Wanting to Love You (Houston's Finest Book 3)

by Erin Rylie

Beth reached up and pinched Reese’s cheek. “My modest little man. Go ahead and take the car, sweetie. Keep it in the front seat though, yeah?”

  “Thank you so much Ms. Pet—Beth. I really appreciate it. My car is in the shop, and my mom must’ve had an appointment run long. I just need Reese to take me to my car a few miles away. I promise I won’t keep him long. And the kissing thing won’t, um, happen again. No back seat, I promise.”

  Beth laughed, and the sound was filled with warmth—such a sharp contrast to the mocking laugh her mother had. “Honey, take a breath. I hope to see more of you in the future, okay? Maybe I can teach you my snickerdoodle recipe since Reese says you seem to like them so much.”

  He talks about me? To his mother? And he kissed me. That happened. He actually kissed me.

  Becky’s thoughts were such a whirlwind that she barely managed to get out a quick goodbye to Beth before slipping out the door and making her way to an old Toyota in the parking lot. When they were seated in the car and buckled up, Reese turned in his seat to look at her.

  “So what was that I heard about no more kissing? I don’t think I agreed to that. Do we need to negotiate terms?”

  Becky bit back her smile, adopting a stern expression. “I think we definitely need to discuss terms. I don’t just go around kissing strange boys.”

  “Well, I definitely don’t like the sound of that. How about I take you out to dinner some night this week. No other boys involved.”

  She pretended to think for a moment, drawing it out as long as possible. “I suppose those terms are amenable. No girls for you either, though.”

  “So one kiss and suddenly we’re exclusive?”

  “Only if you want more kisses.” She shrugged and turned away, attempting to play hard to get. Of course, she had absolutely no experience with guys and absolutely no clue how to play hard to get. Turning away from him seemed like a good place to start, though.

  Reese reached across the car, threading his fingers through her hair and turning her toward him again. “You have a deal, Becky. Looks like you just landed yourself a boyfriend.”

  “Don’t you think this is moving kinda fast? An hour ago we’d never even held hands, and now we’re dating?”

  Reese cupped her face with his free hand, his thumb running up and down her cheek. “It might seem fast to you, but I’ve wanted to kiss you since the first day I sat down at that lunch table.”

  He leaned in and planted another soft kiss on her lips, stealing the air from her lungs all over again, before pulling away and starting the car.

  Chapter Five

  Becky sat at her kitchen table staring at her phone as though it was going to jump up and attack her. Ryker had gone to his appointment with his child therapist today, and she said that he seemed to be adjusting to his new living arrangement well, all things considered. He was a quiet kid, and she couldn’t help but wonder if it was something he’d gotten from Reese.

  After the appointment, when she’d left Ryker in the sitting room for a few minutes to talk to his therapist, she’d brought up the topic of Reese, giving the doctor a brief overview of their situation. Dr. Cumberland had taken a few moments to process the information before advising Becky to tread lightly. So much of Ryker’s life seemed to be in a state of flux to him right now. He had a new home, a new parent, a new school, and new friends. Though he was adjusting well, he was still a young boy, and he was on the spectrum.

  She had noticed that Ryker thrived on a routine—the two of them started their morning the same way every day, and ended it the same way every evening. Introducing another unknown into his life when they’d just started settling into this new life together terrified Becky. However, after having some time to cool down, she recognized that it was unfair to both Ryker and Reese to deny them a relationship.

  “My personal recommendation,” Dr. Cumberland had advised, “is to introduce Reese as a friend. Slowly start working him into your routine with Ryker and let him get used to this new variable. For now, let’s leave it at that and we can discuss further steps once we are able to assess how Ryker is handling things.”

  Given their history, Becky wanted to start small and in a neutral place. On their very first night together, Becky had taken Ryker to a locally owned burger place near their home, nervous about cooking a meal for him when she wasn’t sure what kind of food he enjoyed. The next Thursday night, exactly one week later, Ryker had asked if they were going to eat at the burger place again, and a tradition had been born. It was one of her favorite days of the week, and a part of their routine that they both enjoyed.

  Afterwards, they always stopped by a small indie bookshop in the same shopping center, and Ryker picked out a new book. He was a voracious reader, consuming new information at a speed that never ceased to amaze her. He read everything from middle-grade fantasy to nonfiction titles. He’d once picked up a book that detailed the invention of the combustion engine. That particular book seemed to be a favorite of his as it had diagrams of the engines. He enjoyed puzzles and order, so she shouldn’t have been surprised at his interest in the mechanics of an engine.

  Becky looked down at her phone again, picked it up, and set it back down on the table gently. She was a far cry from the shy, naive girl she’d been in high school, but something about Reese seemed to bring her back to that place.

  Stop being a little bitch and pick up the fucking phone.

  She was still mad at Reese for barging back into her life, and for the way that he had left it. Most of all, she was confused by the things he’d said when she’d seen him at Carlos and Kelsey’s house. What did he mean when he said that there was more to the story than she knew? The hurt, broken girl in her didn’t want to hear his excuses, but she couldn’t help but wonder. Her parents had fucked up so much of her life, was it so far-fetched for her to believe that they’d meddled in this, too?

  Before she could overthink things further, Becky picked up her phone and dialed the number Carlos had texted her yesterday. It was late, past ten, so she half expected to leave a voicemail and was surprised when Reese picked up the phone on the second ring.

  “Hello? Becky?”

  “You can meet us for dinner Thursday at Bernie’s Burger Bus. Do you need me to text you the address?”

  There was a pause on the other line, and she was sure Reese was fighting the urge to ask a million questions. He’d always been a quiet observer, cataloging everything around him, and she was positive that he had plenty of questions about Ryker.

  “No,” he said quietly, “I’m sure I can just look it up on my phone. Thank you, Becky.”

  It was almost impossible not to respond to the quiet sincerity in his tone. “I’m not doing this for you, I’m doing this for him. I talked to Dr. Cumberland today, and she said that we should include you in his routine. We eat at this restaurant every single Thursday at exactly six o’clock. Don’t be late.”

  “Wait, I need more information. How do I introduce myself? How often will I get to see him? I feel like you’re just giving me scraps here.”

  “This was a mistake—”

  “What, no! I don’t mean to push you, but this is all so new to me, and I’m desperate to meet him. I need to be part of his life. I know what it’s like to be a teenager without a father, and I don’t want that for my son.”

  Becky winced, realizing that she could’ve worded that better. His words twisted in her stomach, and she wondered again if what he’d said about the end of their relationship could be true. Part of her shock when things ended was that he hadn’t even said goodbye or explained his actions. It just didn’t seem like something the man she loved would do.

  “Reese, no. That’s not what I meant. There are some things you need to know about Ryker before you meet him, okay? How about we meet for lunch tomorrow—I can meet you somewhere near your precinct.”

  She heard him release a slow breath through the speaker of the phone and once again felt guilty for scaring him the way she had.

 
“Let’s meet at the Jewish deli across the street at noon. Does that work for you?”

  “Sure, I’ll see you tomorrow. Night, Reese.”

  “Good night, Becs.”

  Becky arrived at the restaurant by Reese’s work early, nerves gnawing at her stomach. She had no clue how the fuck she was going to eat anything for lunch when she was this tense. Rather than analyze why she was so worked up about seeing Reese again, she tried to focus her attention on the menu. When the words blurred before her eyes yet again, she gave up on trying and decided to just order the first thing her gaze landed on once he arrived.

  She had been mulling over his words from their conversation Sunday nonstop. Was it really so far-fetched to believe that things hadn’t been so black and white all those years ago? Her anger had gotten her through their breakup, but what if none of it was justified? Also on her mind was the reason Reese moved to Houston. She hadn’t given him a chance to explain at the party, but she was curious now. Why had he left Dallas? He’d been so close to his mother that she just couldn’t picture him leaving her for any reason. Had Beth passed away?

  Her breakup with Reese had been painful on so many unimaginable levels, but her grief over the loss of a relationship with Beth, who had become like a mother to her in the time she and Reese had dated, was one that still stung. After Reese had left, Becky had tried to reach out to Beth, still in denial about Reese leaving.

  Beth had ignored Becky’s calls for weeks, and when she finally had answered, it had been to utter a sentence that gutted Becky.

  “Reese is moving on, Becky. You need to as well.”

  She still remembered the pain she felt as those words washed over her, as their full meaning sunk in. She had been pregnant, terrified, and had lost two of the most important people in her life. She rubbed her chest with her knuckles, the past hurt bringing a fresh sting of pain.

  “Becs? Are you all right?”

  She quickly drew her hand from her chest and reached for the glass of water in front of her before realizing that she was shaking. She placed her hand in her lap to hide it and looked up to meet Reese’s worried expression. He studied her face, something he’d always done when they were younger, as though he could read every single thought running through her mind. When they were younger it had been incredible to be understood in such a profound way, but the last thing she needed right now was to look weak in front of the ex who had broken her into so many pieces she wasn’t sure that she’d ever recover.

  She steeled herself, reining in the tumult of emotions swirling in her chest, and shuttered her expression, doing her best to hide what she was feeling from the man in front of her. Though it took an insane amount of effort, she kept her tone light.

  “Oh, nothing! I’m just thinking about some stuff I need to do when I get back to work.”

  His eyebrows drew down low and his lips turned down. How could he possibly know her well enough to be able to tell if she lied after all of these years?

  “You do realize that I asked if everything was all right, not what was wrong, right?”

  Shit! This is why I now date guys who don’t care enough to pay attention.

  Becky shook her head and forced out a laugh. “Right, sorry. Like I said, work is pretty crazy right now. I’ve just got a lot on my plate.”

  Reese still didn’t look like he believed her, but he nodded and sat down in the chair opposite hers.

  “Well thanks for taking the time to meet me here. I can’t tell you how much it means to me that you’re open to me having a relationship with Ryker.”

  He looked as though he really meant the words, and she was surprised at the change in tone. Only days ago he had been pissed at her for keeping Ryker a secret, demanding a relationship with him. Where had all of his anger gone? If she were completely honest with herself, she’d understood his anger. She had been thinking more and more about how wrong it was to keep Ryker’s existence hidden from his own father. She was exhausted from the constant change in her own thoughts. One moment she was remembering the devastation she’d felt at the abrupt end to their relationship, and the next she found herself sympathizing with a man who had never even known he was a father. In the end, they had both been wronged, and she wondered if it was something anyone could really bounce back from.

  “Becky, I’m really sorry for the way I spoke to you Sunday. Emotions were running high. I had just gotten some pretty huge news, and I’m afraid I didn’t take it well. Finding out that I have a nine-year-old son wasn’t exactly what I expected to happen at a friend’s barbecue.”

  The corner of his lip ticked up in his version of a smile, and she swore she felt her heart skip a beat. He always had been the more reasonable one in their relationship. Becky was quick to feel, not just anger but a spectrum of emotions. Beth had told her once that Becky felt things with more passion than the average person. It was just one of the truths that Beth had helped her realize about herself over the course of their time together.

  “I’m sorry you had to find out that way.”

  A glimpse of an emotion Becky couldn’t catch flitted over Reese’s features, too quick for her to examine. He swallowed, looking like he was trying to force the things he really wanted to say back down his throat, and she realized that he was still mad—he was just hiding his frustration so that he could get to Ryker. While she was touched that he would set aside his anger for a shot at a relationship with their son, she couldn’t contain her own flush of anger.

  Yes, she’d messed up, but he had hurt her first. He’d left her. He had the right to be upset with her, but she had just as much cause for frustration. If a small part of her whispered that he never would’ve left her if he’d known she was pregnant, she ignored it.

  Maybe Reese was determined to swallow his anger, but she wasn’t. All of the hurt she’d been feeling only minutes ago fueled the frustration burning inside her, and she was almost relieved to push all of her fond memories of Reese to the side in favor of the one moment that mattered in their relationship. The moment he’d disappeared without an explanation.

  The waiter came to take their order, keeping her from saying what she’d been about to say. She was relieved by the interruption, not wanting to cause a scene. The time spent ordering gave her time to decide what she wanted to say next.

  “There are some things we need to discuss before you spend time with Ryker.”

  Reese nodded and took a sip of his water. “Of course. Maybe you can start by telling me why he was taken away from you in the first place.”

  Becky glared, fighting the urge to throw her water in his face. How dare he. Instead of drenching him with her drink, she took a deep breath, a slow sip of water, and spoke in the sweetest tone she could muster given the nature of their conversation.

  “Well, the day you left me without a word of explanation or even a note—” Reese opened his mouth and Becky held her hand up to stop him from speaking. He glared but nodded and waved for her to continue. “That day I was on my way to our apartment to tell you that I was pregnant. When you and all of your things were gone, I went to my parent’s house to tell them and ask them for help. They already knew I was pregnant because I was on their insurance, and my mom had gotten the paperwork for the doctor’s appointment.”

  “Wait, so they knew you were pregnant before I left?”

  She felt herself frown, confused by his question. How was that information relevant? “Yeah, I guess they found out a couple of days before. They definitely already knew when I went to their house.”

  Reese’s frown deepened, but again he nodded for her to continue. “Things got pretty ugly from there, if I’m honest. They told me I needed to get an abortion, that the baby would hurt my dad’s chances of being re-elected, that I was a disgrace and a whore. I kept trying to call you, but you wouldn’t answer your phone, and you weren’t at home.”

  Her throat clogged, thinking about those first few weeks after he’d left. She’d never felt so alone in her life, so scared. �
��I had access to a small trust fund my grandmother left me, since I’d just turned eighteen, so I ran. I moved to Houston, got my GED, and started waitressing to pay the bills. I had stored up a fair amount of money, enough to stop working for a few months to take care of the baby when he came.”

  She fought the tears she could feel welling in her eyes, holding on to her anger as tightly as she could. She didn’t want Reese to see her cry, didn’t want him to feel sorry for her. She’d done just fine without him. Hell, she had managed to get their son back without any of his help.

  “To make a long story short, they took Ryker away when he was a few weeks old—had me deemed an unfit mother. Apparently my dad had an old college buddy in Child Protective Services, and managed to convince him that I was mentally unstable. It didn’t help that I’d run away from home without finishing high school or telling anyone. I guess my parents thought that with the baby gone I would come home and be their picture-perfect daughter again so that my father could win his election.”

  She shrugged and took another sip of water. After she’d swallowed, she played with the condensation on her glass for a moment, waiting for Reese to speak. When after a few minutes he still hadn’t spoken, she looked up. There was no hiding the anger written plainly on his face now. He was livid.

  His fists clenched on the table, and his jaw was clenched tight. “I can’t believe you went through that, Becky. I’m so sorry.”

  “I don’t need your apologies. I’ve moved past it. I got him back all by myself.”

  Reese was still clenching his fists on the table. It had always been his way of internalizing his anger. He wasn’t prone to outbursts, but his emotions ran deeper than he let on. Someone who didn’t know what to look for would think he was perfectly calm right now. Becky saw the signs, though, and knew that he was barely keeping his temper in check. He clearly wasn’t mad at her right now, but in her opinion, he didn’t have a right to be mad at anyone but himself. None of this would’ve happened if he hadn’t left.