Love Me Back to Life

by HMD

  “Hey Grace, how you holding up?” I shake my head and give him a sad smile.

  “I should be asking you that.”

  “Yeah well, I asked you first,” I feel my eyes burn slightly with the threat of tears.

  He shouldn’t be comforting me. I try to speak but this lemon in my throat is trapping words from escaping. I look at him helplessly and I stare into his eyes. They are so much like Emma’s. I swallow down hard, the action extremely painful. I swallow down the hurt and it’s burning my chest.

  “I’ve been better,” I finally force out.

  I don’t recognize my voice. It’s true, I have been better, my best self is when I’m around her. He just nods and I know he understands the meaning behind it but not the extent of truth that lies within it. He holds out his wrist.

  “Take the bracelet I’ve gotta take Ty home, get him into bed. Family gets a different bracelet than other visitors. You can stay overnight with her if you’d like. “

  He sees me open my mouth to fight him on that and his look turns stern. It’s obvious he’s not really asking. He knows I’d want to stay, so I take bracelet from his wrist and put it on mine. I stand up and hug him tightly, trying my best not to squeeze Tyler awake.

  His gruff voice fills my ear as he tells me, “You are part of our family.”

  A rebel tear manages to roll from the corner of my eye down my cheek. I force out a ‘thank you.’ He rubs my back and we let each other go. I notice my parents looking at us, my mother is smiling tiredly. He tells everyone goodbye and leaves to take his son home. I sit next to my parents looking at the visitor bracelet her father just gave me. It warms my heart and I realize that he hasn’t mentioned her state.

  I don’t know if the lack of notification is a good or bad thing. Just as I fight off the slew of negative questions I see Catherine. She tells the Diaz’s to go on up and takes a seat next to me. I take her hand and she squeezes it thankfully. I just go back to waiting and get lost in my memories of her.

  –

  I stay as far behind as I can, giving her space but letting her know I’m here if she needs me. I didn’t have anyone with me when I found my spot with James. Now that I think about it I’m not sure if someone else’s presence would have made things more bearable or not. I will be here for her as she goes through this because I like knowing I’m not on my own. I’ll just make sure she knows that she’s not. I see her pace slow down and then she stops. I take this time to quietly back away and give her a chance to do what she needs. I go back to the car and wait.

  I understand that it takes time and I’ve grown to be patient. I understand that emotional healing isn’t an overnight thing so I do what a lot of people aren’t capable of doing— I wait.

  Writing down thoughts, ideas, and emotions allows me to pass the time. I remember when I found my spot with James. How much I cried, how tired I became but most of all how thirsty I was, all the crying dehydrates you and I hate to bother her but I want her to be okay.

  I go over to the snack stand that’s by the entrance of the park and buy her a water. I take my time to get to her and I over hear her talking. I get closer to her and place a gentle hand on her back. Her body stiffens as she turns to see who it is. I hand her the bottle of water as I apologize. She tries to leave but I know that she could still go for a little longer. I’m in no rush and I tell her so. She argues that she doesn’t want me just to wait around and without hesitation I tell her something she doesn’t expect.

  “I’d wait any amount of time for you.”

  –

  I’m not sure how much time has passed. In moments like these, time doesn’t really agree with you. It can feel like hours and only be seconds, so I don’t bother to look at the numbers that control the pace of how people are supposed to live life. The Diaz's came and went, so have the Williams, giving their love and support advising Catherine they are here if she needs them. The four of them look at me and inform me of the same thing. These acquaintances are loving me as if Emma and I have been together for an eternity. I think about what Tamara told me when she informed me that she grilled Emma the first night—love knows no time. I thank them for their graciousness and they leave. My parents tell me they’ll be right back. I know Emma has stolen their hearts as quickly as she’s stolen mine.

  I sit quietly with Catherine and she sniffles. I look over to her and she has a small smile on her face.

  “Are you okay?”

  “I know she’s going to get through this.” I nod because I agree but Catherine further explains her belief. “When she came home, she was already running off and the night she got back after meeting you I believe there was already something different in her eyes. She told me she’d talk to someone and Emma is a woman of her word. That’s what I’ve always admired about her and she’s stubborn as hell. That’s why I know she’ll come back. She’s got something to fight for.”

  “Yeah you and Mr. Daniels and Ty…” I list the names and she’s looking at me a certain way. I stop and she shakes her head.

  “She has us it’s true but she’ll fight the hardest because it’s for you. You’ve given me back my daughter once and you’ll do it again.”

  I would feel pressure if the person fighting was anyone else but because it’s Emma I only smile, blushing slightly because I know in my heart if it were the other way around I’d fight for her too.

  My parents return and I stand up. They look at me and smile softly. No one is telling me how she’s doing and I know I can’t avoid knowing for much longer.

  “Do you want us to wait for you sweetheart?” My mother asks me, I just shake my head gently.

  “I’m gonna stay.”

  My father gives me a kiss atop my head, then my mother embraces me. I over hear Catherine ask my parents for a ride home. I look at her and she just bows her head at me.

  “She’s in great hands. I trust you with her I’ll be back in a few hours.”

  I just nod, she tells me the room number and I watch as all three of them walk away. I see my mom loop her arm with Catherine's and the brunette drops her head on my mother’s shoulder. I’m grateful for the bond that they have. I take a deep breath and walk in the direction I’ve seen everyone go in. I stare down the long hallway. I’m ready.

  –

  Today is starting out pretty great. I've watched the sunrise with my brother and come home to Emma standing in my foyer with my dad and dog. I smile brightly at her, her presence a welcomed one. I greet my dad and my dog, saving my greeting for Emma last. I really want to kiss her right now. My dad makes a big deal of her presence and I chuckle at him.

  My dad leaves giving us space and I silently thank him as we both take a seat on the steps. I can tell by the way she's dressed and the lack of car in the driveway that she ran here. My heart swells as she apologizes for dropping by unannounced. I tell her there's no need for apologies but she apologizes for what happened yesterday anyways. She doesn't have to apologize. I understand exactly what she's going through. Well maybe not exactly, but I do get it.

  “Where did you come from?” She asks and I can't help but chuckle at her cuteness. “No, seriously because I can’t be this lucky to have found someone as amazing as you, as patient, sweet, smart, and beautiful.”

  I'm a little caught off guard by her choice of words and I have to force myself not to grin like an idiot. I blush and turn away from her as she moves up to the step I'm on.

  “I like you Grace,” she starts with a smile and that's really all I need to hear although she tells me so much more.

  She has no idea how much it means to me to hear these words from her. I knew there was something about her the moment I met her and now I know she feels the exact same way as I do. I can't help but smile as I tell her exactly how I'm feeling. Everything she's saying to me is all I've wanted and I want her to know that I'm ready. I'm ready for whatever we are... whatever we are destined to become.

  –

  I stand outside of Emma's room, trying to wi
ll myself to go inside. No one told me what I'd be walking into and I still don't know if that was a good or bad thing. I take a deep breath, inhaling as much oxygen as I can, holding it in as I place a hand on the door knob, turning it to go inside. I release the breath when I see her and fight the tears that have been threatening me the past half hour.

  I close my eyes, I hate seeing her like this.

  I swallow the lemon in my throat and move closer to her. The beeps from the machine matching my stride. I force my eyes open, shaking my head. This isn't how I was supposed to tell her. Not how I planned on telling her but she needs to know. She has to know.

  –

  I head over to Emma's after getting a call from Chloe telling me that Emma punched her. I couldn't help the smile that appeared on my lips at hearing that news, but I know this is serious. Chloe is as vindictive as ever and I know she's going to try to press charges against Emma. I swiftly talk her out of her out of it. She tells me to keep my crazy ass girl away from her and I assure her that she and Emma won't see each other again anytime soon.

  I pull up in front of Emma's, her mom lets me in and I head up to her room. As I'm about to knock on her door I get a text from her. I smile at the message, but put back on my stern face as I open her door and reply to the text vocally. She looks surprised to see me, I explain that her mom let me in, how I heard about the fight and that I also got Chloe to not press charges. We banter a bit before her mom comes up and invites me to dinner. I happily accept and turn back to my girlfriend. She makes a comment about her mother and I tell her how much I love her mom. She makes a disgusted face before kissing me.

  Suddenly things turn serious... I turn serious. There's something I need to tell her and I'm not sure how she's going to react. I swallow thickly before just spitting it out. I'm not expecting her to say it back, I know that we haven't known each other exceptionally long but I've always been a firm believer in going after the things you want and not backing down.

  I'm happily surprised when she tells me that she thinks she's falling in love with me too. The smile that spreads across my lips threaten to rip my cheeks in two but I don't care. The girl I'm falling in love with is falling in love with me too.

  –

  I didn't know for sure then but I know for sure now. I sit down in the chair next to her bed, grabbing her hand in mine.

  “I love you, Emma.” I don't whisper it but I don't shout it either.

  I say it loud enough so she can hear me and it can resound in her mind. I need her to know that I love her. That she's so loved and.

  “I need you to come back to me. I need you here with me. I only just found you. I can't…” I stop, the words dying in my throat.

  I listen to the beeping of the machines as I stare at her motionless body. A tube down her throat, bandage on her head, leg in a cast and a wrap around her torso. I close my eyes tightly. I need to finish this. To tell her how I feel.

  “You can't go anywhere.” My eyes snap open. “You can't leave me because you have so much to live for. So many people that love you. I love you.” I say again, staring down at her.

  –

  “Good boy.” I tell Doc, rubbing behind his ears before giving him a treat.

  I look up from my dog and I can't believe my luck. Or maybe I can, seeing as though this isn't the normal park I usually walk him in since it's over fifteen minutes from my house and there's one literally ten steps away. Okay maybe I'm stalking her. She looked like the type that ran and I know this park has amazing trails to run so I just took a chance and look I was right! I watch as Emma runs towards us, I need to come up with a plan. A way to get her attention without seeming like a creeper. Then it comes to me. I bend down in front Doc, looking him square in the eyes.

  “Listen really carefully Doc.” I tell him and his ears shoot up like I have his full attention. “You see that girl over there.” I subtly point and he looks at Emma then back to me.

  “I want you to go and distract her so she'll stop running. If you do this, I'll give you all the treats your little doggie appetite can handle. Got it?” I question and he barks letting me know he understands.

  “Good boy.” I rub him and give him a treat. “Now go get her.”

  I send him off and he runs off to do his job. But before he gets there Emma trips and falls.

  My eyes go wide in horror, oh no! What if she's hurt?! I run after my dog, yelling his name like he'd broken loose on his own. When I reach her I smile as we easily fall into conversation. I admire her tattoos as she tells me the history behind each when I realize she's hurt. I make her come back to my car so I can bandage her up. While I'm bandaging her there's a brief moment where we connect eyes. Something inside me warms up and my heart swells. I think that's when I knew... it was early and I barely knew her but I could feel something inside of me growing.

  –

  “I think I always knew I would love you.” I smile as I remember one of the many memories Emma and I have created together. “But can I be totally honest with you about something?” I ask, leaning forward to whisper to her like this is a secret only meant for her ears.

  “I was terrified when you asked me to go with you to the Williams's house for dinner.” I tell her honestly, chuckling a bit as I sit back.

  “I remember how I had a conversation with Doc that day asking him for his advice on how to act once I got there. I was happy that you asked me to come with you. I think I was more afraid of that dinner than I was to have dinner with your family.” I continue to chuckle. “But it ended up being amazing. I was so happy to be there for you. I'll always be there for you.” I say as I stop chuckling. “I'll always be around when you need me. I'm here, Emma.” I lean closer to her and whisper. “I'm here.”

  I close my eyes and lean my head against her.

  I sit back, pulling my notebook from my back pocket. “I want to read you something.” I tell her opening up to the page. I clear my throat unnecessarily before I start.

  “I never thought that I'd love again, that something so pure and perfect would ever make it's way into my life.” I stop and glance up at her. Sighing before starting again. “Sometimes I wonder what I did to deserve you, to have someone so amazingly perfect in my life. Someone that makes me happy in every way possible. Then I start to think what if the love I thought I knew before wasn't love at all? What if there's only ever one person you can truly love? If that's true then I know I've never known love because what I feel for you, I've never felt for anyone. I believe wholeheartedly that you and I were put on this earth for each other and things are working out exactly as they were always meant to.” I finish, closing the book.

  “This isn't how the story ends.” I look up at her as I place my notebook on the bedside table. “This isn't our story Emma.”

  I can feel myself getting angry, not really at her but more so at myself for the last thing I said to her.

  –

  Emma's doing that thing again where she stares off into space like she's remembering something and usually I think it's adorable but right now the look on her face is telling me this isn't a good memory. When we got out of the car she seemed weird, looking around like all this looked familiar. I narrow my eyes as I stare at her and when her eyes go wide I figure it out. This corner looks familiar because it is. I'm not entirely sure how I put the pieces together but I know what happened.

  “It was your...” I stop myself, unable to get the words out as they die in my throat.

  I need this to not be real. She reaches out for me and I surprise myself when I step back. Why am I so angry at her? Do I have a right to be? She tries to explain something to me but I can't hear it right now. I need to know. I need her to tell me definitively what I'm thinking is true.

  “It was your friends. They got drunk and ran a red light, crashing into my brother’s car. Wasn't it?”

  “Yes.” She nods, dropping her head.

  The shock of the words punch me in the chest as I try to think of something to say, anyth
ing to say.

  “I can't be here right now. I can't be near you.” I tell her as I back my way towards the car. Her presence right now is throwing me off.

  “Grace I…”

  “Did you know, this whole time?!”

  “No!” She tells me quickly and the look on her face lets me know that she's telling the truth. “Of course not, Grace. If I knew I would have told you. I swear I would have.” She reaches out to touch me again but I can't. I can't be here right now.

  “Grace, is everything okay honey?” My dad asks. What do I say? Emma's friends killed my brother... your son?

  “I wanna leave dad.” I tell him as I continue to back away from her. She begs me to let her explain but I can't hear her out right now. I can't be here. “No,” I shake my head. “Just go away.”

  –

  “Please wake up, Em.” I shake her gently. “Those can't be my last words to you. My last actions you have of me can't be of me walking away. Of me deserting you because I would never do that.” I explain as the anger grows within me.

  “You need to wake up,” I stand, looking down at her. “You need to be okay, we need to be okay. I won't accept this as my reality.”

  I clench my jaw as I fight the wave of tears that threaten to fall. I take a deep breath and let it out, releasing the anger in the process. I sit back down in the chair, scooting it as close to the bed as it'll get.

  “I love you.” I kiss her hand, wrapping my right arm gently over her thighs. “I would die for you, Emma,” I whisper. “Without a second thought I would, but I can't live for you... so I need you to come back. I need you to come back to me and I need you to live. Please.” I say barely audible as sleep takes me over.

  Chapter 21- Holding on and Letting Go

  I slowly open my eyes. The beeping of the machines fills my ears. I take a look at my surroundings, the smell of sterility fills my nose. I groan in disgust and the action hurts my throat. I inhale deeply and a scent fills my senses. A welcomed one and one I've grown to love. I slowly drop my head to my right. My face buries into a blonde mane and I place a soft kiss on top of her head. She stirs slightly and the movement places pressure near my torso. I groan a bit and she jumps off the bed in horror.