The Secret Within: A totally gripping psychological thriller with a jaw-dropping twist

by Lucy Dawson

  ‘He’s also been filming all of his consultations in his office; women undressing, himself intimately examining them. Women in a state of vulnerability, who trusted him. Did you give him your consent? Surely, as a barrister, that concerns you?’

  The expression falls away from her face. ‘How do you know that?’ Her voice is little more than a whisper.

  ‘I saw the cameras for myself and consequently reported him. He’s already been suspended by the private hospital that his practice is affiliated to.’

  ‘Is this common knowledge yet?’

  ‘I don’t think so, no.’

  She exhales shakily. ‘Well, I’m sure there is a reasonable explanation for that too. I wouldn’t want to comment without having spoken to Nathan himself first.’

  A reasonable explanation? I try again. ‘He’s played God with your bodies, and I am truly sorry that his feelings for me have been expressed in such a twisted way, but—’

  ‘His feelings for you? Are you in a relationship with Nathan?’

  ‘God no!’ I draw back. ‘I’m married for one, and for two I respect myself too much to let him anywhere near me. I’m well aware of his reputation, that he’ll take any opportunity with any woman who stands still long enough.’

  ‘My, my. We do have a high opinion of ourselves, don’t we?’ She is starting to breathe a little faster. ‘You say you’ve already reported him for filming his patients? So this will all be made public soon?’ She is starting to look flushed. ‘You really are a nasty little stirrer after all, aren’t you? I’m afraid I’m going to have to ask you to leave.’ She’s actually shaking. I didn’t expect her reaction to be anywhere close to this extreme. ‘I am at a loss to know why you would be making up such extraordinary and insane allegations about a trusted friend of ours. I do hope they find your son soon, of course. Perhaps then you can all go back to where you came from?’

  My eyes are still red when I pull up outside the hospital. Stefanie might have said no, but if the police identify the other five women, there is still a chance one of them will say yes. I should have let them handle it. I am a fool. Stefanie is a barrister. She would have responded so much better to the police than me. It would have made it less personal, less of a tug of loyalties given her husband and Nathan are friends. I didn’t think it through. In a way she’s right: I did think I knew better than everyone else.

  I walk up to the office, but Tan isn’t there. I must have missed him. I try the other plastics office instead, and as I stick my head round the door, one of the nicest of their team looks up – his face registering surprise to see me.

  ‘Julia! Hello! We weren’t expecting to see you back here for a little while. Er, how are things? Any, any…’ he struggles for the right words, ‘update yet?’

  ‘Not yet, no. But thank you for asking. Jim, I was wondering if you’d seen Tan?’ I move us both on quickly. ‘He was in here covering Hamish’s on-call last night. I thought perhaps he might still be around if it was something big.’

  Jim frowns. ‘Nothing big came in last night that was mentioned when I did the handover a couple of hours ago? And Tan wasn’t covering for Hamish. Hamish was in earlier. He’s gone now, but you could catch him on his mobile?’

  ‘Thanks, but it was Tan I specifically wanted.’ I pause. ‘I must have got my wires crossed. I’m pretty tired to be fair.’

  ‘Of course you are,’ he says sympathetically.

  ‘OK, well thanks anyway.’ I give him a redundant wave. ‘See you soon.’

  ‘I really hope you get some positive news before too much longer. We’re all thinking of Alex.’

  ‘Thank you.’ I envy him simply going back to his paperwork and the rest of his day, with a longing so overwhelming it makes my head swim.

  I try Tan’s mobile but there’s no answer. There’s nothing for it but to go back to the house. Nathan is telling me the truth, I’ve no doubt about that, so what if the other five women refuse to help me? What if they react like Stefanie did? What will Nathan do then?

  As I reach the village, it starts to rain: a fine drizzle misting up the window. I told Cass I would be back by the time Ewan woke up, having done the night shift of staying awake while I tried to rest, so I can’t be late. I don’t want him, or her, to worry. Dom and Sorcha are arriving in half an hour. I need to get showered and changed. Ewan also wants to go to the shops with Cass to pick up some food, but no one likes to leave the house empty, just in case.

  I pull up on the drive and open the front door, calling instantly, ‘it’s just me, that’s all.’

  ‘I’m getting dressed,’ Ewan calls down. ‘Had a quick shower after I woke up. Cass said you came back and got the car to go into town?’ He appears at the top of the stairs in just his trousers, rough-drying his hair and pausing to look at me worriedly. ‘Where did you go?’

  ‘The police station. I had a few thoughts.’ I can’t bring myself to tell him about Stefanie yet, how badly I handled it. ‘I saw Ben Sloan and Storm being interviewed. The IO said she’ll be in touch again soon as they can tell us what’s going on. I don’t know what that means, if anything.’

  Cass appears from the sitting room. ‘The police were interviewing Ben?’ She looks frightened. ‘Why? What’s he done?’

  ‘I don’t know, sweetheart,’ I say truthfully, walking off down the hall as she follows me. ‘Perhaps they had some more questions to ask about—’

  But I don’t finish my sentence as I round the corner into the kitchen, because there, in the back doorway, kicking off his wellies like some exhausted, beautiful, damp angel, is Alex.

  Cass and I both scream in unison; I don’t know how we cross the room so quickly, but somehow my son is immediately in my arms. I am holding him again, stroking his hair and weeping. I can hear Ewan shouting upstairs in alarm, and Cass shrieking ‘he’s here, Daddy! Alex is here!’ and I can’t stop kissing him, laughing, crying and gasping, ‘Oh thank God!’ over and over again. Cass rushes and throws herself at us too, sobbing, and I look up over my children to see my husband leaning weakly on the door frame, his hand over his mouth as tears of relief course down his face. I have never experienced such instant release from pain in my whole life. The love… heaven appearing in the corner of an ordinary, messy kitchen, on a rainy Sunday morning in January.

  A moment I will never, ever forget.

  Forty-Four

  Nathan

  Emerging into bright sunlight, jacked up on coffee, uncomfy in the clothes I’ve been in for more than twenty-four hours and jittery from anxiety and no sleep, I am on hyperalert… If I closed my eyes, I could be a junior coming off nights all over again. I wish I was: perhaps I’d make a better stab of this second bit of my life if I had my time over. Instead, I cross the police car park towards a Range Rover containing my wife and son, which is going to be like climbing into a giant inflatable bubble full of shit that I will then attempt to walk uphill.

  On the plus side, the police have released me. There were ‘voluntary’ questions about Julia’s allegations, which sounded even more bizarre when recounted aloud to me. Wearily – that wasn’t a stretch – I denied them all. I admitted it had been unwise to go to her house in the first place, but the truth of the matter was Julia Blythe and I – until recently – had been involved in a relationship.

  ‘I very foolishly went to her house again last night after I saw the TV appeal because I was worried about her. We’re not together now, for various reasons, but you don’t just stop loving people overnight. I wanted to make sure she was OK, but things got out of hand. I ended up telling her husband we’d had an affair… and Julia just panicked. She went into full-on defence mode, via attack. She started just spouting these lies that I’d abducted Alex.’ I had put my head in my hands. ‘She’s under immense strain, our relationship didn’t end well and she’s very angry with me. She’s making all sorts of allegations that simply aren’t true.’

  I’m pretty sure they bought it – but I have plenty more problems to solve. My mobil
e is completely dead. When they returned my belongings, it wasn’t switching on or off. ‘We wouldn’t have touched it,’ the plod handling my discharge had said firmly. ‘If your battery was low it would have just run down organically.’

  Organic my arse. They left it on deliberately to see if anything interesting came in, message-wise. I’m not that stupid. I have everything set to private. No partial message displays at all. But it does mean I don’t know if Hamish got to Fowles last night and let Alex go, and I am shitting myself about that. If he hasn’t, I don’t know what I’m going to do. Alex will have panicked. I keep thinking about what Ben said about Alex sticking a fork in a toaster at the party. He’s really not the full ticket. If he’s done something really stupid, my fingerprints are going to be literally all over him and the tape around his wrists and ankles. Ben is also sitting in that car I’m about to climb into, wondering why I didn’t wake him up, as promised. Storm is going to want an explanation of what exactly would land me in the nick all night. If I’m to stand a chance of getting out of this in one piece, I need to stay sharp on my feet and remember exactly who knows what.

  I take a deep breath and open the door to the car.

  ‘Hi gang!’ I smile. ‘Thanks for coming to get me! Did you ring to see what time they were letting me go?’

  ‘We were already here,’ Storm replies flatly as I climb in.

  Alarm bells begin to ring. ‘Oh right?’ I say casually. ‘Why’s?—’

  ‘Dad!’ Ben bursts, pushing his phone through the gap between us, unable to contain himself a second longer. ‘Alex is back! Cassia messaged me! He’s at his house, Dad!’

  I haven’t had a rush like this in a very long time. The relief and euphoria flow through me like psychedelic rainbows. He did it! Oh Hamish, you beautiful, beautiful man! Thank. Fucking. God.

  ‘That’s brilliant news!’ I exclaim, twisting to look at Ben as Storm starts the car and pulls away. He looks back at me, completely confused, and I widen my eyes silently, pleading with him to get the message.

  ‘Sit back and put your seat belt on, love.’ Storm glances at our son in the rear-view mirror.

  I watch his expression change in front of me like clouds scooting across the sun; urgency is turning into frustration, which quickly becomes disappointment and finally, powerless resignation. He flops back into his seat and deliberately turns his head away from me. But he is at least quiet.

  I twist to face the front again. I can rescue this when we get home; it’s nothing that fifty quid won’t solve. He’ll get over it. The main thing is Alex is back. Hamish stood by me. I lean my head on the rest and close my eyes for a moment. Everything else can be dealt with. It can all—

  ‘So who did you make your one phone call to, out of interest?’ Storm’s terse tone cuts through my thoughts.

  ‘I couldn’t remember your number. I asked Hamish to contact you.’ I frown and look at her. ‘You’re saying he didn’t?’

  She nods slowly. ‘That is correct. The police came to the house for an informal chat this morning with Ben. You were nowhere to be seen. I assumed on a run or something. I called your phone and got your voicemail. So then I called Paul Gainsford straight away because I didn’t want to let Ben speak to anyone without checking the legalities first. Paul told me the best thing to do was to ask for any discussion to take place at the police station because he was already there – with you.’

  ‘OK,’ I say slowly. I twist to look at Ben again. ‘You all right, champ? The police were nice to you?’

  He stares out of the window. ‘Yeah. They wanted to know if we’d seen Alex when we went sailing on Friday.’ He turns and looks right at me. ‘I told them we hadn’t.’

  I give him a quick wink. He looks away.

  Why didn’t Hamish ring Storm? I don’t get it. I need to speak to him ASAP. I turn back and look at my dead phone in my hands. ‘So you won’t have picked the car up yet?’

  ‘Excuse me?’ Storm shoots an incredulous look at me. ‘From outside Julia’s, you mean? No, Nathan. We have not picked your car up yet.’

  ‘OK, well let’s swing by and get it now.’ I’ve got a charger in the car, and I can call Ham in privacy on my way back. As long as I’m careful and don’t say anything incriminating, I think that would be OK? Almost more suspicious if I didn’t call, in fact?

  ‘You’re serious?’ Storm says. ‘That’s what you want to do first of all. Get your car.’

  ‘Yes,’ I say patiently. ‘Then I’ll come home and we’ll sort everything out. OK?’

  She doesn’t say anything to that. When we finally pull up at the top of Julia’s road, I simply open the door. I don’t attempt to kiss her because she’s making it very clear which way she intends to play this.

  As she roars off, I reach into my back pocket and blip the Porsche, which was moved onto the other side of the road by the police last night and is now opposite Julia’s house. I walk round to the driver’s side and look across at her parked-up Mini. The Christmas wreath is still on the door and the real tree up in the front window, lit and twinkling. It all looks very pretty and inviting. The house of a happy family. I glance again at the tree. That needs to come down today though. It’s Twelfth Night. Bad luck otherwise. I scan the windows searchingly. No sign of movement. A police car turns into the top of the road, so I quickly get my head down, climb in, start the car and pull away as they approach.

  I don’t stop until I’m back in St Leonards, where I pull over at the end of my own street to plug my phone in and call Hamish. The second it switches on, it updates with new voicemail. That has to be him… but when I dial in, it’s Storm wondering where I am and then a calm, measured message from Stefanie, asking me to call her back as she’s had a visit at home from Julia, who has made all sorts of outlandish allegations about me and her missing son that I really ought to be aware of. But there is nothing at all from Hamish.

  I call him. It rings… and rings and rings. He is not picking up. I leave him a voicemail, asking him to call me, then once I hang up, I ring again. It goes straight to answerphone. He’s listening to the message. I sit there confidently waiting for him to ring back once he’s done, but more than enough time passes and he… doesn’t. So I ring again.

  He picks up.

  ‘Hey, it’s me!’ I begin, but there’s a silence. I can only hear him breathing. ‘Hamish? Are you there?’

  ‘I’m here and I want you to listen to me very carefully. Our association is over.’

  ‘Our association?’ I laugh. ‘What are you talking about?’

  ‘From here on in, we are colleagues for the time being and that’s it. You don’t contact me informally again.’

  ‘But this is crazy! I—’

  ‘No, Nathan. This weekend has pushed me beyond my limits. I don’t want you in my life anymore. It’s as simple as that. You’re selfish, you’re a liability and you’re on your own now. Do not bring anything else to my table, you understand me? Not a single bloody thing.’

  He hangs up. I put the phone down in shock, only to see Storm walking slowly towards the car, watching me. She opens the passenger door and climbs in.

  ‘I’ve dropped Ben with one of the school mums for an hour. We need to talk. No more lies now. Can you do that for me, please? Why were you arrested last night?’ She doesn’t look at me.

  ‘For refusing to give a breath test.’

  ‘I’ve been told by an old friend at the EM that there are rumours of you having kissed a work colleague—’

  I hesitate. This could be that someone saw me with Michelle at the club, or it could be the photo of Julia…

  ‘Have you been having an affair?’

  Ah – back on safer ground; Stefanie. ‘Yes, I have.’

  She closes her eyes and a slow breath of pain escapes from her lips. ‘Is that who you were just speaking to?’ she whispers.

  ‘No. That was Hamish.’

  ‘Who is she?’

  ‘It doesn’t matter.’

  She winces silently
in the way that the braver patients cope when you do something to them that really hurts, and wraps an arm round her stomach, clutching it tightly. ‘It matters to me.’

  ‘It shouldn’t. It’s over.’

  ‘Do you love her?’

  ‘No. I don’t.’ I cannot believe what Hamish has just said. Alex is back! It can be like the weekend never happened! I didn’t come out of it Julia’s hero, and it was never my intention to discredit, anger or hurt her, but things could have been a lot worse. Although there is also no way she will drop it about the filming now, and I’m going to have to deal with the allegations alone. I can’t!

  I feel like I’m sat on a board, paddling out to sea… I can see it all inevitably coming towards me; a bloody great wave that’s going to pull me under until I don’t know which way is up.

  ‘I want us to leave,’ Storm says suddenly. ‘I will stay with you – for Ben’s sake. I’ll try again, but I’m not doing it here. It would be too humiliating. I want us to go to America.’

  ‘America?’ I turn to her. I did not see that coming.

  ‘I’m not staying here to worry that it’s started up again and you’re seeing her again behind my back. I want to get as far away as possible. You could easily get work there. I want to go this week. The girls can come and visit as much as they like… your daughters,’ she clarifies. I must have looked momentarily lost but really, I’m thinking, it’s not the worst idea. Would they bother to try and haul me back from the States to face charges over the filming when I’m an American citizen? Don’t they have to apply for extradition or something to do that?

  ‘The girls are almost sixteen,’ I say slowly. ‘By the time I was their age, I’d lived without any of my family for nine years. We’d probably see more of them. America versus Devon. Not much contest.’