go back in time, you would say to the guys, ‘Shut the hell up. Don’t talk to my girlfriend that way’?”
“Yeah, of course.”
“Really, Hunter?”
“Okay, I mean, I don’t know if I would have said exactly those words, but I definitely would not have let them speak to you like that.” He looked at me seriously. “I messed up. I own that.”
“Well, that’s magnanimous of you.”
“You don’t believe me, do you?”
“I believe you’re saying it because you want to get laid.”
“I’m not saying it because I want to get laid.” He shook his head. “Is that what you think this all about?” He looked hurt. “You know that’s not why I’m here, right, Birdie?”
“How am I supposed to know any such thing? Literally five minutes after we saw each other, you were kissing me and telling me that you wanted to sleep together. What am I supposed to think?”
He let out a deep sigh. “I’m such a jackass, aren’t I?” He shook his head. “That’s not why I came, and I hate that you think that.”
“I think that because that’s what happened, Hunter! Like, you really respect me and care about me so much that the first thing you try to do is have sex with me? We haven’t seen each other in years. I’ve had you blocked for years and—” I was getting heated. “You know what? Forget about it. Let’s just play a game of cards and then you can leave.”
“No, I don’t want to just play a game of cards and then leave. What can I do to show you that I’m a new man?”
“What does it matter? I don’t believe that you’re a new man. And even if you are, you don’t really have much time to show me, do you? You’re going back to South Carolina in, what, a couple of days, and I live here.”
“But aren’t you going to come home for Mawmaw’s anniversary?”
“Maybe, I don’t know. What about it?”
“Well, if you do, maybe I could see you then, and I could show you then as well.”
“Hunter, what’s the point? I’m not going to sleep with you, okay?”
“Maybe I just want your friendship back. H
ave you ever thought about that?”
“Maybe I would have believed you if you hadn’t tried to get into my pants already.”
“I’m a guy, Birdie. What do you expect?”
“That’s not an excuse, Hunter. You can’t make that excuse every single time. ‘I’m a guy so I let my football buddies talk to you like shit. I’m a guy so I didn’t have an honest conversation with you. I’m a guy so I went to a party without talking to you. I’m a guy so I bumped and grinded with Victoria Venice.’ And then—”
“Oh, for—this is not about Victoria Venice again, is it?” He shook his head. “You know she and I did nothing!”
“It’s not about if you guys did anything, Hunter!” I was shouting now. “It’s about the fact that you didn’t care enough to call me or to try and make things right. It’s about the fact that you hurt me and you saw me crying and you let your friends talk to me that way! I was your girlfriend for how many years? We promised to love each other forever. We said that we were going to get married, and your football buddies, you cared about what they thought more than you cared about me and my feelings.”
“Birdie, I got caught up in the moment. You don’t understand what was going on with me and the team. I needed them to respect me. I …” He let out a deep sigh. “Look, I fucked up, okay? I shouldn’t have let them talk to you like that and I really regret it, but you know what? You left me, Birdie. You just walked away. You didn’t even tell me you were fricking leaving the state. You didn’t tell me that you were moving to San Francisco. How could you just leave me?”
“How could you go to a party when we were in an argument and dance with someone else?”
“It was a dance, Birdie. I didn’t even ask her to dance. I was hanging out with my friends and she came over and she started dancing with me. Someone whipped out their phone and they put it on Instagram, okay? It was like, five seconds.”
“Well, it was five seconds too long!”
“You know I never loved anyone but you.” His voice broke, and then he turned away. “You know what? I don’t know how to show you that I’m sorry, okay?”
“Well, maybe you could show me that you’re sorry without trying to get in my pants. Maybe you could show me that you’re sorry by doing something honorable.”