Love Me Back to Life

by HMD

  "It is,” I agree, glancing up at the sky once more before turning back to the girl that has made her way so effortlessly into my life... into my heart.

  "I didn't really have a particular place in mind,” I answer her earlier question.

  She shrugs, stepping down off my porch to stand next to me. "Then let's just get lost in the night,” She looks down at my hand, lacing her fingers in mine. I can't help but smile at how natural this feels right now.

  "Sounds good."

  Chapter 9- Face Your Fears

  I roll over, glancing at the time on the clock on my nightstand. I smile, remembering the events of last night. Grace and I ended up in the park. We swung on the swings for a while before we walked down to the wishing well and both tossed in a coin. We didn’t have to ask to know what the other wished for.

  I close my eyes, taking it all in. I never imagined that I’d come home and bump into a girl as amazing as Grace.

  She’s changing me… bringing me back to life in a sense. I don’t think I’ve smiled, laughed or enjoyed myself this much since the beginning of senior year. My mind instantly taking me back to a place I wish it wouldn’t.

  --

  “I’m dancing like a penguin Kenz look!” George shouts over the music as he opens his stance wide, his feet pointing out and he moves from side to side. He looks ridiculous. McKenzie and I both laugh at him and in his drunken stupor he probably thinks he looks good.

  “You’re never gonna get a girl dancing like that!” McKenzie shouts. George stops dancing, moving closer to her.

  “I don’t want a girl, I want you.” George slurs his words. McKenzie’s breath hitches as my eyes go wide.

  “What?” McKenzie seems to sober up a bit to ask.

  “I want you McKenzie Diaz. Can’t you tell?” George tries to balance himself as he declares his love for the girl he’s liked for almost five years. I stand back, watching the scene unfold in front of me. McKenzie looks genuinely dumbfounded. It could be the amount of alcohol she’s consumed or she might have really not known. But how could she not know how easy it is to fall in love with her?

  Her sassiness, her inability to lie to you even if she knows the truth will hurt your feelings, the way she speaks Spanish only when she’s upset. There’s nothing about McKenzie that isn't lovable.

  “George I--”

  “Don’t you dare tell me don’t feel it.” I don’t know why I’m subjecting myself to this right now. I should just leave. Just walk away. But I can’t, something is keeping me rooted in this spot. I watch as George moves closer to her, I know what’s about to happen. I know what he’s going to do.

  He’s going to kiss her and as much as I want to stop him right now I can’t. I can’t because she doesn't know. She doesn't know how I feel and that’s my fault. But I can’t watch this. I need to leave.

  As George moves in for the kill I close my eyes, the sharp intake of breath hurting my chest. I can’t be here, move Emma. Walk away. Just go! I open my eyes, pulling myself away from them.

  “Emma, wait!” I think I hear McKenzie shout, but that can’t be, because right now her lips are being dominated by a set that aren't mine.

  --

  I shake my head, forcing the memory to stop. I can’t go back there! I just got a little bit better. I bite my lip as I mull over a way to make sure my negative thoughts don’t consume me. I reach over to my nightstand and grab my phone. A small smile appears as the other line picks up.

  “Good morning,” Grace’s voice fills my ears and every bad thought that I had just floats away.

  “Morning,” I reply as I sit up against my headboard. It’s only seven-thirty in the morning but I can tell Grace’s been up for some time by the tone of her voice.

  “Why are you up so early?” She questions as I hear papers rustling in the background.

  “I was gonna go for a run,” That’s not entirely a lie. Now that I’m up I am gonna go for a run.

  “Ah okay, going over hills and over dales, hitting those dusty trails?”

  I erupt in laughter and shake my head at the wit on this girl. “Yeah, I’m rolling along with those caissons and such.”

  She laughs and I feel like I’m the funniest person in the world.

  “Are you going to run around your spot or where you fell the other day?” She asks seriously and I grunt in embarrassment.

  “Really, you have to bring that up? Do I have to remind you about your freak out regarding my barely there scrape?”

  She tuts and I have to bite my bottom lip to control the size of my smile, any larger and I fear my cheeks will tear from the inside out.

  “Well next time I’ll let you suffer.” She says airily but I know that won’t be the case should I never scrape anything. I answer her question after our little quip fest. She informs me on her morning and tells me how she went surfing this morning.

  “I got a little beat up by the waves it’s been some time since I've been out there. Took me a minute to get my legs back but once I did it felt good.”

  I smile for her because I can tell she’s genuinely happy. I feel like I’m to her what she’s been to me, even though I haven’t really done anything.

  In fact I feel a little bit selfish acting like I’m the only one who has lost someone close to them. I try to think of a way to repay Grace for all her generosity and sweetness. I’ll make sure to ponder on that one because it’s got to be something special.

  “So do you?”

  “Huh?”

  I must’ve spaced out and she just giggles. “Want to learn to surf?”

  “With the fish?!” I shriek in horror.

  “No don’t worry I’ll tell them not to come near you,” She replies easily and we fall back into our banter.

  --

  “Hey ma,” I greet my mother as I take a seat on the stool. She places a smoothie in front of me before kissing me on the forehead.

  I glance down at my smoothie. Confused at how my mother knew I was awake and to make me a smoothie. “How did you--”

  “I heard you get up,” She cuts me off and smiles as she walks around the counter.

  “Someone’s in a good mood,” I smile at her, taking a sip of my smoothie.

  “I’m always in a good mood,” She shrugs, going back to putting up the groceries. “Going for a run?” I nod, continuing to sip my delicious beverage. “I’m cooking lamb chops and greens tonight, will you be eating?” She turns to look at me with a raised brow.

  “Yes mom,” I tell her, hopping off the stool with an eye roll. “I’ll be home for dinner.”

  “Maybe you could invite your friend Gra—“

  “Nope,” I cut her off. That’s not going to happen. No way no how I’m going through that with my parents again. My mother chuckles as I step around her to place my now empty glass in the sink.

  “Oh!” She pops up from a bag she was grabbing something from on the floor. I quirk a brow and wait for her to continue. “I saw Maria at the grocery store this morning,” My eyes go wide with alarm as my mother continues to tell me the story. “She told me that she could have sworn she saw you at the mall the other day, but when she went to look for you she couldn’t find you,” I start to panic, taking short deep breaths. Please don’t let my mom have told her I’m in town.

  I grab my mother and spin her around to face me. My eyes bore holes into hers as I ask the next and most important question. “Mom, please tell me you didn’t say I was here?!” I half shout, nearly giving my mother a heart attack.

  “Well of course I did,” She shrugs, confused at the way I’m freaking out right now. “Why wouldn’t I?” She narrows her eyes at me, putting together the pieces of the puzzle. “Emma Fiona Daniels have you not been to see Maria since you’ve been in town?!” She raises her voice. Uh oh! I’m in trouble.

  “I, I, I—I was gon--”

  “What the hell Emma?” My mother scolds me. I close my eyes as I take all this in. There’s no avoiding this now. McKenzie’s mom knows for sure
that I’m in town and now I have to go see her. “You go upstairs right now and put some clothes on to go visit that woman. You know you were like a daughter to her. How dare you not--”

  “I gotta go mom,” I cut her off mid-sentence, backing out of the kitchen.

  “Emma you go upstairs and change.”

  “I’m going for a run,” I tell her absentmindedly as I continue to walk backwards towards the door.

  “Emma!” My mom shouts, but I’m already out the door and in my car. I need to clear my head, to figure out what to do and the only thing that’ll help me is running.

  --

  As my feet slam into the pavement I try to forget the fear I’m feeling. This isn’t how I wanted things to turn out.

  Yes I hid from McKenzie’s mom but I mean that’s because I didn’t know what to say. I still don’t but now I’m being forced by my mother to do something I’m not really ready to do, but I know that I don’t have much more time left in the states so I can’t push things to the very last minute.

  It’d be rude if I dropped by during my last night and be like ‘yeah sorry been here for like a month and half I just couldn’t face you. By the way, how are things?’ Yeah no, that doesn’t work.

  I exhale every time my left foot hits the ground. My mind races as I think of all the scenarios of Mrs. Diaz’s reaction when she sees me. There’s the one where she slaps me in the face because she’s disappointed. Then there’s the one where she cries, hugs, then holds me because she hasn’t seen me in so long. Or there’s the one where she just sits me down and tells me old stories about McKenzie.

  I really don’t think I can handle the last one just yet. I’ve just come to terms with being able to have any positive feelings without guilt suffocating the life out of me as a consequence.

  I stop to catch my breath. I lean over placing my hand on my knees and shut my eyes tight and see my best friends’ mother’s face appear before me.

  I grumble and lurch myself upright. I can’t believe this happened! It’s even worse now because it’s going to be like I was hiding from her. Which I was, but that’s not the point! The point is that my mother is an awful liar, like the absolute worst, why on earth would she divulge this information.

  I duck under the branch and leap over logs effortlessly. I get small scrapes on my arm from the branches as I run faster and faster. The sound of the water is bringing me comfort. I’m almost there because I need to talk to them. I need to talk to her. I slow down once I reach the slope of boulders. I check my pulse and catch my breath. Once I control my heaving chest I inhale deeply and let out a huge scream. I scream until my throat hurts.

  I rub my neck hoping that’ll soothe the little bit of pain I’ve caused myself. I shake my head and undo my ponytail letting my hair fall down to my shoulders.

  ‘Ooooh you’re in trouble.’ I drop to my knees as McKenzie’s voice filters into my head. I grab some of the water from the creek and splash it on my face.

  “I know Mac. Trust me I’m well aware of how much trouble I’m in,” I say out loud to her even though she isn’t really here. This feels like some sort of Charlie St. Cloud type of stuff, but its helping. I hear her laugh and I grit my teeth. “It’s really not funny.”

  ‘It is a little bit though because you hid and everything.’

  “And busted my ass don’t forget that,” She ‘hmphs’ then sucks her teeth.

  ‘Serves you right tryna hide from mi Madre. It’s the same as hiding from your own mother, Em.’

  “Please lay the guilt on thicker feels nice. I thought you were supposed to be making me feel better?”

  I hear her suck her teeth again as I sit down, Indian style. It feels a little warmer than before and I chalk it up to the inner fire that McKenzie always had in her. She’s close.

  ‘You come here to talk to me. The same me you’ve always known. So don’t go pretending you’re talking to someone you’re not.’

  I just nod as her sassy tone echoes through my mind. “So what do I do? What do I say to her? I’ve just been running this whole time McKenzie and I can’t even imagine how she feels. I didn’t even think of anyone else when I ran. How do I talk to her?”

  ‘The same way you talk to me. There’s a piece of me in you and she needs to see you more than you need to see her. Just go, I’m always with you. You don’t have to be scared.’

  I open my eyes and sigh. I don’t know if I’m ready for this but I don’t think I have much of a choice.

  I groan as I stand and get ready for this debacle of a reunion. I pace a boulder, as I try to buck up the courage to face a parent who lost their child. She comes to mind easily, I’m not sure if it’s because I’ve been thinking about her a lot lately or if she’s just the perfect candidate to talk to. It’s possible that it’s both.

  I jog back to my car using this time as my cool down and I feel a lot better than when my mother told me earlier. Anxiety is still floating within me but I think after this talk with Grace it’ll finally subside.

  I sit in my car and scroll through all the missed calls from my mother. She’s sent some texts as well but I don’t bother to read them. I go to my recent calls and press her name. It doesn’t ring for long and I can’t help but wonder if she’s this eager for any other caller. I hope not. Is that bad?

  “Twice in one day. You better stop it or I might start thinking you actually like having me around.”

  I smirk. “We can’t have that now, can we?”

  “We most certainly cannot. I think we’ll chalk it up to possible short term memory loss and you just think this is the first time we are speaking today.”

  My shoulders shake as a laugh echoes through my chest. “That sounds perfect.”

  We sit quietly for a couple of seconds and I hear noise in the background. She shushes someone and I quickly feel bad.

  “I’m not interrupting anything am I?” All this time we’ve been spending together I forgot that she does have other people in her life. She’s been so amazing at being there that I didn’t think to realize that she was leaving others to be with me.

  “No you’re fine, just Tamara being…Tamara.”

  I’ve only met the dark skinned girl once but that’s pretty much all I need to understand the situation. She’s being questioned on our status. What is our status? Is it anything, can it be? Especially with me leaving in a few weeks.

  “I didn’t mean to…” She cuts me off by saying my name in a tone that’s authoritative. In a way that’s warning me not to finish my sentence or I’m in trouble. I sigh and just let it go the best I can, even if I do feel a bit bad. “I just needed some advice, we don’t have to meet up or anything we can just talk now if that’s okay.”

  “No meeting up? Now you’re short term memory loss is really kicking in because you don’t realize that I haven’t seen you in a really long time. It’s probably best that we do because you may forget what I look like, we can’t take that chance.”

  I smile widely at her exaggerated excuse to see me and I am eager to see her as well, possibly more than her.

  “Tell Tamara I’m sorry for stealing you.”

  I hear a ‘you better be’ and I’m genuinely scared of this girl. I gulp grateful that there is a lot of distance between us so she can’t see the terror in my eyes. I don't think all my army training could save me from Tamara. I force out a fake laugh hoping that will restore the indestructible persona that Grace thinks I have.

  “Should we meet up at your place?” She asks and I’m a bit hesitant to say yes, especially with my mom as hostile as she is. I feel like a kid again, despite the fact that I am grown, mothers have a way of instilling fear in their children. It’s sad really.

  “How about lunch, I still owe you a couple of meals. I can pick you up.”

  “Yeah I’d like that,” She breaths out and I can hear the smile in her voice. I did that! That makes me smile.

  “Good, I’ll see you in a couple hours? Text me your address.”

  We re
luctantly get off the line and I head home with McKenzie’s mom on my mind but the worry I feel slips away as I look forward to my lunch with Grace.

  I drop my keys on the table by the door and tiredly climb the stairs.

  “Emma is that you!”

  “No it’s a figment of your imagination,” I shout as I find new energy to race up to my bathroom and avoid my mother.

  “Emma!”

  Her voice grows fainter the farther I get. I quickly strip off my sweaty clothes and jump into the shower. I let the water fall onto my head and run down my face. Both my hands fastened to the tiled wall keeping me upright. I yelp as I hear my door slam open and my mother shout my full name.

  “Mom I’m in the shower!”

  “Good so you can’t run away.” I growl annoyed with this situation I’ve been trapped in. “Emma how could you not have seen her mother yet? You’ve seen George’s.”

  She’s not yelling like she was earlier which is a welcomed change because I couldn’t deal with it earlier.

  I explain to her how I saw George’s mother on accident. I wasn’t trying to prolong my visits to my departed best friends’ parents. I just wasn’t ready but it’s all being thrust upon me in one week so I’m going to have to take it one day at a time. At least I don’t have to do it alone. She listens diligently and chimes in every so often with a grunt or a ‘hmm’.

  “So yeah I’m sorry I haven’t seen her, but I’m going today after my lunch with Grace.”

  “Lunch with Grace?” Intrigue laces her voice and I really just want to finish my shower.

  “Mom, get out please,” I say politely as I can with the rude request.

  “Fine,” She huffs out and I hear the door close. I mumble out a thank you and proceed with getting ready.

  I finish up my shower and sneak into my room to get ready. Maybe I can escape without my mom seeing me again. I really don’t feel like discussing this thing happening with Grace with her right now. I know she’s going to have a million questions.

  When I’m done getting dressed I grab my bag and open my bedroom door slowly so it won’t make a sound. I turn to close it even slower. I head down the stairs. Maybe I will be able to do this. I creep down the stairs as stealthily as possible, when I reach the table in the foyer I grab my keys and turn to leave.